An update fro Dazed after nearly two years!!

[Dazed1]

Double post

[whichwayisup]

Frogettes!

 

Well when the timing is right, a good one will come your way.

WW... you rock

 

You too.

[Owl]

Dazed-

 

Wow...nice to 'see' you again man!

 

Sorry to hear about the divorce, but also glad to hear that you're feeling good with the situation. It sounds like you have made the best choices you could.

 

Hope you enjoy Vegas...its an...interesting...place!

 

Nice to see all the "old folks" around on this thread too. I've not been here in a good while, so I'm sure most people have forgotten me, but shout out to all those that do remember me.

 

No major changes in my situation. My FWW and I are still together, doing well. Most of the kids have grown up and moved out...so things are going well.

 

Anyway, nice to 'see' you all again!!!

[scubafish]

hi, well, having grown up in Vegas, I can say the local life is rather different for sure! I do not live there anymore, but sometimes wonder what life would be like if I stayed.... probably be a cardshark by now!

 

my mom still lives there, she is single, and very down to earth, and has an interesting life. but I am guessing that even though she is a young 59, that might still be too old, ;->

 

I remember seeing your posts, long ago. I have been lurking for a while, but havenot posted much.

 

is it OK to ask what kind of business?

[Dazed1]

She could still hurt me.

 

Hi all;

 

I just need to vent because if i don't I'm gonna have to break something. No need to respond.

 

The bitch called me mid November to tell me she's getting married again. Mmmmmkay. Roughly two weeks after divorce is final.... she calls me and says "I'm getting married again!" Oooooo goodie! But I handled that just fine, no worries.

 

More than that I am hearing from mutual friends that still live in the Spokane area that ex is spinning our divorce as if I coldly decided that I was going to move to Vegas and she is the hero who could not bear to leave our daughter on her own... I'm suddenly percieved the freaking villain! ****! ( I hadn't told many of our friends and acquaintances any reason at all, much less the truth. Why drag her thru the mud, right?)

 

I take the high road and decide not to expose her for the tramp she is and quietly leave, and she can ****ing make me out to be an ass??! Even our insurance man whom has known me for 30 years says "I just can't believe you would just leave like that!" **** **** ****!

 

Daughter comes to visit over thanksgiving and tells me all about her mom trying to get her involved in newest guys' family, etc. D wants little to do with it, so I ask ex to back off on that a little, blah blah blah.

 

Yesterday, D texts me that "OMG they're getting hitched next Saturday!" I just laughed and proceeded to have a great date w/ my current favorite g/f.

 

And so I'm sitting here tonite and it hits me like a truck.... Oh my God! The bitch has no respect for anything and the slimeball rat****er that she's marrying..... oh, yeah, they definately deserve each other! Screw em both!

 

I know I shouldn't be angry, but damnit, I think I have a right to be... it's as if we never happened. A freakin 20 year mistake that she can simply correct by jumping right to the next marriage! yeah. ****ing great! Enjoy.

 

I give up. The bitch will now deal with the fallout of her actions. I will give the whole unvarnished truth to anyone who asks. She couldn't give two ****s about what's appropriate, why the hell should i??!

 

Okay. thank you. I'm out.

 

-Dazed

[Cobra_X30]

She could still hurt me.

 

The bitch called me mid November to tell me she's getting married again. Mmmmmkay. Roughly two weeks after divorce is final.... she calls me and says "I'm getting married again!" Oooooo goodie! But I handled that just fine, no worries.

 

More than that I am hearing from mutual friends that still live in the Spokane area that ex is spinning our divorce as if I coldly decided that I was going to move to Vegas and she is the hero who could not bear to leave our daughter on her own... I'm suddenly percieved the freaking villain! ****! ( I hadn't told many of our friends and acquaintances any reason at all, much less the truth. Why drag her thru the mud, right?)

 

I take the high road and decide not to expose her for the tramp she is and quietly leave, and she can ****ing make me out to be an ass??! Even our insurance man whom has known me for 30 years says "I just can't believe you would just leave like that!" **** **** ****!

 

Daughter comes to visit over thanksgiving and tells me all about her mom trying to get her involved in newest guys' family, etc. D wants little to do with it, so I ask ex to back off on that a little, blah blah blah.

 

Yesterday, D texts me that "OMG they're getting hitched next Saturday!" I just laughed and proceeded to have a great date w/ my current favorite g/f.

 

And so I'm sitting here tonite and it hits me like a truck.... Oh my God! The bitch has no respect for anything and the slimeball rat****er that she's marrying..... oh, yeah, they definately deserve each other! Screw em both!

 

I know I shouldn't be angry, but damnit, I think I have a right to be... it's as if we never happened. A freakin 20 year mistake that she can simply correct by jumping right to the next marriage! yeah. ****ing great! Enjoy.

 

I give up. The bitch will now deal with the fallout of her actions. I will give the whole unvarnished truth to anyone who asks. She couldn't give two ****s about what's appropriate, why the hell should i??!

 

Okay. thank you. I'm out.

 

-Dazed

 

Well dazed, just a couple quick items of note here.

