niceguy27 Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Good job. If you guys meet up still dont talk about the relationship. Act like it never happened. At least the first couple times you go out. Let her bring it all up. Just laugh and joke and be normal. At the end of the meeting say goodbye and dont make plans with her to meet again. Tell her youll talk to her later. Meaning, dont be jumpy to rush back in to start hanging out a lot too soon. Good luck and keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Okay so she called me to go out she came out to see me. we went out had much fun.. this is what she brought up at dinner "dont you think because we have known each other for so long that we are gonna end up together.." "I laught and said that would be nice." then she said she worrys sometimes that "are we gonna be apart and unhappy or together and happy or the other way around." I explained to her that i Just want to make her happy and i know that when she is with me she is happy. Then she brought up some bad things in our relationship i talked to her about it for a min and told her we shouldnt talk about it its over it complicated and that we need to move on.. she said that was the right thing to do and we both had fun that night... however since we are not "together" it makes me think she is still looking or trying to keep her options open while we are talking now. Its weird because we are dating and she expresses that she doesnt want me to talk to other girls she doesnt come out and say it.. but i know she doesnt and if i do she wont flip out.. which makes me think that she doesnt say anything about because she is possibly talking to someone else or is looking i dont know........ any advice? Nice guy where in mi are you from? Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 I am from the Saginaw area north of Flint. Word of advice...Avoid any and all confrontations when on these dates. Defuse them like you did when she started to bring things up. Also, DO NOT talk about the people you guys have dated while apart. You have to stay focused on the here and now. Having fun, laughing, hanging out. Keep it fresh and fun. Dont expect any straight answers from her now. Do the little dates for a while. Maybe one a week. Then maybe two. After 5 or 6 of these dates test the water by bringing something up fun from the past and let it hang in the air a minute. Then, say "Lets get back together" and dont say a word. Let her answer. Make it a statement not a question. But that should only be brought up if things are starting to look like old times and after quite a few of these dates. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 Hero whats up with your situation? Oh... I posted a new thread that I want your guys opinion on. Its in the breaking up section. Its kind of long but it sums up a lot of whats happened in the last week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Sound good everything is good over the phone its just sometimes she will bring it up not me. I pretty good and stopping it giving her a hug then she returns with a kiss. sometimes when were apart she starts to think about the bad things but when were together she feels better.. i think i just need to get a longer streak of good times before it will kinda blow over for her Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 So what now? What is the strategy now? I don't want to fall into the "friends zone", because I know if I enter it, I'll never get out. We were alone today for about an hour, we just layed out side on the ground in the shade outside her dorm. We just talked the whole time. We werent together, a couple feet apart. But she started flirting by tossing some acorns at me. We had a good time and it was really relaxing for the both of us. It was good for my image too, to show her that I am not a source of stress and anxiety anymore, but how I was before, a source of relaxation and fun. So back to the question. What should I do now? I need a plan, because now NC is out of the question. I feel if I play my cards right, I can make this work. I just need some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
myhotrod123456789 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 If you are worrying about the "friends zone", then don't always do friend activities with her. The only way to truly avoid the "friends zone" is to have made it clear to her at some point that you don't want her just as a friend because of your past relationship with her. Also, don't you realize the irony in what you are saying? On one hand, you keep saying that you are changed and you aren't clingy. But on the other hand, you are wracking your brain about each step to take. Is that how you were when you guys started dating? I'm not trying to be mean. My point is that you are still too dependent on her to draw her to you. Continue doing your frat stuff and creating a life for yourself. Girls are attracted to guys that have things going on in their life that they themselves want to be a part of. They don't want everything to revolve around them. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 I agree. Keep contact to a minimum. That builds anticipation on her part and thus will help create attraction when you do meet. Continue to be yourself and just have fun with her. Do things you guys used to do that was fun. And try to do some new things also. If you want her back, you have to look at the long run. Dont be too quick to jump to see her again. Take it slow and easy! Same goes for you Blurple! Haha. You guys are at least getting a chance to start talking and spending a little time together. Just take it s l o w . Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Thanks nice guy i needed that... Do you live near thomas twp? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 I'm not trying to have this happen immediately, I just want to know what the next step is. I know that jumping the gun would be very bad. And yes, I do think about her often but I'm not calling her or texting her all the time like in the beggining of all this. And when we were hanging out together in a group I wasn't hanging all over her either. It wasn't a contradiction. Yes she is on my mind, and I want this to work out. But I'm letting her make the contact, and I am living my own life. I just want to know what the next step I need to take is. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 DH...Keep things light and fun for now. When you first met her, things were like that. Fun, exciting, anticipating. Keep yourself busy like you have been. If after 5-6 of these meetings spread out over a month or two period (push for 3 months) things look like they have progressed a little (getting intimate, acting like your together, etc) then just come out and tell her "lets get back together." She may bring it up way before that. You just have to go into it with an open mind. That is pretty much the plan I am going to do. Give her some space (which you have already done) and then slowly initiate contact with her (which you have) and build upon that (which you are doing). So I think you are doing pretty well. Just dont bring anything up about you two until you've hung out quite a bit. Let it run its own course. If you rush it, she's going to get scared again and pull away. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Do you live near thomas twp? Yeah I think so. Right over by Arthur Hill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 Thanks for your help. This is what I'm gonna do. I'll hang out with her more, just having fun, with light flirting to get her mind moving. And after some time, around a month or more like you said, if I feel like we are getting somewhere, I'll have us go out and get some coffee or food, and if the night is going well, ill reach across the table for her hand, and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 But how to get to that point is somewhat of a gray area for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Hey man!!! Sorry, I haven't ventured into Second Chances in a few weeks... I'll read your thread from where I left off and hopefully I'll have something worthwhile to give you Hey blurple! I see you asked where in Michigan I am from...I am in SW Michigan Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Hey I've been wondering where you've been! Well yes you've got a lot of reading to do. I've made some good progress in my opinion. When you are done sharing your wisdom, give me an update on your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Hey I've been wondering where you've been! Well yes you've got a lot of reading to do. I've made some good progress in my opinion. When you are done sharing your wisdom, give me an update on your situation. Holy crap...things have been progressing nicely for you, I can see... 3 Days NC and poof, she's knocking down your door.. lol Wow, ok... You are doing everything that I would do in the situation. Like others said, play it cool. Like I said about a month ago, be a source of fun and adventure for her. Don't make contact (or do it very infrequently). However, when she does make contact remain confidant and non-needy. Let her make all the physical moves (especially for now) and only she is allowed to bring up emotional conversations (i.e. the past, the future, etc...) When she does bring this up, be very understanding of her feelings. Use the words, "I understand" when she makes a point. Your mission is to be fun and flirty... You don't have a next step right now. Let her contact you and be a source of fun for her. While you await her next contact, continue to improve yourself by going out and having fun with your friends... Don't sit by the phone (I'm sure you're not) and don't get discouraged if she all of a sudden stops contacting you for several days...a needy man would call her whining about her not calling you in a while...a confidant man lets the $hit roll of his shoulders... Who knows where it will go but you have made a lot of progress in the month it has been since I last "spoke" to you. I'm sure I'll think of something "wise" to say but I just spent 10 hours helping the ex move her stuff...but that will be explained in my next post (an update). Talk to you soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Actually I had gone about 3 weeks of NC, saw her one weekend, then went that 3 days before she contacted me again. I'm doing my best to keep myself from texting her, or facebook message, its hard haha. But I can't help but feel that the more we see each other, the better the chances of us getting back together are. Because thats how it was in the very beggining. We hung out often, and the more and more we hung out, the more we both became attracted to the other. But I know I can't be talking to her all the time and trying to see her now. This once a week stuff sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 It will but keep focused on the long term goal...her. Keep up what you have been doing. Then you will find out how she is reacting to seeing and hanging out with you again. Since you guys all know my story, can you check out my most recent one in coping? I could use your guys advice on the most recent development. Thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 2, 2007 Author Share Posted October 2, 2007 Well the "next contact" happened today randomly. I was going to class around 11:30 and she honked at me and yelled something out of her car as she drove past, and we have been texting each other since. Link to post Share on other sites
Blurple Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 My ex contacts me everyday. however she doesnt want me around her town. she always wants to come down and see me or if i go up there she acts weird and doesnt want her friends to see me with her... I dont know what to do. I dont want to be her safety net I feel that she might be talking to other guys what should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Well I've hit another low point on the roller coaster. I don't know, we went out to get some dinner today in a group, and it started off good, but it just didn't go as well as I'd hoped. It just didn't go very well... Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 My ex contacts me everyday. however she doesnt want me around her town. she always wants to come down and see me or if i go up there she acts weird and doesnt want her friends to see me with her... I dont know what to do. I dont want to be her safety net I feel that she might be talking to other guys what should i do? Hey B - Just take it slow, man... I don't know your whole history as I've only browsed through bits and pieces of your comments in looking at DH's story... Me thankful that she contacts you everyday. There a lot of people on here who just wish that would happen.. Like you and DH, my ex is contacting me a lot. As far as her not wanting you two to be seen together...that's perfectly fine, for now. She has probably been given a lot of advice to not talk to you anymore or what have you. Be thankful that she is strong enough to go against their advice even if she isn't strong enough to just not care what they think. You are right that she could be talking to other guys. I don't really see that as a bad thing. In fact, I think it's great that she is seeing what others have to offer. You probably don't see it that way right now but if you think long-term, it's best that she get this out of her system now so it doesn't happen again in the future. If she comes back to you AFTER seeing what else is out there, you're golden for quite a while. That is, she has seen that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I say this with the hope that you know that you need to do whats best for you. If that means that you just need to walk away, then do it. I assume you aren't feeling that way right now...neither am I I'm at work so I don't have a lot of time...just know that you have to be patient with things like this. Don't pressure her to be seen with you...let her come to it on her own. Keep your head up! Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Well I've hit another low point on the roller coaster. I don't know, we went out to get some dinner today in a group, and it started off good, but it just didn't go as well as I'd hoped. It just didn't go very well... Maybe you can elaborate? Everyone has a different stick used to measure success. Was she just not very talkative with you? Sometimes quiet means that he or she is confused and thinking...sometimes he/she just has nothing to say... I can see that you recognize the roller coaster. Stay firm...limit contact due to setbacks... (I've made contact with my ex because I was emotional from a meeting and it just wasn't pretty) Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH27 Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 Yeah, we didnt talk much after the beginning. Like I said she was flirting with some guy she saw there that she knew. I don't know, setbacks like this just make it seem like i dont have a chance. But I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for me...I just need to find a way to bring them out so I can grow on them. Link to post Share on other sites
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