My Wife found out about me

[Tomcat33]

You are right, tomcat3...I DO feel EXACTLY like that. There are 2 voices continually arguing in my mind. When I am with my W the voice for OW quietens, but reappears at times. When with OW, I see families etc and the voice for them is in my head. It has been this way for months, and trying to figure out the 'true' voice has driven me to despair, which is how I found myself here

 

 

And that's understandable, and mind now I can say that my head is screwed on tight again, but when I was in the midst of my rel

i could not see it that way I truly believed that my guy was ready to make the move and was no longer torn, so many hours and hours of debating and talking and thinking out what was happening to us and what we were doing VS what he should do and he manged to always convince me that he was 100% never going back to his marriage becauyse it was only me who he loved, it was only me who he wanted to be with, for her her felt sorry. And I tried to break it off with him many times telling him I cant do this anymore, you have to get your D going or we have to part ways I can't live like this anymore watching you paralized and sufering form something you assure me is 100% done yet it leaves so many unanswered questions. And what would he do? he would come after me and beg me not to leave him that come monday he would meet with his W and ask for the D, and there was always some matter of stalling.

 

The thing I resented the most is that he was not honest with me about what he was really feeling about his W. Or perhaps he was honest in telling me he couldn't do it because he felt sorry for hurting her and I just wouldn't listen. All I know is that Matt, you are very brave in admitting you lead your OW on. I think that is a really good start to your own recovery inadmitting your part in all of this. Yes the OW is not a child and she is not left wih 0 responsibility in all of this, but I think for your sake it is good that you can admit that you truly lead her on, for your own reasons. Maybe at the time you really felt like you would leave your W I don;t know and maybe it later changed and you kept up the pharse with the OW to prolongue the great feeling, only you know that. But if you can admit that you lead her on that is a good start to reflect on why you did what you did and start to use that towards gaining some clarity on why you did what you did and why you should now redirect your focus on to your W. I think writing it out here is going to help you. Though writing for yourself period helps. It's purging your thoughts that will bring your clarity.

 

For now you have to break the addiciton, that must be your first goal to achieve if you want any sort of progress on the home front. Youy alreayd recognize you have been acting selfishly, perhaps it;s time as you said to selflessly focus on your W.

[mattym]

Can I ask you something? Do you respect your W?

 

To be honest ( and this seems to be the only place I actually AM honest!) I think I have more respect for her post-affair than before

 

I always knew, deep down, that she'd find out about me. When you live with someone their behaviour betrays them, as mine did. Anyone with half a brain recognises small changes in behaviour. I was hiding my phone, 'popping out' for a 10 min errand and returning 2 hours later after a marathon phone call to OW. She's sicne told me she suspected for a long time, but never had proof until she found the text messages

 

I always had visions that when she found out there would be horrendous fall-out. And yes, there were lots of tears, but she has been incredibly dignified, far more than I would have been in her shoes

 

She sat me down last week and without emotion said ' Look, if you want her , go and be with her. I don't want you here just for the kids. You can still see them whenever you want. If we're not enough for you, and not enough for you to be happy, then go to her'

 

Of course I told OW this and her only reply was ' All I keep hearing is about how understanding your W is. That tells me a lot. You don't want me'

[Tomcat33]

To be honest ( and this seems to be the only place I actually AM honest!) I think I have more respect for her post-affair than before

 

I always knew, deep down, that she'd find out about me. When you live with someone their behaviour betrays them, as mine did. Anyone with half a brain recognises small changes in behaviour. I was hiding my phone, 'popping out' for a 10 min errand and returning 2 hours later after a marathon phone call to OW. She's sicne told me she suspected for a long time, but never had proof until she found the text messages

 

I always had visions that when she found out there would be horrendous fall-out. And yes, there were lots of tears, but she has been incredibly dignified, far more than I would have been in her shoes

 

She sat me down last week and without emotion said ' Look, if you want her , go and be with her. I don't want you here just for the kids. You can still see them whenever you want. If we're not enough for you, and not enough for you to be happy, then go to her'

 

Of course I told OW this and her only reply was ' All I keep hearing is about how understanding your W is. That tells me a lot. You don't want me'

 

 

