lilac Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 OK. Here's the deal. This may be long, so please bear with me. I started dating this guy I met online about 8 weeks ago. We met at a public place and hit if off instantly. We have lots of things in common and always make each other laugh. We both live on our own and are financially stable and responsible people. I got out of a six year relationship about 7 months ago and feel that I am over the jerk. It was a horrible relationship and being away from him is very healthy for me. About a week after I met the internet guy, my ex attempted to come back into the picture. I almost fell for his antics, but told him to get lost that I didn't want to see him anymore. This did mess with my head and put my relationship (if you want to call it that after a week) on the rocks. The internet guy understood, I got my thoughts straightened out and we continued dating. Now, here is the problem. He has an ex-girlfriend that he is still very good friends with. They split up almost 4 years ago and he insists that there is no intimate feelings on either of their parts. They still talk on the phone periodically and hang out with mutual friends. They share custody of a dog, a bit strange to me, but I have heard of that before. I have met his ex-girlfriend and she is very nice to me and it does seem to be just a friendship between them. I cannot relate to this because I have never remainded friends with an ex because all of my break-ups were ugly and I had no desire to maintain a friendship. I have other friends who are friends with exes and their current partners don't mind and they all seem to get along. It just seems that he values her friendship more than he values me. I do understand that he has known her a lot longer, almost 9 years, and it makes sense. But I am having a hard time shaking this jealousy. I don't want to sound like the jealous girlfriend, but it seems obviuos to everyone else that they are still very chummy. So, this past weekend, I tried to bring it up that sometimes I feel like a third wheel, or that I can't live up to her. He understood and then he got weird. He said he wanted more time to himself and we didn't see each other on Sunday or Monday. I come to find out that he hung out with friends, including her, both of those days. The past 2 days he has said he thinks we went too fast. I have slept with him and spent many nights at his house. I met the entire family and they really like me. He met my mom and she likes him. We did spend a lot of time together, but I liked it and thought he did too. So, yesterday he starts saying stuff like, I don't know what I want...sometimes I feel like you (meaning me) are more into me than I am into you...sometimes I feel like I'm really falling for you then I'm not sure. He says that he has been single for very long and he is set in his ways. He is not used to having a girlfriend and he feels he lost his sentimentality. He claims he is now afraid of opening himself up to another relationship and he has cold feet. Basically, I feel he is messing with my head. I really do like this guy, but I don't want to set myself up for heartache. What should I do? We are supposed to talk sometime and hash all this stuff out. I don't want to force him into anything, but at the same time, he was hot and heavy in the beginning. He doesn't want to stop seeing me, he wants to slow down. Should I believe all this, or do you think I should let him go. HELP!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Personally, I think slowing down is a good thing. People get into lots of trouble when they rush things. I don't know of any couples who were always at the same place in their relationships at the same time. Maybe you are more "into him" then he is "into you" right now. That doesn't mean it's always going to be this way. I think it's unrealistic to expect or assume that people will fall for each other at the same time. During most of the two years my husband and I dated he wasn't sure if we had a future. He just didn't think about it. I went along knowing that we would spend our lives together. I didn't rush him and when he was ready, we were married. I understand that if someone is looking for a life-long commitment (i.e. marriage) then they might not want to waste time dating someone who may never fall in love or want to marry, thus causing heartbreak. But, it's a risk we have to take and it's not time wasted. You've only known the guy a couple of months. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 It sounds to me like he's trying to break up with you in a coward's way. Instead of coming right out and saying he doesn't feel you're right for him, he's letting out these hints...little by little...to prepare you for the big dump. He has no balls and is non-confrontational. He needs to know that it's OK not to want to continue seeing somebody. If we married everybody we dated, everybody would either be married or engaged. He needs to know that jerking somebody around is a whole lot worse than just leaving them. You don't need to put yourself through this crap. If he's so unsure of his feelings for you, then he has NO feelings to speak of. If he cared for you, he would not be saying all these things. It doesn't make you a bad person at all. It just means that he's not ready, he may be wanting to get back with this ex, or he may want to continue playing the field. In any case, be nice to yourself. Get away from a guy who doesn't make you feel wanted or special. Life is too short. We're going to war and we could all get blown up any minute. Do you want to leave this planet feeling yukky like you do. Tell him to get some cojones!!! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 is there a place where you can special-order cajones? Sometimes it'd be nice to have an extra set for those times when they'd come in handy Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 YOU ASK: "is there a place where you can special-order cajones?" I don't think so. However, there are products that claim to be able to enlarge the ones you have substantially. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilac Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 Thanks to all for your replies...even the less serious ones!!! We are going to talk tonight. He said that he does not want to break up with me or stop seeing me. He wanted more alone time and he went about it the wrong way. We have some differences...that's for sure. But it's usually like that for anybody when they start dating when you get to know somebody. I'll keep you posted. Hey Tony...I'll be in beautiful Tampa in 9 days...can't wait!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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