I need her back...

[DH27]

I was with this girl for about 4 months, we were pretty serious and we were crazy about each other. sure we had our problems, but thats how every relationship is. Near the end of our relationship I had started having second thoughts about us, and broke up with her. She tells me this was devastating to her . About three weeks after the breakup, and after late night talks with her, I realized how much of a fool I was. I had given up something so amazing.

 

I told her how I felt and that I wanted to give us another try, but by this time she said she had moved on and didn't have those kind of feelings for me any more. I didn't give up though. I made plans for picnics, going out to eat, days at the park, and just hanging out. Also, I gave her two roses, and she loved them. Im pretty sure she set them by her bed in a vase. We always text each other almost all day every day. While we were at my house on 3 occasions we have gotten close to each other and cuddled. She tells me it feels good and has even said she felt secure and perfect when cuddling with me, but she never rubs me back, like when we hold hands and I rub her hand with one of my fingers. She doesn't do that back, like she used to when we were together. Its obvious to tell when she wants to be up close to me, because she either lays next to me in my bed, or when we are driving she sticks her hand out onto the center console or something like that to show she wants me to hold her hand.

 

The last instance where this sort of thing happened was last Wednesday. She was in my bed and I layed down next to her and she was complaining about back aches so I gave her a massage and she loved it, and then we just layed there cuddling. But yesterday (Friday) we went and saw a movie, my treat, and on the drive there and home she always had something in her left hand, her phone or my ipod. This may not seem like a lot but it means that she didn't want me to hold her hand. We got back to her house and I got out of the car and we talked for about 10 minutes outside her house, we hugged nice long meaningful goodnight hugs (just hugs because I know that kissing is out of the question still) and she went to sleep.

 

Now it may seem like I'm on the road to getting her back, but we have had talks since all these instances and she tells me that she doesn't know what to do. She says that she doesn't want to jump back into the relationship because she is scared that she will want to break it off a month later and break my heart, but she says she likes being held by me. She says she wants to be friends, and take it really slow, but I don't want this to turn into us just being friends. I kind of have the feeling that she still doesn't have feelings for me. She is leaving for college today, and I am leaving tomaro, but we are going to the same college (Purdue), and we are both 18 years old.

 

This is really long and I'm sorry, I just want to get all the information out that I can so I can get the best help. I am afraid that once we get to college I wont be able to see her very often, because of conflicting schedules. I'm also afraid that she will meet someone else as she lives in co-ed dorms. It feels like she is playing hard to get, but I don't know these games so let me know if I'm right or wrong. I don't know if I should call her, try and talk to her often, hold her as often as I can to maybe light a spark in her again, or give her space to think. Like I said I don't know these games. I don't want to lose her again. I know that we can grow and eventually love each other. She is an amazing girl. So I'm basicly asking, how should I go about getting her back? As asked before, should I try and relight a spark through me taking action? Or some other way.

[norajane]

Give her space, and start dating other girls. You'll have an opportunity to meet just as many girls as she does men. Don't set your sights on only her when she's not really sure what she wants. You don't have to totally give up on her, but don't spend all your time pursuing her.

[DH27]

I don't want to date other girls. That is so what I didn't want to hear. I was hoping you would see in what I wrote that I want her not someone else. I need help in getting her back, not in moving on.

[Travis L]

I don't want to date other girls. That is so what I didn't want to hear. I was hoping you would see in what I wrote that I want her not someone else. I need help in getting her back, not in moving on.

 

I think you are really going to have to wait and see on this one. Firstly, get it out of your head that you NEED HER. You need O2 and H2O. She is a preference! It's OK to really want her... DO NOT tell her or show her that you need her. Be friendly, be confident (not arrogant), show her a good time. Be there for her when she needs you. Do not lean on her too hard when you need someone... Show her that you are an asset and not some wimpy boy who cannot get anyone else. She needs to find you attractive and some-what hard to get.

