Getting closer

[dyslexicon]

I'm having a particularly hard time moving further in a relationship that I am involved in.

 

This girl, she is everything I could want, and she apparently feels the same about me. When I'm around her, I can't quite think of things to say, and i want to keep her interested.

 

Also, I would like to open up to her more, but there is a slight problem. Her best friend and my best friend are also dating, however funny it may seem that things turned out that way. Since we all do pretty much everyhting with our best friends, we have been in a group of four or three all the time. This leaves no time for me to be alone with her.

 

I am afraid that when I do get a chance to be alone with her, she will feel uncomfortable. I have this innate fear of moving too fast and frightening my love, which has hampered me from even holding hands thus far. And I also fear that if I ask my friend and her friend to disappear for a while, I will never hear the end of it.

 

Maybe this is all groundless, but i would appreciate any and all advice, tips, and support.

 

Thanks all!

[Tony T]

It seems that you always do things with your other friends because YOU are too frightened to be alone with your girlfriend. It's a very easy chore to go on dates alone with your girlfriend if you really want to. If your friends don't understand that, they have serious problems.

 

Now, get over the fear. The purpose of dating is to find someone with whom we are compatible. If you can't make it alone with your gal for some short dates, how the hell do you think you could be with her every day for the rest of your life.

 

If the two of you are so boring together that you can't find things to talk about, to do, to have fun doing, etc., then she's not the girl for you.

 

I promise, when you meet the right girl, you won't be able to keep your mouth shut...and neither will she. It will be a magical event and you won't have the kind of problem you're having now.

 

I'm assuming you're young so take this bit of advice. I don't care how much you like somebody, don't struggle to be with them. Don't force a relationship. If it's not reasonably on track and if you don't have things to talk about and you can't fix that, just get out of it.

 

Love is a conversation that lasts a lifetime and never quits.

 

Do things sometimes with your best friends and sometimes just the two of you. That's the way it should have been from the start, unless you're very young and your parents are requiring you to go out as a group.

 

Not having your age is a very serious handicap to me in answering this post.

 

Oh, I wanted to tell you I really like Macon, Ga. but the water there sux.

[dyslexicon]

thanks for the advice Tony. I'm 15 years old, and my parents aren;t very concerned about going in a group. When we're together, I can think of all sorts of things to say, but usually end up trashing the idea because it sounds stupid to me. I always feel comfortable around her, but I want her to feel comfortable around me. I'd appreciate any other advice or guidance anyone can give.

[Tony T]

Her feeling totally comfortable around you could take time. You also have to clearly understand that she's at an age when many young people are scoping out lots of members of the opposite sex. Don't crowd her too much and understand it's got nothing to do with you at all if she desires to see other guys as well.

 

It may be to your benefit that she's quiet and shy. Those types aren't usually as active in wanting to see other people all the time.

 

Movies are a good place to go to be together yet not have to talk much. The movie does the entertaining for you. Afterwards, you can discuss the movie which you have mutually enjoyed.

 

This lady may not have been out in life as much as you, may not be as familiar with current events as you and her life experiences may be a lot more limited than yours so her ability to relate to you in conversation may be more limited. She may be very self conscious about that.

 

To get her to open up, ask her questions that require little outside knowledge...like how she feels about different things you know she is familiary with. Invite her over to your house and play board games, watch TV, or do other things that will build the bond between you and make her feel more comfortable about talking to you.

 

Trivia games are excellent for helping people learn about the world. Don't make fun of her if she doesn't know many answers. Be supportive and just explain things to her. Never, ever put her down about being silent or not knowing about something in particular.

 

Be absolutely sure to understand that it's important to show caring but also to be sensitive to her need to be free and able to see other people during this time in her life. I would go nuts if all my social time was spent with the same people.

 

And you absolutely must spend some time doing things with her without these best friends being around. You will never be able to get anywhere if they are always tagging along. Make plans and tell your lady that it's just YOU and HER and there's no need to tell the other couple.

 

Good luck to you.