Author RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Author Share Posted August 15, 2007 Cattiness and sarcasm aside. I do have to say that there have been a few OW that I have spoken with on this forum and via PM that are amazing. I disagree (obviously) with OW who do not take responsibility for their actions. Yes, I do find it "amazing" when some OW don't take into account how their actions will affect others. JMO. Hmmm.....I am responsible for my actions and it is through "My" actions that "I" determine weather "I" can live with "Myself" and not through other people's opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 I don't think that there are many that do not take into account how their actions affect others... It's just that they continue that course of action anyway... And honestly, I still think that is amazing that people can do that and be OK with it. I'm sure you realize that I would feel that way and I know that we can agree to disagree on this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 OM to compare A's to murders is incomprehensable. Alot of people hurt yes but not dead. Go back a ways and You will see I made this very same point in the begginning. You will also get a better understanding of why this analogy is often used! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Hmmm.....I am responsible for my actions and it is through "My" actions that "I" determine weather "I" can live with "Myself" and not through other people's opinions. OK, no problem, I did say it was just my opinion. You are certainly entitled to yours. But you don't need me to tell you that do you? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 And honestly, I still think that is amazing that people can do that and be OK with it. I'm sure you realize that I would feel that way and I know that we can agree to disagree on this point. What I find "amazing" is that people decide what is best for others according to their own beliefs and personal values... People make their own choices based on their experiences, needs and wants...Not based on what makes someone else's life better or easier... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Author Share Posted August 15, 2007 OK, no problem, I did say it was just my opinion. You are certainly entitled to yours. But you don't need me to tell you that do you? You can tell me anything you like! Weather I choose to agree, well that's another opinion all together. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 What I find "amazing" is that people decide what is best for others according to their own beliefs and personal values... People make their own choices based on their experiences, needs and wants...Not based on what makes someone else's life better or easier... Fair enough. I have never told anyone how to live their life. I can only post my opinion based on my experience. I don't belive I have posted anything about what is best for anyone else, unless that person was asking for advice. I don't see anyone here asking for advice, that is why I have said that this is just my opinion. Just like you have an opinion and are voicing it. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 You can tell me anything you like! Weather I choose to agree, well that's another opinion all together. All I said was that you are entitled to your opinion. As is everyone else here. I don't get why you are being defensive about that, but oh well, again that is your prerogative. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Go back a ways and You will see I made this very same point in the begginning. You will also get a better understanding of why this analogy is often used! Sorry, did not realize it was stated Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Author Share Posted August 15, 2007 All I said was that you are entitled to your opinion. As is everyone else here. I don't get why you are being defensive about that, but oh well, again that is your prerogative. Where is defensive coming from???? I openly stated "you can tell me anything you like". My opinion to your opinion is up for debate. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Where is defensive coming from???? I openly stated "you can tell me anything you like". My opinion to your opinion is up for debate. It's that simple. OK, no problem. I have no intention of having a debate over your thoughts about opinions. So, I guess that means you win the debate by default. Game over! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Well firstly, I'm not looking for anyone to beg me to change my opinion. Secondly, the whole idea of murder vs A is ridiculous! The point was, which you missed, was the idea of their "intent". It doesn't matter what the intentions were. All that matters is that they don't care as long as they get what they want. Thirdly, this thread is full of amazing posts so perhaps you really, really, should read through the Thread and you just may discover some very articulate amazing woman. Unless the OW, or OM for that matter, is in the relationship with a MM/MW because they were lied to about their marital status, I don't find a thing amazing about anyone that sleeps with other peoples spouses and wrecks homes. And the unibomber was articulate and intelligent....so whats your point? That articulate people are exempt from being despicable? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Bish, I noticed your own thread in the infidelity section. And I must point out, that in your past posts before you split w/W (and I truly am sorry it came to that), but........ in the past (when you were SC)..... you said you would never be looking for any female companionship, at least for a very long time. And did I not say that I turned down that offer from a female because she was married? You also said, you were going to tell your kids exactly why you split with your W. Yet, from what I have read, you didn't involve your children in that way. Uh...thats because my oldest is only 6. You really think he understands what cheating is? And I believe I said that I would tell them the truth when they get old enough IF they ask me what happened. (Which I personally am very glad to hear). You have even now accepted, to some extent, that there is another person in your W's life. And, it appears, you are open to the fact that you might really be looking to enjoy the company of another female (Obviously not the married one you encountered). Sure I wouldn't mind the company...what I said in the past is that I will NEVER commit to anyone again. In any case, all of this is to say. PLEASE. NEVER say NEVER. Nah...I like that word. And I say that because, despite all your previous convictions, I do believe that someday... someday Bish... you are going to find that there are some OW who walk this earth who do have some redeeming traits. doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