 

Now, the worse part about all of this is that you are both just off to college. You may be feeling a little scared (anxiety) about this whole new world and you are trying to cling to the one piece of normalcy (her). Do not spend your first few weeks focusing on her. You need to focus on meeting new people and making new friends. College is a once in a lifetime (for most) deal and the first few weeks are key to making sure you have a great experience. When I went off to college (UofMichigan), I had this whole new world to explore...you are free from under your parent's thumbs. Enjoy yourself. She may have put you on hold as she wants to see what's out there at college. She probably doesn't want to be tied down to one person...hard to hear but very likely. This is perfectly fine. She is more than likely going to meet a lot of guys and she may even date some. Do not show that this bothers you. Be there for her...not clingy or needy...just be a rock of normalcy for her.

 

I know you're probably confused about everything and don't know what step to take next. If you have ANY chance of getting her back you are going to have to be very patient. Do NOT be clingy... Do not harass her everyday. Let her make most of the contact. Always return her calls, texts, etc... Maybe when you get to college and get settled in, shoot her a text saying something light and friendly... Maybe: "Hey ___, I just got settled in. Having a blast...talk to you soon!" Then, it's on her to respond. Go from there.. Feel her out as to if she maybe wants to go get dinner together or something. In a few days, invite her to a party or to grab a bite to eat...

 

Just make sure you are out there meeting new people. Don't be the guy who never talks to anyone and just clings to one person. Make friends, enjoy yourself, and show her that you are a person that SHE WANTS!! Meet people of the opposite sex. If nothing else, it will show her that you are desirable... Don't rub it in her face...just have fun... What you WANT right now is probably not what you will WANT in the future...college has a way of opening a lot of doors...you will meet lots of great women and you may just find that one of these are more suitable for you than your ex. You will never know unless you try...get this need sh*t out of your head and just try it for the sake of trying. There truly are a lot more fish in the sea, my friend. You are young and have your whole world ahead of you. She may just be doing you a favor by not tying you down. I know you want HER right now...just be patient and go meet new people. Maybe from this you will again find that she is the ONE for you.

 

My ex of 4 years left me 2 months ago and she is just now starting to come around...ever so slightly... I accomplished this by playing it very cool... I haven't been clingy or needy and don't harass her with tons of phone calls or texts... I have been there for her when she needed me but appeared to always be busy. I just MADE time for her...

 

Finally, make youself attractive to her new female friends... Your ex is going to be looking for acceptance from her new circle of friends... Get their approval and you are one step closer to winning her heart.

 

Ok, this is getting ridiculously long and I have to go to work... Good Luck my friend and I will probably think of more tips.. Listen very carefully to what people have to say on here. They have been through this stuff and have a lot of great advice. Listen, don't criticize their advice...just know that it may not all apply to your situation. Take chances with what they say but only you know your situation. Take their advice and apply it based upon what you know will and won't work. Continue what works and stop what doesn't... easy enough? lol

 

Good luck my friend

 

~Travis~

[norajane]

I don't want to date other girls. That is so what I didn't want to hear. I was hoping you would see in what I wrote that I want her not someone else. I need help in getting her back, not in moving on.

 

Dating other girls will help you with that, too. IF you act like a puppy dog at her feet, she will treat you like one...meaning, step back instead of clinging to her and begging her to take you back. Show her you have a social life and other options and she might start seeing you as a 'catch' instead of as a back-up.

 

Because she's going to start dating other guys when she gets to college and there's not a thing you can do about that. So develop a social life of your own. And you might find someone you like BETTER than her, though you can't imagine that now. And that girl you like better might even KNOW that she wants to date you instead of putting you on the back burner.

[DH27]

Sorry if it sounded like I was critisizing your advice. I was just saying that my intent is not in moving on. Right now that isn't an option. I haven't been acting like a puppy dog at her feet, but she knows that I want to be with her. I'm trying not to be clingy and always trying to get her attention, which is hard, but I'm doing it. I move in tomaro and she is already there and she said she was going to come help me move in, and that night we were gonna get a bite to eat. I know there are other girls, but at this point I want to work to get her back. Thank you for all of your advice, that will really help. Please continue to put pointers every now and then as I am still not completely sure on how to go about doing this.

