My Wife found out about me

[whichwayisup]

She's calling my mobile phone. For some reason, throughout our entire relationship, I never divulgd my home number. I always blocked it, thinking 'what if one night it all goes wrong and she gets drunk and rings it?' - How right I was proved!

 

Infact the other night, when she was suggesting she'd end herself, she said ' I wish I had your home number - you are so lucky I don't because I'd be calling your wife now, to tell her it's all my fault. That she can trust you because I'm just a slut who has been crapped on again' - again all the self-pity and booze talking I guess

 

She's a real animal lover, and you know, I've noticed a lot of animal lovers are very empotional people. Maybe it's something to do with animals giving them unconditional love. Just an aside there...

 

Nice that I'm here trying so hard to rebuild things, and she's out getting drunk and partying

 

Oh, did I mention...she was out at ( i recall her planning it now) - her EX-BOYFRIENDS birthday? The one she got pregnant by??!

He's having GF troubles and confides in her apparently...

 

Now is it me, or is that just a little weird?

 

Aren't you glad you sent that email? And that she didn't have your home number. SEE, something obviously inside you knew giving her your home number would have been bad...

[mattym]

Aren't you glad you sent that email? And that she didn't have your home number. SEE, something obviously inside you knew giving her your home number would have been bad...

 

yeah, you're right - I must have had a little self-preservation in mind

[bestadvisor]

To Matt: How could you have time to go to see her, talk to her, have dinner and sex and your wife didn't know about it; you must have lied to her about where you were or what you were doing. By the way, have you done any STD tests yet?

 

To the others: If they work together or even if she is part-time or even if she is a outside vendor or even if she only sees him once a week, it's NOT over. Sending her an email message doesn't mean much....it's not like that she has great morals. She will do or say something, Matt will fall right back in. You'll see....or maybe if he does fall in again, he won't post here anymore.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

She's calling my mobile phone. For some reason, throughout our entire relationship, I never divulgd my home number. I always blocked it, thinking 'what if one night it all goes wrong and she gets drunk and rings it?' - How right I was proved!

 

Infact the other night, when she was suggesting she'd end herself, she said ' I wish I had your home number - you are so lucky I don't because I'd be calling your wife now, to tell her it's all my fault. That she can trust you because I'm just a slut who has been crapped on again' - again all the self-pity and booze talking I guess

 

She's a real animal lover, and you know, I've noticed a lot of animal lovers are very empotional people. Maybe it's something to do with animals giving them unconditional love. Just an aside there...

 

Nice that I'm here trying so hard to rebuild things, and she's out getting drunk and partying

 

Oh, did I mention...she was out at ( i recall her planning it now) - her EX-BOYFRIENDS birthday? The one she got pregnant by??!

He's having GF troubles and confides in her apparently...

 

Now is it me, or is that just a little weird?

 

I'm sorry Matt, it doesn't wash with me. "Nice I'm trying so hard to rebuild things here and she's out getting drunk partying". What is she SUPPOSED to do? Sit in a black shroud mourning the man who walks into her life, lies to her (or allows her to believe a future with him) and then ends it, then walks back into her life, sleeps with her and then returns to his W? You're not rebuilding your M here. You're obsessing over the OW. If you truly loved your OW you would be happy that she could possibly go on and find someone to share her life with. If you truly respected and loved your W and wanted to salvage your M, you'd be so scared of losing her that thoughts of the OW would be out of your head. There's no fear though, is there Matt, because you know (or at least think) your W will forgive you - she has once hasn't she? Why not again?

