BestAdvisor1 Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 It's a darn shame that he was willing to jeapordize so much for so little. I don't think he ever saw it that way. At least not untill he lost his wife and the ability to see his kids all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I don't think he ever saw it that way. At least not untill he lost his wife and the ability to see his kids all the time. Did that happen? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Did that happen? No. It seems that sandim certainly has a creative mind and is making up some crap about Matty's life. I doubt very much that happened... Matty isn't coming back to LS. It's too bad because there were afew of us who really trying to help the guy and get him back on the straight and narrow...The others who bashed him and are making up senario's about his life now probably has put him off from coming back for help. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 ... he did what most cheaters do, talk the talk but refuse to walk the walk ... That's the impression I also got, and I read through a lot of the post, but all it seemed was that matty just couldn't and didn't want to get over his OW. And, somehow, I don't think he went away cause folks badgered him. I think he ran away cause he couldn't show his face to everyone again ... Maybe I'm being harsh here, but that's what it seems like to me, also. Let's see if he comes back a stronger person and proves me wrong. Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 You give me far too much credit as to my ability to chase anyone away. I wasn't directing that at just you, I know you were helping in the past, but before, there were afew others who were outright rude to Matty and their intentions weren't to help him at all... Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Matty didnt come back because he had to step up to the plate, man up, and c'mon lets face it...he's no man...takes a man to look himself in the mirror and be proud of what he sees, to do right by his family and stand up an face the music and take responsibility when he's done wrong...Matty's not able to do any of that. It's sad that he looked for ways to disrespect the OW after telling her lies and leading her on for months...like he wanted people to tell him it is OK to throw her under a bus because he feels so guilty and just wants that whole problem to disappear...and to continue to lie to his wife and risk hurting his kids for his little bit of excitement? Unforgivable. He's just another weak man, a total stereotype of the bored married man who doesnt appreciate how good he really has it. Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 It is easier and more merciful to leave than to try to repair a marriage after an affair. Go and live with your OW, as she loves you and you love her. Yes, take the easy way out- don't work for your marriage. After all it's "Til Death do us Part or Unless I get Bored or It Gets too Hard". And that is not love- it is lust and infatuation. I do not believe for a second that OW loves/loved Matt anymore than I believe he loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
PamelaLeeAndersn Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I hate to say this man, You royally screwed up . If your wife is giving you a chance (I give her all the props) You are right there is no sympathy for you. Do what's right, you love your wife??? Drop the other Slut And work on your relationship with your wife for the rest of your life. You owe her. Link to post Share on other sites
abeliever Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Matt- You seem like a normal man who is having an affair. With that said MATT--YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR THAT HURTS & DIMINISHES YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN! Ok with that said. This is not only about you but small children. Yes be thankful they are small but do you really think they won't hear this story later in life? Not judging trying to get you to the light of reality. If you really love your wife then you two options (1) Be honest with your wife and let her make her own decision if she really wants to stay with a man who does not honor her but deceives her, lies to her, leaves her at home with small children while going out with OW not to mention you spend money on OW with money that should go to your children? (2) Be honest with yourself. This really is about what you want too? Yes you deserve to be happy also. But at what costs? Marriages are work like they said. Good marriages are REAL WORK. Are you the type to go on and leave your children exposed to new men in their life who may not be what you wouldn't want them around? Can you imagine not seeing the everyday things many dads miss while being away with that OW and would you resent OW later? Just things to really consider before you ruin your whole life. Maybe not - either way YOU have a decision to make and no one here can make it for you only offer advise to what they wish their spouses would have made a better choice in their situation. I wish you luck and the courage to be true to yourself and your wife and kids. The OW yeah she is a human being but you didn't take a vow to her to be true and be there in good times and bad. Best of luck. Really. abeliever Link to post Share on other sites