 

I'm going to try and make our meetings spontaneous, like me randomly calling in the evening saying I'm hungry and we should get some food or something like that. Good idea? I think (and hope) that she has somewhat of a preference to me, and that I just need to wait it out and wait for her to come around. Again this is what I hope, because almost 2 weeks ago she said she had lost feelings for me, but a lot has changed since then, and I need to have another talk with her about this (good idea or bad?) to figure out how she feels.

 

As you may have noticed I don't know if these are good ideas, help me out haha. I really want this to work out. I know I don't need her, but my life was just better with her around, and I want to feel that way again. Yes I could find another girl, but as I said, at this point I don't want to, and want to try and make this work. We know each other extremely well, and have always been able to tell each other anything at all, and that is something I value greatly.

 

Thank you guys a lot. Updates on the situation will come as the days pass. Keep the advice comming

[Travis L]

I'm going to try and make our meetings spontaneous, like me randomly calling in the evening saying I'm hungry and we should get some food or something like that. Good idea?

 

Opinions will vary on this site but it appears that your situation somewhat falls under neglecting her (That is, you took her for granted). In these situations I would think thats its OK to make contact and ask her out. At the same time, you don't want to do this everyday or even every other day. It's good to make contact once in a while but don't be pushy or clingy. If she has plans with someone else, act happy and say "Maybe next time." It would be wise of you to follow her lead with hanging out. Let her bring up meeting...

 

I need to have another talk with her about this (good idea or bad?) to figure out how she feels.

 

I really think it is too soon to ask her how she is feeling. Both of you are under a good deal of stress with the new atmosphere and leaving home. Be a comfort to her but don't ask too many questions with regards to how she is feeling about you two. You don't want to add any stress or you risk pushing her away... Save the feelings conversations for when both of you have settled in...

 

Every woman is different but I am a strong believer in small talk, happy talk, fun talk... Avoid serious conversations about where you stand etc... I would avoid it all together unless she brings it up but that's just me. If you bring it up at all make sure it is done with kid gloves...don't push her, don't ask her over and over, and just LISTEN...Don't disagree with her feelings and do tell her you understand.

 

Focus on being friendly, happy, the MAN that a woman would want to date! Again, no harassing...even if it seems like you're not doing it, its possible that you are. Let her make most of the contact.. When you do make contact, avoid "I love you", "I miss you", "I need you", etc.. Focus on her needs and wants.. Anyway, good luck again

[Guest]

Let her go. Really. If she was over you after three weeks, it would seem she was never very invested in a relationship in the first place. I had a breakup a month ago and am still crying every single day.

 

Also...it's spelled "tomorrow," not "tomaro." Good things for the college-bound to know...

[DH27]

Thanks again. How do you feel about ending conversations, like on the phone, texting, or on AIM. Should I from time to time be the one to end the conversations every now and then even when I don't have somewhere to be just to make myself seem not always available? I would love to talk to her until the sun burns out but yeah...once again I don't want to seem clingy, needy, ect... I just did this a couple minutes ago, and I didn't get a desirable response. Her bye was exactly that. Just "bye". We were talking on AIM and she is always the one to leave and I'm always the one that is available to talk.

 

I'm not good with these games...call me old fashioned. This is such an emotional roller coaster ride. Some times I'm happy with the day's events and what has happened with us so far and I'm feeling confident about us, and then something comes that completely throws me into the gutters and I feel like theres nothing I can do and that we aren't going to work out. Talking with you guys really does help, and I thank you for that. I'm happy I found this place.

 

What if for some reason she doesn't make plans? What if a week goes by and she doesn't suggest anything? I don't want to give up, but...yeah. Also, every morning I text her a good morning and before I go to bed I text her a goodnight a sweet dreams. Is this a good idea or bad? I've been doing it since we've been dating. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I fall asleep. Thoughts on this?