 

This is the story (I think, anyway) of your OW: OW meets Matt. Matt and woman start great R (in her eyes). After previous problematic R's, here's Matt riding his white horse to save me! I even mentioned M and kids and he didnt shy away from it. He wants to leave his W for me! I must be so special, this is really love! Hmmm, Matt has been found out. But I love him! His W is playing the "I'm understanding" card but she doesnt understand the love he has for me. I do feel guilty, but its LOVE. I'll give him some space. Oops, I'm drunk. I feel so desperate. I need to convey my pain somehow. I'll tell him I want to end it all. I'll tell him anything just so he can recognise the pain he has caused to me and how much I love him. I'm sober again. That was a stupid thing I did, but I was in a pretty dark place last night. I dont want him if he doesnt want me - he needs to make a choice. I'll tell him to return to his W and try and work things out. If he doesnt contact me, I'll know for sure that the R is over. Ding dong!Here's Matt? He DOES want me! He took the risk to see me, even with all of those problems in his life and his W suspecting, and he couldnt help but spend time with me! He slept with me, making love, wow. Oh, but he's returning to his W again after he just slept with me? God. What have I done? I cant put myself through this pain anymore! He's back there, probably having a great time, not knowing my pain. How could he have lied, led me to believe we had a future? I'll leave him to work on his M. I'll go out, try to forget it. Check my emails, bit drunk. Oh its from Matt? Huh? I havent contacted him for days, which has been hard enough and he does this? Barsteward! I'm going to ring him and confront him now. He cant just walk over peoples feelings like this. Blah blah blah...

 

The fact that she wants to call your home number is probably through desperation. The fact she cant actually SEE any consequences for you, she's in pain but you happy-lap back to your M after turning her life upside down and then tell her you're moving on via email after going round to her house and sleeping with her - its going to sting, especially when it appears to her that the pain she is feeling is not in anyway matched by you.

 

This is heading for disaster. I think its only a matter of time before OW turns up to your door and tells W everything, including your recent intercourse. And again, your W just gets kicked in the guts with your lies and wonders why, if she has told you to go to OW, why you stay and hurt her over and over again.

 

And in a way, you NOT having consequences for your actions could be the worst thing that could happen to you now. Ordering a few books off Amazon does not make you appreciate the fact you could be losing everything you hold dear. You need to FEEL what you could be losing. You need to have a "What a wonderful Life" (what a great movie) moment. Really feel that you're no longer in control of this situation. You need to fall right down to the bottom to climb back up again.

 

Be honest with your W.

 

I'm not even going to go there on the animal lovers comment...

[bestadvisor]

This is heading for disaster. I think its only a matter of time before OW turns up to your door and tells W everything, including your recent intercourse. And again, your W just gets kicked in the guts with your lies and wonders why, if she has told you to go to OW, why you stay and hurt her over and over again.

 

I have one commment and few questions:

 

I think most (if not all) of what you wrote made lots of sense.

 

 

What lies did he tell his wife when he spent the time over there to talk, have dinner and sex?

Do you think he should be honest about the last visit now and be clean from ANY lies with his wife?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I have one commment and few questions:

 

I think most (if not all) of what you wrote made lots of sense.

 

 

What lies did he tell his wife when he spent the time over there to talk, have dinner and sex?

Do you think he should be honest about the last visit now and be clean from ANY lies with his wife?

 

Completely. Wiping the slate as clean as he can to start a future afresh with his W. How can he really salvage his M if he has this black mark on to start with? I dont think Matt has thought of the guilt he will feel eventually, once he's out of his A fog. He has already mentioned how dignified his W has dealt with this. Knowing he broke her trust again cant just be magically wiped from his memory, or is it Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind instead of a Wonderful Life?

 

Also, I think actually PUTTING himself in the firing line, instead of weasling his way out of any confrontation, or getting found out by W or OW, will help him grow to be the H and the father he wants to be. At least he can start to be proud that he was honest - and at least its something his W can build on - "It hurts more than anything, but at least he's honest enough to admit it and suffer the consequences. At least honesty is starting to creep back into our M. He didnt have to tell me that, but he wanted the slate clean and he's serious on salvaging us, he serious about helping me understand and he respected me enough to allow me to know this information that I deserve to know so I can make an informed choice on my future". JMO

[Ladyjane14]

Oh, did I mention...she was out at ( i recall her planning it now) - her EX-BOYFRIENDS birthday? The one she got pregnant by??!

He's having GF troubles and confides in her apparently...

 

Now is it me, or is that just a little weird?

"Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly."

 

Don't you have a fairly recent history of "confiding" in her too? And where exactly did THAT land you and yours?

 

C'mon, man. It's not Rocket Science. Drama Queens feed on drama That's what they do. And when they can't find it... they create it.

 

Seriously, isn't attending your ex's birthday party a bit awkward for everybody involved... particularly his current girlfriend?

Didn't she tell you that EVERY man she's been intimate with to date has sh*tted her over? But apparently she feels comfortable hanging out with the guy?

 

Now, when you apply LOGIC... does that make even the slightest particle of sense to you?

[frannie]

I do read all the posts in this thread, at times it feels like my lifeline. Sorry sometimes there's been quite a few replies so I don't get to thank everybody but I am grateful that someone takes the time to offer some advice. It's like medication to me, it really is

 

OW called at 3am like I say. I knew she would. Sat night she'd go out and probly get home around 3am ( ahh the life of the singleton eh?) - probably a little worse the wear for drink which gives her courage to ring. No regard of course for the fact that the phone may have made a noise, woken the kids up etc.

 

She called again at 11am ( I'm assuming when she'd woke up) - on neither occasion has she left a msg. it's now 4.30pm and nothing since then

 

Trouble is I'm hiding the phone in case my W sees it's her and thinks I'm arranging to see her ( which I'm not)

 

Whatever OW wants, she's not leaving voice messages so I'm guessing it can only be said directly to me. I'm guessing it's not going to be pleasant either

 

She has a right to be angry I guess - I did lie to her. But then our whole relationship was based on lies

 

Wonder how she'd feel giving up her late drinking nights out when the ready-made family she wants moved in with her?

 

Haven't read to the end of the thread, but I just wanted to say.

 

Yes, matt... you knew OW would respond by calling, because you know her as an individual, rather than 'an OW' that the email was meant to address.

 

As I said earlier, most OW would respond to that souless email, which was evidently not written by you or didn't express your feelings as she knows them and you've spoken them over and over to her. The email was off, insincere (written by WWIU, basically), and not you. You quite correctly predicted that not only would OW not be satisfied with that, but would call as soon as she got in.

 

Don't forget matt, you KNOW this woman, no one on here does. So don't forget to trust your own gut in your relations with her. Any OW could have told you (and a few did, including me, though after you'd sent it) that that email wouldn't end anything.

[frannie]

She's calling my mobile phone. For some reason, throughout our entire relationship, I never divulgd my home number. I always blocked it, thinking 'what if one night it all goes wrong and she gets drunk and rings it?' - How right I was proved!

 

Infact the other night, when she was suggesting she'd end herself, she said ' I wish I had your home number - you are so lucky I don't because I'd be calling your wife now, to tell her it's all my fault. That she can trust you because I'm just a slut who has been crapped on again' - again all the self-pity and booze talking I guess

 

She's a real animal lover, and you know, I've noticed a lot of animal lovers are very empotional people. Maybe it's something to do with animals giving them unconditional love. Just an aside there...

 

Nice that I'm here trying so hard to rebuild things, and she's out getting drunk and partying

 

Oh, did I mention...she was out at ( i recall her planning it now) - her EX-BOYFRIENDS birthday? The one she got pregnant by??!

He's having GF troubles and confides in her apparently...

 

Now is it me, or is that just a little weird?

 

Let's just remember that this is someone you chose to get involved with, make stupid promises to, go back to to 'make sure' you got it wrong/right, and so on and so forth.

 

YOU invited this into your life. She didn't force herself onto you, steal your mobile number, nor lassoo you into her bed just the other night.

 

YOU are making these choices.

 

Oh and for crying out loud, will you make a few posts about your wife..? We all know about the OW by now... isn't it time you dropped that obsession and started concentrating on the woman you're married to..?

 

Trashing someone else is easy... but remember YOU chose her.

[whichwayisup]

The email was off, insincere (written by WWIU, basically), and not you.

He asked me what he should say in the email, I gave an example. He chose to change it up abit, but more or less leave it as it was and send it. BTW, it wasn't insincere, but I can understand why you would think that frannie. The other thing is frannie, maybe you need to go back and read some of Matty's thread that you haven't read yet. Then you'll see why I said what I said in the note.

