Jealous of younger women...

[morelaugh]

.... or more like: jealous of my H's interest in them.

 

How do you deal with getting older… and not as good looking as you used to be?

 

I know that you should look the best you could.

 

But… I’m 45 and, although I look very good for my age, there is no way I can compete with hot 18 year olds. I still keep in shape and I’m still slim and I am still attractive and sexy and all that..., but I am not as firm as I used to be. In my case, a medical condition is keeping me from exercising more, but even if I was able to do it – younger women would still be much firmer and hotter. Sometimes, I even feel sorry for women my age who desperately try to keep fit an firm – it’s just a lost battle, you can never bring your youth back.

Gyms and solariums – how pathetic!

 

When I go out with my DH, he can’t help but look at hot young meat.

My feelings: why bother to stay slim and fit and sexy? I can NEVER compete with the girls he looks at, why should I bother at all?!

 

Disclaimer: I am not overweight or anything that could be harmful to my health.

I just lost any desire to be sexy for him.

If I can’t be more attractive to my H than a passing 20 yo, than… why on earth should I bother??

 

I like to hear other people’s opinion?

All replies are welcome.

[tanbark813]

No matter how hot you are there's always going to be someone hotter so f**k it.

 

[Touche]

I wouldn't worry about that. I'm the same age as you and although my H doesn't go around ogling younger women...he will stop when channel surfing if there's a hot woman in a bikini or something. Hell, he was ogling TBF's profile pic once! (She's a member on here in case you're not familiar with her...she's HOT!) But it doesn't bother me. He thinks I'm hot too. And I'm sure your H does too. After all, he's with YOU, right?

 

Don't you appreciate a good looking younger man? I can look at one and appreciate a younger guy but feel no more towards him than I would looking at a fine sculpture. Ok, maybe I'd sometimes have a fleeting little fantasy..so what? It's my H I want to make love to. Not anyone else. Never.

 

So please, try to relax about this. If he's loyal and loving, why worry?

 

And why lose your desire to be sexy for him? Why does the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy" come to mind? Why would you punish him like that? You'll only be hurting yourself.

 

You need to kick it up a notch as far as being sexy..not give up the notion entirely.

 

And another thing...if your H is anything like mine, maybe he can appreciate a sexy 20 year old as something nice to look at, but it stops there. He wants a woman (namely me) not a little girl.

 

So please re-think your point of view on this before you harm your marriage with your insecurity in this area.

[morelaugh]

See, I don’t really have that need to look at young hot males myself. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s the reason I can’t understand why he is doing this.

 

I understand this has a lot to do my insecurity about getting older, but after reading some posts on this forum I realised men will always desire other women. And the women they desire will always be the hot ones!

 

So, I should expect that from now on, more and more women will be ‘desired’ by my H and I will be less and less desirable because I’m becoming less and less ‘hot’?

 

Well, I know this is how it works, but I don’t like it at all

 

Is it how it has to be?

[morelaugh]

No matter how hot you are there's always going to be someone hotter so f**k it.

Are you in a relationship?

Doesn’t it bother you that your SO finds someone else ‘hotter’?

(How do you f**k it? )

[Touche]

See, I don’t really have that need to look at young hot males myself. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s the reason I can’t understand why he is doing this.

 

Well it's not something I go around doing all the time either..hardly ever in fact. Anyway, maybe you don't understand it but can you accept it?

 

I understand this has a lot to do my insecurity about getting older, but after reading some posts on this forum I realised men will always desire other women. And the women they desire will always be the hot ones!

 

What makes you think that your husband doesn't see YOU as one of the "hot ones." Do you realize how many YOUNGER men want women our age? Lots. So why is it so out of the question that your own husband would desire you in that way?

 

So, I should expect that from now on, more and more women will be ‘desired’ by my H and I will be less and less desirable because I’m becoming less and less ‘hot’?

 

No of course not. Honestly, as a woman who is your same age, I can't even relate to this type of thinking at all. You must get past it and stop obsessing about it. Men, including husbands, appreciate a woman who is secure in themselves...or at least not completely insecure. It's a turn-off. That's why I mentioned the idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't push your husband away. Because if you do, he may just do more than look and admire. And what's so terrible about just looking and admiring?

 

Well, I know this is how it works, but I don’t like it at all

 

Is it how it has to be?

