Jealous of younger women...

[Trialbyfire]

Why not schedule a makeover and a haircut? Also, do a shopping trip with the girls.

 

All of these things help to revitalize you as a person. Something to do for yourself instead of your husband and/or your family, if you have one.

 

Are you working or a stay at home mom?

[Carbine]

It's one of those ****ty situations where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't - you exercise and look after yourself and you still know that you're not anywhere near as hot as the younger girls. Yet, when you let yourself go, the difference will be a lot more noticeable to you. What's more, you'll probably feel ten times more of a failure, and a zillion times more resentful. So it's probably best to keep exercising.

 

I'm nowhere near your age (I'm 26) but I'm already starting to feel the pressure of not being in the same league as younger, hotter women. It's not something I find easy to deal with or accept gracefully. I just feel resentful and bitter about having to surrender to better looking girls. Honestly, I dread the future...

 

What can I do? I know that, ultimately, I can't win against the ageing process. And although I realise that it's a situation that can't be avoided, I still can't help feeling hard done by. Hence, I focus a lot on my looks and how I measure up to other women (some would say to an unhealthy degree ). Yet, I also realise that I'm lucky enough to have a few natural features which make the ageing process less obvious and give me a slight advantage. For example, I'm half asian and I've inherited a small frame and narrowish hips as well as good skin and a 'youngish' face. I should make the most of these but I'm too damn lazy to really make much of an effort atm. It's comforting to know they're there, though.

 

As for the jealousy well i cant really help ya with that. When my ex would check out younger girls I'd fly into a hysterical rage. I'd ask him constantly why he would do this and he'd reply "she's like, only 18 or so and she's still got a good body. She's not as heavy as you ok? But don't worry, you're a lot older than her and she'll put on weight when she gets to your age". Makes sense I suppose, but i couldn't cope with this and it eventually drove us apart.

[bones]

I'm older than you and my husband isn't dead, so naturally he's going to look. It is what the human species does. I actually point them out and say, "Hey, check her out. Are they real or fake? Would you do her?" We have fun with it and I learn a lot about what he finds sexy, so I can follow suit. My husband would do Diane Lane or Michele Pfifer in a minute. He'd also do Scarlet J, but not because there aren't older women he finds hot.

 

If I see a hot guy of any age, I say--wow, he's hot! My husband is attractive, but he's not hot. Does he wish he was? Probably, but he's more concerned with whether he makes me happy day to day which is where it's at. Besides he is so good in bed there is no way an 18 year old would measure up. I seriously doubt an 18 year old GIRL would be as good in bed as a 40 yo that is confident in her sexuality and enjoys physical pleasure. I've found that with age, I've lost inhibition. Our sex is awesome and I know I turn him on with just a certain look because he's told me so.

 

I remember being in my mid twenties and looking at men around 50 and thinking "ugh". How do you get it on with that. Now I know a couple 50+ men that are so sexy I fantasize about them. I don't ever fantasize about anyone 25 because they lack the wisdom that stimulates my brain. I need to be attracted intellectually before I can be attracted sexually.

 

Did you ever see a cake that looked like it was to die for. Then you tasted it and it wasn't any good. To a 45 y/o man, an 18 y/o is like a cake that looks good, but lacks taste.

 

One thing men don't find sexy is insecure women with any kind of a complex. Spend a night in a bar with him and play the "Would you do her game." I bet when you get home, he'll be tugging at your shirt before you get in the door.

[Woggle]

Men look at women and don't even realize we are doing it. I can assure that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his hormones. Any decent man and he sounds like he is one just looks and then forgets about it. I am 28 and my wife is in her 40s and she is one of the most beautiful women I have never seen and that is on the inside and out. I have yet to meet a 20 year old who has anything on her and your husband probably sees you the same way. That being said I do notice when a hot woman younger or older walks by but it is all looking and never any touching.

[Trialbyfire]

[rant=me]

Ick...there is so much societal stereotyping that assumes that beauty/hotness is synonymous with youth. How anyone could desire the awkwardness of motion and conversation displayed by an 18 year-old or even an early twenty year-old, I have no idea. The other day I was driving along and happened to see a young girl walking on the sidewalk. She had on hipster jeans, tight t-shirt and heels. Her movements were jerky, awkward and self-conscious, looking around to see who was looking at her, cell phone glued to her ear. It was pretty laughable in some ways, although she was a pretty girl.

 

Also, have you seen the young guys that hang out in the mall, checking out anything that wears a skirt? They have jeans or shorts that sag near to their knees, the worst cocky attitude and no shame about approaching and attempting to hit on you. Complete sleezeball attitudes.

 

Would I do that? I'd rather remain celibate for the rest of my life, rather than bed one of those little boys.[/rant over]

 

As you can see, this is a pet peeve of mine.

