best friend's girlfriend

[psu1420]

What's up y'all

My heart has put me in a situation that I need advice on. I have become attracted to my best friend's girlfriend. They have been going out for about eight months now. She's a great girl, and we have common interests, we're both intelligent people. When he's not home, I have found myself going to his apartment, where she stays most days, and where he has two other roommates.

 

On those occasions, we have talked and talked, where she has confided things, and I have talked openly to her about a variety of subjects. On several occasions, she has intimated to me that he does not show affection to her, and he constantly puts her down or says she's stupid, yet she stays with him. After a long conversation about such things, I asked her to tell me the good things about him, whereby she hesitated before telling me only that he is a generous, nice guy. I don't think she's really happy with the relationship, but hesitant to get back into the "dating scene". We have joked around where she's said she loves me, and other stuff like that. I have said, in answer to her questioning, that I would probably want to be with her if it weren't for her boyfriend.

 

I was out bowling with the best friend the other night, and he confided to me that he was getting a little antsy about being in the relationship, and that he had two offers recently. I think he was asking for advice from me, but I couldn't give him any. I only said to him that if it were me, I would feel bad about going behind my girlfriend's back. To that he neither agreed or disagreed.

 

It seems to me that the relationship is on a course to end soon. I don't want to make a move on her now, and she is enough of a person to not go behind his back, aspecially with one of his friends, but my question is whether or not I should pursue this girl after their relationship ends. If anything, I know I would like to at least remain friends with her after they break up, and I think she would like the same, too.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I only said to him that if it were me, I would feel bad about going behind my girlfriend's back."

 

Oh, yeah??? But you don't seem to have a lot of problems going behind your best friend's back. I'd be terrified to have a friend like you...no, mortified. Here you are talking to your best friend's gal, flirting and letting her know you're ready to take over if anything happens. I think I'm sick.

 

This gal is very vulnerable right now because she's not happy. That would be a terrible time for anybody to try to move in, much less her boyfriend's best friend. I mean we are talking about the betrayal of all betrayals.

 

I guess I need to get used to a new world order where best friends screw each other when it's convenient. I'm not cutting you personally, I'm cutting your repulsive behavior. Your friendship with this guy is a total fraud. I will say that my judgement of this presupposes you received social training that would have taught you just how heinous (terrible) this is.

 

Why don't you control yourself and go find a lady who isn't so close to the situation? Otherwise, take the high road and terminate your friendship with this guy.

 

Bottom line, after this lady heals from this bad relationship with her boyfriend (your best friend) if she's got the smarts of a mouse she will see what snakey behavior you have exhibited and how you are capable of cutting the balls off your best friends. She'll have no respect for that and feel very uncomfortable about having anything to do with you.

 

As for being her friend, you have no interest in that and I don't suggest it. If there is a break up, get lost. You're agenda is to get into a relationship with this gal, not be be her friend so don't kid yourself.

 

I'm sorry to be so tough on you. I am just so glad I don't have any friends like you and I pray to every God in the heavens that I never, ever do.

 

God Bless Your Soul!!!

[Jesse]

Tony I think you have taken this message way beyond what it was intended by the original poster. In addition I feel that it was overly harsh and did not accurately address the concerns of the original post.

 

First to respond to the original post. It is not uncommon for a person to find out they are attracted to the girlfriend of another. Because he is your best friend you probably have a lot of contact with both him and his GF. Best friends often have similar preferences when it comes to women so it is not suprising when feelings of attraction appear.

 

However, it seems that you are justifying your feelings by noticing the problems that this couple are having. Your desire for the girlfriend no doubt magnify any problems this couple is having.

While this couple may or may not be destined to be together it will help noone if you play upon their problems to hasten their seperation.

 

I suggest that you give them some room. Remain your friends best friend and his girlfriends "just friend". If you feel that you cannot do this then you risk jeopardizing your relationship with both of them. If she feels that you are the reason that they break up it will only harbor ill feelings.

 

I do not know these people so I cannot predict how they will react. But another course you may decide to take is to let them know what you are going though and what your feelings are. Again this is risky and make sure you know how they will react to such an admission. If you do go to your best friend first so you do not appear to be a saboteur.

 

In a similar situation I had one of my friends inform me that if I were not currently with my GF that he would ask her out. He told me this candidly and without interfering with our relationship. I felt it took a lot of strength for him to tell me that and I do not hold it against him in the least.

 

Perhaps if you could inform us more about the situation it is much easier to give advice.

 

Just dont do anything without first thinking about the situation. Or you could end up with one very pissed off ex-best friend.

 

-J

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Tony I think you have taken this message way beyond what it was intended by the original poster. In addition I feel that it was overly harsh and did not accurately address the concerns of the original post."

 

You are TOTALLY right in everything you have written.

 

I wrote this post for my benefit because people who underhandedly and manipulatively go after the girlfriends of their best friends go and are against every bit of morality I have running through my blood.

 

Once I made that very clear to the poster, I know he was sure he wouldn't get any help from me.

 

Normally I ignore posts where I can't be of any help. But I was so sickened by the fact that a human being, a member of the same species at myself, would do this to a friend I stated so.

 

Men are right now fighting for my freedom to say how I feel and I certainly want to keep that right sacred.

 

I also deeply respect everything you wrote because, as I have stated, I am TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY GUILTY OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ACCUSED ME OF.

 

And I am sick as hell, too!!!

 

Just wanted to add...PSU is a great university...and I'm glad you guys look out for each other.