I need her back...

[DH27]

Travis-

 

I don't see anything wrong with what has happened. I agree with you completely. Having this "new girl" come see your ex at her work? Nothing wrong because they both wanted to (yes I think its weird but like i said its all good because they wanted to). Her talking to you on the phone while you were out on a date? I don't see what is wrong with answering your phone, how is that rude? Oh well. If I were you I would try to leave relationships with new girls and her old guys out of this as much as possible. Try to bring up the relationship as little as possible. Its best when things just kind of happen. This is what I've learned from my situation. You can't force a relationship to happen. Think about back when you first got with your girl, or with this new girl even. Did you two talk about it constantly, or did you just slowly progress to getting closer and closer and into a relationship. Did you ask her if you could kiss her or did you just do it? Exactly. Just let it roll, and if it happens, it happens.

[Travis L]

Travis, you took a call from your ex while you were on a date with another girl?

 

That's just rude.

 

People can say what they want and what have you... Most people in second chances are no where near where I am in progressing towards getting their lover back. I started out with her not making any contact with me for over two weeks... Now I see her several times a week, we're intimate, I am her confidant. Am I close to getting her back? No, but I am closer than I have ever been... My "tactics", "Manipulation", or whatever you want to call it has gotten me where I am. I call it 100% honesty.

 

Anyone can put the word "game" onto any move one makes to get their lover back. Sending flowers...you are trying to manipulate them. Confessing your feelings...manipulating. Low Contact....manipulation. PEOPLE...ANYTHING YOU DO TO WIN SOMEONE BACK CAN BE CALLED A GAME OR MANIPULATION.

 

I am not trying to make her feel anything that isn't already there... Her love for me is buried deep down. I am working on bringing that out. Are all of my "moves" perfect? No, but I am doing my best. You bitter people need to calm down.... I welcome all opinions but good lord some of you make comments just to read your own words...

[Travis L]

Travis-I don't see anything wrong with what has happened. I agree with you completely. Having this "new girl" come see your ex at her work? Nothing wrong because they both wanted to (yes I think its weird but like i said its all good because they wanted to). Her talking to you on the phone while you were out on a date? I don't see what is wrong with answering your phone, how is that rude? Oh well. If I were you I would try to leave relationships with new girls and her old guys out of this as much as possible. Try to bring up the relationship as little as possible. Its best when things just kind of happen. This is what I've learned from my situation. You can't force a relationship to happen. Think about back when you first got with your girl, or with this new girl even. Did you two talk about it constantly, or did you just slowly progress to getting closer and closer and into a relationship. Did you ask her if you could kiss her or did you just do it? Exactly. Just let it roll, and if it happens, it happens.

 

Thanks man... Yeah, I didn't just take her into my ex's work to see her...we were going bowling and my ex runs the attached bar. My ex asked me to bring the friend in after we were done bowling as she (my friend) is moving out of state this week.

 

I better not breath or I would be playing a game so I'm holding my breathe...

[Spinderella]

People can say what they want and what have you... Most people in second chances are no where near where I am in progressing towards getting their lover back. I started out with her not making any contact with me for over two weeks... Now I see her several times a week, we're intimate, I am her confidant. Am I close to getting her back? No, but I am closer than I have ever been... My "tactics", "Manipulation", or whatever you want to call it has gotten me where I am. I call it 100% honesty.

 

Anyone can put the word "game" onto any move one makes to get their lover back. Sending flowers...you are trying to manipulate them. Confessing your feelings...manipulating. Low Contact....manipulation. PEOPLE...ANYTHING YOU DO TO WIN SOMEONE BACK CAN BE CALLED A GAME OR MANIPULATION.

 

I am not trying to make her feel anything that isn't already there... Her love for me is buried deep down. I am working on bringing that out. Are all of my "moves" perfect? No, but I am doing my best. You bitter people need to calm down.... I welcome all opinions but good lord some of you make comments just to read your own words...

 

I am pretty sure that Carrot meant it was rude to them both, and put them both in an awkward position.

Anyway, whatever you call progress I dont agree. She wants to keep you around. You have successfully made yourself indispensible, but, have you earnt her real love and respect? Have you considered what is truly best for this woman you say you love?