Well Mat if this is how you feel how you really feel (and I believe you) then it's time to start showing that woman just how much you really do respect her. Telling us and doing otherwise is not good enough, you need to show her with your every fiber that you not only respect her but that you never want to hurt her again, even if it means no more fun for you. It might feel forced at first because your heart/mind is not 100% on her yet but even if you have to force it for the first while it is the only way you will break the addiction. We humans are creatures of habit, what will feel like a forced motion at first will in time become second nature, just as a habit does and at that point you will not only be able to give endlessly without thinking about it you can actually begin to enjoy what you are giving and receiven in turn. But it has to be a conscious decision Matt right now, one that blocks out all your selfish needs. One that decides to turn that switch off to the OW even if you are not 100% convinced of it yet. If in time you find you can't love your W the way you would like to and the way she deserves then ONLY then can you decide what you want. If you were to end it now, the regrets would only plague you the other way around thinking what if I would have tried and we could have been a happy family??

 

But in order for that to happen you need to resign to the idea that your rel with this OW is done for good, forever. Yup, forever Matt. That's the reality that you seem to be struggling with now, and as long as you keep that notion alive in your head your heart will be torn.

 

Question is can you do that? That is the only was you will close the door for good.

 

In regards to telling the OW what you W says, please don't do that anymore, its not fair to her, the OW is not your shrink or your saviour, she and you are the source of each other's pain so don't look for solace in each other it's not fair to her to do that and vice versa if she does that to you.

[mattym]

Can I ask you something? Do you respect your W?

 

I guess the only other thing I think is ' I think I love my Wife, but how can I, when I've done what I've done?'

[Tomcat33]

I guess the only other thing I think is ' I think I love my Wife, but how can I, when I've done what I've done?'

 

I know and that is th million $$ question. I can't answer that for you, no one can simply because loving or not loving someone means many different things to many people apparently.

 

I am of the idea that if you love someone you don't cheat, I never have and never will cheat on a loved one. I had opportunities in the past and the only rel I felt I was enjoying the "special" attention from a co-worker was at the tail end of a 4yr rel where I knew I was going to get out, that for me was the last straw knowing that I was consumed by this Oman in thoughts was a sheer sign for me that I had to get out, and I did. I never did anything with the co-worker at all even post break-up but it was the notion that I felt something new that woke me up to do what I was putting off from doing. Mind you not being married and not having kids made it ""easier"".

 

For some cheating doesn't mean there is no more love, it's just a mitake that can be overcome and reworked. I don't adhere to that mentality so perhaps I am the wrong person to answer this...

 

Where you having problems in you M pre A? How did u feel towards your W pre A. Like was it just a matter of not feeling "in love"or was it deeper than that?

[mattym]

I know and that is th million $$ question. I can't answer that for you, no one can simply because loving or not loving someone means many different things to many people apparently.

 

I am of the idea that if you love someone you don't cheat, I never have and never will cheat on a loved one. I had opportunities in the past and the only rel I felt I was enjoying the "special" attention from a co-worker was at the tail end of a 4yr rel where I knew I was going to get out, that for me was the last straw knowing that I was consumed by this Oman in thoughts was a sheer sign for me that I had to get out, and I did. I never did anything with the co-worker at all even post break-up but it was the notion that I felt something new that woke me up to do what I was putting off from doing. Mind you not being married and not having kids made it ""easier"".

 

For some cheating doesn't mean there is no more love, it's just a mitake that can be overcome and reworked. I don't adhere to that mentality so perhaps I am the wrong person to answer this...

 

Where you having problems in you M pre A? How did u feel towards your W pre A. Like was it just a matter of not feeling "in love"or was it deeper than that?

 

It's so good to talk to someone who has been in the OW's shoes. I've seen some here condemn her as a demon, and I know she isn't. She's lonely, and she wants someone to love and share her life and dreams with. There's nothing unusual in wanting that and if I had been available maybe I'd be starting off on that road with her

 

From time to time i FEEL I want to be with her, to start life anew and do it 'properly' this time, with no infidelity. Also she is a girl who has a lot of male admirers, and the ego boost is fantastic. And I honestly believe that she thinks she loves me

 

However, as I've said there are warning signs. She can be controlling. Often we either do what she wants, or she'd rather do nothing. That's not a great quality

 

My W has always been a stabling influence in my life. She's reserved, a private person who would go along with me while pushing me in the right direction if she felt I needed it. I think men can be scared of change more than women sometimes

 

I met my W after a breakup with a very fiery and controlling woman, who again, I'd tried to 'rescue' from the evil clutches of unhappiness, and she was considered in everything she did. She never over-reacted to things. Suddenly I was in a relationship where it wasn't normal to do battle over decisions, and life became peaceful

 

I think there is something in me that loves drama. The highs and lows, experiencing great angst only to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes. I'm not sure why I'm like that

 

Anyway as i said, we had the kids, and life became rewarding but TOUGH. Very tough. constantly I am worried 'will we make ends meet', will I be a good Dad, will I ever have time for 'me' again?

