Mittens Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 damn it...duplicate post Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Oh man Matty. That is exactly what I wanted to know. The bold part. This is really good stuff. Thanks for being so honest. You realise I am betraying my entire lust-fuelled sex here? No more male-bonding for me I fear now I've revealed secrets to the 'other side' -LOL In all seriousness, I have an overwhelming guilt that I may have broken OWs heart, so I hope my experience here can maybe stop someone in a similar position getting hurt. Affairs are only fun for so long...then you get the bill.... Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 If a woman does it it endangers our breeding Wow you have actually convinced yourself of that carp haven't you? Do you believe in the Tooth Fairy too? Sorry Matty but that's not a fact that is some silly thing that another man who was probably a serial cheater came up with, and was smart enough to explain it in such a way that it stuck. :laugh: There are tribes in Africa and Tibet and Himalayas that practice polyandry (women who marry many men) and these people are not affected by popular psychology or books or any of the garbage fed to us in the Western world, so if it endagers breeding explain why these socieites have been around for hundreds of years?? Link to post Share on other sites
BurriedAlive Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 It's true. My W's view of the OW is that she is nothing more than a slut. I have spent so many times almost pleading to be blamed more! As you know, it really does take two to tango Maybe someone can answer a question for me.. I've read that women feel insecure about themselves most of the time, regardless of how they look I KNEW, before I'd even started anything, that OW was looking for someone to show her affection. It was so obvious Is this why women fall for the same old excuses over & over as to why the guy won't leave his W? Thanks Matty for your honest answers to my questions!!! I really appreciate them. Anyway, to answer yours, I think I believed the same excuses over and over because I was not strong enough to break free. I loved him so much and I personally would have swam the english channel if knew he would be at the other side holding a great big diamond ring for me and a promise to be with me forever. I felt he would eventually realize how important this as and eventually do whatever he could to be with me. Well, that was the beginning anyway.... At the end when I realized he would never leave on his own accord, I figured that getting his table scraps was better than nothing. Obviously I didn't have a great deal of selfesteem a year ago.... I can see that now but I couldn't see it then. Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 In all seriousness, I have an overwhelming guilt that I may have broken OWs heart, so I hope my experience here can maybe stop someone in a similar position getting hurt. Affairs are only fun for so long...then you get the bill.... Yeah, I'm sure you are REALLY bothered...do you ever think of this when you are busy slagging her off to your wife? I'm sure you don't...in fact, I bet you think 'wow, I'm the big man, a woman is out there with a broken heart...BECAUSE OF ME!!!!' The ultimate ego trip Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Which makes him first, a liar...and second, a coward. And before anyone has a go at me, I left my first husband because I fell in love with another man...so I know what it is like to leave the 'comfort zone' Well, if you think about it, it's a cowardly thing for all concerned isn't it? We maintain a charade at home, put on another act with the new person? because we are afraid of losing either of them? And as i've discovered, A's make liars of all 3 parties. WS lies to both, OW lies to herself and to the man that she doesnt mind waiting and BS lies to herself that OW meant nothing to the man Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 [quote=mattym;1428716 And as i've discovered, A's make liars of all 3 parties. WS lies to both, OW lies to herself and to the man that she doesnt mind waiting and BS lies to herself that OW meant nothing to the man No mm makes bs believe the ow meant nothing to him. If you were honest to your wife she would not believe this. Oh and you'd be out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Yeah, I'm sure you are REALLY bothered...do you ever think of this when you are busy slagging her off to your wife? I'm sure you don't...in fact, I bet you think 'wow, I'm the big man, a woman is out there with a broken heart...BECAUSE OF ME!!!!' The ultimate ego trip No, i don't think that at all. I'm sorry that you are hurt by what happened. I guess the danger of me posting here is that I take a surrogate beating for every wayward man in the world As i said, we slag off the OW to the W to preserve our relationship with them. Underneath though only the most uncaring person would feel NOTHING for someone they've been intimate with for months. Would it be enough for them to quit their marriage ? Maybe for some, it wasnt for me But I'm not pleased that I've hurt people. far from it Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I've thought about this a lot I can only really think that I just got used to her being there for me. I knew she wouldn't leave me, I 'had her' if that makes sense, so she was 'safe' - I dont mean that to sound arrogant, but I think sometimes as men we mentally 'tick off' the things we need in life : "Got the good job, now the car, need a girlfriend" etc - maybe we all want validation - why do so many people feel like failures if they havent met mr/mrs right by a certain age? Just my thoughts anyway I have to agree with all of that, had I not been there for my b/f I doubt he would have made the leap as he did. He has said to me in one of our sessions (the hardest yet) that had I not been in his life he prob would not have divorced at this stage, he always knew he would but he didn't think it would be now. It hurts to hear that a lot because I never wanted him to leave his wife for me and though he assures me he hasn't he does clarfiy that having me there made the idea of ending that relationiship easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 No mm makes bs