kookai Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 I know that all of u will blame me 4 being a ****ing foolish girl,i had a friend from about 10 months,he's actually my neighbour, we started to get out,and in our 1st date i asked him about a girl that he was bringing home(he's living with his family)and he told me that she was his gf,but they quarrelled and they broke up. Then we started to b closer,talking alot in the phone and getting out often for 2 months,and during this time he used to get back to his gf and break up with her.And he kept on telling me about everything about her,and that he's not happy with her,although she's his gf from 5 years.He also told me that he used to cheat on her and that he had many many other girlfriends and that she sometimes knew this and left him,but she always gets back. After the 2 months of our friendship,they had a big fight and he left her.At this time he told me that he loves me and he wants to marry me,i loved him so i agreed to b his gf.We didn't live together,and his ex gf kept on trying to get back to him.After 2 weeks,he told me he met her,but they're just talking as friends cuz she needs him,as her parents are dead and she has no one but him and she loves him madly. I realised that he wants to get back to her,so i stopped calling or seeing him,and he didn't try to call me either for a month.During this month i started to see his gf at his home again.(p.s his family and friends know everything anout their relation and knows nothing at all about me and him). After this month i felt that i miss him so much,so i started to call him in the phone as friend,he was talking coldly and i knew he was back to her.After a while,he had another fight with her and we became closer as before and he got back to me but without saying that he loves me.And again after some days he got back to her,and this time he engaged her,and we didn't discuss anything between us,as if noting happened and as if we're just friends. He's engaged from about 6 months,and during this period the same damned story is repeated,i'm he's friend and we see and talk to each other everyday,when he fights with her,he comes to me and he regrets getting back to her and leaving me,and the next day,i find out that they are back,and i and him keep going AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED.The last time he quarrelled with her,he sweared to me that he'll never be back to her,but now he's back and he fixed his wedding date.I used to ask him before if he loved me,and he never gave me an answer,and sometimes when he's with her,he says he loves me as a sister or a friend but in this last time, he told me:"I don't know,but i know that i'm attached to you,and that u make me happy when i see u or talk to u".I asked him if he loves her,he told me that he loved her before,but she made him hate her by her bad doings with him. He was always telling me that he's just obliged to marry her cuz she has no one but him in the world,and that he pities her.she treats him badly and even his family wants him to leave her,but he insists on marrying her saying that he can't leave her in her bad circumstances.He sometimes tells me that he doesn't know what he wants(me or her),and that if he met me a little bit earlier,things would have changed.He's marrying her after 2 months,i love him so much but i don't know what to do,i forgot to say that his gf knows nothing about me at all,and that he used to avoid to answer my phone calls when she was with him.Now i want to know can he be in love with me,or he was just playing with me all this time? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 This guy loves the other girl more regardless and he has been using you as a reserve. He's been playing you like a fiddle and you've been putting up with it. Stop calling him, stop talking to him and forget he is alive. You deserve a lot better than him. You deserve to be treated kindly and honestly by somebody who will put you first in his life. I'm really sorry you didn't realize this a long time ago. When he told you how much he cheated on his women, that should have been your first hint to stay as far away from him as you possibly could. Do not ever contact him again. Keep him OUT of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 When in doubt about how to interpret a lover's behavior I have found it's a good idea to imagine the same kind of behavior from a business partner. Imagine you were trying to set up a business, but your partner kept flaking out about his half of the money, about the things he was responsible for, etc. Sometimes he eventually came through but you quickly came to see that he was not at all certain, or committed to the business. Perhaps he didn't even HAVE the money, or the ability to do his half of things. Whatever the reasons, he was not going to be a reliable business partner. Would you dither and wait, wonder what to make of his behavior, give him second, third, even fourth chances? Probably not, right? Even if he was a relative or a really close friend, you wouldn't throw your time and money away on a partner who was incapable of living up to his end of the bargain. So why are you willing to mess around with your heart? It all amounts to the same thing: you're investing yourself in something that he is not invested in. Your chances of getting even a partial return on your investment are pretty slim. I'm sure he's being sincere with you when he says the things he says. But that's only because he's not able to be honest with himself and figure out what he REALLY feels. Sounds like a messed up guy to me, and one you'd almost certainly be better off without. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 GREAT business partner analogy. Seems like a really good way to look at relationships objectively. Where were you when I needed you??? Ultimately, marriage itself is a business...sort of a Mr. and Mrs. Corporation, where the business is that of a household. It's, of course, a business where love is a component as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kookai Posted March 24, 2003 Author Share Posted March 24, 2003 Thank you tony and midori for your advice,i really appreciate it, you're real friends and i stopped talking to him today,and you helped me thinking properly,and i'm getting out of this game,thanks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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