Thoughts on your SO going clubbing without you?

[Oinuma]

My (22 year old) boyfriend, of a year, has been to a few clubs before in the past. But since we've started dating, he's never been to one. I'm only 19, and so I wouldn't be able to go clubbing with him. He just started a new job, and a few of his co-workers are wanting to go out to some local clubs downtown (I live in the St. Louis area). My boyfriend wants to go along.

 

But...I don't know. Maybe I'm just naive, because I've never been to a club before. But my impression of nightclubs are that they're pretty much singles-oriented. People drinking, grinding on each other, girls showing off what God gave them, the works. I don't think I like the idea of my boyfriend going to a club without me. But I also don't want to be the nagging girlfriend who keeps him from going out and having a good time with the guys.

 

I've tried discussing my concerns with him, and it seems to exasperate him. He claims that he sees grinding as a form of cheating (which is a definete relief), and tells me that he won't be doing this while at the club. But isn't this a MAJOR part of the club atmosphere? I mean, what else is there to do in a club besides drink, and grind around on other people?

 

Perhaps I'm just ignorant. Some insight would be fantastic...thanks.

[allina]

I go to bars/clubs w/o my bf. He doesn't like clubs but goes to bars with his guy friends. I think it's important to allow each other freedom to go out in a relationship. You are not 100% correct about clubs.

[Cobra_X30]

Bullsh** and Onions, clubbing w/o your SO is relationship suicide. Ive seen it more times than not.

 

There are alot of other places your guy can go besides a club, or he can go to one you both can attend. If your uncomfortable with something, he needs to respect that, not devalue you.

[oppath]

I think he should be allowed to go every 2 weeks or so with his buddies to a club. If it were me, I wouldn't have a problem with a gf doing this, as long as (1) she still spent quality time with me on weekends and (2) I knew the group of people she was going with. Is it him going to the club, and the possible club culture, or is it him hanging out with a group of people you don't know well that bothers you?

[Trialbyfire]

Try not to control him. He wants to fit in with his new work crew. If one visit to a night club can change him for the worst, this would mean that he's not the person you thought he was. If he's of the strength that he can resist temptation, you have nothing to worry about.

 

Please remember that a cheater will always find ways to cheat, nightclub or not.

[allina]

Bullsh** and Onions, clubbing w/o your SO is relationship suicide. Ive seen it more times than not.

 

There are alot of other places your guy can go besides a club, or he can go to one you both can attend. If your uncomfortable with something, he needs to respect that, not devalue you.

 

Uhh NO it is not bullsh*t and onions

 

Being controlling and and "not letting" your adult partner do what they want is relationship suicide.

 

I think that not letting your SO go to a club with friends is absurd, I don't know of one happy successful couple who behave like this.

[oppath]

Going to a club is different than being a clubber! If he spends more time on weekends clubbing than he does with her, that is a problem. Otherwise, he's just out having fun with his friends.

 

Seriously. Go to a club. For every guy that is grinding with girls, there are 4 dancing solo. And there are 10 more standing on the sides NOT dancing at all! 1-in-15 grind. Picking up girls? It happens. I've done it and seen it happen a lot. But it's tough to talk to anyone. If I'm trying to pickup, I go to a more quiet but upscale lounge...largely because I can talk to guys as much as girls in that type of place.

 

People go to clubs to dress up and feel like rockstars. Some go to try and score with women. Most don't.

[bradford]

OMG this thread is ridiculous. No wonder I've stayed out of the cheating/jealousy forum so far.

 

Listen, if you can't trust your boyfriend or you don't have the security in yourself to not be shaken by him going out with his friends then you probably shouldn't even be in a relationship! Seriously! In a loving and trusting relationship, this should not be a big deal. Not to mention you have like this bastardized view of clubs like it's a big orgy the minute you walk in the door. Now I don't even like clubs honestly, I think they are silly in both concept and execution, but just because he goes there does not mean he's gonna be grinding with girls all night - although get on his ass about it, and he might. Lol. Relax girl, it will be ok. You've got to keep your cool though. Nobody likes when insecurity rears it's ugly head.