Triarge Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Mattym I've followed your story closely because its so near to my situation. D-Day was about 10 months ago for me. I ended it with the OW and then went back to her.. again.. and again. Its currently off again though for how long??? I have this gut feeling that this is where you are at too. I'm assuming you went back to the OW because your not here. After all, if you had left the OW for good, and was rebuilding your M with your wife, then you wouldnt have any problem facing all the people who gave advice to you; and in some cases threw it back at you when you didnt take it up. If your not here because of the less cordial replies you got then its a shame you feel you have lost this avenue of communication because it really helps to be able to come here and talk to people. In my case I lost this avenue for other reasons (wife discovered my thread here) and I believe that that, in part, is the reason why its taken so long to sort out my own problems. I hope you do come back and give an update. How ever the situation has turned out. Maybe I could share with you some insights of my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Unluckilymadlyinlove Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 You are a lucky man to have a woman love you enough to marry you. You are also lucky enough to have such a wonderful woman who gave you two wonderful children. You too lucky in that that same woman is willing to forgive you and give you a second chance. I would not give you a second chance. I would let you leave and be with the other woman. I would let you marry her and watch as you get bored with her too. I would be happy that I let go of a man to cheats because he is unhappy with himself and selfish. I would feel bad for her when you get bored and end up cheating on her too. You have been given a rare opportunity. A second chance to make things right. You should appreciate your wife and realize that she is a gift from God! I apologize for being so blunt and perhaps offensive but all I am trying to say is....you have been given another shot to show that you are a good man.....don't f*%k it up. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 Hi everyone God I looked at when this thread began- over 2 months ago I yearn for a time before all this happened. Life must have seemed dull then..I LONG for dull! There is so much to tell. I have thought about coming back here a few times, but I knew I would be judged, and I knew that what others would say would be accurate, that what they said would be the truth I'm sitting here, typing instead of sleeping because I need to let this out Whatever anyone's conclusions, I don't mind. Say what you like. I'll give a summary of the time I've been away, since typing it all will take me all night Here goes.... What happened was, OW said to me that she could tell I was torn and would make the decision for me, and that SHE would end it We had a 'final' discussion and I left She then spent the whole next da texting me, saying how she had cried a weeks worth of tears in a day, that she didnt feel strong enough to go through life without me, that she loved me and that she knew somehow one day we'd be together, whatever happened. She said she has never loved anyone like she does me, and the way she looks at me - like her life depended on it The guilt over what I'd done to her, breaking her heart took me back to her, and back we went on the merry-go-round, me saying I loved her, but not wanting to break up my family, not wanting my kids to go without their Dad Anyway this went on for a while until OW finally said ' You're not going to leave her, I'm fighting a losing battle' and ' what do i say if someone asks me out? I'm single, I'm entitled to go out ' - this week she's had some interest from a guy so I guess she may well do that - either to finish with me for good or to make me jealous My W I cannot look in the eye. I am overwhelmed with guilt and cannot go near her as I know I don't deserve to I'm considering leaving home now, it's too much to go on fighting. If life with OW doesnt work out then I will have lost everything and maybe thats a lesson I need to learn I love my family but I think I must love OW too, to have risked it all over again It may alreasy be too late for both of them and I'm about to wind up alone Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I'm real sorry to hear this Matty. I really am...To be honest, whatever it is you feel for your OW obviously has messed you up big time and for that, I hope you seek some therapy. I feel sad for your wife because she has a big heart, tried to forgive you, gave you a second chance, probably gave you a third chance as well... The fair thing now is to divorce your wife so she can grieve, and heal, move on to find the love and respect she deserves from someone else. If you have any love for your wife left, let her go. You still can be a good father to your child - just not under the same roof as your wife. I'm not going to bash you, and I hope others don't either. If you feel you're getting rude comments, use the alert us button and complain... Anyway, I am glad that you posted and gave an update. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I'm real sorry to hear this Matty. I really am...To be honest, whatever it is you feel for your OW obviously has messed you up big time and for that, I hope you seek some therapy. Rubbish, it takes two to tango sister! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 OK, sorry mis-word. THE AFFAIR. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Hi Mattym thanks for coming back to share your story with us, its sad to see you are still in such pain. I had a feeling the reason you were not coming back was because your decision was not going to be accepted by most here. I think you are being honest with yourself and that is the best you can do. There is no point in dragging on the life of another human being if your heart isn't in it. I think it is valiant on your part to take a stance for what you beleive in and what you feel in your heart even though the outcome could prove to be a bad one. Who's to say really? It might even be a good one? If you can't face your marriage again because whatever happened with this other woman has affected you so deeply there is no point in going back to pretend and regardless of what happens in your new relatinship you were meant to leave your current marriage. You must take the risk anf just live by your choices. The only way you could succeed in your marriage is to put this behind you and you clearly can't. Stand up for what you feel becuase in life, if we are not failing we are not living or succeeding. Leaving your W if that is what your heart dictates, is the right thing to do, continuing to cheat on her is not. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 whatever it is you feel for your OW obviously has messed you up big time it's called "love" Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Wow, how disappointing. What I don't understand matty, is how her tears made you run back to her? I mean, what about what you have done to your W? The mother of your child? What about her feelings? Why are the OW's feelings so important to you? More important that the woman you actually vowed to love and be committed to? This is not an attack. Just I really don't understand how such a manipulative woman's feelings came to mean more than your W. You are being played for a fool. She threatens you frequently with "I'm gonna date if you don't dump your W for me". How is that a relationship even worth keeping? You have said little about anything positive about your R with the OW, other than that you think you love her and feel bad for her hurt feelings and tears. Everything you have mentioned about her and your interactions with her involve emotional blackmail and manipulation. But if you want to risk losing your W and family for that, who am I to disagree? I do hope you consider counselling regardless of whom you decide to be with ultimately. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 it's called "love"That may very well be right, but that doesn't change the truth in her statement. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Hi Matty, I promise I won't bash you either:D... I can tell you this, you're not the only one out there struggling with agonizing life choices!! May I ask you this... Do you know at this point if you love your OW? or is it that you cannot resist being a knight in shining armor to someone? Have you sorted out your feelings for her? From your post, you seemed to be perfectly willing to walk away from her when she ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 You may very well be right, but that doesn't change the truth in her statement. I am not disputing that love does mess with us. It is the one emotion that affects the heart to such intense propportion, that it makes us do some crazy things. Being in love has been compared to temporary loss of sanity. But heck if love was supposed to make sense and not make us do crazy things why in the world would marriage even exist? I mean c'mon if people could feel the way they feel in a marriage after many years of the same old humdrum day in day out, during the early stages of love do you think they would want to make an agreement to spend the rest of their lives with another human being? I SERIOUSLY doubt it. This man is in love and is no longer in love with his W he hasn't been for a long time. Why suffer trying to pretend something he is just not feeling? I get it for the kids? Kids want two seperate happy parents not two miserable parents that stick together using them as an excuse. Life is for living is it not an eternal sentence to be spent next to someone that just bring us down. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 This man is in love and is no longer in love with his W he hasn't been for a long time. Why suffer trying to pretend something he is just not feeling? I don't see anyone telling him to stay with his wife at this point. Quite the opposite in fact. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 My W I cannot look in the eye. I am overwhelmed with guilt and cannot go near her as I know I don't deserve to Does your wife know that you are still with your OW? Or are you lying to her about that while she is still thinking that you are trying to reconcile? I'm considering leaving home now, That's an excellent idea. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 The man's got to do, what he's got to do for himself. No one can tell another person what to do, its that simple. Maybe he's right and he will find himself without either, but I do give him credit for that realization. It's definately a start to his battered heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Dude... she reeled you in like a big mouth bass. Oh well, you get what you pay for I guess. I never could understand how you couldn't see through the manipulations... "a week's worth of tears in a day". That's gold, man! :lmao: Did you tell your wife yet, or are you just hoping she'll get a clue when you stop turning up for dinner? Link to post Share on other sites
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