My W does the lions share of caring for the kids, so all her time is focussed on them (rightly so) and I guess I felt something was 'missing'

 

I was not a guy who would be at work and , like some I've known, pretend not to be married or lie about it. I have my familys pics up at work and was always proud to talk about them. Infact one of the first convos I had with OW was about them. But I told her my W and I had been growing apart, which i sensed was true. Even making love now had become a rarity and then there was a sense of 'rushed' about it. We had to be up early for the kids after all

 

In tuth I began to feel old, like I was now my Father and life had lost all excitement

 

Then along comes someone who 'needs' me, has nothing to consider BUT me and makes me feel like I've had an adrenalin shot

 

You know the rest....

[Tomcat33]

It's so good to talk to someone who has been in the OW's shoes. I've seen some here condemn her as a demon, and I know she isn't. She's lonely, and she wants someone to love and share her life and dreams with. There's nothing unusual in wanting that and if I had been available maybe I'd be starting off on that road with her

 

From time to time i FEEL I want to be with her, to start life anew and do it 'properly' this time, with no infidelity. Also she is a girl who has a lot of male admirers, and the ego boost is fantastic. And I honestly believe that she thinks she loves me

 

However, as I've said there are warning signs. She can be controlling. Often we either do what she wants, or she'd rather do nothing. That's not a great quality

 

My W has always been a stabling influence in my life. She's reserved, a private person who would go along with me while pushing me in the right direction if she felt I needed it. I think men can be scared of change more than women sometimes

 

I met my W after a breakup with a very fiery and controlling woman, who again, I'd tried to 'rescue' from the evil clutches of unhappiness, and she was considered in everything she did. She never over-reacted to things. Suddenly I was in a relationship where it wasn't normal to do battle over decisions, and life became peaceful

 

I think there is something in me that loves drama. The highs and lows, experiencing great angst only to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes. I'm not sure why I'm like that

 

Anyway as i said, we had the kids, and life became rewarding but TOUGH. Very tough. constantly I am worried 'will we make ends meet', will I be a good Dad, will I ever have time for 'me' again?

My W does the lions share of caring for the kids, so all her time is focussed on them (rightly so) and I guess I felt something was 'missing'

 

I was not a guy who would be at work and , like some I've known, pretend not to be married or lie about it. I have my familys pics up at work and was always proud to talk about them. Infact one of the first convos I had with OW was about them. But I told her my W and I had been growing apart, which i sensed was true. Even making love now had become a rarity and then there was a sense of 'rushed' about it. We had to be up early for the kids after all

 

In tuth I began to feel old, like I was now my Father and life had lost all excitement

 

Then along comes someone who 'needs' me, has nothing to consider BUT me and makes me feel like I've had an adrenalin shot

 

You know the rest....

 

 

Well Matt unfortunately like others have mentioned earlier, on this side of the forum you will for the most part get a lot of narrow minded opinions that are very emotional and that are plagued with the trials ans tribulations of a lot of the experiences that the BS had to endure due to an an A. So you won't get any sort of objective or empathetic ear towards your OW here on the Infidelity forum because the OW is public enemy # 1 for the most part.

 

Having said that, it also depends on each individual's recovery process and how far a long they are and that will help them be more objective and less emotional.

 

I hear what you are saying about your OW, she sounds like a lot of the OW who come on to LS. She sounds quite normal with her own idiosyncrasies like most humans have. But there is still that social stigma attached to the OW/OM persona which no matter what you say about them, you can list off a 100 great qualities about them it will be the one bad quality that will be focused on and beaten to death to drive home an agenda.

 

You marriage sounds very typical in that it sounds like what all marriages go through. What you described is a symptomatic of a long term relationship, it sounds like a mixture of your own feelings of getting old, a mini mid lilfe crisis if you will (they seem to be happening much younger to men these days ;-) and a mixture of what is bound to happen in the busy life of any relaionships that is live fille with responsibilities be it jobs, schedules, children and struggling with finding some me time. I think and of course I am no expert, but just judging by what you said, it seems like what you are going through is not lack of love for your W but moreso a feeling of neglect that most people feel when involved in such demanding lives. As I am sure your W must feel the EXACT same way. You are not exclusive to these feelings.