[IWALH]

I hate the way society has conditioned women to feel about themselves and other women in comparison to themselves.

 

That being said, I feel the same way and I am 23 and still get mistaken for an 18 year old. I already scrutinize my face for wrinkles and get bummed when I notice my already-forming laugh lines. I hate that I think that way and know that I shouldn't, but I do. I am hoping that with age I will care less and less about things like this, but this post makes me doubtful. I am so scared of aging. It is my 2nd greatest fear in life (only next to death of loved ones and myself). I don't know... sometimes I accept the fact that I am not always going to have my youth and beauty.... but sometimes I get really really scared about it....

[Touche]

I just can't believe some of you gals! I actually thought of this today when I read a book today out by the pool.

 

Does anyone remember "The Bridges of Madison County?" I read the sequel today in one sitting. It's called A Thousand Country Roads (Robert James Waller.) So guess what made me think of this thread? There it was on page 175 and I quote:

 

"Carlisle watched the envelope catch fire and then opened the white box, carefully removing a sheet of paper laid over a thick stack of black-and-white prints. The top one was of a woman leaning against a fence post in a meadow somewhere. She was, Carlisle thought, extraordinarily beautiful in the way that only a mature woman can be....."

 

And of course those of us who are familiar with the story know that Francesca was in her 40's.

 

I rest my case.

[morelaugh]

Thanks everyone!

 

It’s great to know someone understands you and you guys sound like you do understand me (even though most of you think that I take this thing out of proportion:))

 

Touche,

First of all, I checked your profile and you are absolutely gorgeous! TBF is right.

 

TBF, I don’t know how you look, but I trust Touche’s and her H’s taste

 

I did try retail therapy before I post it here. It briefly worked, but than everything came back.

I have to admit, I didn’t try a new haircut - I have long sexy hair and I don’t really want to change it, I like my hair.

 

Look, I know I’m sexy, I know he finds me sexy, …

He is a great guy, compliments me all the time, and I know he is attracted to me…

 

It’s just that I have that stupid annoying feeling that he wishes I looked younger and firmer. For a short period I even considered plastic surgery, but decided I couldn’t do something like that.

 

I don’t think my H contributed to the way I feel about it – except by admiring bodies that don’t look like mine (but, most people do that, don’t they?).

 

He did mention that women with hard bodies look better (but he still prefers me!) – but, again, it was only after I asked him and insisted on the answer. I mean, he is not a jerk.

 

SadandConfused,

that is exactly how I felt when I was younger… and one of the reasons I feel like this now. I know you are young and not married, but would you want your H to go to work every day and sexually desire other woman/women? (Regardless of how those women feel about it.)

 

TBF,

I used to be a stay at home mom for about 6 years, than I went back to work. Just recently I have been offered (and accepted) a very interesting (and relatively high) position. I have to admit, I’ve been more focused on my job in the past 2 years, and my H has been very supportive all the time.

 

Woggle,

when you say it’s his hormones, what do you mean by that? The way I hear it is: because of his hormones he wants those girls, but he loves me? Is that right? I mean, you may not want to marry all those young sexy girls, but you would still want to f**k them and you would still fantasize about them?

[Trialbyfire]

I have to admit, I didn’t try a new haircut - I have long sexy hair and I don’t really want to change it, I like my hair.

So do I, down to my hips but nothing says sexy like an updated shaping and style difference, while still keeping the length. Right now short hair is the trend so even better, long hair is the way to stand out and bring out the he-man in most men.

[Touche]

I agree with TBF, my hair is long too and I'd keep it that way. But you can still have it styled/layered...just a different style than you're used to wearing.

 

And thank you so much laughmore, for the compliment! Coming from a woman, it means a lot to me. You're sweet to say so.

 

Believe me, I've considered plastic surgery too...and I haven't ruled it out yet. I think I can go a few more years though before I would really seriously consider it. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a gem of a husband.

 

Maybe you're just going through a mid-life crisis? I know what that's like! Hang in there, ok? You'll be fine, I'm sure.

[Woggle]

Your husband does not want to ***k thos eother girls. He is simply looking and that is all there is to it. He probably doesn't even notice he is doing it.

[JamesM]

As a guy who is 43 and married to an older woman (who is 43 and 1/2 ), I can say that yes, I look at the younger ones. I admire their sexiness and beauty. I admire their slim or not so slim bodies. BUT...here is the catch...what they have is much less than what my wife has.

 

My wife is heavier than many young women. She has more wrinkles. There is a little more flab in the wrong places. She has gained weight. lost it and gained it. She will never look young again. But she has more than those young women will EVER have.

