alex434 Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 HI ALL I'll get to the point lol... My girlfriend has decided as of last week saturday that she wanted to break up. This is due to the fact that we argue all the time ( mostly because when i want to talk about a problem, she decides to yell and be immature ) I begged and pleaded and we decided to just go on a break not seeing eachother for a week (ends this sunday) She wants to go to this party on saturday but i have a strange feeling i dont want her to go and drink. Shes told me that she loves me and that she only wants me and would never want or pick another guy over me ( she said this when she broke up with me ) however i feel like... well... like she is going to cheat on me on sunday, this is because, they didnt want me to go... i felt a little weird am i controlling because i dont want her to go and drink? i feel that its something im not comfortable with and she doesnt respect that. I think it has to do with trust also because sometimes i trust her and at places and things like this, i dont. Its supposed to be a kids birthday party with alcohol involved? point being i asked her not to go and she said she is... fine... i asked her not to drink and she said that she is what should i do? should i just tell her i dont trust her or should i just try and deal with it. I know that as saturday approaches i am getting more and more nervous and angry. your help would be greatly appreciated, thanks =D i also feel like because we are on a break it makes me more like nervous even though she said we arent apart, just not seeing eachother, i can honestly say shes being a COMPLETE BIT*** to me and she also wants me to change my "jealousy" "controlling" and other crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Within reason, you have no right to tell her where she can and can't go and if she can or can't drink. She's right, you are being controlling and jealous. and you're right, there's a good chance she's looking to see what else is available.. because you're a controlling, jealous boyfriend and no girl wants that. Link to post Share on other sites
meep Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 i was in the exact same situation that your "girlfriend" is in a while back. my ex-boyfriend was horribly controlling just like it seems you are being. the more you try to control her and make her do as you wish the more you are going to drive her away. let her be her own person even if it is not the person you want her to be. if she cheats then she obviously isn't worth it and you should move on. you have to let her make her own mistakes. jealousy is not attractive. if you cannot trust her then what sort of relationship do you have? i'm sorry if this sounds harsh but i am speaking from having been in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Maybe I dont know enough about your story, but I'm not seeing the controlling part. Look you set your boundaries... she says she wont respect them. Its that simple. There is absolutely no reason you should stay with this girl. She obviously does not make you feel good about yourself. If I were you, I would spend Sunday with a new girl... or a good buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
AmorousDelight Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Dude, you set the boundaries, she _IS_ playing mind games. On a break, you cannot tell her what to do, but you can extend the break indefinatelly when she does not live up to your standard. Girls, good remarks from a girls perspective, but this guy set his rules, they are fair, the girls can either follow or not. If they want to screw the rules then they can, but does not mean that any man would have them come back and hold their hand after they got drunk and laid. C'mon, even the most feminazi bi***es, would _not_ have respect for a man who would then start to cry and be all needy pussbasket and still want the mind game player back. Amigo, you are a man, say goodbye to this little drama queen and move on. There are plenty of other girls who would love and respect a man who stands up for what he believes. And girls, you have rules too, we know we can be toast if we break them, so don't give me the controlling man crap. Fair is fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex434 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 yeah she doesnt understand that i dont think its right shes gonna be drinking with her two cousins and i just think its weird at a kids birthday party, i know i cant tell her what to do, but she should at least have some consideration about how i feel, and why i feel the way i do, she shouldnt be mind set on doing what she wants to do and not giving two sh**s on how i feel about it. Funny though... she said there was nothing wrong with it and she trusts me so much but when i mentioned a strip bar, she flipped and told me it would be over.. haha... women... or should i say girls? regardless if she felt a certain way i would understand, she however doesnt. The whole controlling thing... if your taken you really shouldnt be going to parties or bars by yourself, those are pick up spots... it doesnt hurt to take your significant other with you, that is... if they are that significant enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Why just say she's not allowed to go to kids parties with family, or bars? Take it one step further and let her know you don't feel comfortable with her going outside the house unless you're by her side. /sarcasm Seems like she's realizing you're being possessive, controlling and jealous and that you don't trust her. This is not fun for her! If you don't trust the woman you shouldn't