 

No, it's NOT how it has to be. YOU can decide to not make a mountain out of a molehill, which is what I think you're doing. Maybe you should go shopping and buy some new clothes or get a haircut or something to make yourself feel good. Then none of this stuff would bother you as much maybe. But really, I think the problem is just with your thinking. You CAN change the way you view all of this you know. Why make yourself miserable over this? You can't change him so change the way you react to it. Do you think you can do that?

 

Maybe if you can project a sexier more self-confident YOU, then he won't feel as compelled to ogle as much. And please keep in mind that you are NOT competing with those young girls. There's no competition whatsoever. You belong to each other. He makes love to you, not a young girl. So where's the competition? There isn't one. See what I mean. You just have to change your perspective on this. You'll make yourself and your husband much happier if you can do that.

[Trialbyfire]

Hell, he was ogling TBF's profile pic once! (She's a member on here in case you're not familiar with her...she's HOT!) But it doesn't bother me. He thinks I'm hot too. And I'm sure your H does too. After all, he's with YOU, right?

 

Shall I send you a more interesting pic?

 

Seriously. There will always be someone more or less than you. Look to your strengths, not your weaknesses. Older women have experience, savvy, are far more interesting and can be captivating, if they're confident about themselves.

[tanbark813]

Are you in a relationship?

 

No.

 

Doesn’t it bother you that your SO finds someone else ‘hotter’?

 

As long as she doesn't rave about the person, I don't care.

 

(How do you f**k it? )

 

You say, "f**k it", and crack open a cold beer.

[morelaugh]

No.

 

 

 

As long as she doesn't rave about the person, I don't care.

 

 

 

You say, "f**k it", and crack open a cold beer.

Cool.

 

But I’m not really a beer person…

 

Will a bottle of wine do?

 

Seriously, you don’t care? I wish I was like that...

[Touche]

Shall I send you a more interesting pic?

 

Don't you DARE! I might end up like our friend morelaugh if you do!

 

So what do you think, morelaugh? Can you get past this?

[morelaugh]

Thanks for your replies!

 

Some things sound really nice when you say them like that.

 

But, I have been working mostly with guys my whole life and my impression is completely different. A woman over 40 is an old bag, full stop. No one takes her seriously; no one is interested in her sexually.

 

Why would you punish him like that? You'll only be hurting yourself.

 

You need to kick it up a notch as far as being sexy..not give up the notion entirely.

 

And another thing...if your H is anything like mine, maybe he can appreciate a sexy 20 year old as something nice to look at, but it stops there. He wants a woman (namely me) not a little girl.

Yes, that is what I believed in for the most of my life.

 

But if you start reading some of the posts here, our Hs would like to much more to those little girls! The only thing that stops them apparently is moral, social norms, fear of hearting us or loosing their family. Valid reasons, but it boils down to : if there were no consequences they would do it in without second thought.

 

I don’t like the feeling that my H is not f**king other women just because he is afraid of consequences.

 

Are you cool with the fact that he desires all those women?

I mean, a sunset may be something nice to look at, a sexy 20 yo is just that : ‘sexy’ – meaning you want to have sex with.

[morelaugh]

Don't you DARE! I might end up like our friend morelaugh if you do!

 

So what do you think, morelaugh? Can you get past this?

 

I wish I could.

 

I wish I could think like you.

 

I just don't know where to start.

 

I mean, I love sex and I'd love to be sexy with him/ for him again.

But knowing that his ideal body is nothing like mine puts me off big time.

So I just give up...

[Touche]

Thanks for your replies!

 

Some things sound really nice when you say them like that.

 

But, I have been working mostly with guys my whole life and my impression is completely different. A woman over 40 is an old bag, full stop. No one takes her seriously; no one is interested in her sexually.

 

Sorry, but that hasn't been my experience at all. I can't relate to that.

 

 

Yes, that is what I believed in for the most of my life.

 

But if you start reading some of the posts here, our Hs would like to much more to those little girls! The only thing that stops them apparently is moral, social norms, fear of hearting us or loosing their family. Valid reasons, but it boils down to : if there were no consequences they would do it in without second thought.

 

Then maybe you should stop reading those posts. Sorry but not all men think that way. If I told my H that he could go out RIGHT NOW and screw some 20 year old with no consequences, he wouldn't do it. We've actually talked about this...just musing. We talked about if we could each give each other one shot at doing something like that. He said never and so did I

 

I don’t like the feeling that my H is not f**king other women just because he is afraid of consequences.

