Cliche Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 If the betrayed spouse in your situation was aware that her wayward spouse was going to and did stray, and she left it "as is", she is responsible for enabling him. Other than that, she bears no responsibility for the affair itself. Trialbyfire, you are simply not qualified to speak to my situation. In my situation, all three of us are responsible. Maybe not in equal amounts, yet but for X, Y would not have occurred. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Trialbyfire, you are simply not qualified to speak to my situation. In my situation, all three of us are responsible. Maybe not in equal amounts, yet but for X, Y would not have occurred. Was the wife aware, right from the start of the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Was the wife aware, right from the start of the affair? Irrelevant to the point I'm making, that point being that you have no idea what you're talking about. Unless, of course, you're MM's W. Then maybe we have lots to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Oh well if you look at the top right hand corner of a post you can see the # for example this one will say #307 or #308 so go back a few pages to #244 or whatever that was... Well first and foremost as Silktricks said earlier realtionships ARE HARD. YES THEY ARE. they are a LOT of work and need constant attention, some poeple are more determined than others and some rels need less work than others given the amount of compatibility (emotional I mean not in other material ways) that they posses. So if you are with someone that deprives you of a major need that is of utmost important to your well-being and they are incapable of changing this why would you be committed to them in the first place? would not have seen this before the committment happened? or did you mean it happens in time? I can take steps to communicate what needs are not being met and then I also need to look at what needs I am not meeting in my partner, you see that's the ticket. It's not just about asking for something it's also about looking at what you are doing to contribute to the lack of, and if you are perfect and everything you do is fine then yeah could be your partner is just becoming lazy because he/she is a selfish "prikk" but we all know that's not really what usually happens. I think if two people want to make something work they can and if one refuses then that is when you have to ask yourself, can I live with this or not. Holy crap... this thread is up past 320! Thanks for pointing that out. There is no flaw in your thinking here. Relationships do take a varing degree of work. Even within a single relationship, sometimes its harder at one time than another. We each have our own character flaws and strengths which make us better at one thing and not another. So assuming you are within a relationship and you have a man that fulfills almost all of your needs better than anyone previous, yet is not satisfactory at all of them. However he does try very hard. What is the best course of action? Is it ok to fulfill your needs elsewhere? Do you move on and find another man? Do you wait in the hopes that he will learn to be better and not get frustrated? Is your course of action different if you have already married this man? I believe you are insightfull enough to see where I am going with this. I thank you for indulging me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 BAAHHHAAAA !!!!! Too late. I wouldnt be too proud of beating ME to the punchline! Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I wouldnt be too proud of beating ME to the punchline! I'm proud of you for even getting it this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Food for thought? Or total bunk? You be the judge. Character flaws may carry thorough into other aspects of that persons life BUT you are assuming that. You don't know that. Again, stereotyping the cheater/OP into one big group with black or white and no in between. I'm guessing the re-butte will go something like there is no in between. If you cheat period you are scum, immoral, cowards, etc, blah blah blah. Hence, the whole point of this post. The point was that one's reasons for cheating can be the same reasons many have for staying. I was pointing irony of the reasons being so similar. Apparently, you didn't get that. Its okay for one to stay in a M for the same reason that one cheats but no one will except this as a reason for MM to stay. Its presumed that all he wants is a POA on the side and is too big of a coward to leave. Once again, the stereotype. The point was that he/she is a coward and the BS that excepts the cheating spouse back into their life is never considered a coward because he/she won't leave FOR THE EXACT SAME REASONS. Why isn't the BS called a coward for staying? Now comes the having two parents in the home are better, and working on things is God's way, etc...Right? So the children surrounded by unhappy parents that fight over money, sex, going out, and are completely miserable is better for them to watch? I disagree. It rubs off on them and their perception of what a M and a R are supposed to be like is warped. JMHO. I'm not justifying anyone cheating and I'm not saying this is true in all cases. Just pointing out some things that I see. If you don't agree so be it. At least take some time to let what I'm saying sink in before you jump to conclusions and assume I have no valid point. A little defensive? Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Holy crap... this thread is up past 320! Thanks for pointing that out. There is no flaw in your thinking here. Relationships do take a varing degree of work. Even within a single relationship, sometimes its harder at one time than another. We each have our own character flaws and strengths which make us better at one thing and not another. So assuming you are within a relationship and you have a man that fulfills almost all of your needs better than anyone previous, yet is not satisfactory at all of them. However he does try very hard. What is the best course of action? Is it ok to fulfill your needs elsewhere? Do you move on and find another man? Do you wait in the hopes that he will learn to be better and not get frustrated? Is your course of action different if you have already married this man? I believe you are insightfull enough to see where I am going with this. I thank you for indulging me on this. I am into these threads because I find out insightful things to apply to my own relationships, and as we edge forward this is the crux of what I was getting to also. It hits on how much can really be expected of us/ how much can we expect of others/ does alll this happen because everyone has too high of expectations of what others can do for them within a relationship? Is it really okay to make decisions to find love elsewhere without telling spouse, and compounding it by holding them accountable for the wayward spouses decision? (Okay-ignore that last question, I don't feel like debating it) I know this thread wasn't directed to me-sorry for the hijack. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 RC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have you done??????????????????????? I have never seen a thread turn so many times in all the time I've been here!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Annabelle, you just gave me the biggest explosive outburst of laughter I have had in an eternity!!!!!!!!!!!! i.e. brownie recipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My kids are looking at me like I'm nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Omigod, I cannot stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another cam moment, RC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smoooooooooooooooch! Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 A little of both. I too wonder how the OPs so easily lump the betrayed into the same pot as the cheaters. Is it because they are both married and both decided to stay FOR WHATEVER REASONS? What does the BS's reasons for staying have to do with the OP's reasons for cheating with the WS? Nothing at all. Why do the OPs always have to try (poorly too, I might add) to make the BS in some way responsible for the A, the outcome of the A, or their own actions? Baffling. Really. Once again..I was comparing the similarities in the two NOT saying they are the same. I was NOT making the BS responsible for the A but responsible for their own actions after the A is discovered. Isn't it the BS' choice to stay with the CS? OR is that the OP's decision? Oh wait and in the end if the MM/MW cheats again then it is the OP fault that BS stayed in the M right? Come on. Good grief people, quit being so defensive. Similarities are similarities and thats it. I never said anything about the BS' moral code. Just that the list the BS will give for staying usually matches the BS reasons for cheating and the irony in that. Wow. Talk about reading/hearing what you want to hear. I didn't mean to insult all of you BS' here in the infidelity support forum. Damn OW spouting off again. Guess I should take it somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I'm not a BS, but I have people around me who are/were , I'm just a darn procastinator! Oh this thread was too good. Time to get back to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I Is it really okay to make decisions to find love elsewhere without telling spouse, and compounding it by holding them accountable for the wayward spouses decision? (Okay-ignore that last question, I don't feel like debating it) Obviously, you missed the part when I said AFTER the CS has been discovered(D-Day) and the BS decides to stay with that person. In no way, shape, or form did I hold BS responsible or accountable for the CS' decision. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Sorry for the oversight, my mistake. My eyes are hurting from reading too much on the screen Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I'm proud of you for even getting it this time. Oh, have no fear of that! I always get it eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 INGREDIENTS: 8- 1 ounce squares of unsweetened chocolate1 cup butter5 eggs3 cups sugar1 tablespoon vanilla1-1/2 cups flour1 teaspoon salt2-1/2 cups chopped pecans or walnuts, toastedPREPARATION: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a 9 x 13 pan. Melt chocolate and butter in a saucepan over low heat; set aside. In a mixer, beat eggs, sugar and vanilla at high speed for 10 minutes**. Blend in chocolate mixture, flour and salt until just mixed. Stir in the nuts. Pour into prepared pan. Bake for 35-40 minutes. (Don't overbake.) Cool and frost if desired, but that is not necessary. Can be made with or without “special butter.” OMG! DEPENDS! DEPENDS! SOMEONE PULEEEEEASE BRING ME SOME DEPENDS!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE IT! THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 RC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What have you done??????????????????????? I have never seen a thread turn so many times in all the time I've been here!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Annabelle, you just gave me the biggest explosive outburst of laughter I have had in an eternity!!!!!!!!!!!! i.e. brownie recipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My kids are looking at me like I'm nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Omigod, I cannot stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another cam moment, RC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smoooooooooooooooch! I KNOW!!!! ISN'T THAT A HOOT!!!!! We gotta have a drink with this gal! Tied to the hip that we are hunny! I knew it was a matter of time before you got in on the action! SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 :takes bow: Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 :lmao: Where are the applause emotes???? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I am into these threads because I find out insightful things to apply to my own relationships, and as we edge forward this is the crux of what I was getting to also. It hits on how much can really be expected of us/ how much can we expect of others/ does alll this happen because everyone has too high of expectations of what others can do for them within a relationship? Is it really okay to make decisions to find love elsewhere without telling spouse, and compounding it by holding them accountable for the wayward spouses decision? (Okay-ignore that last question, I don't feel like debating it) I know this thread wasn't directed to me-sorry for the hijack. Squeak, Exactly! "Choose this day whom you serve." - One of my favorite sayings. There will be a time when your expectations... your desires... your dreams are not met. Who do you serve then? Yourself? IMHO it is an unreal expectation to believe that you can work through every marital problem to the complete satisfaction of both parties. I feel secure in saying that I could work out nearly any marital problem, with the exceptions of abuse, addiction, and adultery. AAA. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 Go ahead! As long as you leave the Marijuana out! (No offense to any Canadians) LMAOOOOOOOOOO..... It should include "eh"........lol 1 cup of sugar eh!......lollllll Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 oh and for the record on my own comment... I personallly don't believe unconditional love can exist in the realm of romantic love. I think it can only happen in a familial type love and I would even go as far as saying almost strictly between a parent and child and vice versa, oh and with pets. Until the kids become teenagers - then it gets pretty conditional!! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Until the kids become teenagers - then it gets pretty conditional!! :lmao: You are referring to yourself as a teenager? Or your own teenagers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 Until the kids become teenagers - then it gets pretty conditional!! :lmao: Conditional to maintaining sanity!......lol Seriously, my kids are the one thing that I could never walk away from. They will go one day, but even as they venture out I will always see them as my babies no matter how old they get! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 In my situation, all three of us are responsible. Maybe not in equal amounts, yet but for X, Y would not have occurred. In my situation, also, all three of us were responsible. Myself and my husband for the problems in our marriage that were not being addressed adequately. The OW for not caring that my husband was married and pursuing him anyway. My husband for ignoring the fact that he was married and having the A. However, after he broke it off and came clean with me. The harassment the OW continued --- that was all her! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 You are referring to yourself as a teenager? Or your own teenagers? Well, now that you point it out - both. I was pretty bloody conditional as a teenager as well!! Or maybe it's that when my kids became teenagers that I became conditional. But they were too.... I think maybe kids should be kicked out when they're like - oh twelve. When they still like you. After that it just sux. Link to post Share on other sites
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