He is moslem, am Xtian but wants me to change? what happens to wedding?

[VIP]

Getting back to the topic. If they both consider each other "ungodly" and each wants to persist in this belief, they cannot be together, that's just pure logic.

[sb129]

Getting back to the topic. If they both consider each other "ungodly" and each wants to persist in this belief, they cannot be together, that's just pure logic.

 

I agree. And I don't know why we are persisting with this thread, as Vixen hasn't been back to update anyone for ages.

[Vixen763]

No confusion here. I don't believe in god or religions- period. Doesn't mean I can't give advice to the OP. (who seems to have mysteriously disappeared)

 

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I have not disappeared per se...I am quiet but religiously following the debate...I posted here for advice and am doing my best to read through all the posts/responses and understand more because I don’t think I am better placed to discuss religious matters but I am open to learning more on what is out there...[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][/sIZE]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I still maintain that I was brought up in a deeply Pentecostal family....I still go to the same church my family goes to and I believe what I was brought up believing...I still believe I will not want to convert to Islam but can be comfortable where I am...faith to me is mostly about believing in something above what you can reach or what you are and can see...[/sIZE][/FONT]

[Vixen763]

I agree. And I don't know why we are persisting with this thread, as Vixen hasn't been back to update anyone for ages.

 

 

I dont know what happened with my last post....I am sorry if you cant make through what i wrote above... did try to post recently asking whether this was becoming mostly about which religion is better or whether God does really exist or not and somebody shut me up....reminding me it was a religious forum...which i dint think was true but i thought well, whats the point in arguing with someone who doesnt seem to read through the forum before commenting....

 

anyways i tried/did break up with my boyfriend because we were not talking serious about this....his emphasis that time would come and he believed he would persuade me...

 

we were off for the last ten days or so because the last time we talked, we were not getting anywere on the topic...the last thing i want is to be "forced" to convert if we are gonna get married...so i have been off and giving him time to think through it as well.

 

He wants the relationship and is openly telling me he is not prepared to lose me just because of religion and i dont know what that means...he writes and calls and "begs" that we shouldnt separate because of religion but i dont know how far this will go

[Jinnah]

You think you get a free pass just because you're a Christian? It doesn't work like that. I'm allowed to disagree with it and voice that disagreement on a public forum, especially when from my perspective it is just flat-out wrong and foolish. If you can't handle that, then the internet clearly isn't the place for you.

 

This off-topic tangent has gone on long enough. I don't have to justify my participation to you, so get over it and get back to the topic.

 

Cheers,

D.

 

It's funny how you misinterpret everything I say. YOU are the one who started on me, not the other way around. Yes, I am through talking to you, as it has become nothing more than an annoyance. The OP wants advice... she's a Christian and I will give her biblical advice... sounds like YOU are the one who needs to get over it.

[Jinnah]

He wants the relationship and is openly telling me he is not prepared to lose me just because of religion and i dont know what that means...he writes and calls and "begs" that we shouldnt separate because of religion but i dont know how far this will go

 

Tell him you want to raise the kids Christian, lol. I bet that will get him to see how serious the topic is. He is probably in his current position because he assumes he can eventually break you.

[sb129]

I dont know what happened with my last post....I am sorry if you cant make through what i wrote above... did try to post recently asking whether this was becoming mostly about which religion is better or whether God does really exist or not and somebody shut me up....reminding me it was a religious forum...which i dint think was true but i thought well, whats the point in arguing with someone who doesnt seem to read through the forum before commenting....

 

anyways i tried/did break up with my boyfriend because we were not talking serious about this....his emphasis that time would come and he believed he would persuade me...

 

we were off for the last ten days or so because the last time we talked, we were not getting anywere on the topic...the last thing i want is to be "forced" to convert if we are gonna get married...so i have been off and giving him time to think through it as well.

 

He wants the relationship and is openly telling me he is not prepared to lose me just because of religion and i dont know what that means...he writes and calls and "begs" that we shouldnt separate because of religion but i dont know how far this will go

 

 

The debate about the existence of god and bickering between people about it was inevitable given the subject matter of the thread.

Thanks for coming back Vixen and giving us an update.

 

I hope things work out for you and you meet someone you can make you happy. I don't think this guy is that person, just from some of the other things you have mentioned regarding this topic.

[taiko]

we were off for the last ten days or so because the last time we talked, we were not getting anywere on the topic...the last thing i want is to be "forced" to convert if we are gonna get married...so i have been off and giving him time to think through it as well.

 

He wants the relationship and is openly telling me he is not prepared to lose me just because of religion and i dont know what that means...he writes and calls and "begs" that we shouldnt separate because of religion but i dont know how far this will go

 

Well as a follower of "the Book", although your boyfriend doesn't think you have gotten the complete revelation, a Muslim man may marry a Jew or Christian with restrictions. Your past behaviour makes those restrictions harder thus even a greater need for you to convert. Muslim women can not marry a Christian or Jew because the man is the spiritual head of the household.

 

It is time to ask yourself, do you really believe that we are all sinners and that the only way of accepting our penalty for sin is by having faith in Jesus Christ. If you do how can you get into a relationship where the children will be taught that Jesus was a just a great man, one of God's most important Prophets? Then your kids will have to overcome their life's teaching to have faith in Him, thus more likely to end up in hell.

 

No one of us can awnser the question the you really believe for you. We can only say the scripture you claim to believe in says don't do it. And if you are able to disregard that part why not disregard the other parts?

 

What would be the big difference? Instead of a relatively free worship experience you will have to turn towards Mecca and say the proper prayer in Arabic? Anything else?

[Jinnah]

Well as a follower of "the Book", although your boyfriend doesn't think you have gotten the complete revelation, a Muslim man may marry a Jew or Christian with restrictions. Your past behaviour makes those restrictions harder thus even a greater need for you to convert. Muslim women can not marry a Christian or Jew because the man is the spiritual head of the household.

 

It is time to ask yourself, do you really believe that we are all sinners and that the only way of accepting our penalty for sin is by having faith in Jesus Christ. If you do how can you get into a relationship where the children will be taught that Jesus was a just a great man, one of God's most important Prophets? Then your kids will have to overcome their life's teaching to have faith in Him, thus more likely to end up in hell.

 

No one of us can awnser the question the you really believe for you. We can only say the scripture you claim to believe in says don't do it. And if you are able to disregard that part why not disregard the other parts?

 

What would be the big difference? Instead of a relatively free worship experience you will have to turn towards Mecca and say the proper prayer in Arabic? Anything else?

 

Please listen to this. I know it's hard now, but if you make the right decision, God will bless you.

 

Still praying for you...

[Jinnah]

I hope things work out for you and you meet someone you can make you happy. I don't think this guy is that person, just from some of the other things you have mentioned regarding this topic.

 

She's right about this.

[VIP]

He wants the relationship and is openly telling me he is not prepared to lose me just because of religion and i dont know what that means...he writes and calls and "begs" that we shouldnt separate because of religion but i dont know how far this will go

 

Then he should consider not asking you to convert to his religion. I just think you both are not as religious as you think, because you are not accepting some of the dogmas. And the way Christians talk here, it's all or nothing. It seems like he started to understand all absurdity of these dogmas.

[taiko]

Then he should consider not asking you to convert to his religion. I just think you both are not as religious as you think, because you are not accepting some of the dogmas. And the way Christians talk here, it's all or nothing. It seems like he started to understand all absurdity of these dogmas.

Christianity, Judism and Islam are all "all in" religions. There is really no halfway of saying I will take this part and disregard that part without cries of blasphamy, apostatsy or cultism.

 

Actually on his part, the OP has not given any evidence to the contrary, the boyfriend is and has been in full compliance with Islamic dogma. The darwah among devout Muslims is just as strong as the Great Commission among Bible believing Christians.

 

And even if she doesn't convert as a practicing Christian she has a better chance to stay in a relationship with a religiously active Muslim then a pagan or athiest.

[Vixen763]

I may not be as religious as you might wnat me to be....but this is mostly how comfortable i should be feleing about being forced to convert just because i will ahppen to ahve ended up with someone i have but of a different faith... The religion is know is that which my parents instilled and coached me into.... and it wouold also be "disastrous" to my family for me to convert....but then again i am beginning to worry and wonder at the same time...what happens if i never meet somebody i love of the same pentecoastal faith as me...because one of the reasons i also walked out of my previous relationship was my ex (then boyfriend) being catholic and always asked me if i would convert. Then it never was an issue but secretly i knew it would be a difficult one and when other issues of infidelity came by, i instigatedthe breakup...I have not been very lucky in meeting and dating somebody of the same faith as i...what thoughts can you give me on this...

 

better to meet and live with someone who gives me 80% of what i value in a lifetime partner or better to meet somebody of my faith, whom my parents will also be comfortable with but only brings that match to our union and lacks the fundamentals i value for longterm settlement?

[sb129]

she has a better chance to stay in a relationship with a religiously active Muslim then a pagan or athiest.

 

 

:eek::eek:

Pardon me???? Would you please wash out your mouth? How insulting.

 

I vehemently disagree with this. My partner and I are both atheists, and its the best R I have had in my life. We are committed, loving and (ahem) faithful to eachother.

 

I know quite a few atheists who are in wonderful relationships, and I even know a couple of pagan Rs which aren't doing too badly either.

 

Muslims (and infact all denominations who disapprove of divorce) have a low divorce rate because it is exceptionally difficult to get a divorce and either a) be accepted by your society or b) get remarried once you become 'tainted' goods.

Its not because they are all in wonderfully happy fulfilled marriages.

 

Slightly skewed statistics methinks.

[taiko]

:eek::eek:

Pardon me???? Would you please wash out your mouth? How insulting.

 

I vehemently disagree with this. My partner and I are both atheists, and its the best R I have had in my life. We are committed, loving and (ahem) faithful to eachother.

 

I know quite a few atheists who are in wonderful relationships, and I even know a couple of pagan Rs which aren't doing too badly either.

 

Muslims (and infact all denominations who disapprove of divorce) have a low divorce rate because it is exceptionally difficult to get a divorce and either a) be accepted by your society or b) get remarried once you become 'tainted' goods.

Its not because they are all in wonderfully happy fulfilled marriages.

 

Slightly skewed statistics methinks.

What statistics? Why wash out my mouth. Ofcourse the athest and pagans of the world get married, they make up most of the worlds population. They just don't get married to Muslims who are in full compliance with their faith.

[Jinnah]

You know what? I'm at the point where I think she knows what she wants to do anyway, and just wants people to agree with her. ?? It's a simple decision here... follow your religion, or don't. What else can anyone say?

[Jinnah]

 

better to meet and live with someone who gives me 80% of what i value in a lifetime partner or better to meet somebody of my faith, whom my parents will also be comfortable with but only brings that match to our union and lacks the fundamentals i value for longterm settlement?

 

You aren't having faith in God or the religion you claim. Have you talked to your family about this?

[disgracian]

I may not be as religious as you might wnat me to be

Some people don't require you to be religious at all.

but this is mostly how comfortable i should be feleing about being forced to convert just because i will ahppen to ahve ended up with someone i have but of a different faith...

You shouldn't have to convert to anything. Whatever your beliefs, they make you the person you are. The person you marry should want nothing else from you but to continue being who you are. In my experience, I have never seen a relationship work where one or both people in the marriage expected the other person to change. It's wilfully naive.

 

You don't have to find somebody of the same faith as you, just somebody who doesn't expect you to change and you don't expect them to change either. Such relationships work. The worst thing you could do from this point on is end up with somebody who fits your beliefs but not anything else.

I have not been very lucky in meeting and dating somebody of the same faith as i...what thoughts can you give me on this...

Ask yourself if you think it would be possible to share your life with somebody who didn't necessarily fit your beliefs perfectly, but who made no requirements on you to convert. Then ask yourself if your beliefs would imply that you are eternally separated. Sadly, most Christians (especially Pentes) really believe that everybody else is going to Hell for eternity. If that is what you also believe then there is surely going to be a strain. If not (as is the case with my wife) then there isn't really a problem.

better to meet and live with someone who gives me 80% of what i value in a lifetime partner or better to meet somebody of my faith, whom my parents will also be comfortable with but only brings that match to our union and lacks the fundamentals i value for longterm settlement?

I'm not sure what you're asking here, but it sounds like "is it better to marry somebody I love or who my parents will approve of?", and if so then the answer is obvious.

 

Cheers,

D.

[sb129]

What statistics? Why wash out my mouth. Ofcourse the athest and pagans of the world get married, they make up most of the worlds population. They just don't get married to Muslims who are in full compliance with their faith.

 

I was kidding about washing out your mouth.

 

I think I took what you said the wrong way- I get it now.

[allina]

1. You say you told you Muslim bf that you had sex with another guy and he said that he was hurt but that it'll be okay. I very much doubt that, a practicing Muslim man would not do this.

 

2. You say that although you have only been with your bf for two months you two are as serious as a couple is after 2 years. I HIGHLY doubt that. From your posts it sounds like you haven't even seen him in person since you started dating him.

[Vixen763]

You know what? I'm at the point where I think she knows what she wants to do anyway, and just wants people to agree with her. ?? It's a simple decision here... follow your religion, or don't. What else can anyone say?

 

 

If i already had the answer to my dilemma then i dont know why i would be "wasting" time posting a problem for which i alraedy had a solution...Please let those who ahve the will to help me out and point out all the possible worst and good scenarios in my dilemma...dont be judgemental. I might have a preconceived idea of what i presume might be best for me....but the fact that i am here only tells even myself that i dont have full trust in what i feel i should me doing...

 

makes sense?

[Vixen763]

You aren't having faith in God or the religion you claim. Have you talked to your family about this?

 

I am just a normal person fighting within myself where i have a relationship i would want to keep for the future but there are dilemma's and i am at the point where i feel i could make a mistake and walk out of a good thing and lose it all for life....or stay in what will make my life hell...as in go against my religious upbringing...

 

I am yet to talk to my family about it but i almost know what the response will be...

 

1. Pray about it and let God convert him into christianity-

2. I ahve had a discussion with my family in my previous relationship and my family was uncomfortable with me dating a person of catholic faith...

[Vixen763]

1. You say you told you Muslim bf that you had sex with another guy and he said that he was hurt but that it'll be okay. I very much doubt that, a practicing Muslim man would not do this.

 

It looks like you are very presumptious....you are using other scenarios you might ahve encountered to judge my scenario...bottomline is i did what i did, with alot of shame and that is not on our table of issues right now. He wants the relationship just like i do...lets keep to the issue at hand because i ahve said as much that for now, my infidelity is not an issue as we agreed to work through building trust...

 

2. You say that although you have only been with your bf for two months you two are as serious as a couple is after 2 years. I HIGHLY doubt that. From your posts it sounds like you haven't even seen him in person since you started dating him.

 

 

I think you would have been more helpful if you took the time to read my original posts and all the other posts i have put up...

 

This guy is no starnger to me...we have been close friends for over a decade and yes i did meet him in about two/three months ago and we will be meeting again in December and plan to settle down/move in together early next year and plan on getting married later next year if all goes well...we have a plan and we are working towards acheiving it...

[VIP]

I might have a preconceived idea of what i presume might be best for me....but the fact that i am here only tells even myself that i dont have full trust in what i feel i should me doing...

 

makes sense?

 

First of all, if for one moment you could try not to think about religion, ask yourself this question. "How much do I love him? How much does he love me? Does he has the qualities that will make him a good husband?" Do you feel this in your heart? You seem to listen to everything and everybody except for your own heart.

[VIP]

or stay in what will make my life hell...as in go against my religious upbringing...

 

If you don't convert, what will make your life hell?

 

I am yet to talk to my family about it but i almost know what the response will be...

 

You don't have to to ask your family's permission, you are an adult.

 

1. Pray about it and let God convert him into christianity-

 

You shouldn't try to change him, just as he shouldn't try to change you.

 

2. I ahve had a discussion with my family in my previous relationship and my family was uncomfortable with me dating a person of catholic faith...

 

Would they be comfortable if you spend your life alone? It seems thay worry more about their rules and dogmas, than about your happinness. Suppose you break up with him, are they going to find you a husband? You might end up marrying someone you don't love just because he has the religion your parents approve of.