My Wife found out about me

[mattym]

My ambivalence is there, I know, albeit to a lesser degree than it was.

 

If I were to leave my W and family today, got to OW and say 'I've left them now, it's all over. Let's be together' chances are she'd agree

 

Why don't I do that, if I love her so much?

 

I don't do it for the same reason I never did it in the 6 or so months we were seeing each other - I don't want to leave my w and family. I wanted to have my cake & eat it.

 

Like any addiction I'm guessing, I know it's bad for me. When the A was at its height I saw families like mine and just longed for a simple life again

 

I know its bad for me, but it felt good. And that's what makes it hard to give up. Course when I think of her I only think of the 'nice' stuff - the arguments and selfishness are all nicely hazy at the moment

 

I know that the real issue is with me. I've jumped from too many jobs & partners and know that there is something in me that always wants something else, wondering 'is this it?' - no doubt 5 years from now, a life with the OW would have been exactly the same, and behind me a trail of broken relationships and affected children

 

Yes, there are times that i almost have one foot out the door, but I know that this is a problem with me & if I'm going to change it has to be now to protect those closest to me. OW will move on, she'll find someone else - after all, she had nothing to lose throughout this

[StillSame]

Matty, your constant thinking about the OW and how she feels and what she is thinking is very dangerous, not to mention that you actually thinking about writing her an apology letter. That's just crazy! When are you going to change your job? You need that.

[whichwayisup]

affected children

 

And here is your reason to fix yourself and stop that pattern of wanting what you can't have, or getting bored in your life. You need to stop relying on new experiences to make you feel good and start LIVING your life, start appreciating what you have. Matty, you've been blessed with an amazing woman and children! Everything you work for, strive for SHOULD be for your family. The payoff is huge! To have the

unconditional love, and respect of your children should be number 1! To look into their eyes should melt your heart and not want anything but your own family.

 

Again, keep with therapy and work through your issues.

[frannie]

I think Triage said that his A has taught him a lot about himself & I would agree wholeheartedly with that. It has forced me to examine who I am and made me want to be a better person. I am not proud of it, but I've never been faithful to any partner I've had - I've either had EA to a degree, or started seeing someone new before finishing with the one I'm with if I feel things aren't working out. I'm going to hopefully work through that in my therapy

 

I wanted today to sit & write to the OW, and apologise for the hurt I caused her, to put the guilt to bed so to speak. My friend thinks she deserves no apology, likewise my W,a lthough I accept she is biased. She said ' The woman is 30 years old, not a little girl, she knew exactly what she was doing, and with someone else's husband.

 

I think it's obviously going to take a long time for you to work through your issues in therapy, however it's great that you're doing that. I think realising that you had this affair because of your issues, and that you're still engaging the OW while ignoring your W's needs is also because of things in you rather than objective reality about who is better for you or who you need to be with is great too. But... it will take time.

 

Really only you can know, matt, what it is you hope to achieve from sending this letter. I think that if it is about closure, and apology for what you know (but others advising you do not) that you did lead this OW on, then perhaps it's worth sending. BUT, with all letters of this kind you have to know what it is you expect to happen in response. IF you expect the OW to behave in a certain way in response to it and she doesn't, then how are you going to feel? You have to do it because apologising is what you need to do to move on. NOT because you want forgiveness or something else from her. Because you may not get it.

 

Anyway, good luck with the therapy. You may find that in the end the passion and connection missing from your life with your wife is actually something to do with the two of you and you need to divorce. BUT you may well find that a lot of it is your issues, your need to be needed, and your tendency to get emotionally caught up with people who need 'help'. As you said, your W is the first woman you met or had a relationship with who didn't 'need' you in that way... I think there's the key.

[norajane]

BUT you may well find that a lot of it is your issues, your need to be needed, and your tendency to get emotionally caught up with people who need 'help'. As you said, your W is the first woman you met or had a relationship with who didn't 'need' you in that way... I think there's the key.

 

His wife certainly 'needs' him now...she's married to a man who cheated on her and is still lying to her and is still pining away for the OW, and she has two very young children to raise. Save her, Matt! Her husband is treating her like dirt!

[Virgo1982]

His wife certainly 'needs' him now...she's married to a man who cheated on her and is still lying to her and is still pining away for the OW, and she has two very young children to raise. Save her, Matt! Her husband is treating her like dirt!

 

Well put...