 

you KNOW this woman, no one on here does

 

Yes, but many 'know' her in a sense, as many OW follow a certain pattern, kind of like a MM. It is quite easy to figure out the next phase in an A, especially after it ends.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Haven't read to the end of the thread, but I just wanted to say.

 

Yes, matt... you knew OW would respond by calling, because you know her as an individual, rather than 'an OW' that the email was meant to address.

 

As I said earlier, most OW would respond to that souless email, which was evidently not written by you or didn't express your feelings as she knows them and you've spoken them over and over to her. The email was off, insincere (written by WWIU, basically), and not you. You quite correctly predicted that not only would OW not be satisfied with that, but would call as soon as she got in.

 

Don't forget matt, you KNOW this woman, no one on here does. So don't forget to trust your own gut in your relations with her. Any OW could have told you (and a few did, including me, though after you'd sent it) that that email wouldn't end anything.

 

Well said Frannie. It is foolish IMO to "assume" the OW as some generic cookie-cutter Glenn Close figure.

 

LJ, I'm assuming the spider is OW and the fly is Matt? Is Matt so manipulated? Or is he manipulating the situation to feed his OWN ego? Isn't he the drama queen here?

 

As for the party, I would happily attend my ex-boyfriends party. His girl and I go shopping. We didnt have the greatest relationship hence why he's an ex, but we have a great friendship. The question is, why is Matt bothered anymore? Isn't he hellbent on salvaging his M? Yeah, certainly sounds like it.

[whichwayisup]

Honestly, how many OW here would call their MM at 3am knowing he has small children sleeping? How many of you have tried to committ suicide, or at best, make it seem like you will to get attention?

 

Matty has even said that he saw red flags ALL along but allowed himself to look past it all and chose to continue the A knowing what he knows now. I do agree with the drama, I think though, they both enjoy it because it brings the emotions to a higher level.

[frannie]

I'm sorry Matt, it doesn't wash with me. "Nice I'm trying so hard to rebuild things here and she's out getting drunk partying". What is she SUPPOSED to do? Sit in a black shroud mourning the man who walks into her life, lies to her (or allows her to believe a future with him) and then ends it, then walks back into her life, sleeps with her and then returns to his W? You're not rebuilding your M here. You're obsessing over the OW. If you truly loved your OW you would be happy that she could possibly go on and find someone to share her life with. If you truly respected and loved your W and wanted to salvage your M, you'd be so scared of losing her that thoughts of the OW would be out of your head. There's no fear though, is there Matt, because you know (or at least think) your W will forgive you - she has once hasn't she? Why not again?

 

This is the story (I think, anyway) of your OW: OW meets Matt. Matt and woman start great R (in her eyes). After previous problematic R's, here's Matt riding his white horse to save me! I even mentioned M and kids and he didnt shy away from it. He wants to leave his W for me! I must be so special, this is really love! Hmmm, Matt has been found out. But I love him! His W is playing the "I'm understanding" card but she doesnt understand the love he has for me. I do feel guilty, but its LOVE. I'll give him some space. Oops, I'm drunk. I feel so desperate. I need to convey my pain somehow. I'll tell him I want to end it all. I'll tell him anything just so he can recognise the pain he has caused to me and how much I love him. I'm sober again. That was a stupid thing I did, but I was in a pretty dark place last night. I dont want him if he doesnt want me - he needs to make a choice. I'll tell him to return to his W and try and work things out. If he doesnt contact me, I'll know for sure that the R is over. Ding dong!Here's Matt? He DOES want me! He took the risk to see me, even with all of those problems in his life and his W suspecting, and he couldnt help but spend time with me! He slept with me, making love, wow. Oh, but he's returning to his W again after he just slept with me? God. What have I done? I cant put myself through this pain anymore! He's back there, probably having a great time, not knowing my pain. How could he have lied, led me to believe we had a future? I'll leave him to work on his M. I'll go out, try to forget it. Check my emails, bit drunk. Oh its from Matt? Huh? I havent contacted him for days, which has been hard enough and he does this? Barsteward! I'm going to ring him and confront him now. He cant just walk over peoples feelings like this. Blah blah blah...

