meep Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 do you think having a large age gap can work? or is it just plain wrong? i met this guy a while ago who worked in a bar, i was 16 at the time but was obviously saying i was older as in the UK the legal age for drinking is 18. so i saw this guy and was immediately attracted to him he looked early twenties and was friendly and nice. we kissed, exchanged numbers etc. but later on that night i found out he was 30! that is a 14 year age gap. of course when he found out my "age" he thought it was only 11 years because i had lied about how old i was to get in. so basically do you think it is really that wrong? my mother is 47 and her partner is 69 which is a 22 year difference and doesn't seem that wrong. is it just when you're younger that it is such a big deal? i stayed in contact with this guy for a bit but when my friends found out his age they went mental at me so i haven't spoken to him in months now. but whenever i go back to that bar and see him i am still attracted to him. just wondered what everybody else's opinions on the matter were really... Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I don't see the point in judging any couples for their age differences, what matters is if they are happy and have things in common, similar goals in life, etc. It's been obvious in this world for a long time that love is not limited by age...I do have a friend that met her 46 yr-old boyfriend at age 26. They are married now. The only problem with it for family/friends was that he already has grown children so they are worried that he won't be willing to give her any. That's probably the only factor that might keep myself from dating a man too much older cuz I haven't had kids yet...otherwise when people dig each other who cares about age. Link to post Share on other sites
JulieJ Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I think there are a lot of examples in the world of couples with big age gaps who have been together a very long time and are extremely happy. However, it is important to realize that the differences between someone who is 16 and someone who is 30 is a lot greater than between two people who are 40 and 54. At 16 you haven't had nearly the same life experiences as someone who is 30 and you're still growing and learning who you are. Other than attraction, you would probably have more in common with someone who is within 4 years of your age. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I dont think the issue is so much the age difference, but rather the "stage" difference. A 12 year age gap is nothing when you're talking 32 and 44. These people are in pretty similar stages... at the indendence level, family oriented, professional career, etc. That same 12 year age gap at 20 and 32? Yeah, that's a pretty big deal IMO. The 20 year old does not have the concept of independence, profession, and family as well-developed as the 32 year old. This could cause major problems when the "lala land feelings of love" wear off and real-life begins. That's my take. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I dont think the issue is so much the age difference, but rather the "stage" difference. A 12 year age gap is nothing when you're talking 32 and 44. These people are in pretty similar stages... at the indendence level, family oriented, professional career, etc. That same 12 year age gap at 20 and 32? Yeah, that's a pretty big deal IMO. The 20 year old does not have the concept of independence, profession, and family as well-developed as the 32 year old. This could cause major problems when the "lala land feelings of love" wear off and real-life begins. That's my take. My thoughts exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 To each their own. However in my opinion age gaps don't work and there is something sort of weird about them. I just don't see how people can be on point and in the same place in their lives with a large age gaps. My bf is 3 1/2 years older than me, a tiny age gap but sometimes I even feel that. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 To each their own. However in my opinion age gaps don't work and there is something sort of weird about them. I just don't see how people can be on point and in the same place in their lives with a large age gaps. My bf is 3 1/2 years older than me, a tiny age gap but sometimes I even feel that. I would think that most of the time with a big gap, they are never at the same place in their lives. They just try to mesh the two together the best they can I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I would think that most of the time with a big gap, they are never at the same place in their lives. They just try to mesh the two together the best they can I guess. I agree and I think it would be difficult. I think compatibility and 'being on the same page' are important in making a relationship work. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I think it depends on the age of the partners... in your case, I think the age gap is too much... you're only 16 and he's 30... you're still a teen... If you were, let's say, 22 and he was 36.... it wouldn't seem so much... your mother is 47 and her partner is 69... for me that would be waaay too much for that age... still Unless it is for short-term or just for sex... I can't see how it can work on a long-term basis... In some very RARE cases, we can see that working... but in general, it doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I can't believe how far Demi and Ashton have come...then again, she just about looks his age... I have a friend that's 29 and her husband is probably close to 50 by now. He already has grown children + had a vasectomy....and it isn't as though he's very attractive...and she is gorgeous. She claims to not care about having children right now; but there are some who think she is just in denial and somehow thinks she will not only talk him into children, but into having his snip-job reversed, too...it makes me worry for her...and he's already had a heart attack for chris sakes; if he kicks the bucket in 10 yrs. she'll probably be a little too old to try and have kids...her mother died worrying about the same thing. I'm glad if she's found happiness, it just appears as though she isn't with reality because she also does not hang around her friends as much and has completely lost contact with me. He is her world and when the new wears off, she might have regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 My bf is 3 1/2 years older than me, a tiny age gap but sometimes I even feel that. You "feel" the difference with a 3 1/2 year age gap? What are you, 16? Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 I can't believe how far Demi and Ashton have come...then again, she just about looks his age... I have a friend that's 29 and her husband is probably close to 50 by now. He already has grown children + had a vasectomy....and it isn't as though he's very attractive...and she is gorgeous. She claims to not care about having children right now; but there are some who think she is just in denial and somehow thinks she will not only talk him into children, but into having his snip-job reversed, too...it makes me worry for her...and he's already had a heart attack for chris sakes; if he kicks the bucket in 10 yrs. she'll probably be a little too old to try and have kids...her mother died worrying about the same thing. I'm glad if she's found happiness, it just appears as though she isn't with reality because she also does not hang around her friends as much and has completely lost contact with me. He is her world and when the new wears off, she might have regrets. Stop worrying about other peoples lives so much. Why not wish her the best and worry about yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 You "feel" the difference with a 3 1/2 year age gap? What are you, 16? No jack ass I'm 24. Yes I sometimes feel the small age gap, here is the reason; My bf graduated college 5 and a half years ago and is fairly established career wise, I'm still fresh out of college with no real direction. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 No jack ass I'm 24. Yes I sometimes feel the small age gap, here is the reason; My bf graduated college 5 and a half years ago and is fairly established career wise, I'm still fresh out of college with no real direction. Ha. I have friends that are 35, been out of college for 12 years (and back again), and still have no real direction. I'm not so sure that has anything to do with age. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Ha. I have friends that are 35, been out of college for 12 years (and back again), and still have no real direction. I'm not so sure that has anything to do with age. Maybe it isn't age in all cases, but I think for me it is. When you're just starting out a difference of 4 years in the 'real world' makes a difference. I'm not saying it's a large gap or an issue, but for the above reason I feel the difference at times. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 do you think having a large age gap can work? No. But depends on what you think is a big age gap. For me, 5 to 10 years is too much. 10 years would be closer. When one of you is 50, the other will be a hot 40. Trust me...one of them will be looking to go for a bigger better deal when that age starts coming around. but later on that night i found out he was 30! that is a 14 year age gap. of course when he found out my "age" he thought it was only 11 years because i had lied about how old i was to get in. If all you want to do is have fun...no problem..but a LTR or marriage would not be for you. when he is 60, you'll be 46....he'll be an old wrinkly man and you'll still be a hottie. You aren't gonna want his old wrinkly ass. that is why I want someone I can grow old with. This guy can't grow old with you and he will pay for it later. so basically do you think it is really that wrong? my mother is 47 and her partner is 69 which is a 22 year difference and doesn't seem that wrong. is it just when you're younger that it is such a big deal? I bet your mother is looking to get it on with someone younger, cuz the 69yo has to be gross to look at naked....or possibly since he is 69, she isn't gettin' any. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Stop worrying about other peoples lives so much. Why not wish her the best and worry about yourself? I wished her the best a long time ago. I don't worry about her, she lives far away so I don't even think of her unless something reminds me of her, example: this thread. I was simply telling her story, geez. Why don't YOU stop worrying about what OTHER people worry about and worry about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ruby_gloom Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Stop worrying about other peoples lives so much. Why not wish her the best and worry about yourself? why are you on LS? go get your hair cut. I dont think the issue is so much the age difference, but rather the "stage" difference. A 12 year age gap is nothing when you're talking 32 and 44. These people are in pretty similar stages... at the indendence level, family oriented, professional career, etc. That same 12 year age gap at 20 and 32? Yeah, that's a pretty big deal IMO. The 20 year old does not have the concept of independence, profession, and family as well-developed as the 32 year old. This could cause major problems when the "lala land feelings of love" wear off and real-life begins. That's my take. yes, i think you are absolutely correct, K. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 why are you on LS? go get your hair cut. yes, i think you are absolutely correct, K.me too. it smacks of pedophilia quite frankly Link to post Share on other sites
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