RecoverMe Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Hi Dazed- I think I remember reading some of your posts last year. They helped me alot in the early throes of d-day and therafter. We all have our own time spans to work through our traumas, so I keep being told. I too waver on my deciscion, much like TMW and the others mentioned. For me I have to talk to my H about our progress, but sometimes his reactions me off and I withdraw and go into the "did I make the right deciscion?" mode. Every day I deal with it, but it seems less and less over time. I'm glad you are moving on. I want to wholeheartedly be able to live with my deciscion, or wholeheartedly not......I'm still not there, and it's been about a year and 3 months. My story is under another name too, I changed from onlywantshonesty to recoverme. Today my shrink said that forgiveness is somewhat like faith, that it takes development. So I am still studying my forgiveness development course, which I will keep working on until I feel like i've made it, or drop out of the course! Good to hear from you, and others too. I keep checking in now and again, I feel LS was (and is) a bit of a lifeline. cheers, Recoverme Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 She was her mom's dog, and frankly to me, always was kind of a bitch. I crack myself up! I expected that comment from ya! Yeah, you crack me up too. So how did i end up 1200 miles away with my ex's dog? Well, that a whole nuther long stupid story, lol. I'm expecting a note from you about that one. Thank you Jane, and Cobra. As i told WWIU in an email earlier, i had nearly resigned myself to life being numb.... no more highs or lows (sorta how it is when you can't let anything in or out). I think i can be happy again, and I fully intend to get after it. D, the official skirt chaser of LS! Single ladies, ofcourse... Whomever i meet, i will have to make a conscious effort to give her a clean slate and not project the last three + yrs of my life. I think as long as I stay willing to do that, it will be okay. Gotta leave the baggage behind sometime right? You'll be fine. You even said it, your wife was selfish and you didn't see HOW selfish she actually was until you weren't in eachothers daily lives. Me thinks she was always that way, it just took her stupid mistake to really make that perfectly clear. I am outta here fer now..... heads up and heels dug in folks, don't give up an inch! -Dazed Later Fro-bro. Link to post Share on other sites
fleafly Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Wow, after being gone for so long, something drew me back to this site today, when I saw this thread I almost fell out my chair! Its good to hear from you Dazed(as well as WWIU, Thumbs!). I am happy to hear that you have moved on, you seem to be happy, which is most inportant! I guess thats all I have to say, besides thank you for sharing your thoughts with us all, your insight and candor was very helpful to me in the darkest time of my life, I literally dont know how I would have made it without the support from people I have never met, I owe you ALL!! I wish I could have stuck around here to offer others support or advice, but coming in here was almost a detriment to my healing, it NEVER goes away completely but its so much better now, not a daily thing at all, but coming here and reading others stories kept the wound raw. Ive learned a lot of hard lessons the last few years, been divorced for 18 months now, had to completely start over as the ex took literally EVERYTHING in our split, her lawyer claimed in court(as far as I know, I wasnt invited to the party) that I never responded to her letters, apparently the judge agreed that a simple phone call in the day and age is to much trouble. So I lost my house and everything in it, pension, she has full custody of the kids, blah blah blah. Funny what happens to a faithful spouse! But anyways, life goes on, right?! Again thanks Dazed, and good luck with everything, you are an inspiration, truly..... flea Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 FF, nice to see you posting an update, but so sorry to hear your FB (<---swearwords)ex wife took you for everything. I don't know how the heck ANY court could allow such a thing seeing as she was the one who cheated. I do hope that you're allowed to see your kids as much as you want and hopefully in time it will be joint custody. Funny, I was recently thinking of afew other members who used to post here, and you were one of them! Link to post Share on other sites
fleafly Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Yea its funny how that all worked out (well not funny), my ex served the divirce papers(illegal), I looked them over, and initially it looked fair to me, everything was split up equally, I would have had partial custody of the kids, half the equity in the house, which was about 150k at the time, debt was split up etc. I agreed to it, so I signed it. A couple of months later, I asked her if she had heard anything because this is the only thing I had heard or seen. She tells me that we are already divirced, that I never reponded to the petition and the divorce went into default. So I go up to the county to see whats going on, the clerk brings out the divorce papers, and they were re-written to say that she gets everything, including the kids!! So I file a motion to get it back into court, get in there and the judge says too bad, you never responded, Im like responded to what??? My name is on the divorce papers, but the one I agreed to is NOT whats on file at the court, theres about ten crisp papers spelling everything above out, then the ONE piece at the end, all folded and wrinkled up with my signiture on it!! So yea, been to court to get my child support reduced, it was based on my wages from 5 years earlier(if you remember I was collecting disability from being injured at work, when I saw this judge I explained that to her, told her the story, that I just graduated from college and have not yet found work, and she tells me, "well why dont you go work at Burger King"? She says this knowing that my support payments are 1200 bucks a months, plus half day care and half of medical insurance, roughly 200 a month total. Suffice to say, she threatened me with contempt of court about 10 seconds later! You know, the thing is, it doesnt matter WHY people get divorced anymore, at least in a no fault state like mine, but whatever, my ex tried hanging this over my head(still does, actually) "come home, we'll make things right", not even thinking about WHAT GOT US HERE in the first place. I tell her I would rather be homeless and miserable then be back with her. So if anybody out there needs some advice, mine would be TRUST NOONE! You would think after being together for so long, having two kids together, you would want whats best for the kids....she did not want to take ONE step backwards, I should add that after having the house forced out of my name, she refinanced it, paid off ALL of her debt, bought a new car, and brought the kids to Disneyworld!! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Don't worry Fleafly, she'll answer to the Eternal Judge for this! There will be NO way she could circumvent him. By the way, is there anyway to prove fraud? It obviously is, it just goes to show you that you can't trust anyone! Did you get a copy of the original Divorce Papers that you signed? Do you think your signature was forged? Can you get it analysed? You, or your lawyer should have been notified, could her lawyer explain this? This clearly smells of fraud. Did you have the house before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 One last thing, hasn't your wife posted here? Doesn't she realize what kind of scum she is? She must feel really good about herself for hurting you this way, so selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
Jinnah Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 So glad to hear you are okay, as I was worried about your outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 15, 2007 Author Share Posted October 15, 2007 Hey dude! Wow. Just frickin wow. Your divorce story sucks, but there is the one great big upside... you are finally free! Doesn't it simply feel like somebody took a 900 lb block from around your neck?? Best part Fleas; you sound like you have found some peace and for guys like us, that is huge! Thanks for letting us all know. Vegas Update Oct. 2007: Women here are nuts! Sometimes in a good way.... sometimes not. lol. So I took this really nice lady (hot too ) out for dinner a couple of weeks ago.... I really liked her, she liked me, date went beautifully. I drop her at home, walk her to her door... and a small make-out session ensues (woo hoo!). I leave feeling like a man again . This woman sends me no less than 12 text messages throughout the night. (apparently she does not sleep.... ever) These messages went from pleasant "I enjoyed our date" and progressed to "You should get to know my sons" to "I could fall in love with you" and finally "Why do you hate me? You have not answered any of my messages...you're an a***ole." Whoa Nellie! First, I was asleep (many male adult bipeds do have to rest from time to time) Second, actually looking at them one after the other in the morning flat freaked ol' Dazed the hell out. So, I sent a nice, gently worded email that while i really enjoyed our date, that i didn't think we could work, etc. Well, finally the texts and emails have slowed to near none and hopefully she is moving on to some other poor unsuspecting slob... but I did have my car mysteriously keyed all along the passenger side. Hell, I didn't even try to sleep with her! I am using match.com and get lots of response from very young girls that want me to pay their rent in return for "favors". Blech. I have met a lady who seems nice, and i am being much more careful. You see, it just never even occured to me that women might be stalkers too. lol. Daters beware. but hell, it's all good. business is moving at a great clip, ol' dog is doing well, and I quit smoking last week too! So there you have it, my journal entry... -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 Just a guess, that's not the right woman! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 This woman sends me no less than 12 text messages throughout the night. (apparently she does not sleep.... ever) These messages went from pleasant "I enjoyed our date" and progressed to "You should get to know my sons" to "I could fall in love with you" and finally "Why do you hate me? You have not answered any of my messages...you're an a***ole." WTF??? Wow...Well, stay away from that one, eh! Aren't ya glad you didn't bone her! Can we say....Fatal attraction or what. The key scratch on the car sucks...Did anyone see it happen? I am laughing abit, sorry but this is funny! Wish I could've see the look on your face after reading her messages. Congrats on the quitting smoking. I'm jealous! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Share Posted October 16, 2007 Ah, the ever loving and supportive WW is laughing at my fate. I knew YOU'D get a huge kick out of that story. What sucks is that it's all true. What sux even more is that I liked her. I can see I'm gonna hafta dust off the ol psycho meter. But hey, there is life after infidelity and divorce. i guess I'm gonna have to move my thread soon... Whatever, I'm still off to a good start. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Share Posted October 16, 2007 Yup you are....lol And I'm still laughing! I'm sure they'll be afew more fun tales to tell. I owe you an email. Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Hey Dazed, I was kind of sad to read your update but then again, not altogether surprised. We were going through our own version of post traumatic stress disorder around the same time and I’m ashamed to admit….I’m a little bloody of you because I’m still floundering around in the quagmire of misery, stalling for time and shying away from the inevitable. I wish I had your strength of character and courage. That story you told about the hot babe in LV who turned into a bunny boiler in matter of hours made me laugh…if it were remotely possible I would be convinced you’d been out with my cousin, or her best friend, sister, neighbor….Is this only a girl thing or is it quite common around guys? I hear a lot of stories about women doing this but not so many, in fact, none that I recall about men in the same types of situations? It’s hard enough making that decision to divorce and start again as a single person, but what makes it even scarier is the thought I might soon become as mad and unhinged and some of the frankly desperate girls I know. And I say that, I hope, without malice or attack, just with an honest opinion based on what they say to me. Cos I have a horrible feeling I could very easily do the same with adequate measures of Appletons rum and a few healthy doses of self-pity and loneliness Anyway Daze, I send you my very best wishes and hope everything goes your way. veronese Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 "I’m a little bloody of you" which should have said "I'm a little bloody jealous of you" See? I'm so jealous I can't even bring myself to write the word hugs veronese PS why don't I check my posts before I send them instead of after?? Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Dazed1, I haven't been on this site for a very long time, and it's great to come back and find out how your situation turned out. I am very sorry that it ended in divorce, but I'm happy that you're happy! and Congrats on relocating to Vegas! If you don't mind may I ask how your wife is doing ? just curious as I am in a similar sitution. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear from you soon! Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I want to change lives with you Dazed sooo badly! 5 years post d-day for me and it's been a nightmare. I seriously think he's bipolar. No lie. When my youngest is out of high school 3.5 yrs. from now, I am gone. It's not that long to wait since I've had 25 years of marital bliss with him already. All good wishes for success in your new business and your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Veronese baby! As i recall you are way across the pond, so i won't ask for the numbers of any of those girls.... desperate, just how i like em! Sweetheart, i am sorry you are still in it. i had a two by four moment delivered by my oldest and dearest friend, or I would prolly still be coasting and sniveling. This guy and I have been buds since we were wee laddies of about 6 or so... he comes over one afternoon and says to me .... "Dude. I gotta know... why the hell are you STILL here?" If it's been as long as I spent trying to get over it and I still could not answer that question with any conviction... it was time. Ver; feel free to PM if you wanna chat, I am trying to check in more often these days... I think i vaguely recall you Summerday; nice to see you. My ex is doing fine. She was already on the next guy before I was out of town or our divorce was final. I helped move her into her new digs, and the divvy of our stuff was smooth as well. <shrug> Beyond that, she's his responsibility and I'm quite good w/ that. I wish him luck in keeping her. We do talk occasionally, she's still my friend, and we do share a daughter... Daughter is flying down this Thanksgiving too! I am so excited, i am beside myself! She's doing wonderfully on her own too, I'm so incredibly proud of her, what a kid! Just Breathe; not trading. Solly, not doin it. Your time will come, and if you are committed to hanging in until that time, then truly make the very best of it and laugh often. If you cannot experience love in your relationship, don't make my mistake and kill everything else as well. Grab and experience all the joy you can, it will make the time pass easier and far more bearably. I wish you the best. I gotta bail, I have a date, lol. What a great town.... -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 You're right, I am across the pond but I'll give you plenty of warning if any of the girls are heading your way for a holiday! Reading your update yesterday affected me quite a bit. I guess it's because I remember relating to your situation back then so strongly? Although the circumstances were different our love for our spouses seemed very similar and our emotional pain in the aftermath was much the same too. It prompted me to broach the subject of divorce with my H last night, we've been going through a particularly fractious time recently. He couldn't even be arsed to take his eyes of the tv, so I pulled all the plugs out of the sockets (restraining myself from smashing the tv too), and finally got his attention then spent my third night in the spare room (we're at that stage). I'll pm you later on hun. How did the date go? Oh it's so good to hear from you! Hugs veronese Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Dazed, I'm wondering if I may ask you some questions. They are personal for me and quite embarrasing. Would it be possible to Email you off this site ? If not, I understand... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Didn't have any success sending you a PM. Not sure if you need to enable some technical bollocks on the site or if it's me just being a twit? So PM me sometime so I can hit the reply thingy. Veronese Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 And my old s/n is not on the record anymore.... I am working on getting both of you the info. As always, i will help if I can. Veronese, please don't do anything you will regret. The key to mine is that I knew i was not going to have regrets. Summer; you do sound troubled as well... i hope i can help. And the date sucked ass. I hate it when people misrepresent themselves... ah well, no worries. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Journal entry.... two very quiet weeks around here. business has been good, dating not so much. Women are weird. that's all I have about that for now. My divorce will be finalized in three days and having some mixed feelings about all that, but hell, gotta do what ya gotta do right? Not word one from my ex who has to attend the final hearing to get the dissolution.... I wonder if it means anything at all to her. Veronese; I still have not heard from you.... I am concerned. WW... you rock! -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Women are wierd. I beg to differ! Your picker-outer is rusty, that's all. At least you know what kind of woman doesn't work for you. There are alot of nice women out there. You just have to kiss a bunch of frog-ettes before you find a princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed1 Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Frogettes! That's funny. I still stand by my assertion that women are weird, tho I have not gone for any real psychos since that first one, lol. No question my picker-outer is rusty as well. lol. I just hought that at our age, more women would have their **** together. but then, i guess they probably did until some man screwed it all up again, lol. Hell, I dunno. This prolly won't be a goos week for rational and logical thought... I'll burrow into my work and forget the rest. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
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