Marissa Posted December 29, 1999 Share Posted December 29, 1999 Hello, if anyone could take the time to read about my situation and give me some advice, I'd be eternally grateful! I've been engaged to the same man twice now (I cheated on him and we broke up the first time). I feel like he has totally forgiven me but our problems haven't gone away. We have trouble communicating, it is hard for him to share his innermost thoughts and feelings. And sometimes I can't completely be myself around him. He is also not very creative and I am and therefore we can't relate on an artistic level. I love him, he is a wonderful guy, we have a 2 year history, and I want to make this work but am I just kidding myself? I spoke with a male friend on the phone for three hours the other night and he revealed he still has feelings for me (we have always been able to openly communicate and share the creative aspect, I think he is the only person I have never lied to about anything). I don't know what to do, should I break things up with my fiance and get on a plane to see my male friend? Help!! The wedding is getting close. Link to post Share on other sites
Marigold Posted December 29, 1999 Share Posted December 29, 1999 I haven't been married, even though two of the relationships I have been in were headed in that direction. Eventually I ended both relationships because I realised I didn't really love them. I cared for them, I enjoyed their company for the most part, etc., but we were just not compatible enough. Of course all relationships are different, but at least I believe, that personal compatibility, being able to talk easily, a solid friendship, AND shared interests, are really the essential ingredients for a successful relationship; particularly a marriage. I mean relationships are hard enough to get right. Dare I say, I think you really need to think long and hard about this because you have already cheated on him (you're not a bad person because of this, but this does indicate some serious uncertainty on your part). This is also your second engagement with each other, which again suggests to me that your relationship is not as secure as it possibly needs to be. And also, whether this other guy is more suited to you or not, I think that the interesting and obviously enjoyable interaction you with him is making you realise how nice it would be for you to be with someone more compatible with you. Please at least think about this: If you are going to get married to whoever it may be, imagine how happy (or not) you see yourself years down the road. Remember the close to 50% universal divorce rate. Think about how many children have unfortunately had to live apart from one of their parents because of this divorce rate. And most importantly, think about who and what you really want from your life-long partner. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Best of luck. Hello, if anyone could take the time to read about my situation and give me some advice, I'd be eternally grateful! I've been engaged to the same man twice now (I cheated on him and we broke up the first time). I feel like he has totally forgiven me but our problems haven't gone away. We have trouble communicating, it is hard for him to share his innermost thoughts and feelings. And sometimes I can't completely be myself around him. He is also not very creative and I am and therefore we can't relate on an artistic level. I love him, he is a wonderful guy, we have a 2 year history, and I want to make this work but am I just kidding myself? I spoke with a male friend on the phone for three hours the other night and he revealed he still has feelings for me (we have always been able to openly communicate and share the creative aspect, I think he is the only person I have never lied to about anything). I don't know what to do, should I break things up with my fiance and get on a plane to see my male friend? Help!! The wedding is getting close. Link to post Share on other sites
Bee Posted January 12, 2000 Share Posted January 12, 2000 Looks like I am in the same boat as you. Recently I have grown close to a guy, whom I thought we can be platonic friends in the beginning. I am also getting married soon, and *luckily* my fiancee does not have the whole picture of the 'affair'. Now this guy and I are trying to sort out the mess. He has proposed that if I pull out of the impending marriage, he will wait for me. But I am the conservative sort, and I don't have the courage to pull out of the upcoming marriage. Moreover, my feelings towards this guy is also uncertain, because we are not really involved (in a serious relationship) yet. Currently I am trying hard to put this guy aside and renew the love I once had with my fiancee. I really understand your situation. Maybe we can correspond over email Link to post Share on other sites
CHRISTINE NJOGU Posted February 3, 2000 Share Posted February 3, 2000 Personally I feel that you should just keep off this other guy. You know why, the minute you walk out on him you're not even sure you will even have a relationship in the first place that will last even a month. My advise is, when you've finally got someone to engage you, often you will see that's when people from everywhere notice you and want something from you. If you love your man go for him 100%. Dont take chances hes your man and he is willing to walk down the aisle with you. Somebody said getting a man to marry you isnt the biggest deal, keeping him in the marriage is quite something. Keep your man, you cannot have them all. Today this one tomorrow somebody else, its a continous circle if you dont settle now you will keep getting friends in between who will make you loose your focus and vision. If you love your man, keep him. I hope I've been of some help to you. christine. Link to post Share on other sites
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