 

You have mentioned some very really great qualities that your W possesses, possibly the first time you have spoken of her in such a candid manner and in fact it seems those might be the very reasons why you fell in love with your W. It wasn't because she saved you from another bad rel. it was because she offered you the kind of stability that you need and truly want to lead a healthy life, even if it means a little neglected at times but rest assured that feeling of neglect is mutual. I think it just sounds like you both may have lost your way a bit, and it sounds like you have a solid enough foundation to try to find your paths again to a new regained happiness together, that can include excitement, fun and even danger (in a sexy way) if you want to work at it. You see all the feelings you had with this OW can be relived with your W if you agreed to put more time in what you both need to make each other feel special again. And I know it must seem ovewhelming now because right now you have the whether you will recover from the A to worry about, but if you start your baby steps towards your utlimate goal it can happen. There are plenty BSs here that can attest to that.

 

It was intersting you said you think you crave drama, some people do and it may have something to do with your upbrining and what you saw at home growing up.

 

I just want to leave you with one last thought, your OW does deserve to find love and I am sure she did not get involved with you because of lack of opportunities or lack of self esteem or whatever some may think....but just as the honeymoon phase is great in the long run your OW would want the exact same things you have with your W now, and your rel with her would also end in life getting in the way of your fun and excitement. That is inevitable. Be very clear on that. So the question you need to ask yourself is, would the long run rel with this, life's obstacles and all be that much more of an improvement than what you have now? IS what you shared with the OW day to day in any way better be it emotionally or intellectually than what you have with your W? You see because you hve to get away from how you feel today, today was all fun and light and exciting but life can't be avoided in the long run.

 

It's also valid to take note all of the things you said this Other rel inspired in you, the "ego boost, the exctitement, the making you feel special, the making you the centre of someone's universe"" notice how all these are needs that are less about the OW per say and more about what you feel is lacking in your own marriage. I see you describing feelings that are a product of this new rel. and less about the OW. So you do the math :-)

You are getting for free through your own revalations here on paper what people pay $$$$$ to hear from a man with a notebook that tells you "your time is up" sometimes mid thought.

 

And for the record and for what it's worth given everything you have shared here and the amount of angst this situation has cost you, you don't sound like the type of guy who is out looking to be a player or that you even want to have As. I could be wrong it's just the sense I get. It happened and now you are in way over your head in confusion.

[whichwayisup]

I guess the only other thing I think is ' I think I love my Wife, but how can I, when I've done what I've done?'

 

Maybe right now you realize how MUCH you actually DO love your wife and it's taken the A with the OW for you to see this. You respect your wife more...

[whichwayisup]

As I thought would happen, got up today and sure enough - she's called my phone....at 3am!

 

I knew she would - she's probly been out with friends and the booze has given her some dutch courage

 

I anticipated it so the phone was on silent, but regardless of that, who calls someone at 3am knowing they have young kids asleep?

 

Exactly. Who calls someone at 3am (Unless it's an emergency) knowing they have young kids asleep? And now you know what the OW is capable of. Matty, this is why I really do encourage you to tell your wife about the recent sex you had with the OW. Never say never, but if the OW could decide to come to your house and try to talk to your wife.

 

Anyway, what's done is done, the OW knows it's over, she's hurting and it is best to leave her alone to heal. Contacting her or answering emails or calls will only encourage her to come back into your life. You've made the choice, don't go back. Go forward, get some counselling in as that will help you deal with the loss of the OW and understand why you did all this in the first place and then you can fix your marriage and work with your wife to make things better.

[bestadvisor]

As i spent time with her, I began to doubt how I felt again and didn't want her to leave. We had dinner together, and drank together ...and the inevitable happened. We had sex.

 

 

I knew this is going to happen for two reasons:

 

1) Matt keeps talking and even visiting OW after W found out.

2) He completely ignored my last two posts.

[whichwayisup]

BA, I don't think Matty is ignoring your posts, he does read them, but just doesn't reply to each post that he gets on his thread.

 

Anyway, I have abit of confidence in him that he won't be spending anymore time alone with the OW, let alone allow sex to happen with her again...

