I find this annoying: "It wasn't meant to be"

[Yellowboy]

Let me just explain this through examples:

 

Say you guys are dating, things are well. The girl meets a new guy. You actually know that the guy is actually a pretentious, manipulative "nice guy" who is actually an ******* to women. Let's say your girl is naive and doesn't see it, and ends up leaving you for him.

 

Now, I explained this type of situation to friends and I tend to get one of the two responses:

 

1. "It wasn't meant to be. She wasn't the right girl for you."

Uhm...this really doesn't explain anything. It's like saying it was destiny that we met each other, but the opposite version of that. And who are they to judge that she wasn't meant for me? It's her naiveness, not her personality, that got her fooled by this guy. Why would I blame her, when I know I should blame the guy for being a fraud?

 

2. "It's your fault for letting her go, you didn't hold on to her tight enough."

Oh so it's MY fault she is naive to fall in love with an *******? And how would you try to stop her from leaving you in a situation like this anyways?

 

Any thoughts on this?

[LucreziaBorgia]

There is always this option:

 

One day you will meet a girl, fall in love and thank the stars every day that this other girl freed you up to meet the one you would truly be happy with.

[denicat]

I don't think you should blame yourself. People leave people for all sorts of reasons. They also say things that they don't really mean. This guy may be a fake, but she is the one who allowed herself to fall for it. If she truly loved you and cared for you she would have listened to what you said and stayed away. I don't know why it happened to you, but people get dumped on all the time. All you can do is wait for the pain, hurt, and anxiety to go away. It will over time and you need to start moving on and dating other girls.

[Art_Critic]

She wasn't the right girl for you... You cannot make the spark happen by holding onto to someone tighter..

In fact.. the opposite happens and the spark diminishes the tighter you hold.

 

Keep putting yourself out there.. Dating is a game of numbers.. the more you date the better your chances of weeding thru all the people not right for you and finding someone to connect with.

[BohemeRose]

Your friends seem to have watched too much Operah. But, they're not *completely* off.

 

I don't believe in fate, so the whole "it wasn't meant to be" thing annoys me like you wouldn't believe, but, it's easy to see when you probably shouldn't try pursue a relationship with someone. Like when they leave you for someone else.

 

Leaving a good guy for an a$$ is a typical trait for young girls looking for excitement in their lives. Maybe one day down the line you'll meet up again and she'll have wisened up a bit but, take this as an opportunity to find someone who appreciates you.

[tinke]

i believe people enter our lives for many reasons, and if we are lucky, we are open to learning from the experiences. for some reason, this girl enetered your world, may be it was to teach you something about you.

 

i do believe in a higher power, and that is where the "it wasn't meant to be" falls in...it is out of your control. for some reason that you may not be aware of now, it was not the right girl or the right time, etc. read the serenity prayer..this is something out of your control, you will not find the peace if you do not begin to accept that.

[Yellowboy]

*sigh*

 

That is what I also hear from many people, particularly those friends who are married. I appreciate these warm words but I have heard it too many a times.

 

My relationships always have failed, and I have never dumped a person, the girl always leaves me for someone else. I have been told I am the kindest, considerate, passionate person, and yet I am left behind. I would rather not hear them say that because it hurts me even more..."Oh you are a good person...you will find someone better." I keep saying please, stop that because it's like negative reinforcement.

[Jonah]

Keep a smile on and let go like a butterfly. This could turn out to be a boomerang, but if not, consider it networking. Her sister? Her friend? Just don't come across like a jerk. Always be the good guy and a good girl will find you and bind you so. At that point, just know that it was meant to be.

[Carbine]

Generally, 99% of the 'wisdom' people depart on others is what they've had departed on themselves by some random good samaratin at some point in time. It gets passed along from person to person like that unwanted 'el-cheapo' Christmas present you got one year and it's main ingredients are as follows: extreme optimism, half-truths and melodrama. Oh, and it may contain traces of nuts...

 

Look, in my experience many people simply cannot handle the truth because it can be fairly devastating at times. For whatever reason, "It wasn't meant to be" or even "It was meant to be" can be a lot easier for them to accept and live by than it is to go on a relentless pursuit for the truth - only to find out that a bitter little pill is waiting at the end. "It wasn't meant to be" is also used to help oneself and others save face.

 

Anyway, just to let you know it gives me the sh*ts too when I really need feedback on something and yep, lo and behold, "It wasn't meant to be" and/or "God works in mysterious ways". Even the word "Karma" is enough to make me spit the dummy nowadays. Oh, and you want to know what the worst one is?

 

"There's a reason behind everything".

"Such as?"

"That's not for me to say..."

 

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Leadnfllw]

I disagree with a lot of the posters. I think you should blame yourself. Hear me out. You were out done by a guy who had superior skills with women than yourself. Now I'm going to be harsh about it, but you say that everyone has left you for someone else. Well the fact is it most likely something you are doing. If I were you I would do my hardest to find out what that is.

[Yellowboy]

I disagree with a lot of the posters. I think you should blame yourself. Hear me out. You were out done by a guy who had superior skills with women than yourself. Now I'm going to be harsh about it, but you say that everyone has left you for someone else. Well the fact is it most likely something you are doing. If I were you I would do my hardest to find out what that is.

 

Superior skills...I guess being a con artist is "superior". One example, he lied to her by saying he wasn't married. I tried to stop her by telling her the truth but she still went for him anyways. Yeah, people will just say, "Oh she's crazy, you weren't meant to be with her. You'll find someone better." Comforting words indeed, but that's all it is, words.

 

And other times, yeah you are right. I'm willing to admit in some cases, I look at some guys and think, yeah he's got his game and I'm no match for him. I'd back off. I know where I stand. But that's a different story.

 

My point is about the guy being a con and how people justify it as "not meant to be". It's like you getting mugged by someone, and your friend says, "But you are such a good guy. It wasn't supposed to happen to you." But it did!