 

It sounds like she is hurting real bad from the divorce. She's doing whatever she can to get back at you and move on. The more you let this get to you... the more she wins. But... I think you already know all this.

 

So, I want to just point out... You have a new life in Vegas... She is still stuck in Spokompton. I would bet money that this new guy is a total loser. Unemployed, ex dope fiend, with a hockey mullet and about 1/2 his teeth!

 

Still sucks though. Just remember, that 20 years gave you a beautiful daughter!

 

Best Wishes!

[Frances]

Hello Dazed 1

 

Vent all you like but do not let her get anymore from you, she has already taken enough.

 

You can always let people know the truth in a subtle way. You have to continue keep the high road because of your daughter.

 

What goes around comes around and your ex will feel it. With her marrying so fast people will soon cop on that it is her and not you that is at fault.

 

From reading through your post and what others have said about you, you have managed well.

 

Enjoy the rest of your life. new beginings and all that. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

.

 

I give up. The bitch will now deal with the fallout of her actions. I will give the whole unvarnished truth to anyone who asks. She couldn't give two ****s about what's appropriate, why the hell should i??!

 

 

 

-Dazed

[stampdaddy]

is this a "New" guy OR the "old" guy? Do you know?

[Dazed1]

Okay, so a good night's sleep brings some perspective, and I'm over it.

 

Dunno really what came over me last night....

 

The guy is a new/old one, lol. He happens to be her first great love from before me... back in early high school for her. They were "in love" back then, but he screwed around on her and got another girl preg even way back then. D says he's been married three times; ex will be his fourth.

 

My age, but all grey and about fifty lbs overweight, lol. D showed me some pics of them together and FWIW; ex looks happy, so it's all good.

 

Okay, so whatever, i do have a new life and it's going fine. I seriously dunno where the rage came from last night, maybe I needed one last meltdown? And yes, with the oh-so-quick nuptials, our friends will know from whence the problems actually came.

 

'Sokay.... she didn't have any respect while we were married, I don't know what made me think she might suddenly grow some, lol.

 

-Dazed

[stampdaddy]

Thank you for your answer.. I am new here, but have read your story over the last several months, from start to finish.. I might go back and read the beginning again, I need insight on where YOU were back then, but won't waste your time..

She surely didnt end up as the woman you described early on, that's for sure..

Hang in there...

[Frances]

Okay, so a good night's sleep brings some perspective, and I'm over it.

 

 

 

Glad to hear you are feeling a lot better.

 

Dunno really what came over me last night..

 

Just getting the last of the bad air out

 

 

You do not stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing.

[whichwayisup]

D says he's been married three times; ex will be his fourth.

 

So, just think...This is the payback right here. HE's been married 3 times, soon 4. Need i say more?

 

I feel for you and I cannot believe that she's running around shooting her mouth off and implying you were the bad guy in all this. If they all only knew the truth.........I know you're tempted - But don't. If anything, your D is a strong young lady (she gets that strength from you) and one day she WILL get fed up with the gossip mill around her and spill it so don't you worry. It's more important to know that your daughter knows what's what. And so do your friends - Maybe they just need time to 'see' wtf is actually going on..

[GRITS07]

Hello Dazed, I've read and re-read your "old" thread and the new one. Our experience is very similar and you've inspired me. I recently left my H due to his infidelity. I did try to reconcile, for 3 years I tried, but I couldn' move beyond the betrayal. It was a pit in my stomach every day and in the end, I just wasn't strong enough to put it behind me. At least that's what I thought, but now I see it as I just wanted more, frankly, I deserve more and I'm worth it. My H cheated very soon after we were married so no kids between us so the split was relatively simple. The bad part was I, like you, loved him dearly, still do to this day, but I don't feel safe with him anymore. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I look forward to reading more.

[Owl]

Sorry to hear about all of this, Dazed.

 

I'd had high hopes for your situation, my friend.

[Dazed1]

Hi again Owl, my old friend!

 

No. no. don't be sorry. I had a momentary lapse of reason is all. My friends will all know better than whatever silliness she decides to spin.

 

Stamp; yeah, you will have to go to that ooooold thread for insights, I cannot really relate to the person I was when it all began. I can answer questions tho if needed.

 

Grits; took alot of guts dint it? I hope you never regret it! Lemme know if I can help.

 

-Dazed

[whichwayisup]

My friends will all know better than whatever silliness she decides to spin.

Yes they will. They ALL saw you at your worst afew years ago, so I'm sure they'll figure out that you aren't the bad guy.

 

I owe you a note.

[GRITS07]

Thanks Dazed for your offer to help. I must say leaving was hard but staying gone is harder. I miss my H, I love him dearly, and everytime I think about him I want to cry. I'm 3 years into recovery and it still hurts like it was yesterday that I found out. Dazed, does that pain ever go away? I thought if I left and he wasn't in my face all the time, the hurt would subside a bit. But it feels like it just gets worse. Now, I have a whole new pain, I worry about him (he's very depressed) and I hate the feeling of lonliness. Any advise?