[Tomcat33]

"you need to, you should, you have to, you must!" is all we keep telling Matt but I think we are all failing to see that this man is going to feel, think and do as he feels anyway regardless of what he deep down knows is right or what he SHOULD be doing.

 

The fact of the matter is he is still pining for this OW and CANNOT and WILL NOT focus on his W, no matter how many times people point out "but aren't you sad you are hurting your W? (NO! he isn't it feels sort of wrong but he isn't convincingly sorry) but how could you not think of her? But how come you aren't putting her needs first?" the answer is simple BECAUSE HE IS NOT! end of story and no amount of harping on our ends is going to change that.

 

So first things first, he has to put this OW out of his system before he can even start to think of redirecting his focus and it is NOT going to happen on its own.

 

Matt: it is not going to happen magically, so what do you need to do to move on? What do you want to reach your goal? What IS your goal? You know A from B, you also know that A is the choice you made so we are how many months post break up now and we are still having the EXACT same conversations with you?

 

 

If you can't spell it out then you are wondering around aimlessly chasing after an intangible goal. So what is your goal here? What do you REALLY want?

 

If the answer is both worlds then stop wasting people's time here asking for advice on something NO one is willing to support. There is no magic way to make this triangle work, less of turning to Mongolia for moral support, where polygamy is highly accepted.

 

I think Matt that you are suffering from mild depression and you don't even realise it, you have some serious issues going on here with your inability to cope with the responsibilites of marriage and a grown up life. I think you need to do some serious soul searching with your therapist and get to the bottom of why you have reverted into this childlike state of wanting the universe to revolve around you. And I think it has a lot less to do with this OW and who she is but more in what she provides to your personal crisis.

 

For GOD's sake Matt you don't even respect this woman, how could you say you even loved her? You talk about her like she is really some drifting peice of trash, and all the pitty in the world doesn't compensate for how you admit you actually see her. Maybe she is trashy or lowly and you cant admit to yourself that you actually find this very appealing so much so that youp prefer this over the sensible good girl woman you have at home and you can't bring yourself to admit that because it is inacceptable to like the trashy person vs the decent one. Maybe she is not all that trashy afterall I dunnow....then again here is this woman you have at home who you say is a TERRIFIC human being and yet you also disrespect her. These two women are women who for their own reasons fell for you and you are judging them on what they can and cannot do for you.

What DO YOU do for them Matt?

 

I SERIOUSLY think you need to fix yourself before you even entertain the idea of fixing what you have with your W, I DO NOT adhere to this idea that you should be FOCUSING 100% on your W, because you are useless to her like this. You should be focusing 100% on YOURSELF right now, BUT NOT on how to keep this fix with the OW going to make you feel good in escapism, you need to focus on fixing that thing that is very wrong deep inside you that is preventing you from moving on with your life. ONCE you fix this then only then will you be prepared to give to your W what she deserves. I don't see it happening before that at ALL not matter how much you are pushed to do so. Love to give comes from within it is not some prefabricated cluster of acts, it comes from within to give and it also starts from within to be had. I don't see a lot of love within Matt.

 

Move out for a while? Fix yourself Matt, figure out who you are.

Edited December 30, 2007 by Tomcat33

[Triarge]

Hi Mattym..

 

In my 'opinion' (and thats all it can be) sending a letter to the OW is a bad idea. Thats not to say that writing it (and destroying it) as part of some self-therapy is too. On the contrary I think that might be helpfull.

 

The reason I'm against it is because it is fueling the drama between you and the OW. Be it good or bad, any sort of drama will stir things up for one or both of you which isnt a good thing.

 

Concidering that (rather like me) you havnt been able to cut contact completely and move jobs and sever ties completely. Your aim should be to get things to fizzle out into indifference between you two.

 

I've followed your story for a good while now. Your affair clock is about 3 months behind mine and I see you in places I've been. I'm convinced your going in the right direction. DONT give up now because your over the worst of it I'm sure.

 

Your guilt for the OW (and for your wife??) is your burdon now. Thats the price your going to have to pay for the mess that BOTH you and the OW created. Yes BOTH. Your lies and failed promises where part of a situation that you created between yourselfs. She is not an innoccent!

 

So, please forget cancer and abandonment. You dont deserve those; I'm not sure anybody does. If there are innocents then they are at home; your wife and kids. Your wife deserves that guilt letter more than anyone. Write it to her please.

 

Why am I sure of this? Because I tried the guilt letter (or something similar). It caused an explosion. A huge drama. Anger on both sides. That situation could lead to another situation - reconciliation. You'll want to make up and clear the air after and that could be disasterous.