 

Maybe he's not f'ing other women because he only wants YOU. Did that ever occur to you?

 

Are you cool with the fact that he desires all those women? Sorry, but I don't think he "desire all those women" as you put it. He may admire a couple. But that's a different story. And I'm fine with that, yes. In fact, most of the time, I'll admire them right along with him...as in the case of TBF!

 

I mean, a sunset may be something nice to look at, a sexy 20 yo is just that : ‘sexy’ – meaning you want to have sex with.

 

Again, I don't agree. It's like I said before. I can admire a sexy, hot, guy and not want to have sex with him. I can even fantasize about it but if presented with the opportunity, with no consequences, no way in hell would I do it. Never. And my husband was honest about it with me. I asked him to tell me if he would, if there were no consequences. He wouldn't do it. ABut he was really honest because he said in theory it sounded good, but he'd never want to actually go through with something like that. I understood because that's exactly how I felt. It's fun to think about and fantasize about, but no thanks.

 

I have a little theory that you may not be getting affection or something you need from your husband. Could that be it? Because honestly, I can't relate at all to your way of thinking...and believe me, I have my own little issues/concerns about my age. But I just don't take it to this extreme way of thinking. So what are you not getting from your H? Does he make you feel sexy? Does he still desire you?

[Touche]

I wish I could.

 

I wish I could think like you.

 

I just don't know where to start.

 

I mean, I love sex and I'd love to be sexy with him/ for him again.

But knowing that his ideal body is nothing like mine puts me off big time.

So I just give up...

 

How do you know what his ideal body type is? Men can admire different body types. Gosh, you should have seen my H's ex. Our figures are completely different. She is short with short legs and very curvy (a little overweight) with big boobs. And I'm about 6 inches taller, long legs, very thin (a little underweight) with not so big boobs. I mean COMPLETE opposites. Yet, he found her attractive. And he finds me attractive. Maybe what he finds sexy about you is more than just your body type...did that make sense? I'm not articulating what I want to say very well.

 

You CAN think like that. You just have to really put your mind to it. You have to really believe that you ARE sexy and desirable.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You know, from the other side, I'm a woman in her late 20's and I have a 40 yo married co-worker that desires me sexually. I think it's his morals etc that stop him from doing anything, but the way he constantly looks at me, I can just tell exatcly what he is thinking. But the thing is, it just makes me feel like a piece of meat. It's his wife that gets all his love, caring, support and commitiment.

 

So from your prospective, yes even though your H would probably like to f*ck those women if noone was ever to find out, he would sleep with them once or twice and discard them like yesterdays trash. It's you he loves and comes home to every day.

[silktricks]

But, I have been working mostly with guys my whole life and my impression is completely different. A woman over 40 is an old bag, full stop. No one takes her seriously; no one is interested in her sexually.

This is just NOT true. I've also worked primarily with men my entire life. Believe me, they take me VERY seriously. I'm more than 10 years OLDER than you are, and I do know where you're coming from, but you need to clear your head of all the muck you see on television and other media sources.

 

Older men find older women desirable. Be honest now, would YOU find an 18 year old fascinating? Well, maybe for about 15 minutes, but as soon as he opened his mouth to actually TALK? Nope, no way, no how. If you have nothing in common with the person, how can you have a real honest to god relationship?

 

Yeah, guys will look at a cute young tight a$$, but you've got the goods, baby, they don't. If you don't sell yourself short, then your husband won't either. Treat him good, show him he's important to you. Love him.

 

 

The only thing that stops them apparently is moral, social norms, fear of hearting us or loosing their family. Valid reasons, but it boils down to : if there were no consequences they would do it in without second thought.

 

I don’t like the feeling that my H is not f**king other women just because he is afraid of consequences.

 

Are you cool with the fact that he desires all those women?

I mean, a sunset may be something nice to look at, a sexy 20 yo is just that : ‘sexy’ – meaning you want to have sex with.

This is the most self-defeating thinking. Men don't just not screw-around because of being afraid of the consequences. Do you just not screw-around because you are afraid of the consequences? Well, why do you think so little of your husband? Just because you read something on the Internet? If you're 45 years old, you ought to have more insight into human behavior by now!!

 

And sexy does NOT mean "you want to have sex with" sexy means sexual, and you can be sexual at ANY age!!

