Does he love me?

[Heartbroken]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we live together. Lately it seems like he isn't as into "us" as he used to be, i.e. we don't kiss anymore and he spends a lot of time with his computer. I love him and I am afraid to tell him because I don't think he loves me. He has been very critical of me in the past and I feel like I could never make him happy. I feel worthless sometimes, I feel like such a fool for loving someone that doesn't feel the same about me. He has told me he cares about me, but he says he feels like a monster because I cry when he tells me I have done something wrong. He thinks he is the one making me sad and that I would be better off without him, but I don't want to be without him and that the thing that is so terrifying...every time we have some type of conflict, I feel like he is going to dump me because I am not "good enough" for him. The problem lies within myself I think, I feel so bad about myself and I can't think anything positive. I know I don't want to let this guy go, he is truly wonderful. I wonder if I should just ask him if he loves me and if he sees a future for us, or is that too demanding? Is is appropriate to tell him how I feel? How can I stop being so terrified of losing him?

[jackie]

there are a bunch of things in your message that need to be commented on. the first is that if your boyfriend spends a lot of time telling you that you did "something wrong" -- some thing is seriously wrong with the relationship. moreover, if these things make you cry, and he responds by saying that it makes him feel bad -- he is a monster! we can criticize the people we love if we believe that it's in their best interest, but if what we tell them makes them feel worthless about themselves, we are not being loving towards them. don't try and change yourself to please this person. i'm sure that you've heard it before, but you must accept and love yourself before others will see your true value.

 

it must be very scary to feel that he's going to dump you whenever you argue. but if your relationship doesn't have at least the level of security where you feel that you can speak your mind and still be loved, it isn't much of a relationship. six months is too soon to be living together. i suggest that you take some time apart and go to couples counseling. my best to you, and know that even if this person (who doesn't sound so sweet to me) leaves, i assure you that someone better will come along.

[simmer]

there are a bunch of things in your message that need to be commented on. the first is that if your boyfriend spends a lot of time telling you that you did "something wrong" -- some thing is seriously wrong with the relationship. moreover, if these things make you cry, and he responds by saying that it makes him feel bad -- he is a monster! we can criticize the people we love if we believe that it's in their best interest, but if what we tell them makes them feel worthless about themselves, we are not being loving towards them. don't try and change yourself to please this person. i'm sure that you've heard it before, but you must accept and love yourself before others will see your true value. it must be very scary to feel that he's going to dump you whenever you argue. but if your relationship doesn't have at least the level of security where you feel that you can speak your mind and still be loved, it isn't much of a relationship. six months is too soon to be living together. i suggest that you take some time apart and go to couples counseling. my best to you, and know that even if this person (who doesn't sound so sweet to me) leaves, i assure you that someone better will come along.

 

You may not see him as a "monster" right now, but I see some abusive tendencies. I was once married to a man that made me feel worthless. I found out later that it was to make himself feel better. First it was him being sorry that he made me feel bad. Then it was him saying he was sorry for hitting me. I know it must hurt terribly to think that you are giving up someone that you love so much, but it's better to have a broken heart now than to have a broken arm later.