halfarock Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 I disagree (obviously) with OW who do not take responsibility for their actions. Yes, I do find it "amazing" when some OW don't take into account how their actions will affect others. JMO. Funny how every time I hear someone complaining about another not taking responsibility that it usually translates to that other person not doing what one wants them to do. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Funny how every time I hear someone complaining about another not taking responsibility that it usually translates to that other person not doing what one wants them to do. Yes halfarock, if you don't fit into their straitjacket mold of what a "good person" is, then you're less than nothing and deserve to be burned at the stake. Never mind the plank in their own eye. What's despicable is the sliver in yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Sorry, did not realize it was stated Oh, actually Im the one that is sorry. I wasnt trying to bash you for saying the same thing I did. I felt that you may find it helpful to go back and read where I fleshed out why people use this analogy. LOL... I was being lazy... didnt want to type it all up. But... just for you I will make the effort. In summation: those who use the analogy of murder to infidelity are referencing this for two major reasons. One, it causes the death of trust in the relationship. This may end the marriage completely, or simply alter it in a way that it can never be the same again. Either way the finality can be equated with death. Two, shock value. This analogy is often used in an attempt to make you understand the hurt caused by the actions that have been taken. I would say most posters use this less in a hurtful spirit than in a .... wake up kind of way. Now, that is why it is used so often. Whether it is a valid analogy.... well thats up to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 What I find "amazing" is that people decide what is best for others according to their own beliefs and personal values... People make their own choices based on their experiences, needs and wants...Not based on what makes someone else's life better or easier... Please note, that not all choices are good choices, sometimes we can benefit from the wisdom of others. Perhaps the real battle lies in knowing wisdom from foolishness when we hear it! Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 good choices are very much a matter of one's own perception as well though cobra. just because someone's choices dont seem good to you, doesnt mean that they arent just what someone else needed. sometimes people choose between two undesirable options. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 good choices are very much a matter of one's own perception as well though cobra. just because someone's choices dont seem good to you, doesnt mean that they arent just what someone else needed. sometimes people choose between two undesirable options. I would say that statement is sadbuttrue! However, with each choice you make you choose your path! Sometimes you need to have the ability to look down the road a little. Not everything in life is a matter of perspective. You cannot fight the ultimate truths of the universe. Just because you cant "know" the best choice in no way means it doesnt exist. Link to post Share on other sites
precious1357 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 :dexcellent! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Quote: Originally Posted by bish. And did I not say that I turned down that offer from a female because she was married? Yes, I acknowledged that. Sure I wouldn't mind the company...what I said in the past is that I will NEVER commit to anyone again. Quote: In any case, all of this is to say. PLEASE. NEVER say NEVER. Nah...I like that word. Quote: And I say that because, despite all your previous convictions, I do believe that someday... someday Bish... you are going to find that there are some OW who walk this earth who do have some redeeming traits. doubt it. Ha! You didn't say "never". Doubt leaves the door open! There's hope for you! I KNEW it! Link to post Share on other sites
fisherfool Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Funny how every time I hear someone complaining about another not taking responsibility that it usually translates to that other person not doing what one wants them to do. I have found that a person who chooses to blame others for the pain their own action creates in themselves are the people who least take responsibility for their actions. If when in pain a person will say it is due to their own actions that person is then taking responsibility. I do not see that very often. Some people though simply avoid pain themselves and deposit it on others. That person is also not taking responsibility for their actions. It is matters not what another wants done but rather a matter of seeing the consequences to others of what ones actions may be. I hope my words have the sense my thoughts have. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Quote: Quote: And I say that because, despite all your previous convictions, I do believe that someday... someday Bish... you are going to find that there are some OW who walk this earth who do have some redeeming traits. doubt it. Ha! You didn't say "never". Doubt leaves the door open! There's hope for you! I KNEW it! Hope? Wishing that I may one day see that cheaters, OW/OM have "redeeming traits" is in no way, shape, or form......hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Uh...thats because my oldest is only 6. You really think he understands what cheating is? And I believe I said that I would tell them the truth when they get old enough IF they ask me what happened. Sure I wouldn't mind the company...what I said in the past is that I will NEVER commit to anyone again. doubt it. The one thing that I have never understood is why a parent would chose to tell a child about the other parent cheating. I think it can only lead to resentment, judgment, and the child, no matter what age, being hurt. Frankly, I don't think its any of the child's business why the parents got divorced. The M is between the husband and wife, not the husband, wife and children. Otherwise would'nt they be included in the vows? As far as doubting that an OW can have redeeming traits, a woman I know is an OW and just donated a kidney to a woman she has never met. That doesn't qualify as a redeeming trait? Generosity? To be basically sawed in half to give an organ to someone you have never met? Wow, if that isn't incredible and redeeming than I don't know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 The one thing that I have never understood is why a parent would chose to tell a child about the other parent cheating. I think it can only lead to resentment, judgment, and the child, no matter what age, being hurt. Frankly, I don't think its any of the child's business why the parents got divorced. The M is between the husband and wife, not the husband, wife and children. Otherwise would'nt they be included in the vows? YES !!! I'm glad some body else gets it. I've always said that the kids should be left out of it at all costs. I don't care how old they are or how angry or in pain the parents are, there is no excuse for dragging the children into it. If my ex-H chooses to tell my daughter he cheated on me when she is older, that is his choice bit I NEVER will. Our marital problems should not be her issues to deal with. Parents that do drag their kids into their problems I find to be self fish. Link to post Share on other sites
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