I truely think she (W) need's to know!

[Meaplus3]

I really think it might just be best to tell Xmm's(keep in mind they live nextdoor) W about what went on between the two of us! Since sometime has passed and thing's have calmed down alot now, I feel like I could inform her in a friendly manner. Do I want to hurt her feeling's? NO! Could I or will I by telling her? Not sure? However, I have some information that was given to me from a very trusted friend who know's about my ea with Xmm and know's a person he used to work with only a short time ago. He has done this before., so that would back up the fact that he CHEAT's !! Since it was only an ea, perhap's with me and mabey the other, mabey it's best for me to tell his W whom I see everyday, that she better keep an eye on him. If you have followed my story you will know that I fell for him because of the lack of love in my marriage, I am willing to admit that. Xmm alway's claimed to be happy. Well if Freakin' happy than why mess around pal? W need's to know about his action's! Any thought's?

 

AP:)

[tinktronik]

You woul be the worst person to tell his W. She is either already aware of the sitch or eventually a friend with no involvements will inform her.Why hasen't your H told her?

[Meaplus3]

You woul be the worst person to tell his W. She is either already aware of the sitch or eventually a friend with no involvements will inform her.Why hasen't your H told her?

 

I have talked to my H about informing her, but i have a feling she will contact me for detail's, details only I can provide if you know what I mean.

 

AP:)

[whichwayisup]

I'm standing on that mountain top SCREAMING to you - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

AP, think of the kids.....

 

This man is OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You've worked SO hard to move past this so WHO cares if he is or has cheated on his wife before. It isn't up to you to go run to her and spill it. It just isn't your place....Even if you want to hurt him, you'll end up hurting his kids and yours. Please, don't do it.

 

If you tell or if your H tells, BE prepared to answer her questions and own up to your affair with him. EA and the kissing/cuddling etc...You can't drop a bomb like that on her and then not tell her you were at one time part of the EA. Ofcourse she will want to talk to you, and she'll probably be real pissed off as well. Are you sure you're ready for the fallout?

 

Life just seems to be going along now, are you 100% sure you wanna tell her? What satisfaction is it really going to do for you. What is the real purpose of telling her. Revenge so he will feel pain as well?

 

Hey, I'm sure daily it crosses his mind that one day you 'might' tell...That should be enough for him to worry, toss and turn at night. HE is the one who has to live with himself, his thoughts and look his wife in the eye....Live a lie.

 

Again, just think of all the innocent children involved - Do they deserve this?

[SanDiegoGuy]

I'm not sure what you would solve or resolve for her...what is your anticipated outcome or purpose other than telling her something she likely knows. And if she doesn't, perhaps she has her head in the sand, or perhaps she just doesn't want to know.

[RealityCheck]

I really think it might just be best to tell Xmm's

 

You really answered your own question with the big "I" "think".

 

Those are your thoughts not hers. Don't go there!

[Meaplus3]

I'm standing on that mountain top SCREAMING to you - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

AP, think of the kids.....

 

This man is OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You've worked SO hard to move past this so WHO cares if he is or has cheated on his wife before. It isn't up to you to go run to her and spill it. It just isn't your place....Even if you want to hurt him, you'll end up hurting his kids and yours. Please, don't do it.

 

If you tell or if your H tells, BE prepared to answer her questions and own up to your affair with him. EA and the kissing/cuddling etc...You can't drop a bomb like that on her and then not tell her you were at one time part of the EA. Ofcourse she will want to talk to you, and she'll probably be real pissed off as well. Are you sure you're ready for the fallout?

 

Life just seems to be going along now, are you 100% sure you wanna tell her? What satisfaction is it really going to do for you. What is the real purpose of telling her. Revenge so he will feel pain as well?

 

Hey, I'm sure daily it crosses his mind that one day you 'might' tell...That should be enough for him to worry, toss and turn at night. HE is the one who has to live with himself, his thoughts and look his wife in the eye....Live a lie.

 

Again, just think of all the innocent children involved - Do they deserve this?

 

Darn Whichway I thought you might skip this one, but my LS Voice of reason had to chime in love ya!

 

Now for for just a minute I ask you to put yourself in my shoe's! My H has known about my ea since Nov, not all details, but most! MM's W might have suspected but choose not to react I guess??! Pain and much suffering has occured on our end, nothing so to speak on theirs. I guess I will alway's wonder what in the H*** is wrong with a woman that would put up with that type of abuse, because it is abuse in a sense! Really no sense of self? What is it??? If my H did that I would run for the hill's! I don't care where the heck I would end up, but it would be out of there! So tough!

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

I'm not sure what you would solve or resolve for her...what is your anticipated outcome or purpose other than telling her something she likely knows. And if she doesn't, perhaps she has her head in the sand, or perhaps she just doesn't want to know.

 

Pretty sad if she has her head in the sand!

[outofdarkness]

You woul be the worst person to tell his W. She is either already aware of the sitch or eventually a friend with no involvements will inform her.Why hasen't your H told her?

I agree! Stay out of it...She prob. already knows or will soon from someone else.

[whichwayisup]

My H has known about my ea since Nov, not all details, but most!

 

Before you even consider telling his wife about the EA, you need to tell everything that happened to your husband...I mean, the exMM very well could go to your H and tell him afew things that you've neglected to mention...That wouldn't be good...Kind of a tit for tat thing...

 

Yes, I am your voice of reason! hehehe...

 

I guess I will alway's wonder what in the H*** is wrong with a woman that would put up with that type of abuse, because it is abuse in a sense! Really no sense of self? What is it???

 

But it is her choice. Her life, her marriage...Maybe she hasn't reached her "ENOUGH" line yet. And, I don't think it's fair for you to decide that for her...Know what I mean?

 

Now for for just a minute I ask you to put yourself in my shoe's! My H has known about my ea since Nov, not all details, but most! MM's W might have suspected but choose not to react I guess??!

 

And if you choose talk to her about this, she's going to be PISSED that you and your H waited 10 months to tell her...Like, why now?

I have some information that was given to me from a very trusted friend who know's about my ea with Xmm and know's a person he used to work with only a short time ago. He has done this before., so that would back up the fact that he CHEAT's

 

This isn't enough info to go on. You'd have to tell his wife WHO it was who told that info.

 

AP, don't do it...Their marriage isn't your business and your EA with him is over. Opening up that can of worms is going to RUIN your life, your H's life, their lives, and most of all, ALL the innocent children. It isn't worth it...

[Mino]

Hi, I felt that w needs to know too. I was prepared, but I wanted to be 100% sure BEFORE I made that move. I wanted to know from myself why I wanted to tell. Was it for me? To hurt Him? To inform her? I decided till I knew 100% of what my motive was I would hold off. That was about 2 -3 months ago. I never went. I was never 100 percent sure. I am glad today that I did not go. Because I understand today, its not my place. She must know, how can she not? intuition..... all women have it, some just choose to ignore, The urge just dissappeared. And I am happy for that. This means to me that my heart is healing, Hold off, give it time. If you figure out your motive and its not out of revenge, think and give it more time, and if your heart tells you to tell, for whatever reason you have, then do it, just be 100% sure, good luck:)

[PoshPrincess]

AP, I agree that she deserves to know that her H is a serial cheat. Cheating just the once, no, but if he cheated with someone before you then chances are he will continue doing it all the time he feels he can get away with it. Do I think that you should tell? No way! You are the last person she will want to hear it from and whatever you tell yourself you WILL be doing it for the wrong reasons. You have had the guts to confess to your H and everything is out in the open but please DON'T interfere in their M. It's their business. On the other hand, if she confronts you about it then by all means be honest with her. I wish I had done the same when exMMs W confronted me. Unfortunately I was too busy covering his a**e because I loved him so much. If she phoned me now I wouldn't think twice about telling the truth.

 

I agree with this comment from Mino....

 

She must know, how can she not? intuition..... all women have it, some just choose to ignore

 

It is SO true. She q possibly has a hunch but doesn't want to admit things to herself. If she wants to, she will get to the bottom of it somehow. If she IS suspicious, he won't be able to pull the wool over her eyes forever.

[Love4Eternity]

I dont feel its your place to tell her, but chances are she already knows maybe she is in denial or doesnt know who he had an affair with but deep down inside im sure she has a good idea he has cheated on her. Just me personally i wouldnt tell the wife and i wouldnt want my mm to be the one to tell my husband.

[Trimmer]

Now for for just a minute I ask you to put yourself in my shoe's! My H has known about my ea since Nov, not all details, but most! MM's W might have suspected but choose not to react I guess??! Pain and much suffering has occured on our end, nothing so to speak on theirs. I guess I will alway's wonder what in the H*** is wrong with a woman that would put up with that type of abuse, because it is abuse in a sense! Really no sense of self? What is it??? If my H did that I would run for the hill's!

...you did it to your husband, and yet he didn't run for the hills. You can't know for sure what goes on between them - you can't know based on what you see from their "public faces", and you certainly can't count on anything he might have told you. And no more than you would accept anyone's outside judgement of your actions towards your husband as abuse (what in the h*** in wrong with a man that would put up with that type of abuse?) because this is how the two of you have decided to handle the situation, you really can't know for sure what goes on between the two of them.

 

Consider this your final act of separation from him: let them own their marriage.

[OpenBook]

I really think it might just be best to tell Xmm's(keep in mind they live nextdoor) W about what went on between the two of us! Since sometime has passed and thing's have calmed down alot now, I feel like I could inform her in a friendly manner. Do I want to hurt her feeling's? NO! Could I or will I by telling her? Not sure? However, I have some information that was given to me from a very trusted friend who know's about my ea with Xmm and know's a person he used to work with only a short time ago. He has done this before., so that would back up the fact that he CHEAT's !! Since it was only an ea, perhap's with me and mabey the other, mabey it's best for me to tell his W whom I see everyday, that she better keep an eye on him. If you have followed my story you will know that I fell for him because of the lack of love in my marriage, I am willing to admit that. Xmm alway's claimed to be happy. Well if Freakin' happy than why mess around pal? W need's to know about his action's! Any thought's?

 

AP:)

 

I'm not sure what you would solve or resolve for her...what is your anticipated outcome or purpose

 

AP I agree with SanDiego and most of the other posters here. Just stay out of it - leave it alone. For everyone's sake, especially yours.

 

It sounds like you are still harboring some anger towards Xmm (and you have every right)... But I'm a big believer in "Never act on anything or make any decisions out of anger." Feeling this emotion blinds you to the possible repercussions of your actions. In other words, this could easily backfire on you -- it could end up being your word against his, make everyone in your neighborhood think of you as a troublemaker (or worse), etc.

 

Also, even though you claim you want to spill your guts for the W's sake (so she can "better keep an eye on him"), it sounds more like you want to witness the Xmm paying for his crimes and not be so friggin' happy. You've suffered greatly, while he's gotten off scot-free.

 

IMO you are completely justified in feeling this way. But this justification IN NO WAY should be acted on. It's not your call. "Vengeance is mine," saith the Lord. Let God (or Karma, or The Force, or whatever you want to call it) take care of it. Revenge is exacted so much more exquisitely this way than anything we could ever come up with ourselves.

 

---

 

P.S. Please forgive me if this sounds like preaching. It's just that this has worked SO WELL for me in my own life - every time. I hope you will take EVERYTHING I say with a grain of salt, knowing that this is coming from my own life experiences. Cheers!

[LucreziaBorgia]

IW need's to know about his action's! Any thought's?

 

AP:)

 

What outcome would you want to see coming from this? I am curious as to what you consider a satisfactory outcome. Let's say you do, and things would go exactly as you had hoped:

 

How would you contact her? In person, phone, email, etc?

How would the conversation go?

What would the W's reaction be?

What would you tell the W?

Would you be 100% truthful and tell everything?

Would your H be involved or would you do this w/o his knowledge?

Would MM be involved, or would you do this w/o his knowledge?

What is the best outcome that you can see coming from this?

[fisherfool]

If you would run for the hills if your husband did this to you what do you think of him for forgiving you? Do you think he is weak? You seem so concerned with wife of other man but no concern for own husband.

[Cobra_X30]

If you would run for the hills if your husband did this to you what do you think of him for forgiving you? Do you think he is weak? You seem so concerned with wife of other man but no concern for own husband.

 

Someone else pointed this out... and I really agree.

 

You stated earlier that your marriage wasnt that great. Why? Cant you fix it?

[Meaplus3]

If you would run for the hills if your husband did this to you what do you think of him for forgiving you? Do you think he is weak? You seem so concerned with wife of other man but no concern for own husband.

 

I have plenty of concern for my H. My H know's my feeling's about telling the W. We have been both on the fence about this for sometime now.

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

What outcome would you want to see coming from this? I am curious as to what you consider a satisfactory outcome. Let's say you do, and things would go exactly as you had hoped:

 

How would you contact her? In person, phone, email, etc?

How would the conversation go?

What would the W's reaction be?

What would you tell the W?

Would you be 100% truthful and tell everything?

Would your H be involved or would you do this w/o his knowledge?

Would MM be involved, or would you do this w/o his knowledge?

What is the best outcome that you can see coming from this?

 

 

 

How would you contact her? In person, phone, email, etc? Via Phone

 

How would the conversation go? I would inform her that her and I need to sit down and talk.

 

What would the W's reaction be? I am not sure. Part of me think's she suspect's something then again I could be very wrong.

 

What would you tell the W? I would tell her that I had an ea with her H. I would explain to her that I was very much at fault and that I fell for her H's womanizing cahrm when I was at a VERY rough point in my marriage.

 

Would you be 100% truthful and tell everything? YES

 

Would your H be involved or would you do this w/o his knowledge? I would do it only with his knowledge.

 

Would MM be involved, or would you do this w/o his knowledge? I would not get MM involved.

 

What is the best outcome that you can see coming from this? The best outcome would be that she does not end up hating me and throwing him out the door! I don't think she would send him off packing but at least she will have the opportunity to work on what's missing in their R, because something truely is. Just the fact that he's off doing this again is an indicator to me that he has no intention to fix his marriage, hell's just go on to "Play" woman forever and that is VERY sad for his W and children.

 

AP:)

[whichwayisup]

The best outcome would be that she does not end up hating me and throwing him out the door!

 

That isn't going to happen. She WILL hate you AP. And, you also have NO idea if she will throw him out or not. You only know of them from what you see. What happens behind closed doors is anyone's guess. Obviously SOMETHING is there enough between that they're still together. And, if they are together for the kids sake, that is their choice, their business, not yours...

 

I don't think she would send him off packing but at least she will have the opportunity to work on what's missing in their R, because something truely is. Just the fact that he's off doing this again is an indicator to me that he has no intention to fix his marriage, hell's just go on to "Play" woman forever and that is VERY sad for his W and children.

 

AP, I guess I really don't understand why you are sooo concerned about their life and want to interfer this way. The A is over, your H knows, he's forgiven you...

 

Also, what if his wife is having an affair too? Maybe she likes things this way - He is doing what he wants, and together they're in the marriage for the kids...Or just for companionship, $$ reasons...IT isn't up to you to barge into their life and TELL ALL because you feel HE should suffer. Again, the KIDS are going to be the ones suffering.

 

Sorry to sound harsh again, you know I love ya!!! BUT - You chose to cheat on your H with your neighbour. Noone forced you to do that...And, when it ended, you waivered back and forth, for quite a while. Now, that you're over it, you can't just go running back and pop back into their lives with a tale to tell! IT WILL RUIN your life, your children's lives, exMM's life, his wife's life and their children...

 

Please leave it alone...And, if you feel you can't deal with him getting away with it, move from the street and find somewhere else to live.

[whichwayisup]

Would MM be involved, or would you do this w/o his knowledge? I would not get MM involved.

 

No, he should be there too. IF you actually go through with this crazy idea of telling her with your husband present, exMM should be there too. I have a feeling that both exMM's wife and your husband will ask you and the exMM ALOT of questions, so be prepared to deal with the stuff you haven't told your H about...The exMM WILL expose what he knows as well...

[Cobra_X30]

I have plenty of concern for my H. My H know's my feeling's about telling the W. We have been both on the fence about this for sometime now.

 

AP:)

 

LOL... I've seen some presidents that couldnt dodge a question that well!

 

Props!

[norajane]

What is the best outcome that you can see coming from this? The best outcome would be that she does not end up hating me and throwing him out the door! I don't think she would send him off packing but at least she will have the opportunity to work on what's missing in their R, because something truely is. Just the fact that he's off doing this again is an indicator to me that he has no intention to fix his marriage, hell's just go on to "Play" woman forever and that is VERY sad for his W and children.

 

AP:)

 

Oh, AP...I'm sure this is part of your motivation, but I think you're really seeking something that will give you closure! You've been dwelling on this EA for a long time now, and I think it's because you need some validation that it was real, and meant something and had an impact on MM.

 

You think telling his wife is going to give you the validation you seek - by getting the EA into the open so SHE knows about it, it will MAKE the EA significant enough to MM so he can't just ignore that it happened, and ignore that you two had anything. And by making him feel some consequences through his wife, then it gives you validation and the closure you seek. I think it drives you crazy that he is just moving on as though it never happened.

 

But...you don't need anyone else to validate the EA! YOU know it happened - you were there. You need to find the closure within yourself and within your marriage, by renewing whatever it was you had with your H when you married him. If you get your life together so you are happy with it, then you can feel that the EA actually meant something significant to your life: it was the catalyst to get your marriage on track and secure your happiness in your own future with your family. That's the only kind of closure that's truly going to make you feel better. I can understand if you are still unhappy with your marriage why this 'telling the wife' issue won't leave your mind. But telling her ultimately will not bring you the peace you seek.

[Meaplus3]

That isn't going to happen. She WILL hate you AP. And, you also have NO idea if she will throw him out or not. You only know of them from what you see. What happens behind closed doors is anyone's guess. Obviously SOMETHING is there enough between that they're still together. And, if they are together for the kids sake, that is their choice, their business, not yours...

 

 

 

AP, I guess I really don't understand why you are sooo concerned about their life and want to interfer this way. The A is over, your H knows, he's forgiven you...

 

Also, what if his wife is having an affair too? Maybe she likes things this way - He is doing what he wants, and together they're in the marriage for the kids...Or just for companionship, $$ reasons...IT isn't up to you to barge into their life and TELL ALL because you feel HE should suffer. Again, the KIDS are going to be the ones suffering.

 

Sorry to sound harsh again, you know I love ya!!! BUT - You chose to cheat on your H with your neighbour. Noone forced you to do that...And, when it ended, you waivered back and forth, for quite a while. Now, that you're over it, you can't just go running back and pop back into their lives with a tale to tell! IT WILL RUIN your life, your children's lives, exMM's life, his wife's life and their children...

 

Please leave it alone...And, if you feel you can't deal with him getting away with it, move from the street and find somewhere else to live.

 

Whichway, How do you know for sure she will hate me? She just might end up thanking me for making her aware of his munipulative after work acitivites with OW! As far as getting involved in their life and marriage, well I'm sorry to say I am. THEY LIVE NEXTDOOR, I have known them very well for 12 year's.Their children LIVE at my house! I have to have a fair amount of contact with them. We also live in a small livley neighborhood where lot's of gathering's take place. I did at one point think the answer was to move, however I am not going to let MM run myself my H and kid's out of our home just becasue of this ea, my H agree's. I was WRONG to get involved and I am glad that my H has not asked me to leave.

 

AP:)