[Spinderella]

Why does this thread have 5 stars?

[heartoutside]

Sending someone flowers isn't a game, that's honest to goodness love and kindness. There is no hiden agenda when you send flowers to someone or tell them how you feel. It's out, open and honest. Your intentions are obvious and known by both sides or persons. That is not a game....

 

I'm not trying to judge anything you do, or tell you what to do. I was in a very similar situation as are many of us on here. But there has to be a breaking point where you need to realize that YOU are more important sometimes. I think you've reached that point, but aren't letting yourself break. IMO.

 

When it boils down, the only person right now who will decide if you two get back together is her. And as long as she can have her cake (hook'n up with you, hanging out with you, you calling her) she'll be eating it all day long too!

 

I don't think anyone on here is making comments or opinions just to read their own words, sorry man. I thought that same thing a few months ago. Like when Caliguy would tell me to walk away, that I'm more important, and she left me etc etc. It boiled my blood to hear that! It's the last thing you want to hear.

 

But again do what you think is right. No one is saying you should do otherwise. I don't think people are bitter. I know I"m not. I think a better word would be realistic and value our own self worth.

[niceguy27]

I think its very good to hear other sides of a story. Then you get a full 360 of the situation so you can see it from all angles and judge from there. My .02?? You have been pretty straight with her so far and so has she. Like Ive said before, you know her better than us. If thats what she needs to get a little fire under her as*, then do it. Different strokes for different folk as they say!

 

Good luck to ya man!

[Travis L]

Ok, enough about my story... We agree to disagree, for the most part I'm truly not playing games... She knows EXACTLY how I feel and I know EXACTLY how she feels. There are no secret agendas...no pretending to be her friend only trying to win her back... She knows what I want... How I am manipulating her is beyond me... LC is manipulative (I still don't think it's wrong...) but tons of people preach it on here for helping the other miss you. I'm doing my best. I'm not hanging on to her for dear life...

 

ANYWAY, How are you doing DH and B? Any news from the home front?

 

Thanks Niceguy and DH!

[niceguy27]

Last week was her b-day...I pondered over whether to send a card or not and chose to do so. I didnt call or txt her but mailed her a real simple happy bday card. Been in NC for a week now and I called to tell her I found more of her things at my house (a tub full of it). First thing she did was thank me for the card. Said it was a nice surprise and that none of her roomates even acknowledged it was her bday and that she really appreciated it. She didnt get it till today so at least some time passed from her bday. She said it was kind of nice because she rarely gets mail and she liked the card.

 

Im not reading anything into this as it doesnt change anything between us but from what I hear from others is that a lot of ex's ignore stuff like that and blow you off.

[heartoutside]

anything new happen today guys??

[niceguy27]

I havent heard from DH or Blurple lately...Here is whats up with me:

 

I have pretty much had NC with my ex since the last updates except for the one above. Question?? Do you think it would be a good idea to wait about a month, get myself in order, and then lay it out for her about me moving?? I firmly believe that she is doing this as a big test for herself and thinks that once shes done with it, we will be back together down the road ( I know, selfish of her).

 

If I lay it down that she is REALLY going to lose me possibly for good after the holidays (with moving), I am hoping that she will be forced to quit playing these games and make a decision. Until this point I think she is keeping that thought in the back of her mind that Im just going to wait for her.

 

Would it be a good idea to tell her that in about a month (Full NC for that time too)?? Put it to her that I will make my decision sometime after Christmas and until then we do our own things. Im just tossing it out there. Some people have said to not say anything until I get ready to make a decision more closer to the actual date.

[DH27]

Bad things have happened for my situation. I pretty much ruined everything haha. Last Saturday we were up at my frat, and she was hanging all over some guy. I got jealous and got really pissed and left the room. I didn't leave in a big mess or anything, I simply just walked out. I went and sat down on the stairs of our stairwell, and she followed me and sat down next to me, apparently she knew something was wrong, and asked me whats wrong. Well I was drunk so I let her know what was going on, and we had this huge talk about things. She told me she just wants to date other people for now, see what is out there. Other stuff was talked about, nothing good. We didn't fight or anything, but I explained exactly how I felt, and so did she.

