Aliddy Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 O.k. for those who have been following my threads, my partner of 3.5 years walked out on me over a disagreement, and then went back to his ex-girlfriend.....ignored me completely....simply vanished.......for 2 months broke my heart...... Well tonight he contacts me........and you know I am stronger now......he says to me " are you seeing someone else " I didnt answer......he kept on......I said nothing........ Then he denies he has been back with her, says he has been to stressed to speak to me, that is why he vanished for 8 weeks........what a pile of s**t...................... You know the strangest thing, I have longed for him to contact me.....I was so wishing and hoping......... But now, it is too late.............I have been hurt to much.....he still lies.......and thinks me completely stupid...............I am not.................... He did not ask how I am, or what have I been doing, only " are you seeing someone else "............... I FELT NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BCD5kdj1sps This is my message to him........................................... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I can see why that song would appeal. People rarely appreciate what they have until they've lost it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 OMG Suzanne. I can't believe he had the nerve to do that. I can't believe he finally reached out and left you hanging all that time just because he was 'stressed', sorry but like you said, that's bull. I like that song. The melody is quite soothing too. You do what you need to do girlie. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Btw, the more emotionally unavailable you become, the more they come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 Chinook I am so sad, because it really is too late..........................I am sad because I loved him...no................... I adored him........................... and now it is in tatters all around me.......... noting he can do or say will wipe away the past 8 weeks...............................he ignored my pain..........did not care when I cried........................so now it is simply too late........... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Yeah, I can really identify with that. I was saying to someone yesterday that if my ex ever contacted me (which I doubt he will) I couldn't go there again with him because of exactly that reason. In the initial stages of the breakup I wrote him mail after mail explaining how I was hurting and couldn't we at least talk so I could understand what happened and get closure and he never did. It never came. So yeah, I'd feel exactly the same... but I doubt I'll ever have to be where you are now. (sigh) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 You know, this is not a nice place to be......... Because we are caring people, who dont wish to ever hurt people, it does not make me feel good, to know his life is now in s**t...... I am at that place I think Unique mentioned it, it is called INDIFFERENCE............................ I am there, and I wish I was not, and I wish I could say, it is o.k. and we can work it out......... But I tried, I emailed, I texted, I called................he ignored me....... Now.......well I simply cant feel for him anymore......... and it feels terrible........................ Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Now.......well I simply cant feel for him anymore... and it feels terrible.. I know. I wish it was different. But the fact is, it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 aliddy, i admire you for following your instincts and your inner strength. i had heard often that we desire our exes for who and what we remember (often embellish their good traits), but when faced with taking them back....something had changed in us, and it is the first time we notice it. i have asked myself this numerous times (particularly the dark moments), if he were standing right here right now...could i hold him, touch him again knowing he was with another? the dynamics have changed...he changed them. the pain was unbearable, very similar to your scenario for the break. it would truly be hard to get over being discarded that way, trust and security would become a major issue. i do not see mine ever contacting me (5 mo). you now have complete closure..how very fortunate for you. i can only imagine how empowered you must feel, and i don't mean this in a cruel way...but emotionally empowered. he now realized what he had... unfortunately as you've said...not only did he cause your bleakest moments...he was absent with no awareness or caring of how it affected you. maybe now, you can truly begin a new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 I simply adored this man.................. I loved him more than words can say, I would of done anything for him. When he walked out my life fell apart, I spent days, weeks, months, wondering how/why he could do this to me. All I had ever done was love him, and yet, when I was in sheer pain over this break-up, and I reached out for him......... he simply ignored me.................................. For 8 weeks, not a word...... Then tonight, he changed his AOL profile...after he had deleted me .......2 months ago...to now say " single again oh why does this happen to me " He then expects me to believe he has been so devastated over the break-up he could not talk to me.... what a pile of S**T !!!!!!!!!! I know think of him as something to fear, someone who can inflict pain of an inmeasurable amount, without a second thought.......and you know I am not going back there again...... Strange as it may seem, I am desperately sad.......sad because he ruined it........sad because that is 3.5 years of my life wasted...........and that I know I can never, ever go back.......... and these tears now.............are the worst ever........... Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 The last yea were not wasted as you have learnt alot about people, and life, and its something that you can take forward with you to your next relationship. Its clear that you dont want this guy back, and its clear that he is a weasel trying to worm his way back in so he wont have to feel the pain of being alone, like we choose to. A coward and a user for his own benifits. If you have really had it wiht him, you know what you have to do tell him that, then cut him out. You sounded like you were doing well, and now this has brought you back again. Your sad cos you know inside that this guy is a weasel, but you love him, and can have him back, but for how long, and what more pain or hurt will he have planned for you, after he has taken control of your heart, what will he do with it? The best thing this guy can do is stay single, maybe get councilling for his issues, and maybe then he may be able to see what he has done. no dought Shreks wife booted him out, and he comes running to his back up plan. What a low life scum bag. Sorry Aiddy, but you seem like a caring lovely lady and this guy does sound like a tosser. He has lost control of you, and your actions. Thats what he hates. once he has that back, then what next. You have been strong, and kept your head high, this guy is back to reck that, to keep you low. You know in your heart whats best for you, be it going back there or moving on, but whatever you do, we are here for you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 I have learnt so much from reading your posts...... Yes he is a s**t and yes although he denies being with Shreks Wife, I know he has.....and strangly that does not bother me....... He can not cope with being on his own......and in his mind....it is o.k. to think I will simply " forget " everything he has done..... I wont because I cant....... I am not risking my health and happiness for him to casually walk away the next time, he cant get his own way with me. I need someone who will talk through differences, find mutual ground not just " run ".... My journey through these boards, has been life changing, and I know I deserve better than the c**p he gives me...... So I will stay here, until I find it...... Suzanne :-)x Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 I have learnt so much from reading your posts...... Yes he is a s**t and yes although he denies being with Shreks Wife, I know he has.....and strangly that does not bother me....... He can not cope with being on his own......and in his mind....it is o.k. to think I will simply " forget " everything he has done..... I wont because I cant....... I am not risking my health and happiness for him to casually walk away the next time, he cant get his own way with me. I need someone who will talk through differences, find mutual ground not just " run ".... My journey through these boards, has been life changing, and I know I deserve better than the c**p he gives me...... So I will stay here, until I find it...... Suzanne :-)x You know i went through similar, my ex would not talk about anything that would make a difference to me, like her divorcing (one thing i have learnt is that a woman still married but seperated is not ready to let go of their hubby) no matter what she says. Finaces, and so many other important things, The way she would treat her children, they seemed 2nd to her happyness. You cannot move forward with this type of person, and when you get close they get scared, and horrible people emerge. Like you i loved her, but now im thinking what kind of life would it have been for me, i mean she was so mixed up, and unhappy in herself, she needed to find herself. I think, would i have been the taxie, the nurse the punch bag to bent on, the guy that took the blame for all her shortffalls, and i was, that all did happen, and then she ended it, but it made me look to myself, to improve myself, and to realise that no matter what, i did my very best, and she was the one who projected her **** at me, thats why i felt hurt and down, and then she tops it off with pleading to be friends for the kids and her, which i do, then she gets on the date site meets a new man and tell s me to **** off. That devisated me, but now im back, and a better stronger me is coming out, one that knows that i gave it the best shot, and one that knows that she had amajor issues, and i was just starting to see them. I would not have a boandond her, and i would have done anything, but she ended it, and now guess what, she did me a favor. If she wants to be a friend i will (i think) but i know now that this woman took all my love from my body, and left me drained, but i have fought back, and now im back!! You too will get to this place, where you will know that you did all you could, and they wont make you feel bad or guilty, cos the guilt is in them, and they are ofloading that on us. You will get strong, and you will find some1 that will make you feel wonderful, some1 that you can sit opposite, and they will talk about the crap in there lives and they will let us help them as they would us. And that some1 is really worth waiting for cos that some1 will make us feel like the special people we are. So many of us who post here write of how there ex went strait to some1 else. Remember, they are weak, and they will keep doing this, always, intill they face up to themselves, cos after the honymoon, the **** happens. Do you really want to be in that place. Ok the **** will happen again, but when we are with some1 that will work through it all, that makes all the difference. Them running away is not the answer, and nevr will be. They may live life like that, picking up baggage as they move on, but one day, partner or not, they will be in a crap place looking back on their lives with regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 Wise words........................ Yes, I do want someone, who will talk to me, of course there will be difficult times, there always is in life..... People should work together through those times.......not simply run and avoid !!!!!!! You know, it is strange, I thought " if " this day ever came, I would feel like saying " HA F**K YOU " but I dont...... I actually feel sorry for him....... I hope he will try and work things out with Shreks Wife.......he has too, as I am no longer an option........ I will meet someone else, I am actually beginning to believe that now..... Suzanne :-)x Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Wise words........................ Yes, I do want someone, who will talk to me, of course there will be difficult times, there always is in life..... People should work together through those times.......not simply run and avoid !!!!!!! You know, it is strange, I thought " if " this day ever came, I would feel like saying " HA F**K YOU " but I dont...... I actually feel sorry for him....... I hope he will try and work things out with Shreks Wife.......he has too, as I am no longer an option........ I will meet someone else, I am actually beginning to believe that now..... Suzanne :-)x You feel sorry for him like i would for my ex. Today we should have been going to cornwall for a week, but she is no dought having all that with her new guy. What did i do? Got up made a t, sat in the garden and thought this is also nice, to be free from all the stress, to be relaxed. Yes i miss her, but i also now know how to just take life as it comes, to relax with what is and what will be. For all i know the crap may have already started with her n him, but you know, no diffeance to me now. What will be will be , and what will happen will happen. I hope that where ever she is, shes having fun, and is happy, and the kids too. I really miss them, but am slowley letting go. Her eldest added me to msn, but i dont go there, but if she wants to talk im here. I sent that cash to her2 weeks ago, havent heard nothing, but im kind of taking that as a thiank you. othwsie she would have sent it back, but then again, typical her, dont say nothing, let him wonder if i got it, well you know what, i dont, and i know she did, and i sent it with love for her kids, and thats all i know, so im happy, im not thinking did she get it, what is she thinking, cos if i was , it would have been sent for the wrong reason. We have both come really far, and i cant tell you, how good it feels to wake up without her in my head, or her kids, and to think what shall i do today, and im smilling alot now, and things are coming to me, rather than me to it..yes, it feels calmer now, the storm is going, and the sea is calm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 It is obvious to me...... The reason your ex did not thank you for the money......quite simple really......because she is still emotionally f****d up........ If she was not, she would behave as a normal person, and say thankyou.......she didn't and that speaks volumes to me........ You seem such a great guy, also extremely talented........ So you to my friend, will also, in time, meet someone who DESERVES you................. Suzanne :-)x Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 It is obvious to me...... The reason your ex did not thank you for the money......quite simple really......because she is still emotionally f****d up........ If she was not, she would behave as a normal person, and say thankyou.......she didn't and that speaks volumes to me........ You seem such a great guy, also extremely talented........ So you to my friend, will also, in time, meet someone who DESERVES you................. Suzanne :-)x Wow thank you thats so nice. The guy im seeing, sort of a life coach is so cool, hes really helping me to understand people, relationships, and life and how to take it in general. I am dealing with my own issues, and slowly letting go of my dad, as i never really greived for him, (something my ex picked up on and used it against me, a very cruel thing to do) and i have also enrolled in a coucilling course which im really looking forward to! As for the talent, thank you thank you. I love playing bass, and its been my best friend for 25 years! Its great to play, and connect to the people, as music is so powerful. One of the nicest things that was said to me was an ole boy and his wife came up to me at a wedding and said that was the first time we danced in 6 years. It validated all that i worked for. Aiddy, just the fact you are here on this site shows your a passionate, and special person, and you look to sort out yourself, rather than dump your emotions fo pain hurt and whatever else on some poor sole looking for love. When the time is right, all of us here will find the right one, and you lady come accross as sexy, and loyal and very understanding, and very strong. The right man will bring out all this in you and not surpress it, as i was in my relationship. You know i forgot who i was! God its scary just what people can do to you, and we dont even know it. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 funky, i live for the day i wake up without him on my mind...how do you do this? Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 funky, i live for the day i wake up without him on my mind...how do you do this? Hey tink i have no idea, and i dont even know if it will last. This all started about a week ago, i even now dont really feel that much anymore, even if i try to? i know that kind of seems strange, but i feel almost sad that im not emotional? Its like i still think about her lots, but with very very little emotion. I guess if i look back over the weeks, i locked myself away, and felt all the crap that was thrown at me, and even looked for help, a life coach who has been great. I know i still miss her and the kids, but somehow the pain of it all is nowhere near that bad. Just now i deleted her and her daughters msn, she did me but the daughter never. I never blocked her, but i dont really want to know if shes on lone etc. Im no where near ready for a relationship, and there is still a little unfinished finacail stuff with my ex, but its been 2 months since i last spoke to her, and 2 months of hell. I guess all i did was