Regret writing a letter to your ex?

[alpha70]

There is a lot that I would love to say to her, but I know it would fall on deaf ears, or at least I think it would. Maybe if she held on to the email it wouldn't but it would probably be deleted right away.

 

So, do you send an email and then give them the satisfaction of knowing you are still not ok with things or do you just suck it up and move on. I really can't see being friends with this woman, but other times I can because I'm a forgiving soul.

 

I guess I would ask her to tell me the truth if her guy "friend" had spent the night at her house on night....whether it was as a friend it doesn't matter, I just want her to be honest with me....don't think she was when she got all defensive when I asked her the 1st time.

 

I don't think I'll get the answer that I want, meaning she won't be honest, so I'm thinking I'm NOT going to write the letter and just try and move on with my life.

 

What do you think?

 

any regrets sending a last email off?

[Mr. C]

I really, really regret sending a letter to my ex about a month ago. I really thought it might make her come to her senses. I got a response by e-mail, almost instantly, but it was not what I wanted to hear. She said that, while it had opened her eyes to how badly she'd treated me and how she'd overlooked my feelings, she'd found someone else, and that there was no hope of reconciliation. She said that this was, for her at least, closure. She said that we clearly weren't meant to be together and that she didn't know how to provide the love and affection that I crave. She said that she had some good memories together, but that it was time to move on, and she saw her new potential partner as her chance to become a better person (wahoo).

 

I saw my hopes and dreams shatter in front of my eyes. Basically, it's kind of like sex. If you have any doubt, DON'T do it. It's only gonna come back and haunt you. This was my first relationship, so I guess I can learn. I'd definitely employ NC after any break up for a while. But honestly, if you send a letter, it's probably gonna have an adverse effect, as it's difficult to find a compromise between staking your claim and being cordial. She said that it seemed like I was throwing her faults in her face, which I don't think I did at all, but in retrospect I was extremely pissed off at that time, and it might have come off a little bitter and despairing, though I was my damndest to try to persuade her, whilst trying to stand up for my rights.

 

IMO, Stick to your guns and don't send it. Maybe write it, but DON'T send it. Unless you're open to the possibility of getting hurt once again. You have no obligation to be friends with an ex. My ex can contact me if she wants to. She knows my number, and e-mail, and where I live (though she doesn't know my street name I bet) Although it's tricky because she didn't contact me once when we were together lol. It's oh so difficult, but I see this as an opporutnity for personal growth. I still cling on to hope that one day she will come to her senses, but there will always be resentment for her screwing around with me so much. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. God knows. This hope will hopefully fade, because I guess I don't REALLY want her back. If she ever came back, she would have to earn my loyalty, trust and respect, and wouldn't get undying devotion on a plate like she used to.

 

So it's extremely difficult to move on. But that's what she wants, and a relationship takes two people, so what else can I do? I'm trying to relax, whilst pursuing new interests and activities, and keeping up a decent fitness and nutritional regime. It's tempting as hell to look at her MySpace, and see progress she's made, or even contact her, but I know that it's only going to hurt like hell. I was quite open in my letter about how hard things have been since, and if that doesn't change her mind, I guess, nothing will. Nobody that is my love would treat me so harshly or have eyes for another so readily after the break up.

 

I guess when you contact them afterwards, you notice how they've changed their lives without you. Reading or hearing about things you want to do with them is very painful. So since I read her e-mail, I have avoided contact of any sort, and don't look at her profile or IM her or whatever. Jeez, it's so hard, but it's the best method for mending my heart. Sorry that this has been so personal, but I needed to get **** off my chest, and I hope you can see that NC really is the best option here. You deserve far better, somebody that would go to the ends of the earth for you. You will find her if you keep trying, hard as it is to see now. There's someone out there who will change our lives for the better, ten fold. Good luck my friend.

[sao2]

I think back to my first break up, 6 years ago now. I didn't handle it well, neither one of us did to be honest. But you know what, 6 years later(actually even 2 years later) I couldn't care less about that situation.

 

I am handling this breakup much better, even with the occasional screw up, but the point of the matter is, 5 years down the road you are probably not going to really care anymore. You'll be over it.

 

That said, if you really want to send it, if it's going to eat away at you for not sending it, then go ahead. Although my general rule of thumb is don't try and teach a lesson. I only contact after the break if I still want it back.

[Art_Critic]

any regrets sending a last email off?

 

I have only done it with one girl.. and yeah.. I regret it..and all the times I embarrassed myself with her..

What an idiot I was thinking that showing her that I loved her was going to change anything.. Only in movies does that work...

 

When they are gone.. they are gone..

 

Let them go and find another.. I did..and I'm happy as a lark...

[In Sync]

Don't send it Don't SEND IT. DON'T SEND IT.

 

It won't help and you will later regret it. This is not meant to be the voice of doom...it's really about accepting the hurt and moving on but don't add onto to the hurt with sending her a letter...you will be waiting around and hoping for a reply or a change in her, why do that to yourself?

[alpha70]

Well. Thanks for the support and advice.

I DID write her an email. We hadn't talked at all since a blow up, so I just wrote to her and said "hey, just wanted to put the past behind us. Life is too short. Words were said or not said and things were done that were hurtful to both of us. In time we can put them behind us.

I'll miss you and Lauren(daughter) and wish you the best.

 

THAT WASN"T TOO BAD WAS IT? I don't think it was. Just saying I"m putting up the white flag and moving on. Nothing sappy or admitting fault or accussing her of anything.

It felt good to me cause I know I left things(for me) on a good note with no ill feelings.

 

What do you think?

[In Sync]

Well. Thanks for the support and advice.

I DID write her an email. We hadn't talked at all since a blow up, so I just wrote to her and said "hey, just wanted to put the past behind us. Life is too short. Words were said or not said and things were done that were hurtful to both of us. In time we can put them behind us.

I'll miss you and Lauren(daughter) and wish you the best.

 

THAT WASN"T TOO BAD WAS IT? I don't think it was. Just saying I"m putting up the white flag and moving on. Nothing sappy or admitting fault or accussing her of anything.

It felt good to me cause I know I left things(for me) on a good note with no ill feelings.

 

What do you think?

 

 

As long as you're not looking or waiting around for a response from her. Then no harm was done...but from my experience I rarely hear of those who write last e-mails or letters or make those final "truce" phone calls really be able to let it go at just that. I'm not saying this is you, of course, but recognize the sentiment of hoping to hear from the ex may begin to creep up.

 

Don't beat yourself up or twist yourself in a pretzel it's not the end of the world because you did nothing wrong..only do try to let it all be and do focus on moving on...