I'm a young single male professor, students are attracted to me.

[Chinook]

I'm a University Lecturer. I would never date one of my students whether it was stated in my contract or manual of employment or not. I wouldn't date a student if they were directly or indirectly studying at my University etc. For the simple reason that, what may appear to be fun at the time, can often lead to trouble. Imagine if you will, a breakup for example...how is that going to play out in University halls and lectures etc...?

 

In my University if a member of staff even simply knows a student personally outside of the confines of the course of study, a conflict of interest is declared and the student is usually assigned a different member of staff to grade their work.

 

In addition to those issues you have to think about your professional standing within the academic community. Whilst it may seem fun and a great idea to date a student, I doubt very much this view would be taken by many of your colleagues in academia. Hence you would prejudice their viewpoint of you whether that is conscious on their part or not. For me, it just seems a bad idea all round and I just simply wouldn't do it.

[burning 4 revenge]

You're one cynical son of a bitch but I like it

[squeak]

Today's homework assignment is:

 

Watch "Pretty Persuasion"a movie about opportunist school girls who slapped a harassment charge on their teacher who was starting to become a little too tempted by them,or maybe their cute uniforms.

 

And listen to "Don't stand so close to me" by the Police- a song about the teacher faculty ganging up on the teacher after rumors start about the attraction developing between him and a student.

 

Maybe for extra credit watch "hard candy" about an older photographer who has affairs with his young models and a bait and switch where he loses his jewels.

[johan]

My student evaluations contained some, ummm, sizzling assessments of my appearance and demeanor.

 

Those are anonymous, right?

 

One of the professors in my department was known for dating students. He wasn't very well respected.

[burning 4 revenge]

Those are anonymous, right?

 

One of the professors in my department was known for dating students. He wasn't very well respected.

Yeah, but the real question is did he get into this field to be well respected or to screw young co-eds. Only he knows that answer

[LN99]

I would either wait until your students are out of your class first before dating them. Probably would be even better for them to be out of the university as well.

 

Question for you though. Do you let them know your single? Or do you pretend to be in a relationship? Do some professors say this so that students don't pursue them?

 

I had an instructor who would hit on me. I thought I was crazy at first, but some of the stuff we talked about and how he acted around me..I know I'm not. I just know it's taboo. He lets his real side show to me and my classmates though. I think thats when I started to fall for him. Oh yeah and also when he would come into the lab and just stare at me. (it wasn't even his class.)

[directx]

I failed Pre-calc because the teacher was just so damn hot. She had a lion mane of hair practically and a cat like face and a bod that was just amazing. I continued going to class even after there was no hope of me passing just so I could look.

 

If she hit on me I wouldn't turn her in under torture.

 

This ALMOST has something to do with the thread topic I think, but I had no one to share this with

[tyciol]

I think it's in your best interest and your students individually and as a whole, to not get involved romantically with them. It's unprofessional, and even if you were able to avoid personal favouritism, you wouldn't avoid people's perception of its inherant potential, and the bad attitudes that could result from it.

 

Of course, making friends and the occasional flirting would be fine I think, and possibly if they leave the university later (or also become a professor, your equal) then it would be okay to pursue something.

[squeak]

or as Sting put it:

 

"Don't stand so close to me"

 

words to live by, meet some grad students instead.

[Chinook]

One of the professors in my department was known for dating students. He wasn't very well respected.

Oh ya, we have one of those... he's pretty much the laughing stock of the dept. That's what made me think about what I wrote up there earlier.

[Mustang Sally]

but I had no one to share this with

Really?

Interesting that you feel this way....

 

To the OP: I agree with the post that said stick with grad students. There surely are some around, right?

[corazoncito]

To the OP: I agree with the post that said stick with grad students. There surely are some around, right?

 

Oh no, don't even go there. Seriously, they know how to burn you worse than the undergrads!

[Mustang Sally]

Oh no, don't even go there. Seriously, they know how to burn you worse than the undergrads!

Ok, fine.

Then other young(ish), single professors?

Surely there are some.....

Or you could always just cruise the produce isle at the local grocery....

(no, wait, that takes us back to the co-eds...)

 

Tough sitch.

[AmorousDelight]

I remember the day when a married president could get his little assistant buffed by interns and no problem. Just make sure they don't tell Linda Trip or any other ugly woman who is jealous the duty did not fall in her hands.