be with her. Don't stress about it too much though, it sounds like she's about had enough of your attitude anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex434 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 the whole matter is not being posessive or telling her what to do, its the fact that she does not respect how i feel or what i think. I know how women are with wanting to have "fun" and do what they want. But come on theres a time in the relationship where you need to sit down and say ok i need to be serious and mature. Theres no reason for her to be party hardy with a bunch of SINGLE girls. Bars are pick up spots. Men only go to the bar for two reasons: With buddies to watch sports games or.... To pick up women. Women know the same expectation. I dont want to have to worry about a barrage of 50 men hitting on her. Regardless of the fact that i should trust her and know that she will let them know she is in a relationship, i shouldnt have to be in that position. If i were to do something like that it would be a big deal. I dont care if she goes out, but theres some places you should be alone and some places you should at least be with your spouse. She has set boundaries and me too, i respect hers, however she doesnt respect mine. Link to post Share on other sites
tomwiz Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 I was in your shoes a few months ago. Gf needed "space" which I thought was a copout for wanting to breakup, however we had been fighting over stuipd things for a while and she was simply worn out. After bothering her like a tool for the first couple days of our break, i decided to delete her number and my facebook. A few short but hellish days later she came back to me. I realized that my fears about her going to bars where unfounded, she wouldnt do anything wrong and actually once I stopped worrying so much, she'd call me more often when she was out, lemme know who she was going with and where she was going and even invite me too. The point is, the more you worry and are an annoyance about it the worse its going to get. Just give her some time, trust she wont do anything wrong and go out and have fun yoruself Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Your gonna have to deal with it. She's her own person and will do whatever she wants. You either trust someone or you don't and that part is up to you. It sounds like she wants you to trust her, but she isn't going to live stictly by your opinions, either. If you don't like it when your GF's drink, maybe you should only date women who don't, but you might still find other reasons to have controlling-like intentions. I personally don't feel comfortable dating men who drink a whole lot, for a number of reasons, but I"ve never asked or expected any to change the habit for me. I just knew it wouldn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Well, from what you posted the prospects don't look too good. I think your suspicions are well-founded, but let's be honest here - things aren't exactly going great are they? When people say they want a "break", often it just means they are heading towards a proper breakup but aren't 100% yet. You should just let her do her thing, but tell her that if she fools around with another guy while you are on a "break", then you won't want to meet her again or get back together. That means she has to decide one way or the other. You may not like her choice but at least you will know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
AmorousDelight Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Why don't married women go to Girl's Night Out? They are married, they are mature, and don't appreciate being hit on and threatening their home situation with alcohol and temptation. They are respectful of themselves, their husband, and families. Your girl is disrespectful to you because she does not value you as much as her ideas. I am not saying, don't take her back under any circumstance, but realize that the value of your relationship will be next to nothing. And she will know this too. For people who been there and everything worked out, it is because they realized to place more value in their relationship than their free will. Yes, love does come w/ shackles made up of this imaginary but very real "value.":mad: Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I don't get it-this is all over her drinking at a kid's birthday party? I'm just picturing 3 grown people acting like tards around little kids...doesn't sound too bad. Are you worried she will get too drunk and make out with a toddler or two? Is she a pedi? Why the fear of cheating at a kids birthday? that is disturbing.... I'll read this again in the morning. Maybe I missed something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex434 Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 lol... no i tried imagining that and you saying something like that does give an optimistic view about it. We actually decided to make up i saw her today and we umm had passionate love lol, twice i think after we both thought about it we decided where exactly we stood, she told me she loved me and wants to be with me forever, i believe it... shes still going to the party but im not really worried about her doing anything... its these *******s (like me) called guys haha lets face it 90% of us are pigs lol... so im just worried and protective hopefully things will pass and it wont be so bad, i hope and want to be wrong 110% Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 So are you going with her to the party today? Since you are back together? Link to post Share on other sites
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