 

So heres what I'm gonna do now. She pretty much told me that she doesn't want to get back together. So I don't care anymore. I'm letting go. I'm gonna live my life completely how I want to. I know I am the one here that can make her the happiest, and all the guys here in college just want to get in her pants. One day she might realize this, then again she might not. Its up to her now, I'm not gonna wait around for her. If she does realize this, I might be there for her...but then again I might not, because I may have found someone else.

 

I'm letting it roll, letting go, letting her make her decisions. I haven't been happy with my life, at all, since the breakup, and I still am not. But hopefully now I can build my life back up to where it was before this whole situation, with or without her.

[Blurple]

I havent heard from DH or Blurple lately...Here is whats up with me:

 

I have pretty much had NC with my ex since the last updates except for the one above. Question?? Do you think it would be a good idea to wait about a month, get myself in order, and then lay it out for her about me moving?? I firmly believe that she is doing this as a big test for herself and thinks that once shes done with it, we will be back together down the road ( I know, selfish of her).

 

If I lay it down that she is REALLY going to lose me possibly for good after the holidays (with moving), I am hoping that she will be forced to quit playing these games and make a decision. Until this point I think she is keeping that thought in the back of her mind that Im just going to wait for her.

 

Would it be a good idea to tell her that in about a month (Full NC for that time too)?? Put it to her that I will make my decision sometime after Christmas and until then we do our own things. Im just tossing it out there. Some people have said to not say anything until I get ready to make a decision more closer to the actual date.

 

Wait for sure. Because you don't want it to sound like an empty threat,.. instead tell her whats up when you know whats up... I love the smoking gun!!!

[Blurple]

Bad things have happened for my situation. I pretty much ruined everything haha. Last Saturday we were up at my frat, and she was hanging all over some guy. I got jealous and got really pissed and left the room. I didn't leave in a big mess or anything, I simply just walked out. I went and sat down on the stairs of our stairwell, and she followed me and sat down next to me, apparently she knew something was wrong, and asked me whats wrong. Well I was drunk so I let her know what was going on, and we had this huge talk about things. She told me she just wants to date other people for now, see what is out there. Other stuff was talked about, nothing good. We didn't fight or anything, but I explained exactly how I felt, and so did she.

 

So heres what I'm gonna do now. She pretty much told me that she doesn't want to get back together. So I don't care anymore. I'm letting go. I'm gonna live my life completely how I want to. I know I am the one here that can make her the happiest, and all the guys here in college just want to get in her pants. One day she might realize this, then again she might not. Its up to her now, I'm not gonna wait around for her. If she does realize this, I might be there for her...but then again I might not, because I may have found someone else.

 

I'm letting it roll, letting go, letting her make her decisions. I haven't been happy with my life, at all, since the breakup, and I still am not. But hopefully now I can build my life back up to where it was before this whole situation, with or without her.

 

 

DH this is good.. I was waiting for something like this to happen to you.. when I was your age my gf did that same thing to me. she said she didnt want to see me "lonely." When I started hanging out with a new group of friends and having the time of my life she realized that she had more fun with me than some other jackasses that were not going to treat her like I did. when she came back she would worship me. just let her see whats out there. it wont take her long to realize it and get old to her. At least she didnt LEAVE YOU for someone else.. thats when you know its over .... SO keep ur head up buddy

[Blurple]

Ok, enough about my story... We agree to disagree, for the most part I'm truly not playing games... She knows EXACTLY how I feel and I know EXACTLY how she feels. There are no secret agendas...no pretending to be her friend only trying to win her back... She knows what I want... How I am manipulating her is beyond me... LC is manipulative (I still don't think it's wrong...) but tons of people preach it on here for helping the other miss you. I'm doing my best. I'm not hanging on to her for dear life...

 

ANYWAY, How are you doing DH and B? Any news from the home front?

 

Thanks Niceguy and DH!

 

 

Well and for me.. I am back together with my girlfriend.. well its good now.. she said she is my girlfriend now.. but I really need to give it about 2 months before i realize how things are going to really be. I am in a super bad situation in my life.. I lost my car. I am changing jobs and prolly going to need to drop all my classes. she wants to be there and help me. she wants me to live with her because the situation at my dads isnt going to well (I moved out of my own apt 2 month ago and its hell here im being treated like **** and like im not apart of the family) im getting a new job and going to start school again next semester and will be looking for a new car a new job nd new apt.. new place to live so i am closer to her..