[bradford]

I think that not letting your SO go to a club with friends is absurd, I don't know of one happy successful couple who behave like this.

 

Agreed. I don't know what is wrong with the world, this seems obvious doesn't it?

[blind_otter]

There are many other things to do besides drink and grind in a nightclub. Some might seem innocent and some may seem way worse than you could imagine. Just hope that you have an honest man and that he treats you right. Just keep an eye out.

[Trialbyfire]

There are many other things to do besides drink and grind in a nightclub. Some might seem innocent and some may seem way worse than you could imagine. Just hope that you have an honest man and that he treats you right. Just keep an eye out.

Exactly.

 

I do recall my clubbing days and it was fun. I always went home with the crowd I went with.

[beautifuldisaster]

I understand your fears because you've never been, but I can pretty much guarantee that what you're picturing in your head is much worse than reality.

[Cobra_X30]

Uhh NO it is not bullsh*t and onions

 

Being controlling and and "not letting" your adult partner do what they want is relationship suicide.

 

I think that not letting your SO go to a club with friends is absurd, I don't know of one happy successful couple who behave like this.

 

Uhh Yes it is .

 

Can you describe to me the general purpose of a club?

 

You cant control anyone... unless you have some mind ray? If so please share.

 

What you can do is clearly communicate the limitations and boundaries that you feel comfortable with in a relationship. If homeboy does not think your feelings are valuable to him... then we have this sitation here.

 

You cant tell someone else what they should or should not be comfortable putting up with in a relationship!

[Kalamazoo]

Going to a club without your SO every once in a while is acceptable, what isn't acceptable is making it a regular occurrence and getting completely trashed.

 

I don't agree with outright telling your SO what they can and cannot do, but I think that if it's a healthy relationship they're going to know what you're uncomfortable with and try to respect that.

 

If your SO wants to go out with his coworkers, then let him go, a few times won't kill him and/or destroy your relationship.

[AngryHeartache]

I would HATE it personally. But my last relationship failed because of my extreme jealousy. So I need to work out that...and trust me, it's true what they say...jealousy WILL kill a relationship. Be careful.

[matwithonet]

The only bar I would be concerned with is Buka. And even that bar is full of couples. My ex and I used to go down there all the time. But the rest of the clubs down on the Landing really aren't that bad, grinding and bumping wise.

[woodsfield]

clubbing will break ya'll up ONLY if he wants to be broken up. it will be a place that it could happen, NOT cause it. if he thinks grinding is cheating, then he wont cheat just because he clubs. he's going with work friends and wont be going ALL the time right? dont sweat it.

 

find an 18 and over club and go with him. or get a fake ID. i dont want to encourage any law breaking , but i did it for years.

[Oinuma]

The only bar I would be concerned with is Buka. And even that bar is full of couples. My ex and I used to go down there all the time. But the rest of the clubs down on the Landing really aren't that bad, grinding and bumping wise.

 

See...my boyfriend has been to Buca several times before in the past as well (once more, before we began dating) and has since mentioned wanting to go there again sometime. While the opportunity for him to go to Buca hasn't come up yet, I do know that I would disapprove of him going there, big time. I've heard nothing but icky stories from multiple people now who tell me how "sexual" Buca can get. So why does he want to go there again so badly, without me?

 

I would love to go to an 18+ club with him, and I've brought up the idea before. But my boyfriend says that those clubs are full of "immature drama" brought on by the younger people there. Which I find to be a silly reason, but I don't know. Plus, it makes me feel like, "So you'd rather go WITHOUT me to a club, rather then deal with other people my own age?"

 

I appreciate the replies I've gotten so far on the topic.

[popey]

Going to a club with his friends from time to time, is not something that I would think you would want to restrain him from. If you have a good relationship going to a club with friends occasionally will not be the ruins. If he desires to spend more time clubbing with friends than with you, than maybe there is an issue. Clubs are threatening and a den of temptation, but not the requisite to cheating. Likewise, mal intentions are not a requisite to wanting to go to a club with friends.