 

And yes even in medicine, while I was a resident, I had hooked up w/ med students. Women are attracted to guys with more power, and it would be a huge disappointment to not let their fantasies come alive Well, limited it to a Lewinsky here and there. But, "my fellow Americans, I did not have sexual relations" with those girls, so it is ok.

[LN99]

My question still remains....to the poster of this thread. Do you tell your students your in a relationship or do you honestly tell them that you are single and not dating anyone? Do you think some professors lie about their relationship status to avoid problems w/ students throwing themselves at them or being suspected by other faculty of something going on w/ the students....or the potential of that happening?

[Mustang Sally]

And yes even in medicine, while I was a resident, I had hooked up w/ med students. Women are attracted to guys with more power, and it would be a huge disappointment to not let their fantasies come alive.

Maybe so...but the smart (female) med students know that the real prize is hooking an attending......

 

Oh! The scandal!

[AmorousDelight]

I am attending now... Just not at teaching institution.

 

Just wished my life was more like a scripted TV show and not reality TV.

[amerikajin]

I have recently come across LoveShack.org, and have decided to post something about a little problem I'm having. Perhaps some of you will have some opinions or reactions to share...

 

Here is my problem. I am a professor at a college in a small town in Massachusetts. I am single, 32 years old, recently received my PhD, and, for the first time in my life, having trouble meeting women. I have always lived in big cities, but now I live in a small town, and pickings are slim. Except among the student body...

 

I work hard to be a good lecturer, and I strive to maintain utmost professionalism in my place of work. I keep my students at arm's length, and I maintain a tone of scholarly seriousness when I teach or when they see me in my office. My professional persona is not fake, but it is only one aspect of my personality.

 

Away from work, I am different. I am effusive and casual, confident, lighthearted, and, when it comes to young women in the early 20s to mid-30s, I am rather playful and mischievous. My students don't really see this part of me, but over the past year, I have longed to "be myself" around some of my more attractive female students. By this, I mean want to be carefree and cocky.

 

Yes, you guessed it: I would like to date one or two of my students.

 

After all, the age difference is not enormous... 10 years, or maybe 12. I am only 32 and more physically fit than most 22 year old guys, and I look 28. My compulsion to act is my knowledge that over the past year several of my students have found me, for some reason, quite hot. I am not narcissistic, but simply aware of what goes on around me, and how people act toward me. My student evaluations contained some, ummm, sizzling assessments of my appearance and demeanor.

 

I have been paranoid about doing anything about this state of affairs out of sheer paranoia and concern for the outcome of my fledgling career.

 

But is it really a big deal for a young prof to date an undergrad, so long as she's not his own student? What do you think?

 

Having hot 22-year-olds wanting to throw their panties at your feet is one of the perks of the job, my friend. Well done!

 

I think the attraction is rooted in two things: one being that younger women typically like more mature men, and the other factor is that being a professor puts you in a position of power, which women dig.

 

Unfortunately, you do have a career to think about, and you definitely don't want to do anything that would call your objectivity into question. Stick to the rulebook when it comes to dating. You might be able to date past students but certainly not any of your current students or students you might teach again. Keep in touch. What you might be able to do is to get some emails and phone numbers "in case they ever need to call you for any reason". <wink> Keep the tone light and casual until you know it's safe to go further. But not a moment before then.

[clatan]

A woman, or more to the point, girl 10 to 12 years younger will be a problem...maybe not now, but when you are 50 and not looking so good, they will be a hot 40, 38.

 

This above comment makes no sense. Doing the math here, I'm figuring the age difference will be the same when he's 50. Last I checked, men and women age in appearance at about the same rate!? They're 10-12 years younger and think he's hot now, as women are younger and supposedly less stable, going from guy to guy, it seems they'd be even less likely that they will want to "one-up him" when they're 38 or 40.

 

They'll be looking to one up you then. Trust me, I'm only 38 and have already learned my lesson with young ones. I will now not date anyone older or younger than 5 years tops. People will say, age is just a number.....well I learned better the hard way.

 

Sorry you had a bad experience, but it's not that way for everyone. I've found it to be the opposite for me and I can kind of identify with this guy's post.

 

Is it really the fact that he's a professor that everyone has a hangup with or the age difference? I don't know about you Character, but I'm 36 and I've found that there are virtually no single women within 5 or six years of my age. That is, unless you want to date divorced single mothers. Myself, I sure don't. It's funny how people will tear you apart for dating younger women who are single with no kids like yourself yet see nothing wrong with you getting yourself involved in a complicated burdensome mess of a relationship with a divorced woman, usually with kids.