 

 

P.S. she got into this forum and read everything that I have been posting.. she saw the link on my toolbar.. I asked her about it when I saw her internet history had loveshack.org on it LOL

[niceguy27]

Thanks for the advice guys. Im not going to say anything to her. I recently found out she has been having problems with that guy she was hanging out with. I think he is starting to push her for more. If she comes sniffing around I'm going to make darn sure I play it right and make her work for it (rubber band crap).

 

DH that sucks about what happened. BUT you can now say that YOU did everything you could to make things right. She blew it and had her chance. Now you can see what she really wants right now. Go out and party and lose yourself for a few months to help keep your mind off her.

 

Blurple...Good job at having things work out. You have your second chance and I hope it works for ya! Keep playing it cool and keep focused. Take everything youve read and learned on here and roll with it. Dont falter and dont give up.

[frd150]

Well and for me.. I am back together with my girlfriend.. well its good now.. she said she is my girlfriend now.. but I really need to give it about 2 months before i realize how things are going to really be. I am in a super bad situation in my life.. I lost my car. I am changing jobs and prolly going to need to drop all my classes. she wants to be there and help me. she wants me to live with her because the situation at my dads isnt going to well (I moved out of my own apt 2 month ago and its hell here im being treated like **** and like im not apart of the family) im getting a new job and going to start school again next semester and will be looking for a new car a new job nd new apt.. new place to live so i am closer to her..

 

 

P.S. she got into this forum and read everything that I have been posting.. she saw the link on my toolbar.. I asked her about it when I saw her internet history had loveshack.org on it LOL

 

Hey B,

 

Ive been following all you guys a bit here and there. Good to see that things are working out between the two of you. Sorry about the other stuff but those things are more controlable than relationships. It will all work out.

 

Word of advice though if i may. Try not to be too much of a burden to your girl. Show her that you can have a positive attitude about all of it and that it will all work out. You dont want to drive her away.She may be all helpful now but after a while she may just do a 180. Im sure you know this already and you will do whats best.

 

Its a good feeling to know that you have someone to lean on isnt it? Just be positive thru all of it. I know what being a downer can do to a relationship...trust me.

 

So what did she say about all the loveshack stuff?

[Blurple]

Hey B,

 

Ive been following all you guys a bit here and there. Good to see that things are working out between the two of you. Sorry about the other stuff but those things are more controlable than relationships. It will all work out.

 

Word of advice though if i may. Try not to be too much of a burden to your girl. Show her that you can have a positive attitude about all of it and that it will all work out. You dont want to drive her away.She may be all helpful now but after a while she may just do a 180. Im sure you know this already and you will do whats best.

 

Its a good feeling to know that you have someone to lean on isnt it? Just be positive thru all of it. I know what being a downer can do to a relationship...trust me.

 

So what did she say about all the loveshack stuff?

\

 

 

She wants me to live with her for the time being. I said "no its okay, I need to do this on my own and your angel for helping me as much as you already have." I told her I need to get my own things that have been taken away from me. I told her that having her there is more than enought.

 

I have also been thinking since I am in such a down point by not having a car and living at my dads and maybe dropping classes that she will she me as a failure if i don't get this all straight. (on the other hand she understands and wants to be the one there for me.) and yes i dont want to be a downer all the time, when we go out its so much fun for us.)

 

I have also had a falling out with a lot of my friends. they are not doing anything with their lives it seems. and she "wants to have bf with a lot of friends that have girlfriends so she can be friends with them." Anyways I feel like I am starting my life over again. I still have about two close friends that I can count on. All in all I do worry about not being a burden on her. I also fear that I don't want to become to dependant on her, because she can be gone anytime. I am trying to create my own foundation again so if the rug gets pulled from under me again ill be okay.