 

She is my wife. We have children together. We have made memories together. When we make love, it is a sexy familiar. When I look at her body, it is a body that has what I desire. She has a smile and eyes that cannot be beaten by any young woman. That smile can make my insides shine. Her words of love or appreciation can make me feel on top of the world. One look of love from her is worth more than ten thousand from any other woman. Why? She is my wife.

 

As a married man, I can say for myself that yes, many young women catch my eye. Many make me think. But when I really think about the idea of being with that young woman,the pain of losing my wife for a moment of pleasure with any young woman makes that moment of pleasure seem cheap and tawdry.

 

I cannot speak for your husband. but most husbands would rather have sex with their wives than with any other woman. As I have said before. sex with a woman is "just sex," but sex with my wife is "making love."

[morelaugh]

Touche,

you are very beautiful; I’m sure I’m not the first person to say that m:)

Having said that, I wouldn’t be jealous if my H wanted to do you. Go figure!

 

See, I’m weird with my jealousy.

 

If I like the girl (in most cases that means - I like her personality), I don’t get jealous.

 

Weird, but I don’t mind so much if he gets interested in the ‘whole package’. I can understand that and would not flip out.

 

It’s only when he admires anonymous, young, hard bodies - that triggers jealousy in me.

Perhaps a part of it is that I don’t think is ‘fair’ to admire just their bodies. Maybe I don’t appreciate ‘beauty’ myself? But what is beauty anyway? .. in the eye of the beholder… if it is in the eye of the beholder, why can’t he see me as beautiful and not them?

 

I know it sounds stupid, but this is how I feel.

 

Woggle,

I talked to him about it and, although he said he doesn’t want to f***k those women, the act of looking still had a sexual component (whatever that means).

I know you are right about this Woggle, he doesn’t even notice he is doing it most of the times.

 

However, I feel desperate need to understand what’s going in his mind – I believe, if I managed to understand, I’d see this is not a big deal and I’d be able to get over it…

[Touche]

Touche,

you are very beautiful; I’m sure I’m not the first person to say that m:)

Having said that, I wouldn’t be jealous if my H wanted to do you. Go figure!

 

See, I’m weird with my jealousy.

 

If I like the girl (in most cases that means - I like her personality), I don’t get jealous.

 

Weird, but I don’t mind so much if he gets interested in the ‘whole package’. I can understand that and would not flip out.

 

It’s only when he admires anonymous, young, hard bodies - that triggers jealousy in me.

Perhaps a part of it is that I don’t think is ‘fair’ to admire just their bodies. Maybe I don’t appreciate ‘beauty’ myself? But what is beauty anyway? .. in the eye of the beholder… if it is in the eye of the beholder, why can’t he see me as beautiful and not them?

 

I know it sounds stupid, but this is how I feel.

 

Again, thank you morelaugh, but I don't get this. I'm the EXACT opposite of you in this regard. I would be jealous if my H admired the "whole package" meaning personality and everything..but if he just admired a girl's body? No way. Funny how different our perspectives are, isn't it? And you ask why he can't see you as beautiful..how do you know that he DOESN'T? It sure sounds to me like he does from what you've said.

 

Woggle,

I talked to him about it and, although he said he doesn’t want to f***k those women, the act of looking still had a sexual component (whatever that means).

I know you are right about this Woggle, he doesn’t even notice he is doing it most of the times.

 

However, I feel desperate need to understand what’s going in his mind – I believe, if I managed to understand, I’d see this is not a big deal and I’d be able to get over it…

 

Then maybe you really need to talk to him about this. Why not just ask him?

[morelaugh]

I know he does find me beautiful…

We did talk about it.

 

See, JamesM is a loving H and he certainly loves his wife.

But if my H described me as something like ‘a little more flab in the wrong places’ I would definitely flip out.

I don’t want to be just ‘she is my wife, we have kids together’ – it doesn’t say anything about ME, just about the history.

 

As a married man, I can say for myself that yes, many young women catch my eye. Many make me think. But when I really think about the idea of being with that young woman,the pain of losing my wife for a moment of pleasure with any young woman makes that moment of pleasure seem cheap and tawdry.

I wouldn’t like the fact that some girls make my H think. Think about what? Having sex with them?

It seems, again, it is all about consequences – the pain of loosing your wife is what stops you to do what you desire to do.

 

Again, I know I’m weird, but this is exactly what bothers me with my H.

[Touche]

I completely understand where you're coming from. That's why a while back I made the remark about not minding to be looked at as a piece of meat. I know what you mean.

 

But I'd rather have a man (specifically, my husband) who looks at the total package and wants me than just someone he looks at as a good f**k. Does that make sense?

 

It's interesting to me that James' point of view, had he been talking about me, wouldn't bother me at all..on the contrary..I would be happy. But yet you decided to focus on the negative sides of James' message.

 

That's what you need to work on, laughmore. The positives in life..not the negatives. You can do that if you put your mind to it.