believe the ow meant nothing to him. If you were honest to your wife she would not believe this. Oh and you'd be out the door. with respect I disagree. Not all women are so self-confident to say ' right- out you go' and throw away the life they have built. I think some want to believe it can be overcome and so do all they can to keep the family together Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 As i said, we slag off the OW to the W to preserve our relationship with them. Underneath though only the most uncaring person would feel NOTHING for someone they've been intimate with for months. Would it be enough for them to quit their marriage ? Maybe for some, it wasnt for me But I'm not pleased that I've hurt people. far from it Despite the fact that a person won't leave for his OW/OM this is very true that the cheater lies to the BS, they have to speak ill of the OW/OM and have to downplay it all to "save" the BS from further pain. I loved your line about how an affair makes liars of all three people that is so so true! So why do you continue lying to your wife? why don't you come clean and tell her exactly what you felt for the OW and let her make an educated decision on you? Why do you continue your selfishess with your wife? I don't know how BSs forgive cheaters I really don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Wow you have actually convinced yourself of that carp haven't you? Do you believe in the Tooth Fairy too? Sorry Matty but that's not a fact that is some silly thing that another man who was probably a serial cheater came up with, and was smart enough to explain it in such a way that it stuck. :laugh: There are tribes in Africa and Tibet and Himalayas that practice polyandry (women who marry many men) and these people are not affected by popular psychology or books or any of the garbage fed to us in the Western world, so if it endagers breeding explain why these socieites have been around for hundreds of years?? I'm not saying it WILL endanger us, I'm suggesting thats how we're genetically wired In the same way, women with their limited number of eggs have always been 'pursued' by men since they have to be more picky over who they mate with - they have finite amount of resources, unlike men who make sperm every day and can throw the stuff away ( euw, sounds horrible) Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 with respect I disagree. Not all women are so self-confident to say ' right- out you go' and throw away the life they have built. I think some want to believe it can be overcome and so do all they can to keep the family together No if you honestly said to your wife I love and miss the ow then you would be gone. No woman would be with a man who says he loves another. Matty I honestly hope you do not believe your wife is trying to make this work because she has no self confidence. If you believe that then you don't respect her an maybe it is time to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 LOL...your secret is safe with us. Speaking of guilt Matty, I have heard that men operate on guilt a lot. Is this true? Is guilt a motivating factor in men? If so, why do they do things that make them feel guilt? Or do they only RESPOND to guilt? Say for instance your OW, if she had never let you know that she is hurting, would you have felt any guilt then? You realise I am betraying my entire lust-fuelled sex here? No more male-bonding for me I fear now I've revealed secrets to the 'other side' -LOL In all seriousness, I have an overwhelming guilt that I may have broken OWs heart, so I hope my experience here can maybe stop someone in a similar position getting hurt. Affairs are only fun for so long...then you get the bill.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 with respect I disagree. Not all women are so self-confident to say ' right- out you go' and throw away the life they have built. I think some want to believe it can be overcome and so do all they can to keep the family together And of course, you are so wonderful, what woman would want to throw you away? And blaming the OW is so much easier...in fact, it's like she never existed! 'Oh yes, BS, it was all the OW fault...I was in the 'fog', she MADE me shag her, it never meant anything, of course I love you (I just forgot that for awhile...and the OW is scum compared to you, anyway)' Don't make me ****ing puke anymore than I already have, reading your 'I strayed, but I have now seen the light' crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 why don't you come clean and tell her exactly what you felt for the OW and let her make an educated decision on you? Why do you continue your selfishess with your wife? Self preservation Its the same reason wayward men tell women we love them to get sex ( ever notice we say it a lot BEFORE the act, RIGHT AFTER the act, then again just as we're heading out the door?) Its the same reason we think our boss is an idiot, but behave nicely toward them and laugh at their jokes.If i tell him what i think he might make an educated decision to fire me Its the same reason we might think that gang of kids on the street corner are disruptive but we dont go up and tell them so. They might make an 'educated decision' to cave my head in! I guess none of us live 100% in honesty all the time, there are varying degrees. A BS will convince herself that it was all the OWs fault, she led her poor man to his fate- like a mermaid sitting on the rocks. It makes a bitter pill easier to swallow I guess, and both sexes are guilty of it IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 And of course, you are so wonderful, what woman would want to throw you away? And blaming the OW is so much easier...in fact, it's like she never existed! 'Oh yes, BS, it was all the OW fault...I was in the 'fog', she MADE me shag her, it never meant anything, of course I love you (I just forgot that for awhile...and the OW is scum compared to you, anyway)' Don't make me ****ing puke anymore than I already have, reading your 'I strayed, but I have now seen the light' crap. As I said from the start- this is only MY story. I'm sure your guy is a far better man than I with better reasoning and honesty than I am I've probably said too much & have no wish to upset anyone I hope things work out for you regards Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I was only giving MY perspective in MY affair. I'm saying what I would have felt and thought. I think this is the key here... This is your perspective, and I'm sure it's many MM's perspective also...as I'm equally as sure it is not many MM's perspectives... And you're not our own personal MM so I hope that we all can just take what you say and apply what is needed to our own situation...If it doesn't fit with our situation, then no harm, no foul... Just because you feel a particular way doesn't mean that our partner has the same feelings and you don't need to be roasted in the meantime... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 As I said from the start- this is only MY story. I'm sure your guy is a far better man than I with better reasoning and honesty than I am I've probably said too much & have no wish to upset anyone I hope things work out for you regards Don't give me your fake sympathy and concern...save that for your wife, who you are still deluding. Not that my remarks will bother you at all...you are sitting pretty, aren't you? Had your fun, broke someones heart (massive ego boost) and got your wife to take you back by making out it was all the OWs fault. No one who mattered lost anything...hell, the OW was good for blowjobs, but nothing else...she wasn't as 'good' or as 'nice' as the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I always thought when men lied to women, it was because they thought women were stupid. So...when you are lying to the W it is for preservation of the R...not to pull the wool over someone's eyes, nor really to intentionally deceive, nor thinking the woman is stupid and will believe anything you tell them? This is an important one Matty.Self preservation Its the same reason wayward men tell women we love them to get sex ( ever notice we say it a lot BEFORE the act, RIGHT AFTER the act, then again just as we're heading out the door?) Its the same reason we think our boss is an idiot, but behave nicely toward them and laugh at their jokes.If i tell him what i think he might make an educated decision to fire me Its the same reason we might think that gang of kids on the street corner are disruptive but we dont go up and tell them so. They might make an 'educated decision' to cave my head in! I guess none of us live 100% in honesty all the time, there are varying degrees. A BS will convince herself that it was all the OWs fault, she led her poor man to his fate- like a mermaid sitting on the rocks. It makes a bitter pill easier to swallow I guess, and both sexes are guilty of it IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Don't give me your fake sympathy and concern...save that for your wife, who you are still deluding. Not that my remarks will bother you at all...you are sitting pretty, aren't you? Had your fun, broke someones heart (massive ego boost) and got your wife to take you back by making out it was all the OWs fault. No one who mattered lost anything...hell, the OW was good for blowjobs, but nothing else...she wasn't as 'good' or as 'nice' as the wife. To answer an earlier comment, this may be why MM don't post here - guess the hurt of people's situations causes them to make it personal If you re-read what i wrote, I have been the one telling my wife it was NOT all OW...as I said, it takes two....anyway Think this might be an ideal time for me to close my comments here before it gets out of hand Hope this has been of use to someone anyway. As I said, no reflection is intended on anyone else's situation - just my thoughts on what happened with me Matt Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 To answer an earlier comment, this may be why MM don't post here - guess the hurt of people's situations causes them to make it personal Think this might be an ideal time for me to close my comments here before it gets out of hand Hope this has been of use to someone anyway. As I said, no reflection is intended on anyone else's situation - just my thoughts on what happened with me Matt Yeah, run away...like the coward you really are. Letting a woman take the blame for what you did. Ultimate coward. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Noooooooo...you have important questions to answer for me. Now go back and find them and answer them. There are two. Just avoid the personal posts. To answer an earlier comment, this may be why MM don't post here - guess the hurt of people's situations causes them to make it personal If you re-read what i wrote, I have been the one telling my wife it was NOT all OW...as I said, it takes two....anyway Think this might be an ideal time for me to close my comments here before it gets out of hand Hope this has been of use to someone anyway. As I said, no reflection is intended on anyone else's situation - just my thoughts on what happened with me Matt Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Matty, don't go! Don't let an angry OW send you away for you honesty. Just ignore it if you have to (or take it if you have to) and keep giving us your perspective. FWIW, I found your honesty very refreshing yet I'm in the same boat as Mittens. I'm sure she just wants to bash you because she didn't have that chance with MM. Don't take it personally. (Sorry, Mittens). Your posts are helping me to see that my MM will never leave for me even though he may love me. So, sleep on it and come back, OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattym Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Matty, don't go! Don't let an angry OW send you away for you honesty. Just ignore it if you have to (or take it if you have to) and keep giving us your perspective. FWIW, I found your honesty very refreshing yet I'm in the same boat as Mittens. I'm sure she just wants to bash you because she didn't have that chance with MM. Don't take it personally. (Sorry, Mittens). Your posts are helping me to see that my MM will never leave for me even though he may love me. So, sleep on it and come back, OK? Sure, I'll answer anything you like. It's late here now and I've got to be up for work. Can't bed all these poor innocent women on no-sleep! I'll try & stop by tomorrow. Have 15 virgins booked for 6.30 though , LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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