Woggle Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Don't get wrong I still love my wife very much but for the first time since I married I was missing the single life tonight. A friend of mine is going through a nasty divorce and he was down tonight so I went with him down to the boardwalk so we could hang out and have some fun and we end up talking to some women at this club. I show them my wedding ring and tell them I am married so don't try to flirt with me and I stick to that. My friend and I were just hanging out with them and I was getting a kick out of him finally getting over his ex and getting out there. My friend who also lives two blocks from the boardwalk ends up getting one of the women to go home for a one night stand and he was just sharing the details with me. I know I could have had this one woman if I wanted and if I were single I would brought her home and screwed her brains out but I would never cheat on my wife. I keep thinking how cool it would be for the two of us to raise hell together and brag about our sexual exploits but then I realize how good I have it to have found a one of a kind woman. Is this is a sign that something is wrong in my marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazy Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 If you are your age and think about bragging about sexual exploits with your friends.....well, you are not very mature and have some growing up to do. Grown men who are real men don't brag to friends about sexual exploits. Link to post Share on other sites
lostboy60645 Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Yeah, I remember when used to think that Woggs. At the time, I was "just" masturbating to porn, looking and lusting after friends' girlfriends and wives, and fantasizing about the unreal. It will not take you too much work to take a few steps back and ask where this feeling comes from. "Most guys..." -look at porn -masturbate -look at 'hot women' -flirt a little -would cheat if they could get away with it I dunno... I think the above statements have some truth. Then again, I happen to know that my own story is one of escalating bad behavior. The masturbating was never enough. The 'normal' hardcore porn was never enough. The chatting was never enough. The webcamming was never enough. The flirting was never enough. And then, the prostitutes were never enough. What I mean by 'live a little..live a lot more...' is that I had the attitude of entitlement that I deserved to have some more. More was never enough when it came to sex, alone or with others. And now I'm living a lot more. If you can call living separately with a restraining order from your wife and kids more. No, I'm not a threat, per the law or any therapist, to my soon to be ex wife and kids, but that's the consequences of 'living a little'. It's delusional thinking. The best thing I can tell you, is that I enjoy a life of sexual sobriety now. I don't surf porn, I don't masturbate, and I'm not cheating on my soon to be ex, even though my guy 'friends' are telling me to go out and get laid. No, I'm actually living life a lot more. A lot more real in being emotionally intimate with others. That and 'self-care', the eating, sleeping, exercising, and pampering of myself in a socially acceptable way, is keeping me alive and enjoying life a lot more... ...in spite of the painful consequences of my 'experimenting outside of the marriage'. I've a lot more to say on it, but you can read my blog if you're interested. Do the right thing for yourself first. And no, it's not to go and cheat on your wife. Find out what's driving your desire. It's likely a lot more than "I'm just a typical guy"... Lostboy60645 http://www.livingsobriety.blogspot.com Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I think it's normal wanderlust, we all get it once in a while (men and women). You can be happy in your marriage and still get pinged by these feelings occasionally - recognizing them for the fleeting fantasies that they are is what separates the men from the boys. I don't think you should feel guilty or bad about going through it, sounds like you chose to handle it well. Fantasizing about being a player is a bit like fantasizing about being a Private Investigator. Sounds exciting on the surface but (according to a friend that does it for a living) it's really alot of stale coffee, hemroids from sitting on your *ss all day and writing reports... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 As long as it is only a fantasy, then I don't see why it's a bad thing. But Woggle you are not exactly 20 anymore, you have found the woman who is right for you, who will actually put up with your anti-women crap. Why throw that away for a cheap skank? Do you really want to wake up in 10 years, alone and pathetic? Look to your future and think about what you want, not what you think would be "cool" at the moment. But, I think deep down you are a really nice, genuine guy so hopefully you won't be stupid enough to screw your marriage up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 I won't throw it away but it is the first time that I had a fantasy about something else. I guess it is the fact that he is the first really close friend I have made since moving to the Jersey Shore. Sure I have met plenty of people that I enjoy hanging out with but he the first person that I can really confide in and bond with. He will be divorced pretty soon and he insists that he will never remarry and will be a player from now on. From what I saw last night he seems to have what it takes to be a player and I was thinking how cool it will be to raise hell together but a woman like my wife is a one in a 2 billion gem and I would never want to risk that. I guess I will be happy for him and enjoy our friendship even though our lives right now are very different. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Is this is a sign that something is wrong in my marriage? Not necessarily but it could be the beginning of more fantasies that could make you give in eventually. You got excited about the thought of it... uummmm... I say 'be careful'... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 that I bet anything that you 'replay' in your mind that evening over and over and even had a 'mental scenario' of a hot sex 'session' with this woman... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 All I'm going to say is this. If you found out your wife was having the same type of thoughts, and you stumbled across a post of hers and she wrote the same sort of stuff that you just wrote about - How would you feel? I am just pointing out that you seem to think one day your wife is going to cheat on you...... Wog, don't put yourself IN those types of situations so you won't be tempted. Eye candy is eye candy, fantasy is fantasy....Keep things in perspective and you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Be aware...If your friend raises hell alone, enjoys the single life, your wife isn't going to like the two of you going out alone.... Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 I won't throw it away but it is the first time that I had a fantasy about something else. I guess it is the fact that he is the first really close friend I have made since moving to the Jersey Shore. Sure I have met plenty of people that I enjoy hanging out with but he the first person that I can really confide in and bond with. He will be divorced pretty soon and he insists that he will never remarry and will be a player from now on. From what I saw last night he seems to have what it takes to be a player and I was thinking how cool it will be to raise hell together but a woman like my wife is a one in a 2 billion gem and I would never want to risk that. I guess I will be happy for him and enjoy our friendship even though our lives right now are very different. Wog, if this guy's becoming a player, make sure that he stays away from your wife, and keep your wife away from him! Don't think that could never happen! Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Don't get wrong I still love my wife very much but for the first time since I married I was missing the single life tonight. A friend of mine is going through a nasty divorce and he was down tonight so I went with him down to the boardwalk so we could hang out and have some fun and we end up talking to some women at this club. I show them my wedding ring and tell them I am married so don't try to flirt with me and I stick to that. My friend and I were just hanging out with them and I was getting a kick out of him finally getting over his ex and getting out there. My friend who also lives two blocks from the boardwalk ends up getting one of the women to go home for a one night stand and he was just sharing the details with me. I know I could have had this one woman if I wanted and if I were single I would brought her home and screwed her brains out but I would never cheat on my wife. I keep thinking how cool it would be for the two of us to raise hell together and brag about our sexual exploits but then I realize how good I have it to have found a one of a kind woman. Is this is a sign that something is wrong in my marriage? Well, I am not married. So what the heck do I know? Okay, now after my disclaimer I will give you my opinion and observations. A wonderful married couple I know helped me out and are great friends. Even really great friends to be there for me in my sad times. They have been married over 10 years. One of them laughed and said to me. The good news is that you get to have sex with somebody NEW!!! That was really eye opening to me for some reason. She loves her husband and he loves her, and we (mutual friends) all love them too much to let them begin to fall through the cracks. However, obviously in any relationship, you have each other, and then you have yourself. All I really took your post to read was that in that moment you made a conscious decision to re-commit to your wife. Life can be very complicated and it throws us all little or big curves here and there. It is what you do in the face of those things that define your character. If anything you do strike me as someone achieving to have great character. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts