Venting about problems does more harm than good, experts say. Agree? Disagree?

[doiask42much]

This was on msn.com today and made me think of everyone here at Love Shack.

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20185446/wid/11915773?GT1=10316

 

I wondered what you guys thought about it. I guess it seems to me that the key is to find a balance between bottling stuff up and obsessing. Maybe we should a time/word count limit of some sort, depending on the nature of the problem? Ha. I am definitely guilty of being a dweller.

[uniqueone]

They studied teenage girls though and they're making the assumption that it's the case with women as well. Teenage girls are concerned with peer pressure, being like everyone else, they're filled with anxiety, insecurity and naivety.

 

Let's say a teenage girl goes to her friends to discuss feeling bad because she's broken out in acne before her date.

 

Her friends respond with: "OMG, that is like so totally gross...I mean...did you like buy anything to clear that up? You know I heard that Matt dumped Sara last week because she had a mosquito bite. I wonder if you'll need plastic surgery or something. But really it doesn't look too bad...I mean, maybe just wear red that night so it all blends in. So you're not planning to wear your hair like THAT, are you?"

 

Now let's say a 35 year old woman is talking to her friend about some guy she slept with who never called her again.

 

Her friend responds with: "You know it's really better that you found out what he was like early rather than later. You'll just have to chalk this one up to a learning experience. Next time you'll know to take things slower no matter how great he seems. You know I had the same type of experience myself not too long ago when I met........."

 

I think there's a big difference there, so while the article might be right about teenage girls, I don't know if it's necessarily true of adult women.

[Trialbyfire]

Unhealthy cycling is bad, venting for short spurts is good. It's why women live longer than repressed men.

[Yosef]

I can see the problems with venting with friends. Some friends don't think twice about how the other person feels about the situation and can unintentionally worsen the situation.

 

I say venting to people you know and trust are very good stress-relievers. Experts were too vague in this study, and that's well evident.

[Fun2BMe]

That was an interesting article. Before I read it I thought I would completely disagree. We're always told "get it out" and encouraged to vent and talk about our problems, which I think is a healthy thing compared to bottling it up and getting stressed out.

 

It says venting TOO MUCH can cause harm. One advantage is that it establishes an instant bond between the listener and venter which in itself I'd think is therapeutic. I like the example they give of the girl griping about hating her new school. She started to bond with the other girls who hated the school too, which encouraged her to vent more and more but the more she did, the more she hated the school, which isn't good.

 

Maybe it's because girls are good listeners so they won't interupt the griper to say "get a grip, it's not that bad." Instead they encourage more and more which can't be that good I guess. But overall I think it's good to gripe and vent and get it out of the system. Men don't go into detail when they gripe to each other because I don't think the bonding is as important as it is to girls to feel accepted, understood and bonded with the other.

[uniqueone]

 

Men don't go into detail when they gripe to each other because I don't think the bonding is as important as it is to girls to feel accepted, understood and bonded with the other.

 

 

I think that those things are just as important to men. I think that one reason that they don't discuss their feelings as much as women do, is because they feel that it makes them appear weak. That gets conditioned into them during their school years.

[directx]

Oh, I totally disagree! You should alway vent. Maybe not to others right away, depending on what is bothering you.

If its sensitive stuff, I just like to vent to myself and that way I can sometimes really figure out what is bothering me or how i feel.

Yes. I'm nuts.

[SmileEmptySoul]

I think venting is a relief. When I get frustrated or angry I like to go into my garage and beat the hell out of my boxing bag turn on some breaking benjamin and curse my head off. It really helps. It beats putting holes in the wall, or putting ur bad mood onto other people

[VirtualInsanity]

Venting is one thing. Complaining is another.

 

Everyone needs to vent once in a while. Unhealthy to complain all the time. No one should want to be around a complainer nor should they complain with them. Only feeds their fire and brings you down too.

[beautifulearth83]

Cheese is so good

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Interesting topic, especially for this forum.

 

Venting is indeed very essential in the process of coping with a breakup.

 

The risk is that it can easily become a habit. I see this a lot, here on the forums. Even after venting to a healthy degree, people tend to fall into the trap of repetitively talking about the same thing, over and over.

 

The thing is, when you continously keep alluding to the breakup, in whatever form, directly or indirectly - it boils down to the fact that you are still thinking about the ex.

 

Which, in turn, keeps you in the reactive mode forever. Not helpful at all.

 

It's like continuously stepping on the gas pedal when the car is in neutral gear. The engine gets all revved up, but you're not going anywhere. All you're doing is putting a lot of strain on the engine.

 

 

The key is to know that enough is enough, and that you're done proving all the points that you wanted to prove. Time to really let go.

[Trialbyfire]

Interesting topic, especially for this forum.

 

Venting is indeed very essential in the process of coping with a breakup.

 

The risk is that it can easily become a habit. I see this a lot, here on the forums. Even after venting to a healthy degree, people tend to fall into the trap of repetitively talking about the same thing, over and over.

 

The thing is, when you continously keep alluding to the breakup, in whatever form, directly or indirectly - it boils down to the fact that you are still thinking about the ex.

 

Which, in turn, keeps you in the reactive mode forever. Not helpful at all.

 

It's like continuously stepping on the gas pedal when the car is in neutral gear. The engine gets all revved up, but you're not going anywhere. All you're doing is putting a lot of strain on the engine.

 

 

The key is to know that enough is enough, and that you're done proving all the points that you wanted to prove. Time to really let go.

Not always. What I find on LS is that certain subjects, since this is truly a relationship site, remind you of the situation and you can either have a little fun with it or you share your experience for the benefit to the OP of the thread. Keep in mind that no one can say what the OP needs, especially the newer ones who have not been on LS, therefore, have not read the repetition.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Not always. What I find on LS is that certain subjects, since this is truly a relationship site, remind you of the situation and you can either have a little fun with it or you share your experience for the benefit to the OP of the thread. Keep in mind that no one can say what the OP needs, especially the newer ones who have not been on LS, therefore, have not read the repetition.

 

It's not about sharing your experiences with the OP. It's about any one person being stuck on reliving their ex-relationship over and over.

 

I don't think the latter can be conducive to helping anyone else, least of all the poster himself. It just keeps the wound fresh, that's all.

[Trialbyfire]

It's not about sharing your experiences with the OP. It's about any one person being stuck on reliving their ex-relationship over and over.

 

I don't think the latter can be conducive to helping anyone else, least of all the poster himself. It just keeps the wound fresh, that's all.

Got it. It does depend on how seriously you take it and how badly it impacts on existing and future relationships. Myself, I like to have a little fun with it, although I do share some past experiences as a form of warning advice to others.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

It does depend on how seriously you take it and how badly it impacts on existing and future relationships.

 

That's true.

[Mustang Sally]

I think "All things in moderation" might apply here.

 

Venting can be a very constructive outlet.

 

But it can also turn into 'wallowing' and excessive self-pity that prevents acknowledging personal accountability and reconciliation of the situation in question.

 

At some point, it can outlive it's usefulness.