Open To Receive....Bring it on!!

[annabelle75]

Wrong. You and the MM played a game with no knowledge to the betrayed spouse. She was dragged in as collateral damage.

 

If OW/OM want to separate their affair as between the two of them, you must separate the marriage too. What happens between the betrayed and the wayward, has nothing to do with the affair itself. Logical progression.

 

Just becasue you keep repeating it doesn't make it true. No one is blaming the A on the BS. They ar esaying that although the BS is not to blame for the affair, it doesn't mean that they bare some responsiblity for the initital break down of the marriage. Perfectly happy marriages don't end in affairs. To deny any responsibilty is a cop out.

[Tomcat33]

NDP is about as far left as you can go. Conservatives are the far right. Liberals are somewhere in the middle. Compared to American political parties, all three major parties are left or dead on center. If you can comprehend this, you may advance to grade 2.

 

 

The Libs sell themselves as being left but we all know that Martin and Cretien slashed taxes and the size of the fed gov more than any other gov in the history since WWII. So how would you consider them centerist? they are PURE RIGHT WING. Then you have the tories which of course ARE the real deal, and then that takes us to the NDP who profess to want the capitalist gov to be managed differently so that would leave THEM as the centre right of the all three "right winged" parties. HENCE they are the HALFWAY HOUSE of the other TWO criminals

capiche?

 

Now please argue with me on what I think of each party and send me back to grade one as many times as you like, but politics is like art (abstract to be exact) ...it is to be interpreted based on perception and it differs from person to person.

[Trialbyfire]

The Libs sell themselves as being left but we all know that Martin and Cretien slashed taxes and the size of the fed gov more than any other gov in the history since WWII. So how would you consider them centerist? they are PURE RIGHT WING. Then you have the tories which of course ARE the real deal, and then that takes us to the NDP who profess to want the capitalist gov to be managed differently so that would leave THEM as the centre right of the all three "right winged" parties. HENCE they are the HALFWAY HOUSE of the other TWO criminals

capiche?

 

Now please argue with me on what I think of each party and send me back to grade one was many times as you can, but politics is like art (abstract at that) ...it is to be interpreted based on perception and it differs from person to person.

Did you read what I wrote? I said they're centralists but all parties, including the treasonous Bloc or whatever they want to call themselves, are left of center compared to American political parties. Go back to grade 1.

[Cobra_X30]

sorry I didn't get the first part re the post #244 search engine!?!? (I was not being sarcastic when I said check out post #244 I just didn't want to retype it all out again...)

 

 

Yeah I would def agree that my needs are pretty much set and I want to make very clear that in no way shape or form expect to have ALL those needs met every single day of the time I spend in a particular rel. (well honesty would be nice 24/7 but we all tell a little white lie here or there so I take in stride) however I can also say that I can go through periods in my life where I may put more emphasis on certain needs over others depending of what I may be going through outside of the rel. But that's where communication and proactivity come in to play. perception and intuition are not a bad thing to have either, and I have learned to listen to the little voice when it is trying to tell me something.

 

can I do without fun? honestly I can only be deprived from it for for short periods of time, you know something believe it or not that's one of the biggest indicators to me that something is not right, when it doesn't feel fun anymore. I don't mean day to day, I mean overall.

 

Yeah I wouldnt want to type it out again either. Sorry I couldnt find it.

 

So you actively facilitate your partner meeting your needs? It seems that if your partner is not providing what you wish, you will take steps to openly communicate your needs to him.

 

If he fails to respond right away to your honest dialog, what steps do you then take? Assuming he understands but does not respond, or just completely fails to get one of your needs.

 

Also, I have found that different people have different levels of ability in fulfilling thier partners. Example, a man who is fun, honest, communicative, appreciative... but has difficulty bieng emotionally intimate. Is this a salvagable relationship supposing that he will never become better at this?

 

I know this may seem kind of a dumb question, however It may be something worth considering.

[Cliche]

Wrong. You and the MM played a game with no knowledge to the betrayed spouse. She was dragged in as collateral damage.

