Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Feels like walking on eggshells around here tonight. We are getting more pathatic then bw, when I read why we shouldnt, Scream it on the radio!!!!! so all can hear Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 OK lets be HONEST!!!! The main reson we DONT tell, is out of FEAR, Come on girls, do we really care obout BW????? I know I don't. I dont even know her, when I think of her, I think of a faceless person. I know this sounds cruel, but its a fact. If we all had BALLOS we would stand at thier door with a BUnt CAKE!!!! Why shouldnt they know????? Cause it might hurt thier feelings?????? PLEASE!!!! we dont go cause we are afraid that we COULD lose MM, thats why. And if the shoe WERE on the other foot, I damn sure want to know, from the horses mouth would be fine for me I completely agree with the bolded text and am making no bones about it. She deserves to know. As I said, I don't particularly care what the reasons are for telling. All the high or low-fallutin reasons don't add up to providing the WIFE with the ability to make her own decision. More affair fog-talk and gas-lighting. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Norajane has given you very good advice. Your husband is starting to appear to be a saint, as he forgave the ea, and now tolerates this endless dragging out of the ea. You say you live in a tight little neighbourhood? Well, watch out. You may well end up castigated by your entire community for hurting the innocent wife. She might decide to let anyone with a sympathetic ear in on this tale! If you cause the marriage to break up it will be even worse. Your husband may end up publicly humilated if the fact his wife "stepped out" becomes widely known. Even your kids may get the pleasure of hearing you called names on the schoolyard. Answerplease, the answer, PLEASE, is don't tell! Sheba, If you caused the marriage to break up"" Please, you sound like a bw, blaming ow. WTF!!! He made the choice!!! He layed his marriage on the TRACK. hE IS THE ONE TO BLAME, `AP, do what you need to do. Lets get this over with, so you can get your LIFE back. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 PLEASE!!!! we dont go cause we are afraid that we COULD lose MM, thats why. Exactly! You have too many emotions invested in the MM. My point exactly! And; yes! you do care about another! Get out of denial! Link to post Share on other sites
Sheba Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I agree, the H owed it to his W to hold their marriage sacred and he did not, just as AP did not hold her marriage sacred. I was attempting to point out to AP that since she lives in a close-knit community, she may suffer the opinions of other community members. The wife may tell "the world" what has happened - for the sake of making her H and AP suffer, perhaps. Who knows? Why risk it? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 OK lets be HONEST!!!! The main reson we DONT tell, is out of FEAR, Come on girls, do we really care obout BW????? I know I don't. I dont even know her, when I think of her, I think of a faceless person. I know this sounds cruel, but its a fact. If we all had BALLOS we would stand at thier door with a BUnt CAKE!!!! Why shouldnt they know????? Cause it might hurt thier feelings?????? PLEASE!!!! we dont go cause we are afraid that we COULD lose MM, thats why. And if the shoe WERE on the other foot, I damn sure want to know, from the horses mouth would be fine for me I can tell that you have very strong feelings about this... However, I as an OW do not tell out of loyalty and love...Why would I? In the event of D it complicates what could have been perhaps almost amicable into WWIII...It suddenly makes all the other reasons the M faltered, disappear, and the real reason for the D becomes the OW... Also, I think characterizing OW as not caring about the BS simply is your anger/fear/frustration talking...Does anyone really wish ill will on their MM's W? I certainly do not...And while you would not ever find me calling on her to meet for coffee, I do not wish for the woman's life to be ruined or that she go through life unhappy...I do wish the circumstances were different, believe me I do...However, the reality is that is not the case but I cannot say that this has come about by anything that she has done, or not done for that matter... It is not a competition...to pit oneself against another is foolish...And will just breed hate and discontent... Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I can tell that you have very strong feelings about this... However, I as an OW do not tell out of loyalty and love...Why would I? In the event of D it complicates what could have been perhaps almost amicable into WWIII...It suddenly makes all the other reasons the M faltered, disappear, and the real reason for the D becomes the OW... Also, I think characterizing OW as not caring about the BS simply is your anger/fear/frustration talking...Does anyone really wish ill will on their MM's W? I certainly do not...And while you would not ever find me calling on her to meet for coffee, I do not wish for the woman's life to be ruined or that she go through life unhappy...I do wish the circumstances were different, believe me I do...However, the reality is that is not the case but I cannot say that this has come about by anything that she has done, or not done for that matter... It is not a competition...to pit oneself against another is foolish...And will just breed hate and discontent... And; I thank you my GreenEyedLady because "you" in your situation keep it real! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I dont even know her, when I think of her, I think of a faceless person. Atleast you're honest about it. I do not wish for the woman's life to be ruined or that she go through life unhappy...I do wish the circumstances were different, believe me I do... Sorry GEL, but if you really felt that way you would have broken up with her husband and stepped away. You and her husband ruined her life...Sorry to be harsh, the that's the reality of affairs...Alot of pain, devastation and ruined lives. Anyway, if anyone is going to tell, it should be AP's husband, not AP. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I am very READY to fight back! Like I said before this MM lack's courage to stand up for himself BIG TIME and not with his W but with my H or any othr man for that matter, LOL!! I highly doubt she will throw him on the street for this, however let it be a wake up call to her. But are you prepared to face your H after the exMM spill all too? The parts that you didn't tell? I wish you luck, with whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 17, 2007 Author Share Posted August 17, 2007 I agree, the H owed it to his W to hold their marriage sacred and he did not, just as AP did not hold her marriage sacred. I was attempting to point out to AP that since she lives in a close-knit community, she may suffer the opinions of other community members. The wife may tell "the world" what has happened - for the sake of making her H and AP suffer, perhaps. Who knows? Why risk it? Oh good god, let her tell the community! She will be the one to own up to her H's cheating way's! H's the one that get's around NOT M!!! I am not even from where I live. she on the other hand has lived here her whole life! Do I care what other's think? NO Becaus I am secure enough to know NOT to worry about that kind of C***! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 17, 2007 Author Share Posted August 17, 2007 But are you prepared to face your H after the exMM spill all too? The parts that you didn't tell? I wish you luck, with whatever you decide. Whichway, YES, I am! Please know that you are very dear to me and I alway's appreciate all you have to say. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Sorry GEL, but if you really felt that way you would have broken up with her husband and stepped away. You and her husband ruined her life...Sorry to be harsh, the that's the reality of affairs...Alot of pain, devastation and ruined lives. I don't find it harsh it all...You have not walked in my shoes, nor his, nor hers, for that matter...You do not know all the intimate details or comings and goings of anyone's R but your own... The reality of affairs is that they happen... As for the ruining of lives, I find that sad that someone could base the value of their life on one R...You seem to forget that I was a BS at one time too...and my life WAS NOT ruined...In fact, it was just BEGINNING... The true reality of affairs is not that they ruin lives, per se, they merely change them... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I can tell that you have very strong feelings about this... However, I as an OW do not tell out of loyalty and love...Why would I? In the event of D it complicates what could have been perhaps almost amicable into WWIII...It suddenly makes all the other reasons the M faltered, disappear, and the real reason for the D becomes the OW... Also, I think characterizing OW as not caring about the BS simply is your anger/fear/frustration talking...Does anyone really wish ill will on their MM's W? I certainly do not...And while you would not ever find me calling on her to meet for coffee, I do not wish for the woman's life to be ruined or that she go through life unhappy...I do wish the circumstances were different, believe me I do...However, the reality is that is not the case but I cannot say that this has come about by anything that she has done, or not done for that matter... It is not a competition...to pit oneself against another is foolish...And will just breed hate and discontent... Hi Gel, Not caring about BW has nothing to do with fear, anger or fusteration. I do not know her, Of coarse I do not wish her ill, or an unhappy life. But she is in this mess too! if she likes it or not, Even oif she didnt choose it, she is in the mess. Where do you get competition from???? My point is if she nneds to tell, so she can move forward with her life, I think she should. She needs to look out for herself, mm isn't. And Gel, the real reason for divorce is not the ow. Marriage was already broke, dont you think? Or you would not be in the picture. Most states do have a nofault divorce law. My next question to youGel, and please dont take this the wrong way, But is your MM as loyal to you as you are to him??? Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Sorry GEL, but if you really felt that way you would have broken up with her husband and stepped away. You and her husband ruined her life...Sorry to be harsh, the that's the reality of affairs...Alot of pain, devastation and ruined lives.quote] And you have actually sat down with the couple and KNOW all that lead up to Gel's affair? You speak of "ruined" someone's life? You actually know that because you talked to all parties involved? You actually talked to the couple and received intimate details of their marriage? Hmmm......do you know them? Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Atleast you're honest about it. Sorry GEL, but if you really felt that way you would have broken up with her husband and stepped away. You and her husband ruined her life...Sorry to be harsh, the that's the reality of affairs...Alot of pain, devastation and ruined lives. . That's really not always the case. It just isn't. I know plenty of marriages (lives aren't ruined until they're over...and maybe not even then...anyway, who in their right mind gives one person the power, whether an H or an OW, to completely ruin their lives?) that were ruined long before the affair. And I know plenty of women who were in really awful, painful marriages who finally got the last bit of courage to end it once an affair came to light. Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 The reality of affairs is that they happen... As for the ruining of lives, I find that sad that someone could base the value of their life on one R...You seem to forget that I was a BS at one time too...and my life WAS NOT ruined...In fact, it was just BEGINNING... The true reality of affairs is not that they ruin lives, per se, they merely change them... So well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 That's really not always the case. It just isn't. I know plenty of marriages (lives aren't ruined until they're over...and maybe not even then...anyway, who in their right mind gives one person the power, whether an H or an OW, to completely ruin their lives?) that were ruined long before the affair. And I know plenty of women who were in really awful, painful marriages who finally got the last bit of courage to end it once an affair came to light. You are not qualified to give advice or input into someone else's particular situation unless you're in it, now are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I don't find it harsh it all...You have not walked in my shoes, nor his, nor hers, for that matter...You do not know all the intimate details or comings and goings of anyone's R but your own... The reality of affairs is that they happen... As for the ruining of lives, I find that sad that someone could base the value of their life on one R...You seem to forget that I was a BS at one time too...and my life WAS NOT ruined...In fact, it was just BEGINNING... The true reality of affairs is not that they ruin lives, per se, they merely change them... Good post!, so by telling it would not be so bad, cause all cards are on the table, everybody comes clean, and all lives will be changed for the better, cause everybody knew what they were dealing with, and can make a educated choice of where their life is going. Makes sense to me:) Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Good post!, so by telling it would not be so bad, cause all cards are on the table, everybody comes clean, and all lives will be changed for the better, cause everybody knew what they were dealing with, and can make a educated choice of where their life is going. Makes sense to me:) Everyone but the kids, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Sorry I'm offending afew here...Wasn't my intent. I am just going on what I read in general by many OW and BS's here and in the infidelity threads...I assumed abit too much. My mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 17, 2007 Author Share Posted August 17, 2007 I don't find it harsh it all...You have not walked in my shoes, nor his, nor hers, for that matter...You do not know all the intimate details or comings and goings of anyone's R but your own... The reality of affairs is that they happen... As for the ruining of lives, I find that sad that someone could base the value of their life on one R...You seem to forget that I was a BS at one time too...and my life WAS NOT ruined...In fact, it was just BEGINNING... The true reality of affairs is not that they ruin lives, per se, they merely change them... Very well said GEL! AP Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 That's really not always the case. It just isn't. I know plenty of marriages (lives aren't ruined until they're over...and maybe not even then...anyway, who in their right mind gives one person the power, whether an H or an OW, to completely ruin their lives?) that were ruined long before the affair. And I know plenty of women who were in really awful, painful marriages who finally got the last bit of courage to end it once an affair came to light. I agree with you, Nobody should live in the dark, They do have a right to know Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Everyone but the kids, of course. Children should be in a home where there is love, RESPECT, TRUST, Home is a sacred place. When one person is cheating, this is no longer the case. I rather raise my children in truth, by myself . Children learn from parents, Staying together Because of the kids does not make sense to me. They deserve much more then a mirserable Mom and Dad. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Children should be in a home where there is love, RESPECT, TRUST, Home is a sacred place. When one person is cheating, this is no longer the case. I rather raise my children in truth, by myself . Children learn from parents, Staying together Because of the kids does not make sense to me. They deserve much more then a mirserable Mom and Dad. It is truth that children should not be subjected to an "unloving" relationship between parents. It is also truth, that children should not be exposed to an Affair that is going nowhere. I can't imagine....Kids....this is "whoever" but he won't be involved with you only with "Mommy". Should he become involved, well.....nothing like a part-time piece of the furniture and/or "Disneyland" whatever. No sorry, I don't buy any of it! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Children should be in a home where there is love, RESPECT, TRUST, Home is a sacred place. When one person is cheating, this is no longer the case. I rather raise my children in truth, by myself . Children learn from parents, Staying together Because of the kids does not make sense to me. They deserve much more then a mirserable Mom and Dad. Yes, once the husband and wife make a go of things and try their best to make the marriage work. BECAUSE of the kids, they have to try to fix it. To just walk away and say f**k it, it just nuts! Sometimes it's fixable (THUMBINGMYWAY's situation) and the marriage got stronger, and better...And, sometimes it doesn't work (BISH's situation). Link to post Share on other sites
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