[bestadvisor]

Anyway, I have abit of confidence in him that he won't be spending anymore time alone with the OW, let alone allow sex to happen with her again...

 

After all that he went through after his wife found out, he still kept the communicatioin with her and visited her twice, including sex, what makes you have this"confidence" in him that he won't see her again? He even have thoughts about leaving his wife for her.

[whichwayisup]

WWW this is for you AND your Bish (pun INTENDED)

 

Whatever TC...

 

After all that he went through after his wife found out, he still kept the communicatioin with her and visited her twice, including sex, what makes you have this"confidence" in him that he won't see her again? He even have thoughts about leaving his wife for her.

 

Because right now the OW is desparate, has called his house at 3am and he is more than likely scared she will either call his house again or show up to talk to his wife. The OW has shown what she is capable of in the past few weeks, pulling out all the stops (I need you, the noone loves me, everyone leaves me, the i'm gonna committ suicide, and even did the ignore game and hooked up with afew other guys to make him jealous, ignoring his calls etc..) so I have to think (I could be wrong though) that Matty has his eyes opened abit more now. BUT, if he does cave and sees the OW, he is inviting more drama into his life and asking for trouble.

[bestadvisor]

The OW has shown what she is capable of in the past few weeks, pulling out all the stops (I need you, the noone loves me, everyone leaves me, the i'm gonna committ suicide, and even did the ignore game and hooked up with afew other guys to make him jealous, ignoring his calls etc..)

 

If not all, most of the above have happened before they had sex again few days ago.

[whichwayisup]

That is true. I don't know, but after lastnight I think something happened inside Matty, atleast it showed in his posts. Fact that myself and afew others pushed him into sending the email, he actually DID do it. IF he really didn't want to, he wouldn't have done that, so his actions there say that he does want the A over and the OW NOT to be in his life. And, he's open to counselling for himself, that is another positive...And ofcourse, opening up and posting here.

[mattym]

I do read all the posts in this thread, at times it feels like my lifeline. Sorry sometimes there's been quite a few replies so I don't get to thank everybody but I am grateful that someone takes the time to offer some advice. It's like medication to me, it really is

 

OW called at 3am like I say. I knew she would. Sat night she'd go out and probly get home around 3am ( ahh the life of the singleton eh?) - probably a little worse the wear for drink which gives her courage to ring. No regard of course for the fact that the phone may have made a noise, woken the kids up etc.

 

She called again at 11am ( I'm assuming when she'd woke up) - on neither occasion has she left a msg. it's now 4.30pm and nothing since then

 

Trouble is I'm hiding the phone in case my W sees it's her and thinks I'm arranging to see her ( which I'm not)

 

Whatever OW wants, she's not leaving voice messages so I'm guessing it can only be said directly to me. I'm guessing it's not going to be pleasant either

 

She has a right to be angry I guess - I did lie to her. But then our whole relationship was based on lies

 

Wonder how she'd feel giving up her late drinking nights out when the ready-made family she wants moved in with her?

[whichwayisup]

She has a right to be angry I guess - I did lie to her. But then our whole relationship was based on lies

 

Yes, it was. Very fantasy like...

 

Also, don't forget that the OW was FULL aware you were married and had children. She is NOT an innocent victim in this at all and she chose to allow it all to happen too.

 

IS she calling your house or your cell phone?

[Ladyjane14]

I guess the only other thing I think is ' I think I love my Wife, but how can I, when I've done what I've done?'

 

Because it's not about your wife... and it's not about the OW either. It's about the void inside you that is filled by these women's attention.

 

Seriously, you're getting led down the garden path here. Even as you predicted... the OW failed to respect your boundaries and the sanctity of your home by calling your phone at 3am. What does that TELL you?

 

There are folks here who'd like to paint the OW out as some kind of pitiful victim in all this. She's not. She's a 30 year-old woman who can't get her sh*t together, one who blames other people for all the wrongs in her life, one who embraces her own perception of victimization rather than taking responsibility for her life and her choices, one who feeds on drama.

 

You should be mad as hell that she called your house. Instead, you've given in to sympathy for her again. 'b'And Sympathy opens the door and allows you yet another opportunity to give yourself permission for further contact.[/b]

 

Sympathy is a rather handy emotional tool when it comes to rebuilding relationships. But it can only help you now when applied to your WIFE. Applying it to the OW is just "loading the crack pipe". It's NOT about the OW. It's about giving yourself permission to take the first step down the slippery slope.