 

I'll post an update soon on my own situation. I didnt want to do it here an hijack your thread.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 31, 2007 by Triarge

[michaelk]

"you need to, you should, you have to, you must!" is all we keep telling Matt but I think we are all failing to see that this man is going to feel, think and do as he feels anyway regardless of what he deep down knows is right or what he SHOULD be doing.

 

The fact of the matter is he is still pining for this OW and CANNOT and WILL NOT focus on his W, no matter how many times people point out "but aren't you sad you are hurting your W? (NO! he isn't it feels sort of wrong but he isn't convincingly sorry) but how could you not think of her? But how come you aren't putting her needs first?" the answer is simple BECAUSE HE IS NOT! end of story and no amount of harping on our ends is going to change that.

 

So first things first, he has to put this OW out of his system before he can even start to think of redirecting his focus and it is NOT going to happen on its own.

 

...

 

I SERIOUSLY think you need to fix yourself before you even entertain the idea of fixing what you have with your W, I DO NOT adhere to this idea that you should be FOCUSING 100% on your W, because you are useless to her like this. You should be focusing 100% on YOURSELF right now, BUT NOT on how to keep this fix with the OW going to make you feel good in escapism, you need to focus on fixing that thing that is very wrong deep inside you that is preventing you from moving on with your life. ONCE you fix this then only then will you be prepared to give to your W what she deserves. I don't see it happening before that at ALL not matter how much you are pushed to do so. Love to give comes from within it is not some prefabricated cluster of acts, it comes from within to give and it also starts from within to be had. I don't see a lot of love within Matt.

 

Right on the money. I've been in his shoes and this rings so true.

 

Matt does need to make fixing himself his #1 priority. What was the base motivation for the affair? What's missing that the OW provided? What leads him to leave all long-term relationships eventually? What does love really mean to him - for his W, his kids, the OW? This is not a short process - it will take months of therapy to put the puzzle pieces together, I'm sure.

 

He may love his W as he says, but those 'in love' feelings that he had for OW are stronger. They're hard to fight and he needs distance from her before they'll fade and his love for his W will start to take priority. No one should underestimate the power of a couple bonding - this is what makes EAs so hard to break away from. The solution is to get OW 100% out of his life. He's gotta go 'cold turkey'.

 

Finally, he can still work on his marriage while he's working on himself. Even if he's only 50% available emotionally for the family, that's a starting point and it's got to be better than it was when he was 100% checked out during the A. As therapy progresses and NC continues over a period of months, he'll become more and more available.

 

So Matt, talk to your therapist about what it's going to take for you to really commit to NC, then do it! And start looking inside yourself, because that's where the answers to your problems lie - not with OW or anyone else.

[cj1988]

Ok Matty, we have not heard from you, how are you? We are just friends that care.....funny how we all seem to know each other, it is strange. Tragedy brings out the truth and I guess REAL friends !

[abeliever]

Mattym,

 

I have been so frustrated with you lately. Let me apologize for the frankness I had been with you earlier. I went back and re-read your posts a few times. As hard as it is for me to read believe me - it is. You are a lot like my current H who I am divorcing by the way. (Keep that in mind while holding the truth from your W)

 

I see a man who wants to be this dependable, respected, fatherly figure to his children, a great husband to his W. But Matt, that is what you have ACTED OUT but it is NOT what you desire. At least from what I can read. It may have nothing to do with OW but all to do with she does whatever she wants with no regard to anyone's feelings! She may or may not be easy, loose, crass, does anything her hearts desire. I feel she lives the way you would like but your upbringing by parents, school teachers, etc. would look down upon. Therefor you are at war with yourself.

 

The bottom line is being true to thy self!!! And most importantly to let your W in on what your feelings are. Truth can set you free and let her to be "free" to steer her own future make her own decisions in her life without lies from you and your "feelings" of OW. Sure you can hide the feelings from her but let me tell you from my experience with my H. Once she does find out and she knows you held the "truth" from her you will loose her anyway. She will look back at all you two had and question it all! At least this way you might have a chance to reconcile once you figure out yourself and your "feelings". But only if you come clean and get the help to free yourself from the torn war within inside you!

 

Just thoughts as I re-read your posts. And yes I am still disappointed in you as a man and as a H for your W as you keep her in the dark. But CJ is right we are friends here and even you, but friend you are making a huge mistake and if we cannot be honest then are we "friends"???