 

If OW/OM want to separate their affair as between the two of them, you must separate the marriage too. What happens between the betrayed and the wayward, has nothing to do with the affair itself. Logical progression.

 

Trialbyfire, you are simply not qualified to speak to my situation. In my situation, all three of us are responsible. Maybe not in equal amounts, yet but for X, Y would not have occurred.

[Tomcat33]

Did you read what I wrote? I said they're centralists but all parties, including the treasonous Bloc or whatever they want to call themselves, are left of center compared to American political parties. Go back to grade 1.

 

WTF who the heck was comparing them to the American political system or European for that matter. Did you read what I said?

 

Let me repeat

 

THE NDP is the halfway house for the the libs and the tories.

 

 

end of story.

 

 

oh and now the tories are left of center too? :lmao::lmao:

 

I'll go back to grade 1 of you tell your pet monkey to stop interrupting our posts with it's diatribe.

[whichwayisup]

Cliche, the thing is, your MM chose to enter the affair without his wife's knowledge. Him having the affair was his choice. TOGETHER him and his wife didn't fix the problems in the marriage, she owns that part, but not the part of him choosing to cheat and go outside the marriage. She is responsible though, if she reacts and does something ONCE she has knowledge of the affair and there is a D-Day.

(Hope that makes sense, I'm still having trouble putting together words and sentences these days, thanks to PMS...lol)

[annabelle75]

Did you read what I wrote? I said they're centralists but all parties, including the treasonous Bloc or whatever they want to call themselves, are left of center compared to American political parties. Go back to grade 1.

 

...and now we got a political debate. This thread has got everything. Everytime I open it its about something else.

 

Anyone mind if I post a recipe for brownies?

[whichwayisup]

THE NDP is the halfway house for the the libs and the tories.

 

OMG, that is hilarious!! And perfectly put.....Bob Rae........lol

[RealityCheck]

...and now we got a political debate. This thread has got everything. Everytime I open it its about something else.

 

Anyone mind if I post a recipe for brownies?

 

OMG!!!! Halarious!!!

[Cliche]

To expand on the marital breakdown aspect, none of you is aware if there was a loss of intimacy due to the WS not providing sufficiently to meet the needs of the betrayed.

 

It's all the chicken and the egg theory. It takes two to tango, to breakdown a relationship.

 

Umm, this supports what I said. It is all of us. I have not once let MM off the hook on this...not on the end of their marriage nor on the pain he caused me by putting me in a position of being the OW for a time.

 

However, there is an ending marriage and there is a new relationship that occurred while there still existed a legal marriage. All three of us have played a part in these events.

 

And why on earth would any BS want to be a hapless victim who doesn't have any input into the turn of events in his or her life? Ugh, I can't think of anything I want less to be than a bystander of a life that is totally chance and nothing else. It's not true and not really comforting when you think about it.

 

Please keep in mind that by saying BS' play a part in these forsaken events does not mean that s/he is "to blame." It means that there are events set into motion that s/he must have been a part of in some way. Lose the idea of whose "fault" it is, and you may understand what I'm saying.

[whichwayisup]

OMG!!!! Halarious!!!

 

Copy-cat!!! Except you spelled hilarious wrong.....

[RealityCheck]

Copy-cat!!! Except you spelled hilarious wrong.....

 

Who cares! I'm not here to win the spelling "B".....lol

[Cliche]

Cliche, the thing is, your MM chose to enter the affair without his wife's knowledge. Him having the affair was his choice. TOGETHER him and his wife didn't fix the problems in the marriage, she owns that part, but not the part of him choosing to cheat and go outside the marriage. She is responsible though, if she reacts and does something ONCE she has knowledge of the affair and there is a D-Day.

(Hope that makes sense, I'm still having trouble putting together words and sentences these days, thanks to PMS...lol)

 

You do make sense.

 

While she may not have had knowledge that he was sleeping with another woman, she did have knowledge for years that her marriage was severly broken and she chose to do nothing about it. Again, I"m not assigning her blame, but I truly believe, in my case (may not be universal), that MM would not have started our relationship if he felt his marriage was something he could save or that was worth saving. So, they chose, together, to give up on their marriage through words and/or actions, and he chose to get involved with another woman before the legal aspect was over and I chose to stay with MM even after I knew he was still legally bound to another. We all play a part in this. No one is an innocent bystander in these events.

 

I'm not saying my factual situation is universal, but the concept here is not unique. The BS plays a role, even if the role is as simple as picking a jacka$$ for a husband (hey, I've btdt so there is no judgment...over a decade later, I'm still trying to figure out why I married the guy I did, but I acknowledge that had I not been missing something, I could've made better choices).

[squeak]

Also, I have found that different people have different levels of ability in fulfilling thier partners. Example, a man who is fun, honest, communicative, appreciative... but has difficulty bieng emotionally intimate. Is this a salvagable relationship supposing that he will never become better at this?

 

I know this may seem kind of a dumb question, however It may be something worth considering.

 

I don't think it is dumb, because if the BS married someone with those traits and they could never properly go the distance *bonding*, due to the spouses inability to be emotionally intimate in a satisfying way--and an affair happens -- did the BS really play a part in the dissolution of the marriage?

 

I imagine that scenario is the MOST common one ??

 

Was it the now BS's part in it that they just married the wrong person who could not seal that bond with them no matter how hard the BS tried??

[Trialbyfire]

WTF who the heck was comparing them to the American political system or European for that matter. Did you read what I said?

 

Let me repeat

 

THE NDP is the halfway house for the the libs and the tories.

 

 

end of story.

 

 

oh and now the tories are left of center too? :lmao::lmao:

 

I'll go back to grade 1 of you tell your pet monkey to stop interrupting our posts with it's diatribe.

Eh? Do you have any understanding of the Canadian political system? Obviously, nothing more than googling sites and coming to some strange conclusions. Are you also aware that there are substantial differences between provincial and federal parties? Ugh, it really is like having a political discussion with a toddler.

[Tomcat33]

Yeah I wouldnt want to type it out again either. Sorry I couldnt find it.

 

So you actively facilitate your partner meeting your needs? It seems that if your partner is not providing what you wish, you will take steps to openly communicate your needs to him.

 

If he fails to respond right away to your honest dialog, what steps do you then take? Assuming he understands but does not respond, or just completely fails to get one of your needs.

 

Also, I have found that different people have different levels of ability in fulfilling thier partners. Example, a man who is fun, honest, communicative, appreciative... but has difficulty bieng emotionally intimate. Is this a salvagable relationship supposing that he will never become better at this?

 

I know this may seem kind of a dumb question, however It may be something worth considering.

 

 

Oh well if you look at the top right hand corner of a post you can see the # for example this one will say #307 or #308 so go back a few pages to #244 or whatever that was...

 

Well first and foremost as Silktricks said earlier realtionships ARE HARD. YES THEY ARE. they are a LOT of work and need constant attention, some poeple are more determined than others and some rels need less work than others given the amount of compatibility (emotional I mean not in other material ways) that they posses. So if you are with someone that deprives you of a major need that is of utmost important to your well-being and they are incapable of changing this why would you be committed to them in the first place? would not have seen this before the committment happened? or did you mean it happens in time?

 

 

I can take steps to communicate what needs are not being met and then I also need to look at what needs I am not meeting in my partner, you see that's the ticket. It's not just about asking for something it's also about looking at what you are doing to contribute to the lack of, and if you are perfect and everything you do is fine then yeah could be your partner is just becoming lazy because he/she is a selfish "prikk" but we all know that's not really what usually happens.

 

I think if two people want to make something work they can and if one refuses then that is when you have to ask yourself, can I live with this or not.

[Trialbyfire]

Trialbyfire, you are simply not qualified to speak to my situation. In my situation, all three of us are responsible. Maybe not in equal amounts, yet but for X, Y would not have occurred.

If the betrayed spouse in your situation was aware that her wayward spouse was going to and did stray, and she left it "as is", she is responsible for enabling him. Other than that, she bears no responsibility for the affair itself.