 

she said LS.org was flattering to her. cd111 said that our girls should feel special because how hard we try for them. She read a few things about a relationship I had before her. It made her a little bit upset. She said she never had a successful or as long of relationship as me since we have been broken up. I feel that it still bothers her. However, she realizes that no one else treats her as good as I do. Also she makes the statement that the guys she meets just want to have sex with her. I am not having sex with her currently. She says that she feels uncomfortable when I make advances to her. (but she will when she is drunk) She thinks she is gross and not love. which again i understand and need to comfort her because she is still hurt.

 

I can understand why she thinks she will get used by it. I left her because she did cheat on me years ago. since we were on and off, and someone she was dating last summer for a while just used her. We also had to have an abortion. that was a very hard decision for us. because I don't have a supportive family (no mom) (dad that dosent care) i am changing jobs and a lot on finacial problems due to bad real estate deals. the last thing I could do right now is support a child I am having a hard time supporting myself.

[frd150]

\

 

 

She wants me to live with her for the time being. I said "no its okay, I need to do this on my own and your angel for helping me as much as you already have." I told her I need to get my own things that have been taken away from me. I told her that having her there is more than enought.

 

Good for you man. Initiative and independence are quite attractive i am told. She can do nothing but respect you for this.

 

I have also been thinking since I am in such a down point by not having a car and living at my dads and maybe dropping classes that she will she me as a failure if i don't get this all straight. (on the other hand she understands and wants to be the one there for me.) and yes i dont want to be a downer all the time, when we go out its so much fun for us.)

 

Again...good. No point in being a pill just make the most of what you got and if you do more will come.

 

I have also had a falling out with a lot of my friends. they are not doing anything with their lives it seems. and she "wants to have bf with a lot of friends that have girlfriends so she can be friends with them." Anyways I feel like I am starting my life over again. I still have about two close friends that I can count on. All in all I do worry about not being a burden on her. I also fear that I don't want to become to dependant on her, because she can be gone anytime. I am trying to create my own foundation again so if the rug gets pulled from under me again ill be okay.

 

 

I have this group of friends that i broke from that i call the Sh*t for brains crew. They are still living life as if they were 18. (we are in our late 20's) House parties, bars three nights a week and whatnot. Well, during my relationship with the ex i ended up also loosing touch with the few friends that were actually decent. Ive been lucky to find them again and they've helped alot. Now post break up ive made some great new friends. Good responsible like minded people. Its sad though... my ex would really like them. But B it is possible to build that foundation for yourself good friends are hard to come by so if you find them never ignore them even if you are in a relationship. They will always back you up,trust me.

 

 

 

she said LS.org was flattering to her. cd111 said that our girls should feel special because how hard we try for them. She read a few things about a relationship I had before her. It made her a little bit upset. She said she never had a successful or as long of relationship as me since we have been broken up. I feel that it still bothers her. However, she realizes that no one else treats her as good as I do. Also she makes the statement that the guys she meets just want to have sex with her. I am not having sex with her currently. She says that she feels uncomfortable when I make advances to her. (but she will when she is drunk) She thinks she is gross and not love. which again i understand and need to comfort her because she is still hurt.

 

That could of gone either way...whew. She went out and saw that the grass is not geener. Just give her time and have fun.

 

I can understand why she thinks she will get used by it. I left her because she did cheat on me years ago. since we were on and off, and someone she was dating last summer for a while just used her. We also had to have an abortion. that was a very hard decision for us. because I don't have a supportive family (no mom) (dad that dosent care) i am changing jobs and a lot on finacial problems due to bad real estate deals. the last thing I could do right now is support a child I am having a hard time supporting myself.

 

Conqure this and you two will be solid. Setbacks are just that and they are only temporary. Im sorry that the two of you had to face such a decision but again you will be stronger. Just look at all those who have had it easy(im sure you know a fer) do you think that they could handle all these things that you are faced with and still be sane. Silver lining bro and its closer than you think.

 

Good luck!

[Blurple]

Thank you for all the support.

 

My car was crashed after I took the collision coverage off and Michigan is a no fault state. I was not the person that crashed it too. The person who did crash it said they will be paying me the money soon for a car. That is one problem off my list.

 

Next new job. (been applying)

New apt.

 

Take care of financial burdens aka file bankruptcy. :*(

[Travis L]

Next new job. (been applying)

New apt.

