Private Investigator?

[leopardprint]

Has anyone any experience hiring a Private Investigator to follow their spouse around? I'm looking more for stories of experiences, how you went about it, how much did it cost, etc.

 

I've always trusted him, we had been in a LDR for 3yrs and I never once worried about other girls or anything; neither of us worried about things like that since we talked on the phone and webcam 24/7.

 

But for some reason, for about the past month or two, he has been acting COMPLETELY different. I thought at first it was just work, but recently he's been acting so... ugh, it's so hard to explain. He's been staying hours and hours later for work every single night, and make comments "Oh, I'm making TONS of over time," but when his pay checks come every week, he complains how small they are and how he never has enough money for anything. And recently, he's become the world's greatest story teller, and he makes the littlest things into huge catastrophes, and that is REALLY unlike him.

 

I'm not really sure if I can just write it off as "cheating" on me with someone else, but whatever it is, it just seems like he's hiding "something" he's doing that he doesn't want me knowing about. I mean, of course I don't want him cheating on me, but I also hope he's not doing something, I don't know, illegal or something.

 

I really hope I'm just... I don't know, being insecure, since I love him so much, but my gut and heart are screaming at me that something just isn't right.

[Trialbyfire]

It's not cheap. I had it done for around 4+ months and it ended up in the 5 figure range. There's hourly rates and different rates for different services. Don't forget your retainer. I would call around to local agencies and ask for their fee schedules.

 

For me, it was worth every penny to know.

[stillafool]

If your heart and gut are telling you something - Listen! I've been there and you don't want to believe it but your intuition takes over and you get this feeling in your stomach that something is not right. Your BF does sound like something is going on with all those late nights.

 

You can always rent a car and trail him to see what he's doing. That would be a lot less expensive than hiring a P.I.

[bradford]

Yea it's easy, why not just go to his work the next time he says he's staying hours late and see if his car is there? Who knows you might get an easy answer right there. I know our insecurity gets the best of us sometimes, but honestly, even if it is or isn't there, it's not going to cure you. The problem is in your head, even if he is cheating. But if he's not, then it's truly all in your head. But I agree with intuition - although it's not 100% right all the time. You should just take a break from him, start acting a little different yourself. See what happens. But please, don't waste money hiring PIs. I mean seriously, if you are even thinking about hiring a PI, you probably should not be in a relationship, or at least not this one... think about it..

 

bradford

[Trialbyfire]

Hang on. Is he your b/f or your spouse? If he's only a b/f, then you may want to do what the other members suggest. If you're prepping for a divorce and need evidence to discontinue your marriage or for proceedings, a PI will be worthwhile, depending on the amount of joint assets you share.

 

My PI provided enough for either, although I only used it for irrefutable personal reasons. I don't break commitment lightly.

[Mrs.C.]

long distance relationship and web cams and phones for 3 years? Wtf?

[BlueEyedSarah]

long distance relationship and web cams and phones for 3 years? Wtf?

Whats so wtf about that? .

[popey]

Additional options:

1. Look at his pay check stub. If he's "working overtime" it should indicate as much.

2. Start secretly keeping a journal of what he tells you. See if he's consistent.

3. check his cell phone, and note who he's calling, and numbers calling in.

4. If he has gps- see what you can find out about where he's been.

5. Know any cops? Have them run the license plate and see if he's gotten tickets- where and when?

6. Say you are going away for the weekend some place far. But stay nearby. Call him claiming to be away and ask what he's doing, where he is, etc. See if he's lies. ie: says he's home, but he's not.

 

And don't let on that you're suspicous. If he thinks you suspect nothing, he will likely put less effort into keeping his cover.

 

And while I agree with stillafool that its dangerous business, ignoring your instincts; also realize the risks involved in violating someone's trust and privacy if they aren't doing anything wrong.

 

Good luck.