Hueydo Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 Alright, here is my situation. Please help!! My bf and I are both mid-20s and have been dating about 9 months. From the very beginning of the relationship, we both decided that it would be pointless to stay in a relationship unless we saw it going somewhere (ie potential to get married someday). We decided we were both interested in continuing the relationship. As things progressed, he told me he wanted to marry me. We even went to look at rings. He told his family and I told mine. We talked about a future together constantly. He said things to me about marriage/engagement/proposal that most guys don't say that early on in a relationship...Based on all the things he has said to me, I was really expecting a proposal sometime in the summer or soon after... As of recently, he has been telling me he feels "confused." He still talks about our future quite frequently, but he has indicated that he wants to put it off. He tells me he feels pressure from his friends NOT to propose because they have been with their girlfriends for many years and don't plan to propose for awhile. He also says this: "i'm not confused about you, but to the extent that i am, it is my problem and i have to figure it out." If he was so sure about me before and ready to do it, why won't he? He is obviously making excuses to avoid engagement because if he wanted to do it, he would. I don't want to stick around for years and hear excuse after excuse. But am I being unreasonable to expect him to propose sometime in the near future? I love him and I don't want to be demanding or unreasonable. PLLLLEEEEEEEEASSE help me. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Missa2126 Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 I think a guys friends have a lot to do with whether or not they will take the plunge (among many other things they tend to have a huge impact on). If his guy friends are telling him not to, that he needs to enjoy not being "tied down" then of course he is going to start feeling confused. It sounds as though he wants to marry you but deciding if you want to marry someone is a hard enough task in itself, then you throw in your best friends telling you not to. It's got to be hard on him. I say, sit him down and talk with him. Ask him if he is confused because of his own worries or because of the worries that his friends have planted in his head. (Not saying that these worries aren't relevant.) Either way, whose ever worries they are, they should be talked out between the two of you. After that, I think you will be able to get a clearer picture on what is going on and maybe the two of you can come to some agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hueydo Posted August 9, 2007 Author Share Posted August 9, 2007 i think you're right missa. thanks i will try this and let u know what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Kalamazoo Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 It probably has nothing to do with him not wanting to marry you but with the ideas that his friends had planted in his head. Most people have been dating for a couple of years before even thinking about proposals and marriage, so when they see a relationship that hasn't lasted as long they assume that it isn't prepared for what is to come. Sit him down and talk to him, if he really isn't comfortable with it any more then don't push the topic. If it really is meant to be then it will happen eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 You've been dating 9 months? Are you sure he's the one for you, or are you wrapped up in the idea of getting the proposal? This is a lifetime commitment you're talking about - no need to rush into you it! Make sure you know him inside and out, and make sure you spend all kinds of time talking about specific things about what your expectations are for married life: how would you handle finances, what type of lifestyle do you want to have, do you want children and how many, will you continue to work after children, where do you want to live, do you agree on religion and how you will raise your children, are you sexually compatible and have similar sex drives, how will you handle housework and cooking, etc. Could be that understanding each other's expectations about marriage could ease his 'confusion'. Could be you might get to know each other better and decide you aren't right for each other. Either way, best to go into this with your eyes open rather than being so hell bent on getting a proposal that you let all that stuff slide...leading to a divorce or worse after you get married. Link to post Share on other sites
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