witchbreed Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 My bf (fiancé) and I are now together 2 1/2 years. I have three kids from a previous rl. The kids live with us and visit their dad every other weekend, he lives 240 km (approx. 160 miles) from where we live. We are currently living in Germany, my bf is Welsh (UK) and I am Swiss. Our relationsship is very good, we really love each other - sure we do have some ups and downs but we are happy with each other. We have a problem though. The work situation in Germany is getting worse and worse. He works in construction and this year, he worked so far only 3 1/2 weeks. I myself work in Switzerland, 3 hours drive, and have to sleep there one night a week. Our company has a new management and I am starting to feel fed up with it. So for work reasons, we really should move. We both would prefer to move to Wales (or possibly Ireland). The work situation there is good, we both would find jobs. The other place we could move to is Switzerland, I could find another job there, but for him it would be hard too - there is a lot of builders on dole, and with him not speaking German, its even harder to find a job. So we both would prefer the UK. Actually our shared dream is a small holding. But then there is the kids. Aged 14, 11 and 7. They have done their school in German, their spoken English is not bad, but their spelling is real bad (the little one is still in Kindergarden, so there is no issue with him). They have their friends, like their school and are afraid to move to another country, with a different language. This I believe to be hard, but since I went to boarding school at age 14 in the French speaking part of Switzerland (I am Swiss German speaking). One the one hand I "lost" a year, but on the other I gained a language. Specially now with the European Community and Globalisation, on the long run, to be truly bilingual will be an advantage for them. Then there is their father and their grandparents (my parents). Living in the UK, they will not be able to see them as often, it will mean either a flight or an 20 hours drive by car and it will be expensive either way. So they will only be able to visit for vacations and maybe be visited once in a while. The kids love their dad and he loves them. Has any of you done a change like that? What can we do to help everybody cope with this situation? Staying does not seem to be an option, we just cant affort it, when there is no work for my bf. I only work 50%, have a good salary for that, but not enough for all the expenses. And this work/financial situation is giving trouble to the rl. When my bf feels low, he thinks, that I would be better of with someone else, since he cannot provide for us like he would like to. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 My family moved from russia to canada when I was 14, so I can tell you a little bit about how it feels for the kid, although it's different for everyone. From what I see around me, the 7 and 11 y.o's won't have much trouble adapting. They'll have school trouble for a year or so because of the language, but they'll be just fine. The 14 y.o. is a bit harder because s/he's just entering the crazy teenage years. I'd say the main part is to stay connected with him/her & make sure the discomfort of the new place doesn't push them into hanging out with gangs, doing drugs, etc. I think that while such a move is stressful for the kids, it prepares them well for future shake-ups of life. Just be supportive and keep a close eye on them. I must say that I moved with both of my parents, so the part of no longer seeing their dad is an additional issue. I think frequent vacations would do the job, though - I mean they're already used to not seeing him every single day ... That's my two cents. Best of luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author witchbreed Posted March 21, 2003 Author Share Posted March 21, 2003 Thanks Yes. Luckily up till now we are very close. And we will look that they can go to their dad and their grandparents for long vacations. My oldest and the 11 year old are both girls, the little one is a boy. Link to post Share on other sites
sheeba Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 i have a suggestion. why not start by helping them a little with the written language right now-before you go? i believe there is a company called saxon phonics that sells educational tools-they may feel like it is a little babyish-but it the phonics lessons would teach them to be expert spellers in no time. it teaches phonetical groups of english-the "rules"- why school isn't spelled "skool." ya know? what a great opportunity for the kids-and you and your man too! moving and starting fresh is a very exciting thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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