 

Good luck you will need it.

abeliever

[nella]

Mattym,

 

I have been so frustrated with you lately. Let me apologize for the frankness I had been with you earlier. I went back and re-read your posts a few times. As hard as it is for me to read believe me - it is. You are a lot like my current H who I am divorcing by the way. (Keep that in mind while holding the truth from your W)

 

I see a man who wants to be this dependable, respected, fatherly figure to his children, a great husband to his W. But Matt, that is what you have ACTED OUT but it is NOT what you desire. At least from what I can read. It may have nothing to do with OW but all to do with she does whatever she wants with no regard to anyone's feelings! She may or may not be easy, loose, crass, does anything her hearts desire. I feel she lives the way you would like but your upbringing by parents, school teachers, etc. would look down upon. Therefor you are at war with yourself.

 

The bottom line is being true to thy self!!! And most importantly to let your W in on what your feelings are. Truth can set you free and let her to be "free" to steer her own future make her own decisions in her life without lies from you and your "feelings" of OW. Sure you can hide the feelings from her but let me tell you from my experience with my H. Once she does find out and she knows you held the "truth" from her you will loose her anyway. She will look back at all you two had and question it all! At least this way you might have a chance to reconcile once you figure out yourself and your "feelings". But only if you come clean and get the help to free yourself from the torn war within inside you!

 

Just thoughts as I re-read your posts. And yes I am still disappointed in you as a man and as a H for your W as you keep her in the dark. But CJ is right we are friends here and even you, but friend you are making a huge mistake and if we cannot be honest then are we "friends"???

 

Good luck you will need it.

abeliever

 

good luck!!

[SusieQ1]

Mattym, This is my first posting regarding your situation. I have been following it for awhile now. You have been given tons of good advice regarding no contact. If you want to salvage your marriage you need to do one further thing, no ifs, ands or buts, at least as far as real no contact is concerned. You need to change jobs so that there is absolutely no contact whatsoever with the OW. I had a deep emotional attachment to a man I worked for (not EA, but close) and he for me. The only way to overcome this was through NO CONTACT! It has been several months and it does get easier in time, and the only setbacks I had was when I saw him from a distance (we live in a small town) or I ran into his wife. But I have stuck to the NC and it does work in time. It was the most difficult thing I have had to go through, and I know I am still vulnerable but being we're both married, it is definitely for the best! That's all I can tell you.

 

SusieQ1

[StillSame]

What's the update, Matt?

[SusieQ1]

What is the latest Mattym?

[StillSame]

Matt, did something happened?

[cj1988]

Maybe Matty is handling this one on his own and is doing well....that is what I hope and want to believe !

[mattym]

Hi everyone, thank you for the messages of support and some of concern, which is touching, and I truly am appreciative of that. It feels as though I have friends here- even though we've never met!

 

Anyway, it's been almost a month since I updated here. I've been incredibly busy at work, pretty much working 12 hour days and there's not been much time to come online

 

Life at home is ok, but the A sits like a huge elephant in the room still every day. My wife tells me that she still thinks about it every single day. She says that she loves me, but is worried that the thoughts of it will never go away. We've booked a holiday for this year which we are looking forward to, and last week we went out as a couple to a party together & got the grandparents to look after the kids. We haven't done that for years, and it felt nice...although strange, and was hard not to just spend the evening discussing the kids

 

Last week my wife went away for 4 days to a wedding. Not pratcical for us all to go as the kids are at school etc. She didn't want to go as she's never been away from the kids, but I suggested it would be a good idea to give her a break from routine etc

 

She went away and I went out with her and she bought some new clothes - a dress in particular which made her look stunning. I have to say she is looking good lately, although her confidence has taken a hit because of my behaviour. Anyway I spoke to her everyday and she had guys coming over to her while she was there, one in particular hitting on her, asking her to join him for a drink etc. She told me more from a point of view that she was rude to him, as from what I gather he was talking to her chest rather than her, but I have to say it did make me think

I also spent these 4 days being the sole carer for the kids. I've nevr done that before. I've cooked, cleaned, bathed them, got the eldest ready for school, read them their stories and seen to them in the night if they woke up, and it's been fun but exhausting.

It has made me realise how much my wife does here at home. I've been guilty of saying in the past that I go out and work long hours so she can sit at home, and I realise now it isn't quite as easy as that

 

As for the ( now ex) OW...