cryed, felt the most pain i have in my life, thought about me, her and the kids, and maybe just maybe, i have got out the worst of the emotions, leaving me with just memories of them all. I hope i truly hope that she will come into my life again as a friend, and when i send the last of her money, i will put in a little thank you note for letting me be a part of her family for 2 years, and that she and the kids gave me a wonderful memories,and that i hope they will all be well. I said some things the last time we spoke along the lines of i had a couple of dates lined up, and i feel im slowly moving on. Things that were true but was not needed, but lets face it, she had her new man, so what the hell, did'nt really make a differance to her and i have forgiven my self for saying that. At the end of the day, there was no dought how much i cared about them all, but i guess for her, its easy to use her charm and get a new man. Thats what she did. And i guess inseide she is hurting, no matter what i have heard on here, that she doent give a crap and stuff, cos i know her, and she has a few deep issues, and her way is to stuff them in a box. I know i would never have giveb uo on her, and yes i made mistakes, i felt hurt and unloved many times in the relationship, and rejected, but i stuck in there. In the end, she ended it. I have done what i could to move on, and am hopeing i am. As im writting this, im starting to feel a little sad, but only a little. Its bringing back stuff, so there is still stuff to come out, i know that anyhow. Aiddy, sorry for steeling your post, just sometimes when i start writting i start to rant too!!! All in all, i guess im doing ok. U will too, just give it time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 You steal as much as you like........ I enjoy your posts... Suzanne :-)x Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Thanks!! One other thing Tink, if the emotions get too much, make your self a T go out in the garden or outside, and just take deep breaths and look around you. look at the birds, and the trees, and feel the breeze, try and connect with nature, cos nature is life, and life is love, and that is what you have to go out their and scoop back into yourself, cos some relationship where you just give out all the time, will leave you feeling empty and unable to move forward. This is emotional draining, you are not only recovering from your loss, but also you have drained yourself of energy trying to give what you have to someone who doesnt have, like love. I REmember how my goergeous ex would look into my eyes, even on the last day, she did love me, no dought, but not enough to work through the deep scars that were in her and coming to the surface and i guess what is hard for me is that i knew we could make it cos somewhere in there was a wonderful woman,and we were a great family unit, but i did my best, now i know i did, and accepted that i never was with someone who was whole or ready to give up her past life. So i have forgiven myself. Thats the key, forgive yourself for what you think you may have done wrong, cos we all tried our best, it just was'nt ment to be. let go of guilt, or pain, and let go of them. Dont beat yourself up for things that they project to you, realise that they have deep issues and you took the brunt of it, and its left you tired. Well be kind to yourself, and feel what you have to. It will get better, and you will end up a stronger, more understanding you. I sit here on this keyboard, while my ex is with her new guy, but we all do what we must to move forward, and if that means the way forward for you or me is to feel the crap, then we do that, cos at least we have respected our ex's and our own emotions, cos if you done, they will come back to haunt you, and your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 aliddy.. i am curious, how are you doing today???? still feeling the same about the ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 I am feeling sick to my stomach....... I can't believe, that after all he has done, he thinks he can casually chat to me, as if nothing has happened. All he spoke to me about was, was I seeing anyone, had I been out with anyone from work and does everyone blame him for what happened. He said his life had turned to s**t and that he had not been seeing his ex.....which is a complete lie.....and that he had simply been to stressed to talk to me !!!! 2 months of total silence, after almost 4 years with him. I am so upset, because he ruined it, because I simply can not go back, he hurt me too much..... So although I had wished for this day, I dont feel good about it at all. This is really not a nice place to be :-( Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 Aliddy, I'm so sorry that his reappearance has hurt you. But do realize this. You have been SO STRONG and I for one am very proud of the progress you have made. It's terrific that you are at the point where you've been contacted but you're not running back to him. That you are choosing your own potential happiness and realizing that he is unable to give it to you, and are sticking to your guns. So, while you might feel downtrodden and weak right now, take a look and see how strong you've become. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aliddy Posted August 11, 2007 Author Share Posted August 11, 2007 You know I have learnt so much from these boards. I have read mesages from men, who have been devastated over their break-ups, from women, like me in disbelief....... The conclusion I have come to, is what he was able to do to me, cut me off, allow me to suffer, refuse to even acknowledge my existance, proves it was not love, you do not treat someone you love in such a despicable way. So now, it is not that I am not able to salvage my relationship, it is that I am not able to risk my own health and wellbeing, for the chance, he may do this again.............it is now beyond repair......... Link to post Share on other sites
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