[Touche]

You know, from the other side, I'm a woman in her late 20's and I have a 40 yo married co-worker that desires me sexually. I think it's his morals etc that stop him from doing anything, but the way he constantly looks at me, I can just tell exatcly what he is thinking. But the thing is, it just makes me feel like a piece of meat. It's his wife that gets all his love, caring, support and commitiment.

 

So from your prospective, yes even though your H would probably like to f*ck those women if noone was ever to find out, he would sleep with them once or twice and discard them like yesterdays trash. It's you he loves and comes home to every day.

 

That was a very sweet post S&C, but I also had to laugh. When you reach our age though you WANT to be looked at as a "piece of meat" again once in a while!

[Trialbyfire]

I just lost any desire to be sexy for him.

So the question is why? Don't you find him sexy? If so, get out there and update your wardrobe, haircut, makeup and everything.

 

A woman in her forties is in her prime. She's got it all going on upstairs and is very, very attractive. I'm not there yet, but look out when I am. If I look back at the pics of my mom and my aunts in their mid-forties, they looked amazing.

 

You might want to check out Touche if she's willing to post up a pic. She's a hottie.

[Touche]

So the question is why? Don't you find him sexy? If so, get out there and update your wardrobe, haircut, makeup and everything.

 

A woman in her forties is in her prime. She's got it all going on upstairs and is very, very attractive. I'm not there yet, but look out when I am. If I look back at the pics of my mom and my aunts in their mid-forties, they looked amazing.

 

You might want to check out Touche if she's willing to post up a pic. She's a hottie.

 

Aww, thanks TBF. I think my pic is in my profile...speaking of which I think I have something in there about my hobby being "whining about my age." Haven't looked at my profile in a while but I think that's still there. So see, laughmore it's kind of a concern to me too. I can relate to that part. But you've taken it to a whole other level. Your thinking is too extreme and I daresay, not healthy to your marriage, in my opinion. It's not good for YOU either. Your devaluing yourself. We're in our PRIME now.

[Trialbyfire]

Aww, thanks TBF. I think my pic is in my profile...speaking of which I think I have something in there about my hobby being "whining about my age." Haven't looked at my profile in a while but I think that's still there. So see, laughmore it's kind of a concern to me too. I can relate to that part. But you've taken it to a whole other level. Your thinking is too extreme and I daresay, not healthy to your marriage, in my opinion. It's not good for YOU either. Your devaluing yourself. We're in our PRIME now.

Your pic is there Touche. If I swung that way, I would do you.

[LakesideDream]

Morelaugh, I'm a bit older than you (I'm male), but I ain't dead.

 

I can tell you something for certain. When I see an amazing 18-25 year old, in person.. it's just that "amazing". Sometimes I flip back to being 18 myself for a second or two, hard body and all. A second or two. Sometimes I mentally compare to my ex, or my first love... for a second or two.

 

I am NOT "attracted" to the youngster. I'm amazed, not sexually aroused. When I see a well put together attractive woman your age... my motor starts reving.

 

Many women, and especially a few here at LS are obsessed by the fear that their 45+ husbands are ogling, sexually attracted to hard bodied, half dressed teenagers. I have a hard time believing it's a serious thing for the men. I know it isn't for me.

 

Give me Sybil Sheppard, over Jessica Simpson anytime, everytime. Please.....?

[Touche]

Your pic is there Touche. If I swung that way, I would do you.

 

And I'd do you back! If I swung that way of course. (Would that be considered cheating?)

 

Nice post, Lakeside. You sound like my H.

[directx]

Honestly, younger girls do NOTHING for me.

I must be odd.

[morelaugh]

Thanks everyone for your replies, you all have valid points.

I think it’s my insecurity that brought this all up.

There is nothing I don’t get from my H, he is very loving and caring.

It’s just that I feel so old and undesirable and when I see him ‘admiring’ hot girls I just want to give up on myself and my own ‘sexiness’…

[directx]

Well, unless he comes out and tells you flat out he finds younger women more attractive than you, try not to think this is the case.

 

I find this one woman a little old than me SUPER attractive, and its not just her looks, but who she is. But I always feel she doesn't believe it, so i almost want to give up telling her. But its IN her head because she hates getting older.

 

A real man find attractiveness considering the 'whole package', and not just the outer wrapper.