 

Also, what about us being in contact? Do you think it is a good idea to still hold her hand when possible? Or have my arm around her? Will this make her feel uncomfortable and push her away, or possibly relight a fire? Cause as of now I have been trying to have contact like this with her whenever I felt it was a proper time. Not always, just when we were driving somewhere, I always used to hold her hand, so I do now too. And last Friday at the movies I had my arm around her. I have mixed feelings about this, because she has said that she feels "safe", "secure" and she even "perfect" when I hold her, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like she is comfortable. Also, as said before, when I hold her hand or have my arm around her, I always rub it just to have that extra feel, but as of late she doesn't rub back like she always did when we were together. Thoughts?

 

Something else, (sorry I keep thinking of new things and adding them to the post haha) but I have absolutely no power in all these events. I hold no weight at all. How can I regain some power? I'm not saying I want a power struggle or thats what this is at all, I don't want that, I just want my words to hold some weight. Thanks.

[Travis L]

Thanks again. How do you feel about ending conversations, like on the phone, texting, or on AIM. Should I from time to time be the one to end the conversations every now and then even when I don't have somewhere to be just to make myself seem not always available? I would love to talk to her until the sun burns out but yeah...once again I don't want to seem clingy, needy, ect... I just did this a couple minutes ago, and I didn't get a desirable response. Her bye was exactly that. Just "bye". We were talking on AIM and she is always the one to leave and I'm always the one that is available to talk.

 

Good thinking!! You brought up a very important point... YES, try to end the conversations. Obviously, not in a mean way...just be vague and say that you have something to do. Also don't interrupt her to cut it short. Do it when there is a lull in the conversation. You want to be there for her when she needs you. What I use with my ex is "Ok, well it was great talking with you but I better get off of here... I have a couple of things I need to get done." I have also used, "Well I'm going to be late for lunch, I better get going." Obviously, you don't want to really lie...that's why you need to actually be staying busy with other activities and meeting new people. Find stuff to do... You'll want to tweak your conversation enders in your own way..find what works for you but absolutely don't appear to be available all of the time. Make it seem like your time is very valuable (and it is, you may just not see it that way right now) and you are taking time out to speak with her.

 

I'm not good with these games...call me old fashioned. This is such an emotional roller coaster ride. Some times I'm happy with the day's events and what has happened with us so far and I'm feeling confident about us, and then something comes that completely throws me into the gutters and I feel like theres nothing I can do and that we aren't going to work out. Talking with you guys really does help, and I thank you for that. I'm happy I found this place.

 

I truly feel that this is not a game... Lots of people on here will tell you that you need to communicate. I agree but at the same time communication can stress the other person out to the point of not wanting to spend ANY time with you. You are just keeping your emotions in check while you are working to get your lover back. You are giving them what they THINK they want: SPACE.

 

These times are VERY turbulent... You can ride the waves if you want... I choose to take what happens in stride. There are going to be very happy times when you think you are really close to getting her back and then the bottom falls out and you feel like you are starting all over again. Don't let these waves affect you too much. Come to expect set backs and know that the goal is still in reach... Otherwise you will end up curled up in a ball crying yourself to sleep (been there, done that). She needs to see consistency from you. Be happy, be friendly, regardless of what happens. Obviously, don't look like a doormat either.. Finding the balance is VERY hard.

 

What if for some reason she doesn't make plans? What if a week goes by and she doesn't suggest anything? I don't want to give up, but...yeah. Also, every morning I text her a good morning and before I go to bed I text her a goodnight a sweet dreams. Is this a good idea or bad? I've been doing it since we've been dating. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I fall asleep. Thoughts on this?

 

It's perfectly fine to ask her out once in a while...just don't make it a frequent thing. From my recent experience.. The first two weeks I would ask her to do stuff all the time. After that, I've only asked her to do something once. When I did ask her, she was very hesitant and she actually brought a female friend with her. Ok, my situation is a little different from yours (She left me...). BUT, last week she asked to meet me. It went really well.. Now she's going to come over to hang out this coming week.. Again, my situation is different but my point is when I let her suggest the plans, she was a lot more eager to do it and didn't feel pressured. If she's busy when you ask, just be nice and say something like "Maybe next time."

