annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Having not so long ago been on the "dumpee" side of a break up, I am currently really struggling with how to end things with the guy I have been dating for the past few months. I was really having a good time with him until he started showing signs of serious control issues, including doing research into my past and then quizzing me to see if I would lie to him. It got really creepy. I know he has alot of trust issues, but I am just not into him enough to put up with it. He knows that things are kind of rocky becasue of what has happened over the last two weeks, but it has just made him try even harder to please me. Sadly my heart just isn't in it anymore and I think I am just stringing him along now. Anyone have any suggestions on how to end things without devistating him? Should I possibily tell him I need a break first, so being dumped doesn't suddenly hit him all at once or is it best to just end things completely as soon as possible. I want to casue as little pain as possible. Although he betrayed my trust, I'm not really mad at him anymore. Just sort of indifferent. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Annabelle, this must be hard on you. For you to feel this way and care a lot about this man. Can I ask you something... if you were in his shoes, how would you want him to break it off with you? How would it be less hurtful for you to accept? I know he is not you or me, but I think you might want to think how would you want someone to break it off with you. For me, I would like my man to come straight to me and tell me that he wants out rather than take a break and leave me hanging or hoping that things will work out in the end. You get what I mean? I'm trying to make this sound nice and if it came out otherwise, I'm sorry.. it's pretty late where I am from.. *smile* Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Ok, so I have developed a plan to help you out of your current situation. Your going to need a good makeup artist, some flesh colored putty, and a friend with a cellphone. See, if you tell him that you have contracted a flesh eating bacteria and you are bieng forced into quarantine for a few years he will be forced to go NC. Here is where the makeup comes in, cause he is going to need to see pictures. Then give him the friends cell # and let him know thats where the CDC is going to have you locked up. Whenever he calls, the CDC will answer and let him know you cant talk... because your flesh is bieng devoured! And Bam, he will just dump himself! Link to post Share on other sites
sao2 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Just say "I can't do this anymore" It really is the best way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 Ok, so I have developed a plan to help you out of your current situation. Your going to need a good makeup artist, some flesh colored putty, and a friend with a cellphone. See, if you tell him that you have contracted a flesh eating bacteria and you are bieng forced into quarantine for a few years he will be forced to go NC. Here is where the makeup comes in, cause he is going to need to see pictures. Then give him the friends cell # and let him know thats where the CDC is going to have you locked up. Whenever he calls, the CDC will answer and let him know you cant talk... because your flesh is bieng devoured! And Bam, he will just dump himself! Brilliant !!! I suggest you do the same. We can have our own little epidemic. lyssa- See, that is just the problem. I can't think of a way I would want to be dumped. It hurts no matter what. Knowing I am about to crush this guy is making me feel sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Ok, so I have developed a plan to help you out of your current situation. Your going to need a good makeup artist, some flesh colored putty, and a friend with a cellphone. See, if you tell him that you have contracted a flesh eating bacteria and you are bieng forced into quarantine for a few years he will be forced to go NC. Here is where the makeup comes in, cause he is going to need to see pictures. Then give him the friends cell # and let him know thats where the CDC is going to have you locked up. Whenever he calls, the CDC will answer and let him know you cant talk... because your flesh is bieng devoured! And Bam, he will just dump himself! cobra behave. now you are a player:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 there is no nice way to be dumped. its like removing a bandaid. rip and run and hide for a month no calls no contact. time heels but chatting prolongs the agony. i have been on both sides of this and quick is better. i am friends with all my exs except one thats just too soon yet oh and dont say stupid things like "this is hurting me more than its hurting you." thats just bull or you wouldn't be leaving and they will pull you on it years later. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 lyssa- See, that is just the problem. I can't think of a way I would want to be dumped. It hurts no matter what. Knowing I am about to crush this guy is making me feel sick. Yes, I know it hurts no matter what. I know I will be very hurt with the way I want my man to break it off with me but I'd rather get hit (not literally, of course) like that then left hanging. I think it's because 2 of my past r/ships, I have been left hanging without any explanation. Well, one did eventually but it was rather too late. That hurt even more. However you choose to break it off, he would end up feeling hurt. Like you, I do not like to hurt anyone but sometimes, we gotta do what we gotta do to free ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Serious, Im not looking forward to this. I am going to have to stare into those beautiful sea green eyes, and tell her that this cant be fixed. No matter how bad we both may want to make it work. I will always be here for her, but I can no longer put my emotions out there like that. Ultimately, its my issue, not hers. Is that a good start? Do you think I should wear a cup? Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Serious, Im not looking forward to this. I am going to have to stare into those beautiful sea green eyes, and tell her that this cant be fixed. No matter how bad we both may want to make it work. I will always be here for her, but I can no longer put my emotions out there like that. Ultimately, its my issue, not hers. Is that a good start? Do you think I should wear a cup? a suit of armour more like. you are just like my candyman. glad i can see him for what he is. just tell her u thought u could handle it but you cant because you are more shallow than you realised;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 a suit of armour more like. you are just like my candyman. glad i can see him for what he is. just tell her u thought u could handle it but you cant because you are more shallow than you realised;) i don't think he's shallow at all. he's just being honest with himself. he knows she isn't the one and knows he shouldn't string her along anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 cobra behave. now you are a player:cool: true, I am just trying to avoid the problem at hand . Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 i don't think he's shallow at all. he's just being honest with himself. he knows she isn't the one and knows he shouldn't string her along anymore. i dont mean he is shallow just that would be a good out for him:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Fudge, I go back and read what I wrote and it just looks like I'm saying... "Im sorry, but your not worth the risk." Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 true, I am just trying to avoid the problem at hand . u could give me tips im dating a player and i like it. i know the risks but not the rules. newbee ya see Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 just tell her u thought u could handle it but you cant because you are more shallow than you realised;) I'm lost - how is he shallow, again? Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Fudge, I go back and read what I wrote and it just looks like I'm saying... "Im sorry, but your not worth the risk." so is she. you dont seem the type:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm lost - how is he shallow, again? hes not. but the other stuff he is saying is insulting. when you break up you have to make the other person feel good while admiting you spotted your own flaws. even if you just make some up:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 i dont mean he is shallow just that would be a good out for him:eek: Ahh I get it now. I thought you meant it that way.. Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Ahh I get it now. I thought you meant it that way.. i have dumped and been dumped this is one game i can play:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 I think I am basically just going to have ot put aside all the little issues and just be upfront with him about how I am feeling. Something like this: "Some things have happened that you know I have not been happy about and I have given it time to see if I could get over them and work them out, but I'm at a place right now where I am just not feeling "it" anymore. I don't feel the way I did before and I have to behonest and say I don't see myself feeling that way again. I wish it were different, but I can't change how I feel. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to string you along either." Ho does that sound? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 i have dumped and been dumped this is one game i can play:laugh: Lol - yes, I've been there and done that. It isn't that fun though.. except for that one guy - boy he thought he was a big time player... I found out what he did, gathered the info and played the game. The time he got it from me, I ended with "don't hate the player, hate the game, buddy!". Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I think I am basically just going to have ot put aside all the little issues and just be upfront with him about how I am feeling. Something like this: "Some things have happened that you know I have not been happy about and I have given it time to see if I could get over them and work them out, but I'm at a place right now where I am just not feeling "it" anymore. I don't feel the way I did before and I have to behonest and say I don't see myself feeling that way again. I wish it were different, but I can't change how I feel. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to string you along either." Ho does that sound? not bad a little long but good content. (thats last stunt you pulled put me off. i cant see a future for us after that. i just feel uncomfortable. there is someone out there for you but its not me im afraid) Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 "Some things have happened that you know I have not been happy about and I have given it time to see if I could get over them and work them out, but I'm at a place right now where I am just not feeling "it" anymore. I don't feel the way I did before and I have to behonest and say I don't see myself feeling that way again. I wish it were different, but I can't change how I feel. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to string you along either." Ho does that sound? That sounds about straight forward as it can be. Are you telling him this, this week? Link to post Share on other sites
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Lol - yes, I've been there and done that. It isn't that fun though.. except for that one guy - boy he thought he was a big time player... I found out what he did, gathered the info and played the game. The time he got it from me, I ended with "don't hate the player, hate the game, buddy!". may i use that when my player dumps me. if i dont get in there first of course:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
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