 

Take care of financial burdens aka file bankruptcy. :*(

 

Michigan sucks so bad for jobs... I have a Bachelor degree from UofM and working on a MBA from there, as well. It took me A YEAR to find a good job (I worked a $9 an hour job for 5 months...that doesn't cut it). I was hardcore applying for about 10-15 jobs a day for that year too! Not sure what type of job you are looking for but I was looking everywhere. I FINALLY got the dream job (pension, matching 401k, and enough money to buy a new house).

 

Don't let it get you down if you don't find one right away... I was seriously depressed about it and I think it was one of the problems with my ex (I was sad all the time that i couldn't provide for our dreams). Go figure I landed the job 4 months after the ex left...she didn't get to reap the rewards of sticking it out with me...

 

Try your damn'dest to not let external problems that you are having effect your relationship. It's OK to lean on her from time to time but don't let your depression/sadness/unhappiness interfere with showing her that you are a strong and confidant man. Anyway, just thought I'd interject as I was going through a touch of what you are going through last year.

[Blurple]

She knows how bad I have it. I mean think of the top 5 worst things that could happen to you...

 

For me:

1. house foreclosed because of bad real estate deal (being f*** be economy here and other people

2. Car stolen

3. Moving back in with dad

4. taking huge load in school.

5. New car crashed (no full coverage) I was not the person that crashed it tho

6. trying to get back with ex.

7. Having to file bankrupcy

 

Wow and i am not even medicated yet,, Like i said in an earlier post I went to the hospital for two days.

 

Well I think things with me and here are okay for now. and like i said for now.

 

I thought it was the year 2007 and seven was suppose to be a lucky number

[Travis L]

She knows how bad I have it. I mean think of the top 5 worst things that could happen to you...

 

I thought it was the year 2007 and seven was suppose to be a lucky number

 

I hear ya man... The first half of this year really sucked for me too (crappy job, lost my ex, etc...)... This morning I had to have my cat put down. My baby boy has been my child since I was 12 years old (15 years ago). He was running around all happy a few days ago and poof, gone... This sucks ass...

 

I swear my life equals out like that Seinfeld episode. Something great happens (got the final contract signed for my new job yesterday) and then something crappy happens (my cat dies).

 

I fall apart every time I walk by his milk bowl and see it half filled.

 

Life will go on... I guess you can only go so far before you hit rock bottom...then it can only get better I swear every other problem in life feels minuscule when you have a great woman by your side supporting you...I miss that.

[Blurple]

I swear every other problem in life feels minuscule when you have a great woman by your side supporting you...I miss that.

 

I hear that!! atleast she is trying to support me. I feel like the heat is on more for me to perform and show her im not a dead beat. of course she knows im not. but still she would ilke it better to see me with my own apt again and a new and better job.

[Briggs55]

she calls me everyday day however i think things get to a point where she is fine with us being together partly... I feel she is keeping me close but not as close as i want us to be or should be to have what we used to have..

 

Maybe because she's just using you to get attention, and to be reassured that men are attracted to her.

 

She says she likes how things are right now. Today I spoke with her about our realtionship. She said that she is scared of committing to me and that also she might be embarrassed of me..

Yes, she likes talking to you and hearing in your voice that you're still fawning over her. What relationship? You have nothing.

 

I then asked her so its over? I also asked her if she would have a problem with me dating other people and she said she would.....

Grow some balls. Who is she to tell you if you can date other people or not?

 

So I really dont know what to do. she really knows that i want to get back with her I feel like i shouldn't make it that way and that she should try to come to me. I feel like i have been waiting since july.. I dont want to wait anymore. I feel like its not worth it... I Feel like i am putting my life on pause for her..

It's too late for her to come back to you, you just have to let this one go.

 

I told her that "I am not going to make someone a priority in my life that only sees me as an option." she said she wants to be treated as a priority only when she calls me or hangs out.. ohh .... that pisses me off the more I think about it.. I told her your either a priority or ur not...

See? She doesn't give a *****. What makes her deserve all of your attention when she is around you?

 

so what do you think I should do?

Go clubbing with some friends, and get laid. Repeat for a few weeks and you'll be over her.