 

Also, what about us being in contact? Do you think it is a good idea to still hold her hand when possible? Or have my arm around her? Will this make her feel uncomfortable and push her away, or possibly relight a fire? Cause as of now I have been trying to have contact like this with her whenever I felt it was a proper time. Not always, just when we were driving somewhere, I always used to hold her hand, so I do now too. And last Friday at the movies I had my arm around her. I have mixed feelings about this, because she has said that she feels "safe", "secure" and she even "perfect" when I hold her, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like she is comfortable. Also, as said before, when I hold her hand or have my arm around her, I always rub it just to have that extra feel, but as of late she doesn't rub back like she always did when we were together. Thoughts?

 

With this question I am a little hesitant to say one way or the other. Maybe someone else will have some advice about it. For me, I do not initiate physical contact. For the first two weeks I did try holding her hand and it seemed to make her uncomfortable. Last week when we met I made no physical contact and I think it kinda shocked her.. By the end of the "meeting" she was giving me hugs and even pinched my a$$. This was after I made no mention of the past, the changes I have made, etc... I was just friendly, confident, and happy. I was the MAN that she had fallen in love with 4 years ago, not the man she fell out of love with 2 months ago. Play it by ear...if she makes a sign like she wants you to hold her hand then do it, if you'd like. Maybe try not rubbing her hand and see if she does it first. Again, do what works and quit doing what doesn't.

 

Something else, (sorry I keep thinking of new things and adding them to the post haha) but I have absolutely no power in all these events. I hold no weight at all. How can I regain some power? I'm not saying I want a power struggle or thats what this is at all, I don't want that, I just want my words to hold some weight. Thanks.

 

Again, tricky question. You lost a lot of points by leaving her the first time. As far as power goes, you only have power over yourself. Your power lies in your ability to chose whether or not she is someone you want to continue pursuing. If you make yourself confident, happy, and self-sufficient, you will have the power that you are looking for. You don't want to control her (I know thats not what you meant). Work on bettering yourself. Get into shape, quit watching so much TV (if you do), get out there and meet people.

 

Spend time really improving yourself. Get at the heart of why you left the first time...did you think you could do better? Improve yourself when it comes to relationships...go to Barnes and Nobles and READ about how to really succeed in relationships. You don't want to win her back just to fall back to your old ways. You have to make true changes in yourself. I only wish that I had started reading and studying relationships when I was your age. I spent 4 years getting my bachelors and no time on improving my relationship skills... I'm now 26 and just lost an awesome woman...I'm working on myself at the same time as working on us (one sided working on us right now...). I've lost 35 pounds, jog every day, met all sorts of new people, gone on dates, etc...

 

My last suggestion (maybe I should have put this at the beginning) is don't over analyze every little thing she says or does. Don't spend all of your time wondering what your next move should be. A lot of the joy in life is the journey and not the prize. Enjoy being with her and the time you share with her. Be happy, be confident, be a MAN, be friendly, be caring, be understanding. Don't be a doormat, needy, clingy, depressed (in the sight of others), hang on to her every word, etc...

 

BE BUSY, GET OUT AND DO STUFF, MAKE FRIENDS, ENJOY YOUR LIFE. You will be just fine with or without her. Tell yourself that often and you won't stress out as much about getting her back.

 

REMEMBER what she has asked for...to be your friend and to take it very slow! Be patient as her clock isn't ticking to the same beat as yours.

[DH27]

So what did you think about texting her "good morning" and "goodnight, sweet dreams" every morning and night? I did this while we were together, and im still doing it now. Thanks

 

Oh and as far as getting in shape goes, over the summer we went to the YMCA sometimes just to work out, and at Purdue they have a Rec Center thats free for students, and we have said time and time again that we are going to go and work out together and drive each other. I'm a fit guy, in high school I played football, volleyball, swimming and track. So yeah this will be used as a way to hang out.

[norajane]

So what did you think about texting her "good morning" and "goodnight, sweet dreams" every morning and night? I did this while we were together, and im still doing it now. Thanks

 

And you said you weren't her puppy dog?? Are you going to keep doing that when she starts dating other guys?