 

The fact that she wants to call your home number is probably through desperation. The fact she cant actually SEE any consequences for you, she's in pain but you happy-lap back to your M after turning her life upside down and then tell her you're moving on via email after going round to her house and sleeping with her - its going to sting, especially when it appears to her that the pain she is feeling is not in anyway matched by you.

 

This is heading for disaster. I think its only a matter of time before OW turns up to your door and tells W everything, including your recent intercourse. And again, your W just gets kicked in the guts with your lies and wonders why, if she has told you to go to OW, why you stay and hurt her over and over again.

 

And in a way, you NOT having consequences for your actions could be the worst thing that could happen to you now. Ordering a few books off Amazon does not make you appreciate the fact you could be losing everything you hold dear. You need to FEEL what you could be losing. You need to have a "What a wonderful Life" (what a great movie) moment. Really feel that you're no longer in control of this situation. You need to fall right down to the bottom to climb back up again.

 

Be honest with your W.

 

I'm not even going to go there on the animal lovers comment...

 

Excellent post, and sums up what anyone rational would have been thinking. All people involved in this mess are individuals rather than cookie-cutter monsters and 'manipulators'... the biggest liar and manipulator in here is matt, and he's the one with all the choices, and all the cards...

 

... that's if his W isn't planning to take him to the cleaners. I bloody would.

[Mr. Lucky]

It's so good to talk to someone who has been in the OW's shoes. I've seen some here condemn her as a demon, and I know she isn't. She's lonely, and she wants someone to love and share her life and dreams with.

Like many WS, you conveniently gloss over one important fact. Regardless of how lonely, loving and sharing your OW is, she shouldn't steal you from your wife and family to meet her needs. The fact that she is trying to get what she wants by taking you from your marriage makes her, in my eyes at least, a bad person.

 

Look at it this way - like anyone else, I have a need for financial security. Is it OK with you if I meet my needs by breaking into your house and taking what you have ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Honestly, how many OW here would call their MM at 3am knowing he has small children sleeping? How many of you have tried to committ suicide, or at best, make it seem like you will to get attention?

 

Matty has even said that he saw red flags ALL along but allowed himself to look past it all and chose to continue the A knowing what he knows now. I do agree with the drama, I think though, they both enjoy it because it brings the emotions to a higher level.

 

She called on his cellphone WWIU, so why would it wake his children? She may have assumed his cellphone would be on silent at home, especially after sending that email to her.

 

I dont know of any OW personally who would commit suicide/threaten/make it look like they might. The BW in my situation did, again showing, every situation is different. But I know of some pretty dark times caused by my MM. It depends on who she is, what else is in her life, how low her self esteem is, how desperate she is. Which doesn't correlate with the "Yes, but many 'know' her in a sense, as many OW follow a certain pattern" statement. Its too simple to just pigeon hole her.

 

The onus of responsibility is on Matt here. Placing the majority of blame at the OW door serves no purpose in allowing Matt to understand what is missing in himself which caused him to cheat

[frannie]

He asked me what he should say in the email, I gave an example. He chose to change it up abit, but more or less leave it as it was and send it. BTW, it wasn't insincere, but I can understand why you would think that frannie. The other thing is frannie, maybe you need to go back and read some of Matty's thread that you haven't read yet. Then you'll see why I said what I said in the note.

 

 

 

Yes, but many 'know' her in a sense, as many OW follow a certain pattern, kind of like a MM. It is quite easy to figure out the next phase in an A, especially after it ends.

 

I've read every single post on this thread. And the reason I knew that the OW would not be out of the picture after the email was that I have experience of this situation, from the OW's side. It was a no-brainer that it wasn't going to be 'over' after one email which sounded stilted, insincere and was sent at a time when, as matt himself pointed out, she'd be coming in after a night out. I'm not blaming you for writing it, nor for pressing him to send it against his better judgment... you were doing your best and yes, of course she needs to be out of the picture. But that doesn't alter the fact that the email was sent at the wrong time and was badly written from an 'ending it' point of view.

 

You can't just simply ignore the fact that, in whatever words he said it, matt talked marriage with this woman. Sorry... but however off the wall, extreme, dangerous, sad, whatever you want to call her... however she is, matt has told her a bunch of crap in order to get his own selfish needs met. You can't just overturn that with an 'oops get lost now' email.