 

.Think about this: What's the alternative? If you decide that you can't accept the way your husband is, then what? Can you come up with a better scenario for yourself? And what would that be exactly?

[morelaugh]

Rationally, I can’t think of a better scenario.

 

I occasionally have brief fantasies about being on my own and not having to deal with all those negative emotions just because he looked with admiration at 18 yo sex bomb.

 

We have kids, and of course, I want the best for them and I would never leave over something like this. But I can’t get over the whole either. It looks like I’m stuck.

 

I will have to accept that in a way he is settling. In some other way, I have to settle too.

 

I’m trying to find the middle ground. This is the reason I am here.

[Touche]

Rationally, I can’t think of a better scenario.

 

I occasionally have brief fantasies about being on my own and not having to deal with all those negative emotions just because he looked with admiration at 18 yo sex bomb.

 

We have kids, and of course, I want the best for them and I would never leave over something like this. But I can’t get over the whole either. It looks like I’m stuck.

 

I will have to accept that in a way he is settling. In some other way, I have to settle too.

 

I’m trying to find the middle ground. This is the reason I am here.

 

It really bothers me that you think he's settling. And why do you think you're settling? This is something you should really think about. This is the issue.

 

You shouldn't feel like you're "stuck." You should feel like you have the best of the best. But for some reason you don't.

 

Honestly, I think you're going through a mid-life crisis. It passes. It really does. But only after you really do some soul searching.

 

If you didn't have kids, or if they were grown, would you still stay with your husband or would you leave him over this? Something to think about.

 

Is this issue really the worst thing between your husband and you in your eyes?

 

Just some things for you to think about. I really hope you can put this all into its proper perspective.

[morelaugh]

It could be that I’m going through a mid-life crisis.

 

But it doesn’t make it any easier.

 

This is the first time I don’t know how to deal with what’s happening in my life.

[Touche]

It could be that I’m going through a mid-life crisis.

 

But it doesn’t make it any easier.

 

This is the first time I don’t know how to deal with what’s happening in my life.

 

I really understand. Sometimes though, things become more obvious later on. Just ride this out. But please don't shut your husband out. I guess my advice is to "fake it until you make it" for now. Because I really believe that eventually you will come to believe and see that how you're thinking now is not reality. You WILL get through this.

 

May I ask how long you two are married?

[morelaugh]

May I ask how long you two are married?

15 years in Feb.

This is the second marriage for both of us.

[Capricorn]

It's good that everyone is trying to make Morelaugh feel better about the problem but why does everyone act like it's no big deal that her man looks at young girls? No wonder she feels down on herself! I'm only 26 and after everything I have realized men are very hard to please!! I'm pretty confident in my looks too, I"m 5'4 115lb, I have long hair and I always dress nice but I feel like I have to constantly compete to keep my man!! I too have started feeling "OLD" lately and had an issue with my man (he's 29) trying to be friends with some 17 year old girl on Myspace and another situation with him and a guy friend hanging out with a bunch of teenagers. Anyway I don't check out teenage guys! I prefer men near my own age and even think older men are the hot sexy ones but it's seems men will always ogle the youngest they can legally look at!!! I would never cheat on my man but lately I've wonder if I should date an older guy that way I will always feel young and beautiful. I know it sounds ****ed up but I don't take lightly to my man looking at younger girls especially since he has really nothing in common with them!!! So us women just have to put up with mens uncontrollable hormone issues and feel ugly for the rest of our lives? It's just really depressing.

[Curmudgeon]

Hell, he was ogling TBF's profile pic once! (She's a member on here in case you're not familiar with her...she's HOT!) But it doesn't bother me. He thinks I'm hot too. QUOTE]

 

And you are!

 

Of course, I'm an old fart but regardless, I can still appreciate an attractive woman, just as I'm sure my wife can appreciate an attractive man.

 

Let's face it, as we age there will always be someone more fit, trim, buffed, smooth, tanned, ripped, attractive than we are/or our spouse/SO/BF/GF, et al, is. That's life! Get over it. In the final analysis, it all comes down to commitment, or lack thereof.

[tinke]

as an older woman, i would not envy the youthful ladies in general. yes, there are some absolutely beautiful ladies out there..older ones too...you know, the simple beauty. sometimes i stare in amazement how beautiful they are. no, not that i'm attracted..but i am secure enough to say hey, she is a beautiful lady! but...i would not want to trade the wisdom of my years..that is our gift. beauty is more than the surface, it is in the way we conduct ourselves, carry ourselves. these are gifts that come with age.

[tinke]

WHAT??? morelaugh, you stated people believe a 40 yr. old is an old bag, and not sexually attracted to them??????????

 

women of that age rarely have inhabitions, are very at ease with their bodies, and are at their peak. i find many men (some younger too) very turned on by her confidence.