 

New Years eve I sent one of those silly ' happy new year' text msgs to all contacts in my phonebook. Of course this included her

 

2.30am she calls my phone, several times. She was drunk and left a msg saying 'happy new year' - I'm just glad it didnt wake up my W or the kids.

 

NC went on for a few days, then she just arrived at work, saying ' thought I'd stop by for a coffee' - there were others there so although uncomfortable, not unbearable.

Anyway we made small talk as a group for a while.Others left the office after a while and she started to tell me in front of another girl how this guy was hitting on her at work. I told her he was married and she said ' Is he?' incredulously then said ' He didnt mention that' - I said, too sarcastically probably ' well he wouldnt, would he?' and got on with my work

 

Anyway she left then that night I got this msg

 

" Hey you, don't work yourself too hard, money not everything, i do want to be friends, nite nite x "

 

If my W had found that she would not have been impressed

 

I'd like to say that another guy hitting on OW didn't bother me, but I have to be honest and say that I did feel my stomach knot and I guess jealous. OW is an attractive woman after all

 

Anyway, days went by and I saw OW again at work where we argued as she told me about yet another guy at the same place who apparently sat her down and told her she was sexy. She said she'd found that embarrassing. I told her that a man will only say that if he has the right signals from a woman so she must have encouraged it. She went mad at that

I asked her if she liked him. She said ' he's an attractive guy, I wouldnt say that I liked him though'

Anyway I got angry and told her she's ruining her life, and making herself look bad. It all came out then & I told her that I'm glad she'd never met my kids and that I'd never left my W for her, since she'd have been off now with another guy and I'd have nothing

She went crazy and told me to 'F--- off'

 

She spoke to me again later that day and I apologised for upsetting her, and told her I just found contact with her difficult and uncomfortable.

 

She said 'If you must know I am desperately unhappy, you'll never know how much'

 

This part I know I will be slammed for. I just felt so responsible for upsetting her. I arranged to share lunch with her the next day

 

I met her for lunch and she poured out her problems to me.

 

She told me since Xmas she has looked at her life and feels low. She says she hates her body, feels unattractive and does not feel happy.

I asked her what she wants from life. She replied ' I dont want to be alive anymore'

i told her not to talk that way and she said she'd written a suicide note last week, apologising to her family and had phoned her parents saying she was about to end it. Her parents got into the car and came over to be with her but she called them enroute and said she'd be ok

 

She told me I was in the suicide note, that she wrote ' I do love you, I'm sorry , I hope you find happiness' - then said she regretted the way things had happened and that in me she's probably lost the best guy she'd ever had..

 

To top it all she got blind drunk - so much so I had to take her home. Nothing happened and I left

 

I've not seen her since, but I feel awful

 

She's still around, and for all I know seeing this guy who called her sexy etc, but I feel awful for making her feel that way

 

I've applied for a new job - it's early days but even at the office now there are too many memories

 

I spoke with a friend who said ' do not talk to her, even in sympathy. You risked your marriage for sex before, now you risk it for a few phone calls? She's messed up'

 

I'm ready to be slammed, I know I shouldn't have spoken to her, but as always I didn't want to be the guy who just had his fun then threw her away..

 

Hope you guys are all well anyway

 

Matt

Edited January 23, 2008 by mattym

[cj1988]

Hello Matty, glad to see you are ok, sort of....ys, you f---- up again baby ! You KNOW you MUST go NC and stick with it no matter what even if you have to change jobs, numbers.....she is playing you on purpose. She wants her cake and eat it too....she is a single good looking woman BUT wants what she cannot have and that is IT ! This woman I can tell you and I am 100% sure, DOES NOT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, she does not even love herself. Been there done that ! You are just feeling sorry for you, NOT her.

 

She needs help, I know...I was the same way. I could have and did have a great guy, but acted JUST like her.....kept men strung along in my flirt game for years. Once she realizes what she has done to your family as well as herself and she is healthy, she will move on and find herself. She is playing your SYMPATHY emotion right now because she cannot have you. If she did have, she would cheat on you with another. KNOWING this you should be over her and the whole mess.....I repeat she DOES NOT LOVE YOU.....do not feel bad she is messed up, trust me she was this way a long time before she met you.....probably since child hood. You do not need someone like this around you, she brings you down and you are letting her.....move on and tell her to leave you alone and MEAN IT !

