BlueEyedSarah Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 So I have come back from my 6 month visit with a guy who I have known online for over 4 years. We both had 'feelings' online for each other but it was much diffrent in person, he does not feel the same way about me any more. I still have these strong feelings for him. We are both still going to be friends. I need to deal with what we felt online before is not there anymore like it used to be. So I will not hear a "hey sweety" when he comes online or "I love you" when we have to leave. I am feeling a bit heart broken and sad Anyone have the similar story to share? It will help me realise I'm not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Yes, I tried it once and what a mistake. Better to know who they are in person, than try to get to know them through cyberspace. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I had feelings for someone online, but it wasnt reciprocated so I cyberstalked them until they ignored me Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 You are one scary guy b4r. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Yes, I tried it once and what a mistake. Better to know who they are in person, than try to get to know them through cyberspace. Very true, I realise that. Good thing I have learned it in my young adult-hood rather than later in life. I had feelings for someone online, but it wasnt reciprocated so I cyberstalked them until they ignored me Too funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Very true, I realise that. Good thing I have learned it in my young adult-hood rather than later in life. So true. I had to wait until I was 32 to figure it out. Pretty dense, I would say. Ah well, as they say, no pain, no gain. I can now say I had the best mind-eff EVAR!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Long distance relationships are risky. I think they are often the easy way out of having something in real life with someone you can really be with. It's hard enough getting to really know someone when you get to be with them all the time. They can still surprise you. But when you only have their text and phone calls to go by, you have to fill in the rest with fantasy. And it's the fantasy you fall for. Not every time. But many times. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 The difficulty I found was the inability for the other party to communicate and put up the balance of the 50%. One party can't shoulder the burden of the entire "thing". Reality strikes when you realize this is what's happening so you move on to real and real life grown-up relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeNoOther Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I went through the same thing, just that after we met - I stopped contacting him afterwards. He turned out to be the opposite of what he said he was online. That was the first time of online friendship I had. The one I had recently, it turned out well but it was just that- friends and nothing more. After we met up, we ended being closer but no chemistry whatsoever, maybe because I am seeing someone now. When it started, we both just wanted/needed someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 I had feelings for someone online, but it wasnt reciprocated so I cyberstalked them until they ignored me I can't thank you enough for the laugh. I really needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 So I have come back from my 6 month visit with a guy who I have known online for over 4 years. We both had 'feelings' online for each other but it was much diffrent in person, he does not feel the same way about me any more. I still have these strong feelings for him. We are both still going to be friends. I need to deal with what we felt online before is not there anymore like it used to be. So I will not hear a "hey sweety" when he comes online or "I love you" when we have to leave. I am feeling a bit heart broken and sad Anyone have the similar story to share? It will help me realise I'm not alone. I'm sorry to hear that. In some ways, your post just refreshed the memory of when I joined LS. Any broken relationship hurts bad, and internet ones are no exception. If anything, those hurt even more, since they require more trust and dedication than "regular" relationships. And when it falls apart, you feel that much more helpless, because there's really nothing you can do, being so far away. With internet relationships, you don't know how a person will behave in real-life situations. You just have to take their word for it. And more often than not, reality is very different from what you thought. Well, at least he told you the truth in six months. Some people stretch it on for years together, before spilling the beans. I'm glad that you're handling this with so much maturity, though. Keep it that way. To be honest, the best thing is to not have contact with him. It will spare you of the "hurt pangs", and will make it easier for you to move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 There is something so very special in falling in love this way. I know you ache. And I agree it's best to drop all contact. It may take a while but this way you're not sitting and waiting, hopeing he's made some mistake and begs for you to come back. I married my online lover. I was lucky Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 I had a similar experience with two of my exes...turned out to be real jerks. But my fiancé is different...I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but hopefully you will meet that special someone in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Real life love doesn't always work either. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Very true directx . Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 My online relationship turned out well. Just got home from a visit to his country few days back and it turned out better than I expected. I'm sorry it turned out the other way with your online relationship, BES. Some online relationships work, some don't. It's not the end of the world. Maybe you're meant to meet someone in RL. Like you said, at least you learnt about it now rather than later. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
euronumber Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 so sorry to hear that: when I went through something similar, I found help and comfort from this site: http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/ the title is a bit harsh, but there is lots of very good info on the site; and a great support group - good luck Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 re: BlueEyedSarah: "Anyone have the similar story to share? It will help me realise I'm not alone." You may not be alone -but Sarah- that's the price many pay for falling (either headfirst or slowly) into the belief that *virtual* relationships are *real* relationships that can be carried on indefinately. One day you just gotta stop and ask yourself what are you thinking? and what kind of lame fantasy life are you creating???! What are you going to do? link up to a virtual internet site and pay a monthly charge to have yourselves a virtual baby???! And God forbid that you dream up a way to give your "children" an entire virtual family complete with virtual grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins! Mercy! -where does it stop? For four years you've built a "relationship" (I use the term very loosely) and now it pops into reality and turns out it's not what it was cracked up to be online. Virtual "relationships" (romantic ones) are like dreams that don't happen -they're experienced somewhere -but just not in everyday corporeal, tangible *reality*. And I realize that these kinds of relationships can hurt -probably just as much as IRL relationships -but you have to realize it had no chance of being a true part of your life unless you have the close, consistent non-virtual, face-to-face thing happening, too. Stop targeting the place you met and talked for as long as it takes to allow the pain and the loss of the familiarity of this thing to pass. And don't do it ever again. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Did I read this wrong, or did you actually stay with him for six months even though he didn't have feelings for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Chuckles84 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Riobikini: Just because this relationship failed does not mean that two others can't have it succeed. I've been in relationships over the net and visited the person and we got along awesome. Actually got along better than was expected. We didn't stay together though because we were just in different points of our lives and the distance plays on tole on you. It's hard to have strong feelings for someone and to see others happy with their partner and all you can hope for is a phone call while you sit there longing to have the person next to you instead. If the relationships get serious enough and AFTER you've met up more than just once then you can choose to move into the same town as one another. Do not discount the connection people can get from an online relationship because to be honest one that I had was more passionate, connecting and rewarding emotionally, and when available physically, than any other relationship I've ever had. It's just getting over that distance barrier and making it into the next step that's the real challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Chuckles, are you both still friends? I agree with what you just posted, btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuckles84 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Chuckles, are you both still friends? I agree with what you just posted, btw. Yes in both instances we are friends. There have been two relationships which were LD over the net. In both instances I've known each of them for nearly 10 years now and they were first built upon a good and trusted friendship. While with one We still feel things could be there are certain aspects in the way (She's married now etc) and the other is simply a friend. I cant stress enough though that over the net two people can connect with intellect and emotion far better than in person. There is always the "what do I look like" "am I acting like a dork" "i shouldnt do this because what will they think". It really gives you a chance to just sit down and connect with feelings and leaves the whole physical/sexual aspect at the door. Link to post Share on other sites
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