Where do I find him??

[Jopey]

Hi everyone. Well I am a 21 year old university student, and although I've had many casual relationships I have never had a 'boyfriend'. I have a lot of friends and go out as often as I can, but after 4 years on the dating scene I still haven't met anyone worth making a commitment to. It is hard to keep up my morale!

 

I was just wondering if people could share their stories of how they met their present partner, or even great exes. Perhaps this will provide a greater insight into how to find that special person, or even just give me a sense of hope.

 

Thanks for sharing!

[Tony T]

While stories of how people met past or present partners may be somewhat entertaining to you, they won't help you one bit in finding someone special for yourself. From your post, it seems like you have no trouble meeting people but rather the problem lies in finding the right one. Well, that's the problem of many people. It's a numbers game and the right person may be just around the corner or on the other side of the country.

 

There are a few things you can do. First, you need to be focused on the type of guy you want in your life. Then, you have to be willing to bend just a little on some things because nobody's perfect. You also have to take close inventory of your ownself, deep down, to ensure that this is what you really want...that you have no fears that could be keeping you from achieving your goal.

 

Also, it's very good to hang out around those places where the type of men you're looking for might be. For instance, if you want a horny drunk who's looking for a lay, a bar on Saturday night would be the perfect place (there are some nice guys at those places too.) If you want a more settled man who is responsible and stable, you can seek introductions from your friends who work at offices, banks, etc. who may know exactly the guy for you. If you want someone who is philosophical and spiritual, attend workshops on metaphysics and like subjects.

 

But, again, stories will do you no good at all except perhaps entertain you. But there may be lots of folks who'd like to tell their stories. But you will have to write and execute your own.

 

Most romantic novels are made up.

[yes]

My view is that you attract the kind of people you want in your life. I mean the kind you REALLY want, not the kind you SAY you want.

 

So, how about just going on dating, and letting things flow? I think looking at every guy with the question of "are you the one?" is a good way to ruin many good possibilities, because you can't know if he's the one until way, way after you've met him.

 

that's my two cents,

-yes

[quankanne]

I think you've also got to seriously look at what kind of relationship you hope to have with a future mate, and what you bring to that relationship you plan to have with him. Are you willing to bend, to compromise when the situation calls for it? Are you willing to hang on to your standards when you need to? Are you secure enought in yourself to be able to handle some of the things that are going to pop up?

 

.....

 

you ask for stories: I'm a firm believer in "knowing" your mate when you see him. With mine, I felt sure about him. Not the "oh, I'm in love" or "i've got to have him" stuff, but just a sure feeling (a belief?) in him, in me, in us -- I was okay with the idea of being there with him as we got older and basically opening my life up to him. But it took me a long time to get to a point where I felt I knew myself well enough to share that with someone, and I didn't marry until I was older (when your peers/siblings are marrying right out of high school, 26 is old!). I guess in a long-winded way, I'm trying to say that you shouldn't be worried about not having identified a life-mate at this stage in life, because there's so much you need to learn about yourself and about what you want from life. Because the more you can do for yourself (finish school, get a good career or job going, accomplish some of your goals), the more you bring to the table when you do finally meet someone you feel comfortable enough with to share your life.

[Leikela]

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Tony's right... Stories will only entertain you and won't give you insight into how to find the right guy for you.

 

However, the one for you may already be in your life. Life works in funny ways and good things sneak up on you unexpectedly. In my case, my ex and current boyfriend both were just friends first. I never fathomed being in a relationship with them but as the friendship progressed, feelings changed and a relationship developed. In my opinion, those are the best kind.

 

It didn't work out with my ex, after 8 years, because we both had different philosophies on life, money, and raising kids. So, we had to split, but I loved him deeply and a part of me always will.

 

My current boyfriend was a friend too and things just developed there and he's awesome. We are so much alike and that's very important, I have found. So, even if the one for you isn't already in your life, keep an eye out for someone with the same interests and mind set as you. While we can fall in love with people who are opposite from us, it is always harder to maintain such a relationship. It is a matter of how willing the two people are in making things work.

 

Usually when you're looking for it, you won't find it. It just appears out of nowhere when you least expect it. You're young so just sit back, relax, enjoy your youth and the right one will come along.

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