 

This girl is a mess and if you keep talking to her and meeting her, she may snap and tell you W so you will be thrown out and she can have a chance to make your life a living H--- ! DO NOT put it past women like this ! Then she will throw you away as well.......Be scared of this woman and what she is capable of IF and when she snaps and she will ! She can RUIN you for life ! RUN AWAY, far away ! See her for what she really is and you will not see her the same way you have.....she is a broken woman and that is sad, I KNOW ! But DANGEROUS for sure ! LOOK on LS at some of the OW that say, "Should I tell his wife" they will stop at nothing to get what they want and cannot have at the MOMENT !

[OWoman]

As for the ( now ex) OW...

 

New Years eve I sent one of those silly ' happy new year' text msgs to all contacts in my phonebook. Of course this included her

 

Bad move. This was YOU breaking NC, not her initiating. She responded to YOUR message. You can't blame her for what followed - you gave her the gap. Why is she still in your contacts? Matt, I'm sorry, I see no evidence that you've taken a decision with conviction. Nor, most likely, does she.

 

Does your W know you were texting the OW to wish her? Does she approve?

[mattym]

Bad move. This was YOU breaking NC, not her initiating. She responded to YOUR message. You can't blame her for what followed - you gave her the gap. Why is she still in your contacts? Matt, I'm sorry, I see no evidence that you've taken a decision with conviction. Nor, most likely, does she.

 

Does your W know you were texting the OW to wish her? Does she approve?

 

You're exactly right, I broke NC. And I then felt doubly bad when she got upset because I'd brought it about

 

I suppose when all's said & done, when we were seeing each other she just wanted me to herself - 100%

 

Who can blame any woman for wanting that from a man? After all, i lead her to believe thats what would happen. Hell, half the time I even believed it myself

 

Anyone who's read the threads though willknow there was something I wasn't happy with. When I met for lunhc, there was no intimacy, and without that I could see we just had the shell of a relationship

 

To answer your Q, no my W does not know about this

 

Matt

[JamesM]

I agree...the text message broke NC. While you sent everyone the same one, the question is...WHY is she still in your address book? I hope since that msg you have eliminated her name.

 

NC does equal NC. And statistics show that even after the affair is broken there is a great chance of it starting again. BUT...that will only happen if the OW stays in your life. Forget her feelings. Forget the fact that other men hit on her. Ya know...she is not going to be abstinent from sex now just because she met you. And the fact is...she boinked you a MM, she will pick other MM. This is none of your concern.

 

I do admire the fact that you have not gone back to her, and I really admire the fact that you tell everything here...even if you know you will be slammed.

 

Great progress...but more work needs to be done.

[JamesM]

 

To answer your Q, no my W does not know about this

 

Matt

 

As long as you continue to meet the OW without your wife's knowledge, you leave the door wide open for continuation of the affair. And if your wife finds out that you still see the OW even if it is simply lunch with no intimacy, without her knowledge...there is a great chance that she will divorce you. You have proven untrustworthy and you need to rebuild that trust. The only way that this can be done is if you account for every minute of every day. Your wife must know that there are no secrets between the two of you.

 

Good luck. It is an uphill battle. But it is a battle that you began and only you can complete.

[mattym]

As long as you continue to meet the OW without your wife's knowledge, you leave the door wide open for continuation of the affair. And if your wife finds out that you still see the OW even if it is simply lunch with no intimacy, without her knowledge...there is a great chance that she will divorce you. You have proven untrustworthy and you need to rebuild that trust. The only way that this can be done is if you account for every minute of every day. Your wife must know that there are no secrets between the two of you.

 

Good luck. It is an uphill battle. But it is a battle that you began and only you can complete.

 

Thank you James. You are right, I know.

 

I just feel this overwhelming responsibility toward everyone involved - to 'put things right' if you like

 

Me getting my little thrills has broken the hearts of 2 women. 2 women that had never harmed me in any way. And I'm not proud of that in the

slightest

 

What if she had gone through with it, and killed herself? The note mentions me - her family would be curious what my R was with her...I can't even begin to think about how that would have looked- they might have blamed me for her depressed state..

[LucreziaBorgia]

I think she threw in the suicide bit to push your buttons. It is the ultimate manipulation tactic to guilt someone back into your life. She is bringing out the big guns now: holding you responsible for all of her problems, and she knows if she lays it on thick enough you will crack and try to fix what she has convinced you was your doing. Men are fixers. They want to fix what is broken. She knows exactly where to stick the knife and how hard to twist to manipulate you.

 

Your best bet? Never, ever talk to this woman again. She'll be under some other married man in no time laying the same sh*t on him that she did with you.

 

Consider it a bullet dodged. Let her be someone else's problem now.