1 confused chic Posted December 29, 1999 Share Posted December 29, 1999 I went out with this really great guy for 7 months and then we ended it because he like someone else. He told me he still loved me and it wasn't fair to stay with me if he liked her. He meant so much to me and I hurt a lot inside. He is now going out with this other girl and that makes it worse. I have no idea how to move on. Someone please tell me some things that might help. I am really depressed and don't know what to do. I love him a lot still and I still cry over the loss even though it happened a while ago. Please give me some tips, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Tigerlily Posted December 29, 1999 Share Posted December 29, 1999 Gosh, there are so many of us who have been through what you are going through right now, and it's never easy. This may sound very obvious, but time is truly the best healer; particularly with grief. And grief IS what you are feeling, because you are experiencing loss. Firstly, again an obvious suggestion, but don't deny your feelings. We need to feel them to heal them, of that I have no doubt. So write your thoughts and feelings down, speak with friends, shed your tears. Eventually you will begin to feel better, and eventually you will get stronger. One of the things I have also found, with friends as well as myself, is that when our partner ends the relationship rather than the other way around, we (mistakenly) feel that there is something wrong with us. We question our attractiveness, we wonder if we could have said or done some things differently, we analyse what it is about the next partner they choose; whether they are in some way more appealing than ourselves. As a consequence of these thoughts, combined with the ending of the relationship, our self-worth takes a bit of a battering. These feelings are VERY normal, but don't integrate them into your mind as in any way true. You ARE valuable, you ARE attractive, and you WILL find love again. Just be gentle with yourself at the moment. There is (unfortunately) no magic cure for the loss of love, just the recognition that you are not at all alone with this, and in time, you will begin to feel better. I wish you all the best and take care. I went out with this really great guy for 7 months and then we ended it because he like someone else. He told me he still loved me and it wasn't fair to stay with me if he liked her. He meant so much to me and I hurt a lot inside. He is now going out with this other girl and that makes it worse. I have no idea how to move on. Someone please tell me some things that might help. I am really depressed and don't know what to do. I love him a lot still and I still cry over the loss even though it happened a while ago. Please give me some tips, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Carey Posted January 11, 2000 Share Posted January 11, 2000 Believe me when I say I sympathize with you. My boyfriend broke up with me after only three months of dating and I was devastated. I didn't want to work or think about the future...I still cried over him at seven months, and although it's a sign that maybe it's time to start rediscovering the "you" (it's hard after being an "us"). Crying is good. Listening to sad songs and staring at pictures of him and remembering the good times is a way you have of purging yourself of the sadness that you feel about the break-up. You cry for a reason, and although some say you should try and ignore that pain (like by wearing an elastic around your wrist and snapping it every time you think of him, and burning everything that reminds you of him), it's best not to slap a band-aid over those feelings. They're there because you truly cared about someone, and there's nothing wrong with that. Although I couldn't imagine my life without him for awhile, eventually I became less depressed about my break-up. It helped that he went to a different school. I made the mistake of letting my grief get in the way of other areas of my life. It's okay to sulk for a few weeks and feel awful, but then try and get back into things. You didn't always have a boyfriend - what did you do that made you happy before you went out with him. You might feel like going out with a few friends is the worst idea in the world, but one day, just do it. Get up even though your heart doesn't want to. Once you start TRYING to move on, you'll find that, more and more, thoughts of him don't fill your mind. It was hard for me because, for a long time, I almost LIKED the misery. I didn't want to ever stop missing him, because it would signal to me that my love wasn't really THAT strong after all. Today, I am friends with my ex. I didn't talk to him for awhile, so not openly pining after him has made our relationship not as awkward as it might be if he knew I was still sad. Even if it doesn't end up that you and your ex can be friends, there ARE other guys out there who will come and go...each sad experience leaves us better able to deal with the next one. Through bad things, we gain the knowledge that we CAN get through, that life DOES go on, and that time heals all. Best of luck and don't lose your faith in love! "Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened." - Author Unknown Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts