oakstar Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 ok, my friends and i are at this party my friend's girlfriend invited us to. it was free entrance, free bar.. so we got a bit drunk.. so I meet this girl that lives there (in the really small town where the party was) .. and we start dancing and talking and stuff.. BUT the music was so loud, every other thing she said i couldn't make out.. and to avoid seeming deaf, i just gestured a little nod every once in a while. i suggested we take a walk outside to show me around the town, but she wanted to stay until the end of the party... i suppose she assumed i wanted to make some move on her or something.. still talking and having a hard time hearing her.. then she asked me a question which came out to me as something totally different, and i nodding my foolish nod, surprised her.. and she asked me "you haven't heard what i was saying all night?" yet again, not seeming like a fool, i kindly replied that only the last question didnt come out clear.. being drunk and all i again suggested we go outside, but she said come in 2 weeks for my birthday and i'll show you around.. we did end up kissing though, and dancing close.. afterwards we exchanged numbers... so here i am, have not called her yet (party was friday, today is sunday) i'm thinking about getting her a birthday gift... now considering missing out some things that might interest her, i dunno what to get her.. i thought maybe flowers, but i usually like to put some thought into gifts... any advice? the other thing she said was "come in 2 weeks for my birthday". now, where she lives isn't really close to where i live... but was she suggesting i wait 2 weeks to see her ? any thoughts on this i'd appreciate... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 You just met this girl. You hardly know her. If you really must get her flowers, one rose is sufficient along with a card. Otherwise, get her a small, simple gift. Don't overdo it. No, you shouldn't wait until the party to call her. Show some interest by calling her soon and chatting. Maybe you can ask you out for a drink, lunch or whatever. Remember one thing, when you meet someone and most of your interaction is under the influence of being a "bit drunk" as you say, don't expect a great deal from that. This lady may even have a difficult time remembering who you were or that she even invited you to the party...if she was really tipsy. You may have to jiggle her memory a little. Don't have great expectations but do call her. You really need to get to get to know her in a sober, quiet environment. Once you do that, you may not even like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oakstar Posted March 24, 2003 Author Share Posted March 24, 2003 tony: thanks for your reply.. i totally agree with you... well i'm gonna update you all on whats happening... today (monday) i called.. but she didnt answer.. so i let it go to try tomorrow.. but later on, i got a phone call from a girl, that i thought was her, but turned out to be someone i met the week before.. i didnt think she would call.. since at the time when i asked for her number, she declined and asked for mine... you know how it is.. the girls never call after that... but, this one did... (i'm probably boring the hell out of you aren't i? bear with me please.. ) now i always have these periods of time when i'm single, but then when i finally meet someone i like, at the same time i get more than expected.. ok back to the story... she called, and out of honesty i told her that i met someone else.. so she was kinda embarrassed and stuff.. but then i thought about what tony said in this topic about if i meet the girl A (the one from the party) in a sober environment then i may not like her... so i convinced girl B (the one on the phone) that it probably won't work out with the girl A since she lives far, and that we were drunk and stuff.. and told her that nothing special happened.. so we end up talking on the phone for an hour and i find out that she's a really sweet girl and we agree to meet sometime this week (this girl lives closer) (you're probally really confused by now...) now here's the conflict.... i agreed to show up to the birthday party of girl A next friday - not this week (which btw my friends are thrilled about going to) and i told girl B that i met this girl from [name of the town, which is where the party is]. now if i want to start a relationship with girl B, and i tell her i'm going or even bring her to that party.. its pretty obvious what would happen... but, if i decide i want a relationship with girl A, which i've gotten a bit intimate with.. i'd be taking a risk, since i havent even talked to her on the phone yet and i don't really know what she's like... now, if i do get to talk to her, and like her.. i'd be ruining my chance with girl B, that lives nearby, by going to that party... probably needless to say, there is a girl C that is in my course class, that i had an eye on for a while, which today seemed to imply interest in me (which is a turn-on btw, considering her being older than me by a few years).. what should i do, since i'd really like to be an honest and decent person about this.. without losing both girls, and going back to the loneliness state... ??? this kind of thing happens all the time to me... and since i'm willingly open to all options, they all fail.. can't i just meet ONE girl that i like and stick to her without all this trouble??? (my friends pity me sarcastically, oh the irony of it all) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 24, 2003 Share Posted March 24, 2003 You've got more women after you than I do....you get NO sympathy from me, buddy!!! You have no obligation to any of these ladies. You are a free agent. Go out with all of them and then decide which one you like the best. Remember, they have a say in the deal to...the one you like the most has to want to date you. If I were you, I wouldn't take this new girl to the party with you. You shouldn't have even mentioned it. Until you decide which of these ladies you have the best chance with, I wouldn't get in a position of any of them seeing you with the other. You need to learn to keep your personal life a little more personal...especially when doing so is strategically important. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oakstar Posted March 26, 2003 Author Share Posted March 26, 2003 first off, i am not asking for your sympathy... i am quite happy with the fact myself... You need to learn to keep your personal life a little more personal...especially when doing so is strategically important. do you (or any other reader here) support / or have experienced dating more than 1 person simultaneously? as of what i've read on this forum, i might get a few scoffs for suggesting this idea... but the nature of my youth raises my curiousity to experiment new experiences.. it may be a immature thought , but i just want to hear about some similar experiences, what was strategically done to keep them going, and how they lasted.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 It is quite normal to date a number of people simultaneously. I think it's called "palying the field." However, most people at some point meet a person they become extremely fond of and make a committment to that person and cease dating others. It's important that when you are dating a number of people that you are honest with all of them in this fact. But do your best to avoid going places where you may run into others you are dating. In other words, don't take a date to a party where you know another person you are dating may be present. I've also heard often of people dating a number of people but only being sexually involved with one. In this day of serious sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to disclose information to others you may have sex with that you are involved sexually with other people as well if that be the case. Dating around is healthy, especially if you aren't in a head space where you are wanting a serious relationship. But once you find someone with whom you are very compatible and you have feelings of love, nothing can be a substitute for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oakstar Posted March 26, 2003 Author Share Posted March 26, 2003 yeah, i know what you mean. i have a friend that "plays the field" too.. but the thing is he claims to be looking for a serious relationship.. and i keep telling him that the two don't mix, and he should be focusing on one girl... maybe i'm not emotionally familiar with the term "serious relationship" since i've never been in one.. yet, i am still not sure if i want to.. but these girls ask me if i'm willing to commit to one, and i just said yes, since otherwise, my thoughts are that i would lose them.. so my question is: is it normal to be commited to a number of people simultaneously? i have met a guy once that had like 4 cellular phones, and when i asked him why he said he had 11 girlfriends (probably a bulls*** story) so if it is strategically done, all girls would think they're the only one.. nonetheless, you do have a point about that there can't be any substitute for real feelings of love.. but this yet raises the question, what if you fall in love with 2 or more people? should i confess my behaviour, or should i just break it off with all but one? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 1. "is it normal to be commited to a number of people simultaneously?" It is impossible to be committed to more than one person at a time. The word committment signifies that two people promise to be loyal and true one to the other to the exclusion of all other people. 2. " what if you fall in love with 2 or more people?" That is possible, although there are a lot of people on this forum who don't think so. But since you have control over who you fall in love with, I don't recommend you do this actively. You will have enough on your hands to love just one person. If you fall in love with two or more people, see one and keep the others in your head or just forget about them. See your favorite. 3. "should i confess my behaviour, or should i just break it off with all but one?" Don't ever confess anything. Kindly break off dating all but one of the people you are very fond of...that is, if you are wanting to commit to that person. And don't lie to a lady. If all these women don't know you see other people, just drop them...stop it...and BE HONEST. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 Originally posted by oakstar so my question is: is it normal to be committed to a number of people simultaneously? This is a complete contradiction. A commitment is being devoted to ONE person. So no, you can't be devoted to one person with several people. It's impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
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