I slept with someone else , now what ?? I'm going nuts here

[MonroeVonOh]

I will try to keep this sort and to the points . I have been with this one guy off and on for almost a year . For awhile we just tried to be friends because it was a long distance relationship and it just wasn't working fir us both. It then turned into friends with benefits and thats how it has been for awhile. But we know that we are very much in love with each other , but for reasons here and there we still feel comfortable with the status " friends with benefits" or so I thought . I love this man and I have wanted to be back with this man for a long while now , I was ready to do whatever it took , and even after telling him this , nothing changed and we still remained friends with benefits. I was and am going nuts , I want him so badly and it's an all the time thing , but I can never see him when I want to , I can't fall asleep in his arms as much as I would like , i can't take a 10 min bus ride and just be at his front door .. it had made me lose my mind . A few nights ago I cracked , I ended up sleeping with someone else just to .. I dont even know .. it was the biggest mistake of my life . I told my " friends with benefit" and he cried ... I love him so much and I made him fakin cry. He says that he doesn't feel the same now and that he is going to try and move on " you go have fun with your guys , and I'll do my thing" the trust is gone, I understand that , my fault .. but I had to tell him , you can't keep something like that from someone like it never happened , the guilt would kill you . He says he has respect for me for telling me right away... big deal. Listen guys , me and this man have been through our ups and downs and the situations at times have been stressful , but you have to understand that we do love each other very much , very much . I am going nuts over here over what I did and not talking with him. Crying almost every second . And Im sure he is doing the same , maybe more. What do I do ? I messed up and I messed up pretty good , but I know this man is the one for me , I just got so damn frustraed with the stupid " friends with benefits" acting like a couple but we wern't a couple and blah blah . I miss him and it's only been a couple days . Is there still a chance here if I just give him some time ??? Please dear god tell me there is

[MonroeVonOh]

sorry , one more thing , as this all is very hard and emotional for me ti write , I have left things out and my spelling is bad , heh, but ..

 

We wern't together we were " friends with benefits" so I don't consider what I did as cheating I really dont. If we were together the thought would not even cross my mind to do something like this to him. But we wern't . That doesn't really justify anything I suppose but still . I regret it all the same .

[Lyssa]

That's right but it's really bugging you because you love him. I've never been in your situation so I don't really think I can give you any advice but giving him some space right now would be a good thing...

 

For him to feel hurt, I guess he feels more for you too but then again, he probably just didn't think you are capable of doing what you did. Whatever it is, you both are just 'friends with benefits'... which is something I never really understand and wonder why some people are into that...

[Road Rage]

I think you did it just to bring closure one way or another to your relationship. You were tired of it and decided to challange him. Women often do not get it that having sex with another dude can be a real deal breaker.

 

But you had to do what you thought you had to do. It just really is not the right thing to do if you really love someone.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, you were friends with benefits WITH emotional attachments.

 

Did you two talk and set up rules? Meaning, "we're FWB, BUT let's not sleep with anybody else?"

 

It is possible that he just assumed you wouldn't sleep with anyone else because of the feelings involved. So, yeah, he understands, he respects that you told him the truth, but he is hurt. He may not get how you can sleep with someone else when you love him.

 

Give him time, and talk. IF the FWB is going to continue, then you both need rules to live by.

[insanelyjelous]

Please try not to feel too bad, you really didn't do anything wrong.

You made your feelings clear to him he made it clear to you that HE wanted to continue to be a friend with benefits.

 

I went through the same thing with my now fiance of 4 years, I've known my fiance since I was 15 and i'm now 27 we were friends with benefits when I was 16 and I only agreed because I loved him so much, this went on for 2 or so years and the whole time I kept telling him that I wanted to be more than just friends with benefits or FWB's I eventually got so fed up that I decided to move on.

Fast forward 3 years later we started talking again and became FWB's again, I still wanted to be with him properly but he still wasn't ready, I met another guy around the same time and we really got on well so I told my FWB about him and he was so upset he stopped talking to me for over a year I was really upset because I thought I'd blown it. Then one night out of the blue he called to see how I was and as they say the rest was history, we've been together for 4 years and although I have my issues sometimes you just have let people go so that they can come back to you.

 

Have you asked your FWB if he has been seeing anyone else since as far as i'm concerned the only reason people want to be FWB's is so they are free to see other people. (JMO)

 

I'm sure his ego is feeling a bit bruised as he probably never imagined you could sleep with someone else, if you wanted to be with him, but that's his fault not yours.

 

Being a FWB for a person who wants more is a bit like being kept on a string the person who wants to be a FWB plays with you when they want to and then puts you away in their pocket while they play with something else, you want to be with them so you stay on the string, and because their aware of how you feel for them it makes them pretty sure that they wont have to share you with anyone.

 

I would say just try to move on and if he really does care for you which it sounds like he does, you two's paths will cross again.

[MonroeVonOh]

Well, since I have posted this , I have talked to him . It is clear that we both love each other very much . As he said that he would never get over me and never love someone else the way he had love for me . I also added my share of feelings aswell. He also told me ( which I understand) that although he loves me he can't see himself " right now" doing anything sexual , emotional ect. with me because " someone else has been there " and it wouldn't feel right to him. I am tainted more or less. Which , like i said, I understand .

All I can hope for is the best. We stoped talking a few hours ago but on good terms which makes things a bit better to deal with.

Im not going to give up though. This person is the one for me . I'll give it time as I need it too . But I will try again lol.

 

Thankyou everyone for your help

[Cobra_X30]

WTF did this guy expect? FWB means there is no commitment.

 

Hopefully this guy pulls his head out of his butt and makes you official.

 

Good luck!

[dbtmarley]

WTF did this guy expect? FWB means there is no commitment.

 

Hopefully this guy pulls his head out of his butt and makes you official.

 

Good luck!

 

 

Agreed..

 

 

I do understand his feeling hurt over you sleeping with someone else, but it was wrong for him to expect exclusiveness if you two were calling yourselves "friends". In any event, I agree with the other poster who said sleeping with another man is a deal breaker. Time will tell.

[AmorousDelight]

There was a movie around the same issue, where if the girl sleeps around then she fails the dude's test. There was a previous post about this as well...

 

Then your x deserves to get burned. If I love a girl, I will tell her I cannot have her as a FWB even at the risk of losing FWB status...

 

You should definately bring this point out. He needs to know you were FWB and yes, you messed up, but yes, you both messed up.

 

Just wondering, what did dude number 2 do to have you cheat on your number 1?