[Dazed1]

Grits;

 

wow. For me, while I loved that woman w/ every fiber at dday, she spent the following three years burning the passion out of me. There is a part of me that will always be in love with the woman I once knew, but she is gone, and i cannot bring her back. I tried.

 

It sounds to me like you haven't had the same transformation. you have two choices here: you can go back or you can go on. Sometimes a separation like this will show you that you are still attached to your spouse and make you that much more willing to work it out. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. If this is you, then seriously, let it all go and throw yourself into getting back with him.

 

If you know you can't bear going back; then you have to go on. I can only relate my own experience as i do not have the research to draw upon as i did with infidelity; but I will tell you that getting back into the dating pool was the best thing I ever did. These women have treated me soooooo well! It's pretty amazing the people our age that are out there looking for honesty and love. Also having removed myself from daily interraction w/ my ex has made me see just how incredibly shallow and selfish she always was. It let me see her objectively, and gave me something to compare her behavior to...

 

Either way Grits; it's time to check out of purgatory, and take back your life looking forward! You have taken some big steps, but there is always one more forward.

 

WW:

 

I owe you a note

.

 

Ya think!?

 

-Dazed

[whichwayisup]

 

Ya think!?

 

-Dazed

 

 

Grit, has he always had depression, or did the depression come after he had the A? Is he seeking counselling and on any meds for it?

[GRITS07]

Is this highjacking? I'm not up to date on protocol.

 

My H is not on meds and his depression has come since I've left and he has come to the realization that he's lost everything. Not really, but that's how he sees it.

 

Dazed, I cannot go back. I love him but I don't want to. He ripped my heart to pieces and I don't feel safe with him anymore. I want to divorse him as I know this is the best thing for me, yet I still mourn for what might have been. Is this normal?

[Dazed1]

Of course it's normal. I still do it every single day. The trick is to not allow your very real sorrow over what could have been ruin what you might now have. You have some guilt for leaving, and you should not. You did nothing wrong and in fact stayed in far longer than most. He did what he did, can't take it back, can't fix it. Some things can't be fixed no matter how hard we might want it otherwise.

 

My friend asked me if I thought there was one person out there for me...

 

I told him there are a thousand out there with my name on them. I have all the time in the world to find the one that fits me. There are so many good things waiting to happen for you if you get out of your own way and let them. Don't get me wrong, dating brings about it's own new sets of frustrations and problems, as does living single. (psycho stalkers, instantly in love w/ you, rejection, aloneness, etc.)

 

Get yourself busy, focused, and be open to anything and everyone.

 

-Dazed

[Frances]

I'm sad today. Normal, huh? Ups and downs. Man, affairs suck the life out of you don't they?[/quote

 

 

Your right, affairs suck the life out of you. It is hard to let go but for sanity sake it is most likely the best thing. You do not have to forgive him to get past this, you do need to accept what happened and have the best life you can make for yourself.

 

From what I have read the sooner into a marriage an affair happens the less chance the marriage has of working.

 

People are too hard on themselves when they are grieving. It all takes time and needs to go through the different stages. It is like a death, in fact it is one "the death of a marriage" the hopes and dreams you had and you miss the person who has gone. They are not dead but the person you thought they were has died in your eyes.

 

I hope you had a good cruise. The only way to manage is to be nice to yourself and take things easy. You will know when you are ready for dating. Just have a laugh when you can.

 

You do not stop laughing when you are old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

 

Have you plans for the Christmas holidays?

 

I wish you peace and strenght.

[Frances]

GRIT

 

I'm sad today. Normal, huh? Ups and downs. Man, affairs suck the life out of you don't they?[/quote

 

 

Your right, affairs suck the life out of you. It is hard to let go but for sanity sake it is most likely the best thing. You do not have to forgive him to get past this, you do need to accept what happened and have the best life you can make for yourself.

 

From what I have read the sooner into a marriage an affair happens the less chance the marriage has of working.

 

People are too hard on themselves when they are grieving. It all takes time and needs to go through the different stages. It is like a death, in fact it is one "the death of a marriage" the hopes and dreams you had and you miss the person who has gone. They are not dead but the person you thought they were has died in your eyes.

 

I hope you had a good cruise. The only way to manage is to be nice to yourself and take things easy. You will know when you are ready for dating. Just have a laugh when you can.

 

You do not stop laughing when you are old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

 

Have you plans for the Christmas holidays?

 

I wish you peace and strenght.

[Frances]

Sorry repeat post

[cj1988]

Dazed, I would love to meet you one day (betrayed friends) you sound so awesome. Hell, you EX and my STBEX, should hook and have a good time, they sound just a like !

 

I am so glad you are doing the right thing for you and to hear you tried. I am finding out like you, I will never get passed the betrayal.....I am not built that way and no use in pretending and living a lie. I love him, but all I see is the man that is no longer JUST mine ! I want everything or nothing....so I am moving to my lake house and starting over. My son just left for college and he will be fine and that helped me make my decision !

 

Hope to see you on here more often....my story is really out there more than yours, so if you read it...beware.....the only thing I see in common besides cheating is they like the woods !