NoIDidn't Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Do you think it's deliberate? Yes. Absolutely. I think it is deliberate. Not making a diagnosis, but she sounds bipolar. She doesn't mind rejecting you and telling you about it, but she can't take being rejected by you. I really don't know how you can stand it. Its maddening (crazy making) just reading it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 This made me LOL!! Not a reflection on her at all. But any woman that would say something like that to MY H, is likely to be coughing on a lot of dust as he runs away! Even with the A fog clouding his vision, he would run so fast he'd beat a world record! Okay, we can go back to being serious again. <snicker> I don't feel this is about your H. It would be better, in my opinion, for you to separate yourself and your life from the situation for a period of time to see things from a different perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 She says ' I would love to get to know your kids, you won't give me the opportunity' (I've never let her meet my kids for some reason) For some reason? Maybe because you are never with the kids when you are with the OW? Maybe because the kids don't figure into your fantasy of being with the OW? Isn't that why she's so appealing - she represents an escape from your responsibilities and when you're with her, you don't think of yourself as a father, but as "the most desired man on earth" and kids would just spoil that for you? Or maybe because you recognize she's unstable and should be nowhere near your children? Or maybe because your wife will eat your balls for breakfast if she finds out you've taken the kids to meet her? And by the way, your wife, remember her? As usual, she's barely a mention in your posts. How is she doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I don't understand why poeple insist on getting Matty to talk about his W!?!? I think he is here to talk about his problem, maybe he doesn't want to talk about her, she is not really the problem now is she. the problem is he and his OW so why wouldn't he just focus on that!??! I don't find it disrespectful that he keeps his W out of it I find it quite the contrary, that would be just stirring up a gory gossip thread. the guy is in crisis and he needs to deal with the problems, not report to a daily soap opera for LS. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I don't understand why poeple insist on getting Matty to talk about his W!?!? I think he is here to talk about his problem, maybe he doesn't want to talk about her, she is not really the problem now is she. the problem is he and his OW so why wouldn't he just focus on that!??! I don't find it disrespectful that he keeps his W out of it I find it quite the contrary, that would be just stirring up a gory gossip thread. the guy is in crisis and he needs to deal with the problems, not report to a daily soap opera for LS. Because HE needs to see that he never mentions his wife, and face up to the fact that she and his children barely figure into his primary concerns. That might help him cut through his fog and realize he's already checked out of his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Uh.... Why would someone feel matty should only talk about the OW and never about his wife? His wife has just as much stake in this as anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Never said he NEEDS to talk about his OW, rather said that if he doesn't want to talk about his W why should he be pushed to do so? But after reading Norajane's post I can see why people would insist on hearing about her, hadn't looked at it like that so it makes sense what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I don't understand why poeple insist on getting Matty to talk about his W!?!? I think he is here to talk about his problem, maybe he doesn't want to talk about her, she is not really the problem now is she. the problem is he and his OW so why wouldn't he just focus on that!??! I don't find it disrespectful that he keeps his W out of it I find it quite the contrary, that would be just stirring up a gory gossip thread. the guy is in crisis and he needs to deal with the problems, not report to a daily soap opera for LS. He HAS to think about his wife TC, she IS HIS WIFE. I think it would be good for him to talk about her, then maybe he'll wake up out of this nightmare he's in right now. The OW is POISON and he isn't doing anything to rid of her. He hasn't blocked her emails, text messages, or been ignoring her calls. The OW is only feeding his ego. He doesn't love her, that is obvious... Matty, I'm not the only one here telling you to get therapy, you need it badly. The OW is obsessed with you, and the whole dynamtic between you two is UNhealthy and sick. You know this because: She says ' I would love to get to know your kids, you won't give me the opportunity' (I've never let her meet my kids for some reason)[/QUOTE] The part I've bolded is VERY telling. YOU KNOW THE REASON. Say it outloud. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 3. can he accept the idea that no matter which woman he chooses he has to lose the other in order for it to happen? And there's the rub. He doesn't even have to ADDRESS the idea. He still has both women. Neither one of them wants to let him go. He doesn't have to do anything at all. He can just go back and forth between them. I wonder... who is the player and the one being played, really?? I know what your going through so I wont judge you. I had an affair for a year, got caught, and ended it about 10 months ago. Since then I've ended it 5 times!! Why? Everytime we split I didnt break NC but she did and I wasnt strong enough to turn her down. I rest my case. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Uh.... Why would someone feel matty should only talk about the OW and never about his wife? His wife has just as much stake in this as anyone. I have a little theory about that but I think we all know why. that would be just stirring up a gory gossip thread. the guy is in crisis and he needs to deal with the problems, not report to a daily soap opera for LS. This makes absolutely no sense. Yes, he needs to deal with his problems, and part of the problem is, he can't connect with his wife. He can't talk to his wife, he can't be truthful with his wife, even after she gave him a second chance. Matty needs to fix himself and let go of the OW completely. Obsessing about her is NOT going to fix anything. But, if he opens up with his wife, at best - maybe, just maybe, they'll have an okay co-parenting relationship, as mom and dad. The OW is NOT going to be in his life forever, but his wife and children WILL. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Three party affair, absolutely. Scrap them kids. Heck, he can just make more with the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Three party affair, absolutely. Scrap them kids. Heck, he can just make more with the OW. Do you honestly believe that kids are far better off watching a loveless relationship between parents as opposed to two parents living separately happy? People who stay together for thier kids are teaching them nothing. I don't want to hear about commitment. There is no commitment when two people are unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Do you honestly believe that kids are far better off watching a loveless relationship between parents as opposed to two parents living separately happy?I never said anything like that. My comment was simply to point out that there are more than three parties involved, more than three people to think about. My children are far more important than any woman will ever be. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 FFS! or maybe your W this, or maybe your W that! What is wrong with you people!!! Get a freakin life! It appears no one can open up their morsel brains to do anything except think about ONE party to a THREE party affair. This place is full of martyrs who believe in a piece of paper and will sacrifice their own self worth for it! Guess you can't read, then. My questions specifically referenced matty, his kids, the OW and finally, his wife at the very end, and my point was to ask him to consider the questions. He doesn't have to answer them here. Link to post Share on other sites
