Wat do i doooo

[lurvesick]

any advice would be greatly appreciated..i've been seeing this guy ever since i was 16..had a childhood crush on him..it was mutual..3days before moving away to another country with my family..both of us met..spent time..we had a moment.we kissed..and things moved forward then onwards..i told him how strongly i felt abt him..he did too..we kept in touch..we spoke online..then i started callin him more often cuz it was way cheaper for me to call. he was still studyin and didnt hav a part time job. he couldnt get one as it wasnt common in that country to work part time n stuff during college. its becoming common now. i had a part time job and was nearly graduatin from high school to college. a year later i got a cellphone. he hadta ask his folks 2 buy him one but they refused and said they would get it later as he needed to concentrate on college. so i saved up sent him money to buy a cellphone..i cant remember if i offered to do dat or if he asked. few months later..he said he was really broke and in debt. needed some money..i thought abt it..he said he didnt know who else he could turn to other than me..i finally decided to send it. it was abt 3years since i'd been away..i felt like i was losing interest and started seeing all the negative things in him...like how could a guy ask money from a girl?? and be ok with it..i used to be the one who did all the calling...he would call on occasions..birthdays etc..at the same time..dis guy i knew..from work..ws gettin quite close 2 me..he was also my brothers mate..i was really goin thru a rough tym..my best friend was told she had cancer..my mother went overseas to visit her mum...relatives gave her a hard time..and the distance with my boyfriend was frustrating enough..this new guy i met...my brothers mate..he used 2 spend a lot of time at my place..i was attracted 2 him..and he gave me a lot of attention..like drivin me 2 work...and droppin me off..talkin online for a couple of hours late nights..hiring movies for me 2 watch..at that time my boyfriend ws away..and he didnt hav access 2 the internet for a month or 2 so the conversations decreased a lot..he didnt seem to be there enough..

 

all these things came 2 my mind..i started feelin like he was very immature..and den one day i broke up wid him..in the beginnin i had so many doubts if i should..and den wen i spoke 2him abt it..we started arguing...and den i jus said i cudnt deal with it anymore and i just ended it...i was close 2 the new guy for a few days..who showed sum interest...by askin some mutual friends if they had met me lately..always askin abt me etc..he found out dat i was attracted 2 him...we spoke abt it..he said he didnt wna get into a relationship..but we sat there talkin for hours..i had a feelin he liked me too...but neither of us felt too strong abt it to start a relationship..and den he went away on a holiday and i got over him...i met another guy later thru a friend..we went out..for like a "date"..and dat was it..didnt see him again..he did ask if we cud meet again but i said il let him know wen i can..i wasnt interested in havin a new relationship for a while..

 

6 months later since the actual break up...i started developing strong feelings for my ex again..probably missing all the attention..i emailed him..jus like a how u been...hope things are well..and he replied..just a casual email..and then we started emailin eachother..and he said he didnt wna know if i had found sum1 else cuz he cudnt bear it and he didnt wna know..so i said its nothin of dat sort..iv missed u...and if we shud give our relationship another chance..so we were together again..in jan 2006...i visited him last nov..in 2006 wen i ws 19 and hes 20..after been away for 3ish years...i visited him and spent abt 2 n half months there..i met friends and family too..things were so great..wat disappointed me was..he was in debt and dis tym asked me for money...i said itl be hard for me..but he sumhow convinced me dat he only had hopes on me..and thru out the entire holiday..i bought him so many gifts..dat were so meaningful..its not that i expect expensive diamonds and crazy tings frm him..but now wen i think back..he didnt make the effort to even giv me a tiny rose..or sumtin really romantic..sumtin as keepsake wen i left..infact he used 2 borrow small amounts of money wen we went places..he was in debt and didnt hav a steady income cuz his parents were restrictin his allowance cuz he hadnt done so well in college..i even got him new clothes for christmas..sumtin 2 wear @ my cousins wedding..back then i never thot dat dis guy cud be takin advantage of me..once or twice it came across my mind...but i thot i was just been silly..and he loves me..hes takin it from me cuz we're dat close..and in love.. but now im having second thots...wat if hes the kinda guy who has no morals..hes very short tempered..now he wants to get married in abt 6years and settle down with me in the country he is in..but i wna travel..work in other countries..and den some day..maybe settle down wen i feel like i should..im 20 now and hes only 21...i dnt wna plan out evrything in detail...i do like him..but im just not sure if i wna be with sum1 like dat...there are other things abt him dat put me off..im so lost...i feel like i wont be able 2 cope if i break up with now..AGAIN..maybe because im scared i wont find any1 else..sum1 good enough..i dont know..

[4whatItsWorth]

I don't know if it takes a lot for a man to ask for money or not, but I've only had broke boyfriends (when they were at uni) but they never once asked for me to lend them money. They found work, etc. So I think it depends on the person.

 

I don't think you'd want to spend the next 6 years with a man who only wants to borrow your money. Then again, perhaps he doesn't understand how strongly you feel about him "having his own money". Gifts could be him just creating a picture out of paper and crayons! If he can't even manage that - then I'm not sure if it is something to go on.

 

I think you should try to tell him you two need a break until he's gotten his life on the right track, until then you can be friends, but you will not lend him any more money. Perhaps in the future, he will be a different man.

 

If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

[lurvesick]

Yeah..thats one thing i've been tellin myself..if its meant to be it'll happen.

 

thats exactly what i mean..im really not expectin him to shower me with expensive diamonds and gifts that he cant afford. but i thot visiting him after 3 whole years..he could've thot of giving me a tiny keepsake..we used my money for every single thing...ok maybe he had the impression dat me been from sumwhere outside the country i was loaded with money...but i did tell him things werent so good financially...the least he could do was not ask for more money..and it was like $300-400....

 

the new thing here is... i told my mate abt it...and she was like ask him for money and see wt he says. i thot abt it too..but i wasnt so sure..so anyway decided to give it a go..

 

last night i told him i really needed his help..i ws in huge debt...and if he could lend me some money..i also said i didnt know who else i could ask...i really made things sound so bad..and he ws like why dont u try and get a new job cuz he knows im not workin right now...and he was like uh didnt i ask u to clear ur debts when u got back..ok 4get dat...try 2 find a new job now..im sorry i cudve helped u if i had the money..arghhhh...i was like i need ur help etc...and he said oh but wait i could go 2 dese finance people here:confused: but WE will have 2 pay them interest..and den eventually YOU will hav to pay them the money back.. i duno wat 2 think of dis.. i asked him for the same amount dat i lent him.. and he was like we'll have 2 go 2 the finance company cuz its a huge amount.. lol..ok now he knows its a HUGE amount 2 borrow... i dont know if he's taking advantage of me.....