 

Yeah she knew he was married with kids... she was also told a bunch of baloney by matt, and now he's reaping the consequences of that. Tough. I'm sure he, unlike you, appreciates that. And going round to her place and having dinner and sex this week..? THAT is supposed to be wiped out with a little email saying sorry, it's over..? That's quite funny really. Because its just not realistic. And we're dealing here with a real situation, real people, and real reactions. Anyone could have told you that email would have resulted in more contact... just from a human perspective... it doesn't JIBE with going round this week for dinner and sex.

 

It doesn't matter WHAT anyone 'deserves' in this.. it doesn't matter what the OW is, or how depraved, drunken, sad, lonely, desperate, or betrayed... it's all about what is GOING to happen when you open up a can of worms... and matt is still opening cans on a daily basis.

[frannie]

Honestly, how many OW here would call their MM at 3am knowing he has small children sleeping? How many of you have tried to committ suicide, or at best, make it seem like you will to get attention?

 

Matty has even said that he saw red flags ALL along but allowed himself to look past it all and chose to continue the A knowing what he knows now. I do agree with the drama, I think though, they both enjoy it because it brings the emotions to a higher level.

 

Matt chose to involve another person in his life, for whatever reason... he gave her his mobile number... and talked to her about marriage and who knows what else.

 

HIS fault.

 

His kids, his wife, his sexual needs, his mistake, his bad choices, his mess to clear up.

 

Stop passing the buck. She didn't break into his house uninvited... he gave her an in with his irresponsible actions.

[bestadvisor]

Matt chose to involve another person in his life, for whatever reason... he gave her his mobile number... and talked to her about marriage and who knows what else.

 

HIS fault.

 

His kids, his wife, his sexual needs, his mistake, his bad choices, his mess to clear up.

 

Stop passing the buck. She didn't break into his house uninvited... he gave her an in with his irresponsible actions.

 

No matter how you put it, it's his fault as well as the other woman's fault. The only innocent parties here are his wife and the kids. No moral/ethical woman would sleep with a married man knowlingly.

 

It's DEFINATELY not over because

1) He slept with her AGAIN couple of days ago, which indicates that in some way, he doens't really care about his wife's feeling that much by disrespecting her like that.

2) He has no intention to come clean to his wife about what he did a few days ago.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Like many WS, you conveniently gloss over one important fact. Regardless of how lonely, loving and sharing your OW is, she shouldn't steal you from your wife and family to meet her needs. The fact that she is trying to get what she wants by taking you from your marriage makes her, in my eyes at least, a bad person.

 

Look at it this way - like anyone else, I have a need for financial security. Is it OK with you if I meet my needs by breaking into your house and taking what you have ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I agree that Matt is conveniently glossing over some important facts, but I dont think its the OW "stealing" him from his M. Maybe she didnt feel like a thief if she thought Matt was practically free for the taking? He certainly indicated that by going outside his M, allowing OW to carry on with her fantasy of M, kids and a future with him.

 

I dont think his OW is innocent, but I certainly do not agree with the onus of responsibility being placed upon her. I dont see how, by denigrating the OW, Matt can ever take responsibility for his actions in all of this.

[Ladyjane14]

 

LJ, I'm assuming the spider is OW and the fly is Matt? Is Matt so manipulated?

 

Yes. That's exactly what I meant.

 

We're not talking about every OW. We're not talking about a down-trodden sister-member of "The Other Woman Sorority".

We're talking about ONE woman.. whose every utterance, as reported by Matt, has been designed to "land" her MM... to manipulate his sympathies.

 

Yeah, I think she's the spider. Don't you kind of wonder WHY she's claimed to be victimized be EVERY man in her life, yet she's content to attend her ex's birthday party?

 

Sorry. I just don't have that much sympathy for self-made "victims". It's one thing to get into a situation and get in over your head. It's something wholly different to wallow in it like a pig in sh*t.

 

Matt needn't read very long in the OM/OW forum before he realizes that in accordance with the majority of opinions there... HE and others like him are EVIL INCARNATE.