bluebluesky Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 This is a pretty interesting thread to read. And although I'm not an advocate of cross posting (and I suppose I'm hypocritical for doing it myself), I do think some good points were raised by Tomcat33 and Troutie jr. b/t/w, what's with all the fish names on this board? I saw that there's some loon called blowjobsfortrout (or something like that) posting all over the place. Seems like kind-of an odd fellow. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I never said anything like that. My comment was simply to point out that there are more than three parties involved, more than three people to think about. My children are far more important than any woman will ever be. That's all. True the kids are most important. However a good parent does not loose themselves in parenthood. When a parent is happy so are the kids. It's not a matter of who the parent ends up with in the grande slam of things. Link to post Share on other sites
their_here Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Side note: Local Libraries teach adult reading classes. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 This is a pretty interesting thread to read. And although I'm not an advocate of cross posting (and I suppose I'm hypocritical for doing it myself), I do think some good points were raised by Tomcat33 and Troutie jr. b/t/w, what's with all the fish names on this board? I saw that there's some loon called blowjobsfortrout (or something like that) posting all over the place. Seems like kind-of an odd fellow. What is "cross posting"? And are you talking about blowingthetrout?? He's my hero. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 a good parent does not loose themselves in parenthood Why yes, yes they do. My mother spent her short life devoted to caring for me. What little I know about parenting I learned from her. You are, of course, welcome to whatever opinion you choose to have. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 And are you talking about blowingthetrout?? He's my hero.And you don't recognize "him" here? Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Why yes, yes they do. My mother spent her short life devoted to caring for me. What little I know about parenting I learned from her. You are, of course, welcome to whatever opinion you choose to have. NO! NO good parents do not loose themselves in parenting. This not only results in empty nest syndrome but is leave them empty inside. This is not mentally or physically healthy for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I guess you can't read either because Matty already addressed that he thought about those things. All I am saying is, the guy comes here and is bombarded with questions about his W and kids. Don't people realize that he has thought about those things? And he should continue thinking about 'those things' - his wife and children and the life he had up until a few months ago - because he clearly has not arrived at any conclusions about 'those things' nor has he made any decisions about 'those things' or about the OW. He continues to string the OW along, and she's doing the same in reaction to his actions in an effort to get him off the fence. His wife can't make an informed decision about her life and her marriage because she doesn't know he's gone back to the OW. He's the only one with complete information, so it's up to him to continue thinking about all aspects of what he's doing. Just because he may have thought about 'those things' doesn't mean he's done - he's got a lot more thinking to do. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 And he should continue thinking about 'those things' - his wife and children and the life he had up until a few months ago - because he clearly has not arrived at any conclusions about 'those things' nor has he made any decisions about 'those things' or about the OW. He continues to string the OW along, and she's doing the same in reaction to his actions in an effort to get him off the fence. His wife can't make an informed decision about her life and her marriage because she doesn't know he's gone back to the OW. He's the only one with complete information, so it's up to him to continue thinking about all aspects of what he's doing. Just because he may have thought about 'those things' doesn't mean he's done - he's got a lot more thinking to do. Continue thinking can drive a person crazy. What about the balance in feelings. The feelings need to be considered. It's not all about the mind. Too much thinking and not enough depth does lead to insanity. Link to post Share on other sites
pollywag Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I've been reading this thread and I don't get it. I keep seeing this thread just go on and on with some valid feedback here and there but for the most part it is a bunch of people who just want to push this guy to think of his wife when he was made it clear he is not thinking about her, does not want to think about her and frankly hasn't wanted to think about her in a long time. It's like someone telling all these same people making these suggestions "why don't you think about turning gay, just think about it and discuss it"? when you have clearly stated you have no interest in discussing homosexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
troutie jr Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I've been reading this thread and I don't get it. I keep seeing this thread just go on and on with some valid feedback here and there but for the most part it is a bunch of people who just want to push this guy to think of his wife when he was made it clear he is not thinking about her, does not want to think about her and frankly hasn't wanted to think about her in a long time. It's like someone telling all these same people making these suggestions "why don't you think about turning gay, just think about it and discuss it"? when you have clearly stated you have no interest in discussing homosexuality. Matty, I agree with this post. Do what you need to do for yourself. In the end, you will find your peace of mind no matter what your decision maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
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