I need to rely less on my spouse for emotional needs and attention....

[marriedwithtwo]

I need reading material to help me be more emotionally independent.

 

I have always known (and so has she) that I am more “needy” than she is for emotional satisfaction, and for attention. As we have two young children, this has been more and more difficult for me. Finally we had a long talk about this last night. At least a few times she said “stop putting this on me”, or “don’t rely on my mood to feel happy for yourself, that’s too much load on my shoulders”.

 

While we agreed we need to make more time for each other, she said she can’t be everything to everyone all the time (read: she doesn’t have as much time to be at my bekon call when I need emotional fulfillment and attention).

 

I have realized that in almost all areas of our relationship (including sexually), that I need to be more independent. I need to rely on her for less of my personal happiness and fulfillment.

 

I don’t know if this is good or bad. It seems close spouses should rely on each other, and be in tune to each others needs and try to fufill them. By relying less on your spouse, some of that emotional connection is lost and the relationship suffers (?). But on the other hand, she feels overwhelmed with feeding my needs and the kids, and still have some of herself left.

 

So I am looking for reading suggestions. I read a few posts a while back about this, but don’t recall the titles. This would be the OPPOSITE of his needs/her needs which really has not worked for us.