 

I'm guessing your situation is similar to mine. I'm 36 and have returned to college. In addition, I sing do plays at a young adult theater league. As a result, the only women I meet are between the ages of 18 and 24. Sorry, but to me age is just a number. I find I have a lot more in common with them than I do women my age, who tend to be on a death race to get married and have babies. I get sick of people faulting me for that.

[Green]

Id do the keep in touch thing and then if you keep in touch with enough youll end up with a steady stream of dates in the near future with out any ethical wrong doing. I wouldnt sugest changing your proffesional manner and flirting with the girls in class

[bish]

This above comment makes no sense. Doing the math here, I'm figuring the age difference will be the same when he's 50.

 

Its not about the math. A woman who is 38 to 40 will still look hot, if she keeps herself up. A man who is 50 will start to look not so hot anymore.

 

When they are younger, the effects of age really haven't kicked in yet.

 

So its not about the math. You must be young and don't realize this yet.

 

 

Last I checked, men and women age in appearance at about the same rate!? They're 10-12 years younger and think he's hot now, as women are younger and supposedly less stable, going from guy to guy, it seems they'd be even less likely that they will want to "one-up him" when they're 38 or 40.

 

Wait til you are in your 40s and notice people in their 50s...you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

 

Is it really the fact that he's a professor that everyone has a hangup with or the age difference?

 

To me its the age difference.

 

I don't know about you Character, but I'm 36 and I've found that there are virtually no single women within 5 or six years of my age. That is, unless you want to date divorced single mothers. Myself, I sure don't. It's funny how people will tear you apart for dating younger women who are single with no kids like yourself yet see nothing wrong with you getting yourself involved in a complicated burdensome mess of a relationship with a divorced woman, usually with kids.

 

I'm not tearing anyone apart for dating much younger women. I just don't want to hear the bitching when a hot 38 year old dumps her now 50+ year old because his ass is starting to sag.

 

A guy needs a woman he can grow old with. You can't grow old with someone 10 years younger or better in my opinion.

[stillafool]

I find it hard to believe that there are no single women without children available (ages 30 - 36) for Clatan to date. There are tons of them looking for men. Not all of them want to "race to the alter" either. They just want to date a nice guy. Some of them don't want children either. So if your attraction is for younger women that's fine just say so but don't say there's no women your age around to date. BTW, there are plenty of women in their 20's who are single with kids also.

[clatan]

Its not about the math. A woman who is 38 to 40 will still look hot, if she keeps herself up. A man who is 50 will start to look not so hot anymore. When they are younger, the effects of age really haven't kicked in yet. So its not about the math. You must be young and don't realize this yet.

 

Wait until I'm in my 40s, young and don't realize it yet? I'm 36?!

 

When I used to mess with those stupid dating sites, I got messages from women ages 35 to 40. Every one of them, I would have swore was in their mid or late 40s.

 

Like you yourself said, they'll still look hot... if they keep themselves up. So is it impossible for males to keep themselves up or something?

 

Besides, women are probably less hung up on looks than even men, and it's even less of an issue to women in their late 30s. The notion that they'll dump their 50 something man for a younger guy is pretty much ludicrous.

 

 

I'm not tearing anyone apart for dating much younger women. I just don't want to hear the bitching when a hot 38 year old dumps her now 50+ year old because his ass is starting to sag.

 

Really? Can you point me to a few cases of that here on Love Shack?

 

The whole hang up in seeing an older guy with a younger girl just boils down to jealousy.

[bish]

 

The whole hang up in seeing an older guy with a younger girl just boils down to jealousy.

 

How would I be jealous? I am a man. I have dated women much younger than me...and in my experience...no thanks.

 

I prefer to date someone my own age. Someone I can grow old with. I can't grow old with someone 12 to 20 years younger than me.

[clatan]

How would I be jealous? I am a man. I have dated women much younger than me...and in my experience...no thanks.

 

I prefer to date someone my own age. Someone I can grow old with. I can't grow old with someone 12 to 20 years younger than me.

 

So a twenty-one year old will stay 21 for life and never grow old but I will? I'm not in a hurry to grow old myself. But if that's what you want more power to you. To each his own. That's fine. I was just getting the idea that since you wouldn't do it again, you think I'm bad for doing it.

 

I can understand your position and I respect it. But when I read your post, your experience with younger women sounded like my experiences with women my own age. Even at that, I'm not ruling out late 20s and early 30s. I'll just be thinking a little before dating someone near my own age.