What do I do? I know he "the one".

[jp]

I met a guy about a month ago. We instantly had feelings for each other and spent 5 hours together laughing and hanging out and it feels like I've been in a cloud since. I am recently divorced after 7 years (my decision), so this isn't my first love type thing. Unfortunately this man I've met lives about 350 miles from me and had to leave the next day. We haven't got to see each other since. I'm in the midst of moving so I only have a cell phone and he works with wildlife so he is hard to get a hold of. We leave messages for each other and when we talk we wonder how come we can't stop thinking about each other. I always have believed "The One' was out there somewhere and I believe with all my heart he is it. I mailed him a card a couple weeks ago and just told him how he's caught me totally off guard and I can't stop thinking about him. He loved it and said he feels the same way. I mailed him another card the other day basically saying the same thing and how I haven't felt this way or thought about any man like this in my life and the only other man in my life that I care so much about is my 6 year old little boy. I told him not to get nervous thinking I'm coming on too strong, but to take it as a wonderful compliment and that I think he's a good man. Of course, I haven't heard from him in 2 days. My gut feeling tells me that he's in the field and his cell phone isn't getting service, but then I still worry that I've come on too strong. I think he's only had one major relationship, no kids or marriages. He's 30, so I'm not sure if he likes his freedom and I may have been to forward with this last card. I know there's no way of knowing til I either hear from him or never hear from him again, but what would any of you think?

[Tony T]

The biggest mistake people make at the onset of meeting someone is coming on like gangbusters. Even the very nicest of people aren't aroused in a passionate way by somebody who plays their entire deck of cards within days of first meeting.

 

The damage is not irreversible...and may not even be there YET...but it will if you keep up the course.

 

First, don't awfulize by worrying why you haven't heard from him. But don't send anymore cards and don't leave anymore messages. Let him make the next move. Thereafter, be nice but cool those jets. Hey, you just met the guy and chemicals whirlled around in your head. That doesn't necessarily mean he's the ONE...that just means you had a very nice initial exchange. You've got a hell of a lot more to learn about him before you can make a decision on whether or not he's the ONE.

 

If you don't hear from him in, say, two weeks....send him one more card. Don't make it mushy at all...just be cool and make it short. Don't even mention the fact that you haven't heard from him. If you do hear from him, wait three or four days to reply.

 

I am dumbfounded at the number of people who just don't get it. You can plow right into somebody's life overnight just because you had a wonderful first meeting. You've got to take things slowly and make sure that's the right course for your life.

 

I have dozens of friends who've had the identical experience you had. Most of those couplings don't last. Some do. And some are so overcome by the initial few days or weeks that they try desperately to stretch things out even when they realize it's become very wrong.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade but I must caution you. You can drive away Mr. Right in a heartbeat by doing what you're doing. You may be scarring this man out of his wits. Back off and take your time. If the two of you are meant to be together, you have a lifetime to be wild about each other.