In case you haven't noticed, MM/cheaters tend not to post here too often. They can't hardly get a word in edgewise what with all the accusations and bullsh*t flying around.

 

You know, I think it's safe to assume that he KNOWS he's got a problem.

Calling him names and imploring him to further sympathy for the poor, pitiful, victimized OW... isn't going to help him solve them either. In fact, I think this particular OW does a pretty good job of sympathizing with HERSELF. Matt's efforts would be superfluous at this point.

[whichwayisup]

Matt needn't read very long in the OM/OW forum before he realizes that in accordance with the majority of opinions there... HE and others like him are EVIL INCARNATE.

In case you haven't noticed, MM/cheaters tend not to post here too often. They can't hardly get a word in edgewise what with all the accusations and bullsh*t flying around.

 

You know, I think it's safe to assume that he KNOWS he's got a problem.

Calling him names and imploring him to further sympathy for the poor, pitiful, victimized OW... isn't going to help him solve them either. In fact, I think this particular OW does a pretty good job of sympathizing with HERSELF. Matt's efforts would be superfluous at this point.

 

What the OW get upset about is exactly what they are doing to Matty here. And you're right, very few MM post to begin with, but it does seem when one does, they all treat him like he was their MM and are giving their opinion with loaded questions and comments.

 

Anyway, as for the email suggestion I wrote for Matty, it was an example of what I thought he should write. Again, he chose to send it more or less as is. He could have added more feeling to it, personalized it, but he didn't.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

We're talking about ONE woman.. whose every utterance, as reported by Matt, has been designed to "land" her MM... to manipulate his sympathies.

 

 

Then why leave him alone with NC to sort out his M? She hasn't contacted him until the email he sent to her. If she was that desperate to land her MM, why not tell his W that he slept with her when he visited, force his W's hand to end the M and then try and land Matt?

[norajane]

What you should beat yourself up for is not for falling in love with a woman, but for falling in love with a woman while married.

 

you lack of judgment was on falling for someone while still involved with a W,

 

I disagree. What he should beat himself up for is for ACTING on his desire to be admired, flattered, and sexually satisfied by another woman.

 

What he should beat himself up for is cheating and lying to his wife, repeatedly for 3 months. What he should beat himself up for making no effort to work on his marriage INSTEAD of cheating, and for not making an effort to work on his marriage AFTER his cheating was discovered, and for meeting the OW and having sex with her AGAIN, and for now cheating on and lying to his wife AGAIN when he told her he wanted to staying the marriage.

 

What he should beat himself up for is for virtually disregarding his children throughout all this, and for not even considering the effect of an affair on his children's lives. What he should beat himself up for is that, EVEN NOW, his wife's pain and the tenuous state of his marriage are such a small part of the concerns going through his head, and the fact the OW went to a birthday party for her ex-boyfriend is somehow paramount and more important to him.

 

What he should beat himself up for is that, EVEN NOW, he's still not asking how he can try to repair his marriage, nor how he can try to make this up to his wife.

 

It's still all about what matty WANTS and how matty FEELS and he's not nearly beating himself up for matty's ACTS.

[whichwayisup]

you lack of judgment was on falling for someone while still involved with a W,

As does the OW for falling for someone who was married, who had kids. Can go both ways...Noone was holding guns to heads here - BOTH made choices and allowed this to happen.

[frannie]

Yes. That's exactly what I meant.

 

We're not talking about every OW. We're not talking about a down-trodden sister-member of "The Other Woman Sorority".

We're talking about ONE woman.. whose every utterance, as reported by Matt, has been designed to "land" her MM... to manipulate his sympathies.

 

Just like he used weasel words of marriage to land her in his bed..?

 

Six of one, half a dozen of the other, basically.

 

Only, excuse me.. the man here has a wife and children he's supposed to have a responsibilty towards..? This thread is about matt's life, no one else's, and his choices have been really bad so far. Personally I think he'd be better off getting himself into therapy and working on his marriage... only he's concentrating on how apalling the OW has been all along... well so what if she's apalling..? Matt invited her in, and he's continuing to sleep with her... that's like blaming the burglars when you leave your jewellery in the front porch