84B2 Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 heres the deal. shes not interested in a boyfriend at the moment(i had a talk with her the other night to see where "we" are at), and i think i came on too strong, so im going to back off, but dont want to back off to the point where she thinks im losing intrest, and this is where i need your help. for the last couple weeks, we have talked every day at least once a day(numerous txt messages, phone calls, flirting, hanging out once a week or so..... and for the 1st week we hung out alot(spent a couple nights together), but ive tried to cut that down realising i was making a mistake, which i think was the reason for the end of my last relationship, and unfortunately ive slept with her allready(only once, during the 2nd week or so we were hanging out), which i wish i held off on) how far should i back? off im totally into her, and i know shes into me, but shes not ready for a relationship at this point. id like to get into a relationship with her eventually, when shes ready, but what do i do during this time where she isnt ready for one? should i let her come to me when shes ready? thanks for the help Link to post Share on other sites
Author 84B2 Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 one thing i forgot to mention, she always wants me to text message her(she makes a point of asking me to text her), should i keep doing this, or hold back on that? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 If she doesn't have a problem with the pace you're going, why would you pull back? It's a big red flag to most women when a guy starts to chill with their contact because it smacks of loss of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I think you're going to have to spend some more time to 'feel' her out. Whether she finds you bf material or rather is looking elsewhere for it, but enjoying your company as a temporary bf. If you guys are on a different page, one of you will be worse off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 84B2 Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 so i should just keep at the pace were at right now? were both very compatible(more than any other girl i know) and enjoy the same things, same interests and hobbies, we have a lot in common. i definitely dont want to back off and have her feeling like im not interested though... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 If you need space, be clear with her that you have plans with the boys. If you want her to understand that you're open to her need for space, let her know that this is acceptable to you, as well. For example: I'm going over to Joe's place tonight. A bunch of the guys are going to play some poker. or Gawd, my place looks like a bomb hit it. I have to clean up tonight before I trip and kill myself from all the crap laying around. What are you up to tomorrow? or We all need time with our friends. If you want to hang with your friends sometime, it's not a problem with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 84B2 Posted August 29, 2007 Author Share Posted August 29, 2007 well i backed off, after telling her that she should learn to return calls(she "said" she would call before she left her house one night when we were supposed to hang out. no show, no call either, lame excuise to not call), so next time we talked i told her that she can call me when she wants to hang out, that plans dont always follow through, basically i dont want to waste my time. I havnt called her for a couple days, or texted, or msn or anything, and i dont plan to, she knows how i feel, so she can make a move if she wants, not really sure whats going to happen of this, but thats allright, ill get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 84B2 Posted August 29, 2007 Author Share Posted August 29, 2007 just got a message from her asking how im doing.... i wish i knew what was going through her head sometimes... Link to post Share on other sites
capuchin08 Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 That relationship line is probably bs. A lot of girls use that line to tell someone they don't want a relationship with THEM. My best friend does it all the time. But I don't know her personally. She is probably unsure of whther she wants a relationship with you. I think you are doing the right thing by giving her the time and space to think about it. But I might do something random and romantic if I were a guy like send her some daisies or make her something that says "thinking about you". Something not so in her face but really sweet to help sway her decision. If she absolutely has no interest in you, she will thank you for them and that'l be all. If she is somewhat interested in you, it will sway her to feel the need to make the next move. So if you do that, you show interest in her without really being pushy and it'll be enough so that you won't have to do anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
capuchin08 Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 Plus if you guys did ever have a relationship, she'd remember that sweet move for the rest of the relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 84B2 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Share Posted August 30, 2007 i dont think i will be sending her anything, she lives a couple towns over, which is like 45min away, and the less i think about her at this point, the better i will feel. at this point, im thinking shes trying to play me like a game(seems to me like she wants to keep me interested, reason for her still calling me, so she feels needed(or wanted, whichever) but doenst want anything serious, and isnt considering my feelings when she breaks plans or doesnt call when she says. am i completely off on this, or does this sound about right?). she knows how i feel, so i backed way off, yesterday she called me(oh her lunch) and we talked for a bit, then she asked if it was allright for her to call me later. i said yeah no problem, give me a call any time, but she hasnt called back. at this point, im ready to tell her, even her being just a "friend" that i wont play her games, and that when she is ready to grow up and treat people how they treat her(i have treated her very good, like i would any other girl), she can call me and then we can talk, but at this point if she wants to play games, its just creating stress, and i dont need that. is it allright for me to straight up tell her that? or should i just not say anything, and continue on not contacting her, and leave the contact up to her and see if something works out? i still havnt hung out with her for about 2 weeks, so im not thinking anything is going to come of this, unless she is just taking some time out for herself(shes got some pierciengs and a new tattoo since ive seen her, both of which she phoned me the day of to tell me she was getting them), and if thats the case, i dont want to **** anything up(i have too much fun with this girl, which is why im so stressed over her)... sorry for the dumbass posts, im just confused(and stressed) and dont know who to talk to, or what to do, but it just helps getting it off of my chest and having a second opinion by someone whos head isnt thinking about this girl alot, and can think a little more rationally than i am about this right now. any tips to get my mind to stop thinking of her? ive been hanging around with other "girl" friends, and keeping myself busy, but still, i end up thinking about her, which in turn stresses me out more. i wish i just wanted this girl for sex, it would make things a whole lot less complicated. thanks once again Link to post Share on other sites
Lilysavage Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I've read your posts and don't think your a dumbass at all.. it reads like 'you've gone with the moment', keeping in step with the pace the friendship/relationship set, and it didn't sound like she was fighting you off. It did sound like she was being a little lazy in getting you to text her etc, and it was cruel not to turn up and no reasons or apologies. then the hook to keep you near a text to say how are you.... I think you deserve either more from this lady if she wants to give or can, if not demote her to friend status and see more of your other friends after they are important too. It doesn't matter too much that you slept with each other, and the fact it happened doesn't rule out attraction on her part... just confusion. She may not want a full time relationship, she cannot act like she is sort of in one then out of it when it suits. So your backing off is a good idea t protect yourself. Don't be a stranger, but let her work at making some first moves with you and then when she does (she will) reset the rules and ask just what is what .. in a nice way... saying your favourite sport is not ping pong.. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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