 

That tells her that the first thing you think about every morning, and the last thing you think about every night, is her. As long as you keep doing this, she knows she has you wrapped around her little finger. And you become less of a challenge. You are a sure thing.

[Travis L]

Any news on the home front? Any success or failures?

[DH27]

Sorry it took so long, but no success. She said it is over, and God...that hurt like hell. That turned my world upside down. She said it to me last Thursday. Time to move on. We are still friends and see each other around campus and talk through texting and whatnot. I didn't beg, I didn't plead...I knew what I had to do if I ever wanted to have a chance with her in the distant future, I just let her go and told her I would always be here for her, I would always be her friend, and if she ever needed someone that would never judge her she knew who to go to. I'm moving on, taking it day by day. Its hard because whenever I start to feel like I'm making progress and am moving on, I see her and it all just floods back... I'm hanging out with other girls so its all good.. She is still everything to me though... but I don't tell her that. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...

[101NEO]

read Homer McDonald's "Stop Your Divorce" it really helps but you have to figure out how to apply it to your own situation.

 

after reading it, i failed a few times but eventually figured the correct combination of what it says to do and what is good for me. it a very fine line.

 

only part that kinda suX is that it's like 80 bux online but if you search the right sites you might just be able to download it for free... <<wink wink>>

[Travis L]

read Homer McDonald's "Stop Your Divorce" it really helps but you have to figure out how to apply it to your own situation.

 

 

 

Yeah, I read that and applied some of it. I contacted him to see about private coaching and it costs $575 for 3 half hour sessions. (ouch)

 

Agreed, worth the read if you can find it for free.

[DH27]

its ok, i cant spend any more money...just bought a car and am going to college. im getting through it, itll just take time. Thanks for all your help guys, especially you Travis. at least ive learned a lot from this experience and can apply it all to future relationships.

[Travis L]

its ok, i cant spend any more money...just bought a car and am going to college. im getting through it, itll just take time. Thanks for all your help guys, especially you Travis. at least ive learned a lot from this experience and can apply it all to future relationships.

 

 

Stick to what you have learned and don't fall back. Consider this a minor set back but don't give up on the changes... She may not want to be in a relationship right now but that doesn't mean she won't change her mind in the future. Go out, meet new people, and have fun... There are many women out there that want what you have to offer. Be confident, be a "good guy", and don't let one woman prevent you from finding the ONE... You don't NEED her... Be her friend if you'd like... Be a source of FUN for her. Do what you want and enjoy being single while it lasts.

 

Remember to NEVER take another woman for granted. If you truly take what you have learned and apply it you will be 10 steps ahead of the competition!

[DH27]

that was the biggest problem. I had taken her for granted in the begining. Yeah, I truly have learned many things from this. I know I don't need her, but she still has a hold on me. We are still friends and just have fun together now. I'm meeting new people and am going bowling with a girl I've met here in a couple minutes. And I hate being single haha. I always have hated it. But that doesn't mean I need someone there as a source of confidence for myself. I'm still looking for the one and I'm already tired of searching, thats probably not good cause I'm still young haha.

 

It took me 3 weeks to realize what I had given up, so who knows? She still might want to get together again in the future, but I'm not counting on it. Like I said it will just take me time to get over this completely. Every day hurts a little less.

[Travis L]

that was the biggest problem. I had taken her for granted in the begining. Yeah, I truly have learned many things from this. I know I don't need her, but she still has a hold on me. We are still friends and just have fun together now. I'm meeting new people and am going bowling with a girl I've met here in a couple minutes. And I hate being single haha. I always have hated it. But that doesn't mean I need someone there as a source of confidence for myself. I'm still looking for the one and I'm already tired of searching, thats probably not good cause I'm still young haha.

 

It took me 3 weeks to realize what I had given up, so who knows? She still might want to get together again in the future, but I'm not counting on it. Like I said it will just take me time to get over this completely. Every day hurts a little less.

