Author DH27 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 Yeah, she probably just got overwhelmed. I'm just gonna give her space again. I reverted to how I handled things back in the beginning. If I get another message like that in the future I'm gonna play it cooler. I just can't help but feel I may have messed up here. I just hope she brushes it off and doesn't think too much about it. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Woman here. You didn't mess anything up. May I offer a suggestion? Next time you get one of those your bed is better things... try asking a question instead of making a statement. She says your bed is better... You take the very high road and ask, are you sleeping okay? She says your cooking was so much better..... You ask, did you try the clams at the seafood shack for lunch lately? She says she had so much fun hanging out with you.... You ask, have you had a chance to watch this season's Heroes yet? These are harmless enough and open dialog instead of making her contrarily want to refute blanket statements. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Good advice carrot! Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Well I have hit a new low. I guess its not that bad however, this is the situation. My ex called me today we chatted. I left the convo with I love you.. I called her later on to see how she was doing and she said she was going to hang out with a friend stephanie from school. well i know this girl better than anyone else.. I knew she was lying and i knew she was going to a guys house.. So i called her later and called her out on it. sounded like something was wrong on the phone... little she shoulded guilty.. well heres the scoop i didnt freak out she says she feels like she can do whatever she wants I informed her yes you can. however, the night before she said that she doesnt talk to any guys and doesnt know any to talk to.. Now she is lying to me. she was still at the guys house and I told her we can talk about it later. I think I'm gonna tell her i cant talk to her anymore because i cant be lied to and go NC!! ! Please any input NEEDED I know for a fact that she would not like it if i was hangout out with others girls so i am just gonna let it go for now and leave her be and NOT PICK UP phone calls.. if she wants me in her life she better work on getting me back to where we were......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah thanks for the advice. Yeah, just playing it cool. So why does she say things like that if she doesn't want to hear things like what I said back? And should I find out where she stands on all this? Because I don't know what she wants from all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah thanks for the advice. Yeah, just playing it cool. So why does she say things like that if she doesn't want to hear things like what I said back? And should I find out where she stands on all this? Because I don't know what she wants from all this. to me it really sounds like it was a harder approach than she wanted.. like carrot said go a little softer Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 We are all a little on edge when it comes to the things our ex;s do. I find out through the grapevine that my ex goes out with guys all the time. Only kicker is she did while we were together. She has a lot of guy friends. No big deal then but now I get a little anger in me...Why? Because now I over analyze everything she does and says. During this time of trying to win her back , you have to remember to PLAY IT COOL! Dont be jealous, dont get mad, dont argue, just be FUN! Be who you were when you first were together! Same for you DH. Dont over analyze what she is saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 We are all a little on edge when it comes to the things our ex;s do. I find out through the grapevine that my ex goes out with guys all the time. Only kicker is she did while we were together. She has a lot of guy friends. No big deal then but now I get a little anger in me...Why? Because now I over analyze everything she does and says. During this time of trying to win her back , you have to remember to PLAY IT COOL! Dont be jealous, dont get mad, dont argue, just be FUN! Be who you were when you first were together! Same for you DH. Dont over analyze what she is saying. Is it okay to tell her i cant tallk to her now cuz she is lying to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Nial Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Well I have hit a new low. I guess its not that bad however, this is the situation. My ex called me today we chatted. I left the convo with I love you.. I called her later on to see how she was doing and she said she was going to hang out with a friend stephanie from school. well i know this girl better than anyone else.. I knew she was lying and i knew she was going to a guys house.. So i called her later and called her out on it. sounded like something was wrong on the phone... little she shoulded guilty.. well heres the scoop i didnt freak out she says she feels like she can do whatever she wants I informed her yes you can. however, the night before she said that she doesnt talk to any guys and doesnt know any to talk to.. Now she is lying to me. she was still at the guys house and I told her we can talk about it later. I think I'm gonna tell her i cant talk to her anymore because i cant be lied to and go NC!! ! Please any input NEEDED I know for a fact that she would not like it if i was hangout out with others girls so i am just gonna let it go for now and leave her be and NOT PICK UP phone calls.. if she wants me in her life she better work on getting me back to where we were......... Hi Blurple, Came to check your news. Sad and sorry to hear that. Well, if I were you I would go NC. If you think she is lying to you then I think she is not giving you the value you deserve and keeping the contact will tell her that you accept that. Just my opinion. Great thread btw. Good luck guys! Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 No. Never tell her that you are not going to talk to her. Just do it and stick with it once you decide to initiate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Hi Blurple, Came to check your news. Sad and sorry to hear that. Well, if I were you I would go NC. If you think she is lying to you then I think she is not giving you the value you deserve and keeping the contact will tell her that you accept that. Just my opinion. Great thread btw. Good luck guys! Okay thanks. this is the second time its happened were i found out she was talking to someone and consider dating him. I told her i cant talk to you and then she called me the next morning and wanted to still talk and said she was not going to talk to this guy anymore. I just need to lay it out very clear that I dont deserve this and cant talk to her now So i am sitting here waiting for her call. Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Ok, well I know I was going to go NC today but some things happened that make me question my plan. Douche Bag is out of the picture for good. She came over today and we spent the afternoon cuddling and me "tickling (aka gently sweeping my finger tips accros her skin)" It's something I do all the time with her... Anyway, she takes off as she has to meet the douche bag. They talk and end up breaking up. She calls me right away to have me come over.. I do and we spend the evening together letting her cry on my shoulder, etc... I'm just taking it slow and not making any moves or letting on that I want more than just a friendship. I'm being there for her in every way possible. NC is out of the question for now... I wouldn't even consider this a peak on the roller coaster as I don't feel any closer to my goal. At least she is seeing what I gave her was a lot better than a lot of others can offer her... God, I hate the roller coaster.. All of us are on one bumpy frickin' ride.... Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah thanks for the advice. Yeah, just playing it cool. So why does she say things like that if she doesn't want to hear things like what I said back? And should I find out where she stands on all this? Because I don't know what she wants from all this. DH, if I was a guy and we were all sitting around having many beers and you said, hey Carrot, your old VW bug handles so much better than my new Audi, I'd say, right. What do you think of the new M3? And then we'd all have another swig of beer. A guy wouldn't think you were trying to accomplish anything by saying something like that. Even if you had an agenda, a guy would accept that you were just talking. In this case, your ex is just talking. Maybe she had an agenda. Regardless, the response from you needs to be along the lines of you've been heard and acknowledged and not here's my opinion about what you just said. This is stuff she's just putting out there. She's saying it out loud and saying it where you can hear it. Nothing more is needed than to indicate you heard her. As far as knowing where she stands on this, I still (in contrast to many here) believe that barring illness, tragic life events and so on, people generally do what they want. No one is compelling your ex to be in contact with you. She's doing it of her own free will. Thats where she stands. She wants to be in contact. That's it. No hidden meanings. Take it at face and don't think more about it. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah, I hear ya, thank you. I do have one question though. In what other way could she possibly have meant by saying "Ur bed is better...." than what we all thought she meant at first? We hadn't been talking, it was a random text at night, just the way it was worded with the "...." at the end. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Dude, you're pushing it.... Your bed is higher, lower, flatter, warmer, cooler, comfier, cleaner, she slept better, she dreamed better, she didn't dream at all, she didn't oversleep, she didn't undersleep, it was closer to the toilet, etc. At the time she said it, she thought it was better. The end. No hidden messages. She just put it out there. Let it ride. Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 I'm sorry but I can't believe that. It makes no sense as to why she would go out of her way to text me something like that, especially at a time that I would probably be asleep at. I think my response was just overwhelming. Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I'm sorry but I can't believe that. It makes no sense as to why she would go out of her way to text me something like that, especially at a time that I would probably be asleep at. I think my response was just overwhelming. Excuse me if I am wrong but maybe her point is more along the lines of just let her say those things without making her clarify or being too heavy. Don't over analyze it and make her regret saying those sweet things. Even if you think it means one thing, let it be. Chalk it up in your mental notepad, maybe smile at it, give a nice response, but don't come back with a heavy handed response. Just my 2 cents (I really didn't see your response as heavy handed or her response back as her pushing you away...maybe your ex was just being a little sarcastic) Anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah, thanks to the both of you for your help on this one. I don't know, its just confusing. But yeah thanks carrot for letting me know what I should do from now on when I get those, which I did get another one tonight, and I played it cool, and it worked out well. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 i hear ya man. were all up this late still pondering things. i just got done writing out my letter to my all by hand AFTER I typed it all out. this is what its like to truly love someone. it makes me sad that there are a lot of people in this world who just cant see what that love really means. i hope and pray that all our situations work out for the best. maybe sometime we could meet for a beer since some of us are from a small town and close by. share some stories or something. ood luck everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Share Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah, I'm always up this late. Well, I think my situation is going fairly well. I'm on the upper end of the roller coaster for now, hope I stay up here for a while haha. Yeah if all our situations work out well that would be awesome. Where is everyone from again? Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 If there's anything I've learned from this, its when our ex's send us texts like "ur bed is better...." or whatever kind of comment, they aren't thinking when they send it how we will react. They are simply sending it because it's a thought they had. It's not them trying to get a reaction out of us. If they wanted to get a reaction out of us, they know what they have to say..."I want to get back together" or "I want to try it again." It's also their way of keeping a hold, and not loosing that sense of you being there. Don't read into, it does you no good. I just went through the oddest situation this past sunday with my ex texting me, but I won't go into because it's not worth it. Not until she says the right thing....but if read into it, I would be going insane and probably over react and push her away even more...keep your cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 So look last night I think she spent the night at a guys house... the is coming a day before we went out to dinner and she said shes not going to be talking to any guys and that she doesnt know anyone. Today I let someone borrow my car and the crashed it. it spun out into a ditch and i just took the full coverage off my car. so im flipping out right now. I cant believe how so much is going wrong with my life right now. I texted her and asked her why she hasnt called she text me back liek you dont own me. i told her she i dont own you but you need to call me back we need to talk........ aaaahhh im tripping really bad right now Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 i hear ya man. were all up this late still pondering things. i just got done writing out my letter to my all by hand AFTER I typed it all out. this is what its like to truly love someone. it makes me sad that there are a lot of people in this world who just cant see what that love really means. i hope and pray that all our situations work out for the best. maybe sometime we could meet for a beer since some of us are from a small town and close by. share some stories or something. ood luck everyone Hey whats up niceguy meeting for a beer would be cool i live about 1 1/2 hour from you but my company is building the advanced auto on graiot in thomas twp we could meet up and have somebeers and talk that would be cool =========update==== I Finally talked to her and this is what she said. She said that she was with her friend and they went to her boyfriends house... she said she couldnt talk to me about it on the phone because she was hanging out. well I dont know she sounded like she wasnt lying but i dont understand why she did this.. she said she didnt want to drive home because she had to much to drink... now she is acting like everything is cool because i told her i may have to stop taklking to her. she said she was not hanging out with just a guy but friends... Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Hey, sorry to butt in again! Travis, did you have any suggestions after my post? Hope all is well. My heart goes out to you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hey, sorry to butt in again! Travis, did you have any suggestions after my post? Hope all is well. My heart goes out to you all. MattyTee, The best advise I could give you in this situation is have fun being single in a long time. I understand how hard it is for I was in your situation just a month or so ago. This is a simple formula. You want her to regret her decision, Right? First have fun, if you can't force your self to or at least make it look like you are. Don't center her around your world anymore. No more extravagant pier rendezvous.. Get into really good shape. Let this be your goal not your shackle. Now that you are in a LDR maybe taking a lot of pictures with your friends and posting them on social network sites. Pictures with other girls and friends having fun so she can see them.. because your in NC now maybe dropping little hints that you are better than ever without direct contact. Try hanging around mutual friends if you have any between the two of you. This way when they talk to her they will tell her what your up to and that your doing great and so much fun! I hope this helps.. I know you cant stop thinking about it, however, when you stop caring is when they always come back.. NC is the only thing we can do sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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