freakyfrenchgal19 Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 This is my first time being here... About five months go, I met up with my long time friend (I've known him for 5yrs, but we hadn't seen each other in over 2yrs). We went to see a movie and during that, I made a move on him, we ended up making out in the cinema. We didnt feel bad at the time, but eventually the guilt came in. He's got a girlfriend, the same way i have a boyfriend. We both care and love our partners, but we have admitted to one another that we used to have feelings for each other. A few weeks, after the "cinema experience", we met up again. He came to my house and we ended up sleeping together. It happened again a few times, until we realised that we couldnt carry on sneakig around, because we might end up getting caught. We both decided to stop it, but we ended up in each other's arms once again. This "casual sex" thing only ended last month and neither of our partners suspect a thing. The bad thing is that I'm starting to really like "my friend", and cant stop thinking about him. We both know that if i called him to come over he would, and we would end up sleepig together again. I realised that he's using me as much as Im using him to get pleasure, but my feelings have grow stronger for him. I find myself dreaming and even fantasizing about having sex with him, while i'm sleeping with my BOYFRIEND! Its crazy, but the truth is I dont think my "Friend" likes me in that sort of way, he just enjoys the sex. Ive also noticed that i've been off with my boyfriend, because most of the time i wish i was with someone else. Although me and my boyfriend, have been together for 2yrs, i do love him, but i cant help but sleeping with other guys. HELP Link to post Share on other sites
LikeNoOther Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Hi FFG19. Welcome to LS! I'm just gonna straight to the point. I guess you already know that you're cheating on your boyfriend. That is wrong, I'm sure you know that. Now if I were you (not that I would sleep with someone else rather than my boyfriend but IF I WERE YOU), I'd just break up with my bf and not see or date anyone for a while. You love your bf and yet you sleep with another guy. Now you have stronger feelings for the other guy. How would you handle it if your bf sleeps with another girl? Have stronger feelings for another girl after 2 yrs? He may not know it but I can assure you, he'd have a feeling. 2 yrs is quite long for someone to know his or her SO. "neither of our partners suspect a thing" - that may be true but it could also be that they do know but they are just not saying anything. The best thing you can do for your bf is to leave him. He deserves better... so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 I agree with the previous poster. You owe it to your BF to come clean and break up with him. No matter how delicious the cake, if you are in a committed relationship you CANNOT have your cake and eat it as well. You would be better off being single and having a few open/ casual relationships if you feel that you can't help but sleep with other people. That way fewer people get hurt. How would you feel if it was done to you? I suspect there are some self esteem issues at the core of this, and you might want to think about examining WHY you can't be faithful. People with healthy self esteems in committed relationships tend to be faithful because they are secure in themselves and their R. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeNoOther Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Nicely said, SB129! I agree - you should take the time (after the break up) to get to know yourself before you get into another r/ship. Ppl always say "you have to love yourself first, only then you will be able to love someone else" or something like that and that is true. Learn about yourself and what your needs are. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I realised that he's using me as much as Im using him to get pleasure, but my feelings have grow stronger for him. I find myself dreaming and even fantasizing about having sex with him, while i'm sleeping with my BOYFRIEND! Its crazy, but the truth is I dont think my "Friend" likes me in that sort of way, he just enjoys the sex. Ive also noticed that i've been off with my boyfriend, because most of the time i wish i was with someone else. Although me and my boyfriend, have been together for 2yrs, i do love him, but i cant help but sleeping with other guys. HELP 1. Because you have feelings for this guy... it isnt just casual sex for you... in fact your not really using each other. You are the one getting used... and your letting it happen. If you really want to be with your friend, demand that he dump his GF and go with you. Otherwise... whats the point? 2. Break up with your boyfriend before he figures out whats going on. You dont love him! You dont know what love is at this point in your life. You also need to value yourself more. If you wander through life like this your just going to continue to hurt youself and others. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 This is my first time being here... About five months go, I met up with my long time friend (I've known him for 5yrs, but we hadn't seen each other in over 2yrs). We went to see a movie and during that, I made a move on him, we ended up making out in the cinema. We didnt feel bad at the time, but eventually the guilt came in. He's got a girlfriend, the same way i have a boyfriend. We both care and love our partners, but we have admitted to one another that we used to have feelings for each other. Further proof that there is really no such thing as male/female "friends". A few weeks, after the "cinema experience", we met up again. He came to my house and we ended up sleeping together. Oh for gods sake...just break up with your boyfriend then. It happened again a few times, until we realised that we couldnt carry on sneakig around, because we might end up getting caught. And there is the problem with cheaters like you. You aren't thinking, "we need to stop because we have people we [supposedly] care about". All you are thinking about is getting caught. Break up with your boyfriend. Let him find someone decent. I realised that he's using me as much as Im using him to get pleasure, but my feelings have grow stronger for him. I find myself dreaming and even fantasizing about having sex with him, while i'm sleeping with my BOYFRIEND! Its crazy, but the truth is I dont think my "Friend" likes me in that sort of way, he just enjoys the sex. Ive also noticed that i've been off with my boyfriend, because most of the time i wish i was with someone else. Although me and my boyfriend, have been together for 2yrs, i do love him, but i cant help but sleeping with other guys. HELP No, you DON'T love your bf to be spreading your legs for another guy. Just break up with your boyfriend already. he deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Further proof that there is really no such thing as male/female "friends". Oh for gods sake...just break up with your boyfriend then. And there is the problem with cheaters like you. You aren't thinking, "we need to stop because we have people we [supposedly] care about". All you are thinking about is getting caught. Break up with your boyfriend. Let him find someone decent. No, you DON'T love your bf to be spreading your legs for another guy. Just break up with your boyfriend already. he deserves better. I hate how certain posters (like you) are this cruel to people in these situations. Yes, cheating on your partner IS wrong, we all know that, but people make mistakes and get caught up in them. She's in a difficult situation, she isn't arguing that what she did was right. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I kind of agree Allina, except I'm not convinced the OP is truly remorseful. It sounds like she just doesn't want to get caught. I'll say this: you are concerned that your "friend" is only using you, so if you were to breakup and pursue him he'd only want the sex. Aren't you using your boyfriend? It sounds like you are using him for emotional support and the security of a relationship, but you are not with him for who he is as a whole person. You are using your boyfriend, just as your friend may be using you, only for different needs. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I hate how certain posters (like you) are this cruel to people in these situations. Uh sorry...what she is doing is a helluva lot more cruel than me telling the cold hard truth of the matter. And if you read her other thread, she professes that she wants to sleep with other guys. So she is making her bed. Yes, cheating on your partner IS wrong, we all know that, but people make mistakes and get caught up in them. She is not making a mistake...SHE made the move on this guy...she is not an innocent victim. It was not a mistake. She did it because she wanted to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Allina, Bish is right and I agree 100% with him/her. In fact I don't think I could have said it any better. Why give sympathy where it does not belong? Link to post Share on other sites
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