 

There are people here who would have you expend extraordinary emotional energy on making things right for the OW. They'll cheerfully accuse the rest of us of "bitterness" rather than acknowledging logic. But you better know that LOGIC is the only real tool you have left right now. It's a scalpel in your hand, cutting through ALL the bullsh*t if you'll only commit yourself to using it.

 

There is NOTHING you can do do "save" the OW. Her problems stem from within, just as yours do. She has to save herself, again... just as you do. Some misguided attempt to "save" her can only cause your own destruction. Just as someone who is drowning will pull under a rescuer, she will also pull YOU under. But unlike someone who is actually drowning, she's got the life ring-in her hands and has had possession of it all this time. She's just too much of a "pitiful victim" in her own mind to use it.

But self-help is the ONLY path to salvation for her. No one else can do it for her. She HAS to do it for herself.

 

Please... recognize that your sympathetic feelings are stemming from within YOU. These feelings are designed to give your inner addict the first step toward his '"fix". This is your stinking-thinker busily at work, trying to FEED your addiction.

 

Don't call the OW back. Instead, spend the day changing your contact information and thinking of ways to prevent further contact. Trade phones with your wife. Get involved with your family for the weekend. Tell your "stinking thinker" that you've got his number and you're on to him.

[whichwayisup]

Trouble is I'm hiding the phone in case my W sees it's her and thinks I'm arranging to see her ( which I'm not)

 

The thing is, maybe your wife needs to see the OW has called and see too, that you are not answering the phone, that you're avoiding her.

 

If she is calling your home, can you block her number or call your phone company to change your number.

[whichwayisup]

You should be mad as hell that she called your house. Instead, you've given in to sympathy for her again

 

I agree. Especially after asking her not to contact you.

 

Matty, please answer honestly. What would you do if the OW came across your children, went up and spoke to them. Would you freak out and would that be enough for you to actually see her in a different light??? Like her talking to YOUR children IS crossing the line BIG TIME?

[bestadvisor]

Just sent it. Pretty much word for word. Guess I have to wait for the repurcussions now.

God I feel like a cold-hearted b*st*rd for doing it via email though

 

 

What did Matt send her?

[bestadvisor]

Even assume that you're avoiding her (which I doubt after two visiting and a sex session with full knowledge that your wife found out), how can you do that when the two of you work at the same company?

[whichwayisup]

ONE email saying : It would be best if you didn't contact me again. I'm asking you to respect my choice and if you contact me, be prepared to not hear a word back. I am going to fix my marriage and make things right with my wife. I am sorry I hurt you but you and I both made a big mistake by having an affair. Again, I'm asking you to please stay away and don't contact me.

 

Goodbye.

 

I told him to do an email and did an example of how to word it. I'm not too sure though what exactly he sent, but he did say in another post it was similar, but not word for word.

[mattym]

The thing is, maybe your wife needs to see the OW has called and see too, that you are not answering the phone, that you're avoiding her.

 

If she is calling your home, can you block her number or call your phone company to change your number.

 

She's calling my mobile phone. For some reason, throughout our entire relationship, I never divulgd my home number. I always blocked it, thinking 'what if one night it all goes wrong and she gets drunk and rings it?' - How right I was proved!

 

Infact the other night, when she was suggesting she'd end herself, she said ' I wish I had your home number - you are so lucky I don't because I'd be calling your wife now, to tell her it's all my fault. That she can trust you because I'm just a slut who has been crapped on again' - again all the self-pity and booze talking I guess

 

She's a real animal lover, and you know, I've noticed a lot of animal lovers are very empotional people. Maybe it's something to do with animals giving them unconditional love. Just an aside there...

 

Nice that I'm here trying so hard to rebuild things, and she's out getting drunk and partying

 

Oh, did I mention...she was out at ( i recall her planning it now) - her EX-BOYFRIENDS birthday? The one she got pregnant by??!

He's having GF troubles and confides in her apparently...

 

Now is it me, or is that just a little weird?

[whichwayisup]

how can you do that when the two of you work at the same company?

 

I think she is parttime or something? I can't remember...Or on contract? BUT, if she is there fulltime, Matty, you know you need to quit your job and find another one. DOING that will be a BIG action filled effort for your wife to see you're doing all that you can now to rid of the OW.