[annabelle75]

INGREDIENTS:

• 8- 1 ounce squares of unsweetened chocolate
  
• 1 cup butter
  
• 5 eggs
  
• 3 cups sugar
  
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
  
• 1-1/2 cups flour
  
• 1 teaspoon salt
  
• 2-1/2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts, toasted

PREPARATION:

 

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a 9 x 13 pan.

 

Melt chocolate and butter in a saucepan over low heat; set aside. In a mixer, beat eggs, sugar and vanilla at high speed for 10 minutes**. Blend in chocolate mixture, flour and salt until just mixed. Stir in the nuts. Pour into prepared pan.

 

Bake for 35-40 minutes. (Don't overbake.) Cool and frost if desired, but that is not necessary.

 

Can be made with or without “special butter.”

[Cobra_X30]

...and now we got a political debate. This thread has got everything. Everytime I open it its about something else.

 

Anyone mind if I post a recipe for brownies?

 

Go ahead!

 

As long as you leave the Marijuana out! (No offense to any Canadians)

[Trialbyfire]

...and now we got a political debate. This thread has got everything. Everytime I open it its about something else.

 

Anyone mind if I post a recipe for brownies?

A preacher's daughter who bakes brownies. Do it, post the recipe. Keep in mind that LS doesn't allow for illegal substances.

[annabelle75]

Go ahead!

 

As long as you leave the Marijuana out! (No offense to any Canadians)

 

BAAHHHAAAA !!!!! Too late.

[Tomcat33]

Eh? Do you have any understanding of the Canadian political system? Obviously, nothing more than googling sites and coming to some strange conclusions. Are you also aware that there are substantial differences between provincial and federal parties? Ugh, it really is like having a political discussion with a toddler.

 

Why are you even bothering with this if I wanted to discuss poilitics I would meet you over on the political forum I made a joke which a lot of people got and you OBVIOUSLY TOTALLY missed.

but if you feel like calling me names like "toddler" and telling me I have below grade 1 knowledge to Canadia politics then carry on, whatever floats your boat dear.

 

 

Anabelle I literally LOLed when I read your brownie comment, my boss happend to be around and looked at me and asked me to send him the funny I was looking at...QUICK somebody send me something funny I can forward him...:laugh:

[Tomcat33]

OMG, that is hilarious!! And perfectly put.....Bob Rae........lol

 

 

Funny I was actually thinking of Bobby when I made the comment.

[Cliche]

I don't think it is dumb, because if the BS married someone with those traits and they could never properly go the distance *bonding*, due to the spouses inability to be emotionally intimate in a satisfying way--and an affair happens -- did the BS really play a part in the dissolution of the marriage?

 

I imagine that scenario is the MOST common one ??

 

Was it the now BS's part in it that they just married the wrong person who could not seal that bond with them no matter how hard the BS tried??

 

I dunno. Relationships are rarely as simple as these scenarios. But I'll play.

 

Unless a person is highly manipulative, it is unlikely that he is going to be emotionally intimate early on and then just "lose it" for no reason. If s/he is manipulative, then, yes, the bs' role is to figure out why they are prone to this type of manipulation. That is their part, to understand how they became attracted to such a person in the first place (because there are ALWAYS signs, but we tend to miss or dimiss them...true of many of us OWs as well, btw...hell probably the primary downfall of many of us OWs).

 

If the person is not just manipulative, then there is something else going on that has caused the intimacy to go away (and I actually think this is the most common scenario). For instance, let's say spouse A does something for years that spouse B hates...pick something, not helping with the kids, never being on time, not being reliable, whatever. Spouse B spends years trying to correct spouse A's behavior, which then makes Spouse A feel inadequate, putting a damper on his/her ability to be emotionally intimate with someone who is contributing to their feelings of inadequacy. And NO, I am not saying something like this justifies an affair, ESPECIALLY if this is something that can easily be worked through (and it usually can be unless Spouse B has simply given up or does not, his or herself, want to work on the marriage). But it does help to understand how all parties can play a part in future events.