 

So how did the bowling date go? Sounds like you're manning up, which is awesome.

 

My situation took a turn for the better and then the worse.... My ex left her new boy and ended up spending the night with me three nights in a row...everything was going well and then out of the blue on day three she said she wants to go and see if her and the new guy can work things out!!!

 

I acted cool and encouraged her to go find out what she wants. He tells her that he has no feelings for her. She goes on vacation and he ends up meeting her there...they talk and are now "taking things slowly". I had inadvertently fallen into the friend zone as she calls me up to tell me the "good news". At this point I have to act fast and get myself out of the friend zone and send her a text message laying out that I see a future with us and I cannot just be her friend right now. I tell her that we need to meet up so I can give her some stuff that she will need in the next few months. She tells me that she loves me but is not IN LOVE with me... OUCH. So I tell her I need a few months of not talking so that i can heal... She cries, etc...says that she is losing her best friend, etc... Now I am stuck holding the bag...

 

Anyway, you keep up the good work while I mull over how to proceed...

[CaliGuy]

"Need" is a very bad word to use in regards to relationships.

 

If you find yourself "needing" someone, look up the definition of "co-dependency" and see if you meet any of the qualifications.

 

The quickest way of pushing someone away is to NEED them. Needy-ness is NOT an attractive quality.

[Izzy B]

I disagree with the posters who say that you don't NEED her because when you really love someone, you DO need them. Romantic love and comanionship is a human need that most of us want and...well....need. So if you feel you do need her, you do....not to literally survive, but you need her to be complete and fully content and happy. If she really does that for you, you have something truly special and you should keep doing what you're doing! You are being very patient and letting her go at her own pace and I think she will come around.

[Travis L]

I disagree with the posters who say that you don't NEED her because when you really love someone, you DO need them. Romantic love and comanionship is a human need that most of us want and...well....need. So if you feel you do need her, you do....not to literally survive, but you need her to be complete and fully content and happy.

 

I think we all at some time or another have felt like we NEED someone to be complete and happy but that is really a fallacy. Even the original poster of this thread has conceded that he doesn't NEED her but has feelings so strong for her that she is the one that he really WANTS right now.

 

If he NEEDED her then he would have no hope of ever being happy again should she choose to not come back. She is a preference that he currently has a strong desire for and he does not NEED her to be happy or complete.

 

In the end this is a discussion over semantics when the core of his post is requesting information pertaining tips on reconciliation. He already got an earful/eyeful about his choice of words at the beginning of page 1.

 

Just my 2 cents....

[Izzy B]

I think we all at some time or another have felt like we NEED someone to be complete and happy but that is really a fallacy. Even the original poster of this thread has conceded that he doesn't NEED her but has feelings so strong for her that she is the one that he really WANTS right now.

 

If he NEEDED her then he would have no hope of ever being happy again should she choose to not come back. She is a preference that he currently has a strong desire for and he does not NEED her to be happy or complete.

 

In the end this is a discussion over semantics when the core of his post is requesting information pertaining tips on reconciliation. He already got an earful/eyeful about his choice of words at the beginning of page 1.

 

Just my 2 cents....

 

Travis, you haven't truly loved a woman then. When you are in love with a person, you need that person. Just because I don't agree with the other posters about use of the word need doesn't mean I am incorrect and my post is frivolous and uncalled for as you have stated. And perhaps you have problems with basic reading comprehension skills, but I did address is request for advice on how to handle his situation of desiring a reconciliation.

[Travis L]

Travis, you haven't truly loved a woman then. And perhaps you have problems with basic reading comprehension skills, but I did address is request for advice on how to handle his situation of desiring a reconciliation.

 

Ouch.. I wasn't trying to get personal but ok...

 

I have truly loved a woman.. That is what brought me here... But to say that I NEED her or I will be unhappy for the rest of my life...nah. I prefer to spend my life with her... There are a lot of women out there that I can develop a love as strong or stronger with. I just don't want to throw her out when I see so much potential with her.

 

The comment on semantics was referring to the general discussion of NEED not to your whole post.