spiritual awakening, leading to problems

[lostinny]

My girlfriend and I have a 15 month old baby, and we live together. We do love each other, even though we have our share of disagreements and issues. She has said she won't marry me how I am, that I need to make changes.

 

I have been struggling with some anger problems, from things in my past, and recently realized that what I really needed was God back in my life. I had left God years ago, because I felt dissatisfied with my faith. So I'm working towards returning to God, because I feel that will help me be a better person. Since I'll be striving more to live as a Christian, rather than as someone who just looks out for himself.

 

Part of having God back in my life, is obeying him in certain areas. I believe that it is not ok for us to live together without us being married.

 

This would be simple if she would marry me right away, but she won't, until I change to her satisfaction.

 

So since I feel so whole hearted about doing what God wants, I told her that I felt I should live outside of the house until we are married. I would stay at my mother's house, while still paying the rent where she and our child live. In addition, I would still help care for our child after work and whatnot, the only change is where I sleep at night.

 

The problem is that she says she will move out with our son and that our relationship is over if I start sleeping someplace else at night. I can understand this to an extent, but should I have to compromise on my religious beliefs? I keep assuring her that I will still pay for the home, and be supportive the same ways that I already am. To me it's not an end of the relationship, but she sees it that way. She says there are shades of grey I need to accept, but in my heart I feel I can't disobey God.

 

I guess the main point of this, is that she wants me to compromise my beliefs. And I realize my beliefs may be extremely old fashioned. She won't marry me until I make changes, but the changes I want to make involve accepting God back into my life and abiding by a new set of moral standards.

 

Anyone have suggestions or have been through similar?

[Cobra_X30]

Perhaps you should consult your pastor. You realize that it isnt just some piece of paper that makes you married in the eyes of God? That just makes you married in the eyes of the state.

 

So unless you just want to be a jerk... maybe you should give this stance some more thought.

[curiousnycgirl]

Not sure what religion you are following, but as I understand it G-d does not object to your living together, he objects to premarital relations.

 

Is there a reason you cannot continue living in the same home, and forego sex? Would your girlfriend be willing to accept that?

[disgracian]

It sounds like you've done a bit of a 180 and that is going to be hard for your girlfriend to adjust to. Also, a point to consider, while you're worrying about compromising on your newfound beliefs, remember that she also has her beliefs and shouldn't have to compromise on them to accomodate yours. That is the path that leads to self-righteousness, so beware.

 

You're probably exhibiting some overzealous behaviour without realising it; that's a common phenomenon for people who have recently made a radical change in beliefs. They throw themselves into it with a lot of enthusiasm, and this can unsettle people.

 

My advice is to be flexible and meet her halfway. If you expect anything else, you may be in for a surprise.

 

Cheers,

D.

[norajane]

You're trying to shut the barn door after the horse has bolted.

 

You're a father, with a father's responsibilities. That should be your first priority, and being there at night to help with the baby should be #1 on your list. Forego the sex until you get married so you are more in line with your refreshed faith, but don't leave your child's mother in the lurch.

 

ALSO, equally important - what are these changes your gf want you to make before she agrees to marry you? They must be pretty significant. Are you willing and able to make them? Maybe you could work on those changes and you'll be married sooner.

 

I doubt God wouldn't be able to forgive you if you remained with your gf and son. Keep in mind that back in the day, when people lived in remote areas and priests weren't around every corner to marry them, people lived together before being 'officially' blessed by the priest.

[Cad Rake]

your beliefs aren't "old fashioned." You've conveniently brought "God" in to get yourself out of a situation of caring for a baby every damn night. You're not fooling anyone.